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Michael Gutierrez

Gutierrez Michael - 0 views

  • Countries around the Globe
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Countries and Globe do not need to be capitalized.
  • Countries and Continents
    • Dena Rennie
       
      These don't need to be capitalized either.
  • After reviewing all the research I had collected, I decided to concentrate my efforts on the Continent of Africa. The social injustices and corruption concerning Africa is mind boggling.             For this particular assignment I decided to get involved with ACORD.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      This part sounds very redundant. I would try rewording this in a way so it doesn't sound so bland. You use the phrase "I decided" within two sentences of each other and they sit almost directly on top of one another.
  • ...6 more annotations...
  • It is an Africa
    • Dena Rennie
       
      I'm guessing you mean "African"
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Overall, fairly well written. There are several grammatical errors, and words that are capitalized that don't need to be. I thought we were only supposed to write about one online community, not a variety- so I'm a little confused on that end. Maybe you could center your focus to a couple of sites and list them, that way it seems a little more credible and people who may become interested in can have a starting point as to where they get involved.
  • Since the beginning of human existence societies have had to deal with social injustices. Many wars have been fought concerning social injustices.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Maybe try and combine these two sentances here.
  • Poverty and social inequality, around the world, is mainly caused by corruption. ACORD understands that in order to decrease poverty and social inequality it must halt corruption.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      where did this fact come from and is it a reliable source.
  • they do nothing to help the overall situation.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      doesnt really make sense. of course they are doing something to help the situation. Maybe reword this to make it sound not so contradicting.
  • poverty is just the tip of the iceberg.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      good analogy
Dena Rennie

Natassia Watson - 0 views

shared by Dena Rennie on 25 Nov 08 - Cached
    • Dena Rennie
       
      You did a fantastic job with this project, I really can't think of anything to add to help you make revisions. About the only thing I can think of would be to give the what the acronym UNICEF stands for, but you did explain what it does, so that is useful as well. Overall, this is a great paper- hope you do well!
Janice Perez Rivera

Angela Moneck - 0 views

  • It is the act of writing or speaking effectively. This “essential element of human action” includes many different forms
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      These two sentences to me seem kind of choppy. They are complete sentences but I feel like they could be combined.
  • Ethos relies on the character of the speaker. Pathos evokes emotion from the audience and logos relies on logic or reason to prove a point.
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      Try to combine these sentences too.
  • Although Biden does not agree with the war at this point, at the beginning, he greatly supported the invasion of Iraq. Since then, he has now become one of the “war’s toughest critics.”
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      Wow I didn't know that he supported it in the beginning.
  • ...5 more annotations...
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      You need to write more, it is supposed to be 1250 words minimum.
  • In the only 2008 vice presidential
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      take out the word only. it's extra .. In the 2008 vice presidential....
  • The war hits close to home with the vice presidential nominee. His son Beau is now in Iraq. He commented that he did not want his son going, but also does not want his grandchildren to have to go back later on
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      very interesting point. I did not know that the war for him was so close to home like you stated. i also did not know that he supported the war at first.
  • “How we leave [Iraq] makes a big difference.”
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      notice how he used the word "we" which makes the audience really connect with him. Because we includes everyone.
  •     Sarah Palin seems to feel more comfortable with oral rather than written communication. In her oral communication, it is obvious that she holds back nothing.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      this is a very good and interesting point that you brought out
Sean McMillan

Gutierrez Michael - 0 views

    • Sean McMillan
       
      You need a concise thesis statement.
  • He quotes that National Security
    • Sean McMillan
       
      awkward wording.
  • He believes in treating all Americans equally. McCain quotes “Don’t increase taxes on anybody”. McCain wants to keep taxes the way they are. This is ethical, logical, and fair to all American citizens.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      choppy, cite quote.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      Good start on ethos, but you need to further explain all your points.
  • ...8 more annotations...
  • In all I see Obama as a better rhetorical speaker; he appears more comfortable in oral or written communication. I do view John McCain as a better candidate for the position of President of The United States.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      support you claims as to why.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      find a concise overall conclusion based on rhetoric and support whatever claims you make.
  • The President of The United States, probably the most important position in the world, will be chosen. Rhetoric, skill in the effective use of speech, will be a crucial factor in determining the next President (Merriam Websters Collegiate Dictionary). Barack Obama and John McCain, the two main Presidential candidates, must be able to persuade American citizens toward their view.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      you use the same sentence struction 3 times in a row. Mix up your structures and usage.
  • Obama convinces his audience by telling them exactly what they want to hear. Obama convinces via the ideals of logos. Most of his answers to the elements which lay before him make perfect logical sense. Obama uses pathos in his Rhetoric. One hears passion and concern in the words of Obama. Ethos can also be found in many of Obama’s ideals. Obama seems to be ethical and moral by the ideas he has presented to American citizens.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      short, choppy writing. Assumed too many social norms.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      expand on all your points and use specific examples and quotes to support your claims.
  • Essay
    • Sean McMillan
       
      Just work on your style and thought process. Your writing seems a little choppy and unconcise. Try to find a simple to the point thesis and conclusion and work on the flow of your thoght process. Also just some small grammatical and wording mistakes.
  • this.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      This paragraph seems a little lost, none of the points pertain to your thesis. Maybe combine with the previous or next paragraph, or even add some thoughts on rhetoric pertaining to these points.
  • paper.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      This paragraph gets closest to your thesis idea, try to combine this and work it in with some of the earlier information. to make a very concise simple thesis statement.
  • Works cited
    • Sean McMillan
       
      mla format?
  • Iraq).
    • Sean McMillan
       
      this is a lot of good information, you just need to work in explanations from what all this means as far as obama's approach to rhetoric. Maybe how the audience would react to all these points.
Brian Russo

Cybil Scott - 0 views

shared by Brian Russo on 07 Nov 08 - No Cached
  • If a person speaking appears uncomfortable or unsure about what they are saying, the audience will perceive their ethos and credentials as untrustworthy, and persuasion will not work.
    • Brian Russo
       
      good point
  • slow steady controlled speech
    • Brian Russo
       
      commas
    • Brian Russo
       
      good examples of ethos logos and pathos
  • ...4 more annotations...
  •     I believe
    • Brian Russo
       
      no first person
  • I found
    • Brian Russo
       
      no first person
  • It gives him more credit over his competition with Barack Obama
    • Brian Russo
       
      reword
  • us feel
    • Brian Russo
       
      us to feel
Meghan Winn

Natassia Watson - 0 views

shared by Meghan Winn on 07 Nov 08 - Cached
  • in seeing
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this should be 'to see'
  • “the War
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'The' should be capitlized
  • to for
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'to' should not be there
  • ...24 more annotations...
  • and so
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i think it would flow better if you took these words out and just started with 'throughout' as a new sentence
  • McCain,
    • Meghan Winn
       
      comma should be before McCain not after
  • McCain’s underlying purpose
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Why do you call it underlying? I feel like that is kind of the whole point of his speech.
  • Speech
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't need to be capitalized
  • With that said he goes on to explain the mounting cost of presence not just in dollars but the amount of live that have been lost since the start of the war.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      This sentence is confusing.. it might be cleaer to say 'With that said he goes on to explain the mounting cost of our presnence in Iraq, not just in dollars, but in the amount of lives that have been lost since the start of this war.'
  • therefore our
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • and so
    • Meghan Winn
       
      I think it would flow better if you took these words out and started another sentence with 'He'
  • statement
    • Meghan Winn
       
      should be plural
  • we continuing without and
    • Meghan Winn
       
      might make more sense saying 'our continuing without an'
  • but the also
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • used ethics
    • Meghan Winn
       
      earlier you said he didn't directly discuss an ethical issues
  • Videos
    • Meghan Winn
       
      why is this here?
  • numerous and respected
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i don't think you need the word 'and' here
  • , such
    • Meghan Winn
       
      it would flow better if 'such' started a new sentence
  • uses logos to justify his position on the war, he constantly made
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you changed tense from 'uses' to 'made'
  • officials also
    • Meghan Winn
       
      should be 'officials who also'
  • whom republicans
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i think it should be 'whom are republicans'
  • that don’t support the war. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this makes the sentence a little wordy and is not needed since you already said they 'share his view of a misguided war'. it is kind of repeating yourself
  • but lack pathos
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • Such statements combined with other rhetoric effects do make this a somewhat appealing argument. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this sentence contradicts the rest of the paragraph
  • McCain would result
    • Meghan Winn
       
      might make more sense to say 'is what would result'
  • “& intolerable violence. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      no end to this quotation
  • Obama was more successful in the visual portion due to logical transition and development of his ideas.  Obama’s use of the rhetorical techniques was more forceful and poignant, he spoke with more fervor and greater deal of certainty in his position and thus was able to deliver a better argument.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you kind of discuss new thoughts here.. you might want to add another paragraph after it that ties into your main idea more and closes the paper
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You used lots of quotes throughout your paper but never cited where they came from.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You had very good details and awesome word choice! You also used the correct point of view throughout the paper and did a good job staying on topic.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Your opening is good but i'm not sure if the last paragraph is meant to be a closing since it discusses new topics. You might want to add another paragraph or make that one relate more to the rest of the paper.
Michael Gutierrez

Alex Gutierrez - 0 views

shared by Michael Gutierrez on 06 Nov 08 - Cached
  • (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary).
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Try using a shorter defenition.
  • I will discuss ethical decision making, analyzing and observing the usage of ethos, pathos and logos throughout the presidential election process.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Dont tell the reader exactly what you are going to do. Give the reader a feel for what you are going to do.
  • Campaign ads, televised debates and speeches have all been organized specifically to communicate and persuade the American people.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      watch sentence structure
  • ...11 more annotations...
  • In a recent video interview, Jim Wallis an evangelical Christian writer and political activist discusses religious issues that Americans will be faced with
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      sentence structure
  • purposing
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      proposing
  • and success in politics
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      give some examples
  • heady the appeal of a call to arms, however just the cause, we should still shed a tear for all that is lost when war claims its wages from us”.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      I dont think I would use a qoute that is this big. It allmost takes up the entire paragraph
  • has learned
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      has had
  • purposed
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      proposed
  • his platform
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Describe his platform better. Many people will not know what it is.
  • A major issue concerning the next president will be the war in Iraq
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Try to tye your paragraphs together better.
  • McCain uses logos
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      How does he use Logos?
  • Sometimes they work out, other times they have ended with inconceivable tragic consequences
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      This appears to be a fragment
  • You be the judge
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      good conclusion. I think this paper is good in that it has many good ideas. The one thing I would look at is the flow of the paper. Keep a look out for how you word your sentences.
Cybil Scott

Throughout the entire 2008 el... - 0 views

shared by Cybil Scott on 06 Nov 08 - No Cached
  • With his use of Pathos and his ability to win over the hearts of the American people, Barack Obama appears to be out in front in the 2008 election. It seems that John McCain has run a traditional and honest campaign through his use of an Ethos-type strategy in an attempt to establish himself as experienced and able to serve, but perhaps this wasn't what the American people wanted to see this time around. George W. Bush used similar tactics to establish himself as a credible candidate, and it appears that the American people are ready for new beginnings, and primed for the "Change We Need".  
    • Cybil Scott
       
      I think you are a very good writer. It felt like I was reading something out of a newspaper which was great! However, for the purposes of rhetoric, I feel like you didn't talk directly about it enough except for the conclusion part of your paper.
Ryan Meehan

Common Core State Standards Initiative - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia - 0 views

  • The Common Core State Standards Initiative is a U.S. education initiative that seeks to bring diverse state curricula into alignment with each other by following the principles of standards-based education reform. The initiative is sponsored by the National Governors Association (NGA) and the Council of Chief State School Officers (CCSSO). Announced on June 1, 2009,[1] the initiative's stated purpose is to "provide a consistent, clear understanding of what students are expected to learn, so teachers and parents know what they need to do to help them."[2] Forty-eight of the fifty states in the United States are members of the initiative. Standards were released for mathematics and English language arts on June 2, 2010, with a majority of states adopting the standards in the subsequent months. (See below for current status.) States were given an incentive to adopt the Common Core Standards through the possibility of competitive federal Race to the Top grants. The common standards are funded by the governors and state schools chiefs, with additional support from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, the Charles Stewart Mott Foundation and others.[3] States are planning to implement this initiative by 2015[4] by basing at least 85% of their state curricula on the Standards.
    • Ryan Meehan
       
      talk about this common core standard....
  • here are six categories of content to be covered at the high school level: number and quantity; algebra; functions; modeling; geometry; and statistics and probability. Some topics in each category are indicated only for students intending to take more advanced, optional courses such as calculus, advanced statistics or discrete mathematics. Even if the traditional sequence is adopted, functions and modeling are to be integrated across the curriculum, not taught as separate courses. In fact, modeling is also a Mathematical Practice (see above), and is meant to be integrated across the entire curriculum beginning in kindergarten. High school standards in other categories which are intended to be tied to the modeling category are indicated in the Standards with a star symbol.
Cybil Scott

Natassia Watson - 0 views

shared by Cybil Scott on 14 Oct 08 - No Cached
  • From what I have gathered about the credentials of Mr. Levin, he does seem to be a highly educated man with an unwavering beliefs system. 
    • Cybil Scott
       
      maybe instead of just jumping right into it, you could explain a little of what you read, who is he?
  • article
  • article
    • Cybil Scott
       
      what article?
  • ...6 more annotations...
  • large scale it’s easier
    • Cybil Scott
       
      sentence error?
  • The combination of fear and anger make it easier to accept his message.
    • Cybil Scott
       
      i like this, its a strong point.
  • terrorist
    • Cybil Scott
       
      add an s.
  • One Who Walk Away from Omelas
    • Cybil Scott
       
      typo
  • necessary evil
    • Cybil Scott
       
      good point
  •   Most Americans know that these were freedoms not always guaranteed for them and if   “retrogression often follows progress” that means we must not sit idly by while we are taken advantage of.  These thought provoking sentiments builds an atmosphere of distrust for government and an urgency for action in the minds of the readers who are learning that “silence is  debilitating” and that “liberty has been endangered in the past” so that means its can easily happen again.
    • Cybil Scott
       
      i believe you have to site this? since you are reiterating what he has said.
Charlotte Randolph

Toothpaste Teeth Whitening Toothbrush Mouthwash - Crest - 0 views

    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      This site uses Ethos, because if you respect Emeril Lagasse as someone who knows what they are talking about then you are likely to listen to what he is saying. The advertisers rely on the fact that people respect his opinion and will use this product because he endorses it.
Amanda Flores

YouTube - World Vision Child Sponsorship - Just Like Us (Winter 2007) - 0 views

    • Amanda Flores
       
      This World Vision Child Sponsorship commercial is an example of pathos beacuse the commercial relies on your emotions to contribute. When watching the children play and speaks its hard to turn down and not contribute.
Dena Rennie

The Ads | AboveTheInfluence.com - 0 views

    • Dena Rennie
       
      These commercials use Pathos by playing on the emotions of the viewer, especially "Hurts" as it uses family, and tries to persuade them against using drugs.
Angela Moneck

YouTube - Proactiv - 0 views

    • Angela Moneck
       
      This Proactiv commercial is an example of ethos. All of the many Proactiv commercials were the only thing that entered my mind when thinking of an example of ethos because of how reliable they are on celebrities to promote their acne system. Many consumers are tempted to purchase a product just because a celebrity said the product is good, or maybe even because they make have a strong liking for that particular celebrity. Either way, I highly doubt that Proactiv would sell as many products if they no longer used celebrities in their commercials with very clear skin.
Angela Moneck

Car Interior Design Overhauls - AOL Autos - 0 views

    • Angela Moneck
       
      This news portion of AOL gives information on cars who have recently advanced technologically and in a more eye-appealing way. It is an example of logos because it lists several points that can, although it is a news article, persuade a viewer or reader to want to buy the cars they are reviewing. In this example with the Honda Civic, it says that it is very "roomy and comfortable with lots of storage space." Clicking the "next" button at the bottom of the text, the reader sees several more fun features that may lure the consumer to want to buy the car.
Angela Moneck

YouTube - Sarah McLachlan Animal Cruelty Video - 0 views

    • Angela Moneck
       
      This video is an example of pathos because it evokes many emotions from the person watching the video. Every time I see this commercial on T.V., it makes me feel so bad for the animals and want to go adopt one right away. It evokes a feeling of sadness along with guilt in order to persuade the viewer to possibly go adopt and save the animals. This type of persuasion can be very effective. At least they're making us feel bad for a good cause!
Charlotte Randolph

Sunny Side of truth - 0 views

    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      All of the videos that the Truth Campaign uses are Pathos driven beacuse they rely on your emotions to convince you that cigarettes are bad for you. The advertisement "Tough Love" relies on people thinking "wow, there is a lot of bad chemicals in cigarettes." This campaign is really effective at using Pathos, because their ads really get you thinking about how the big companies care nothing about the little people.
Meghan Winn

Don't Test on Animals - 0 views

    • Meghan Winn
       
      This webpage is designed for children and uses pathos as its source of rhetoric. It appeals to children's emotions by telling them about animal testing methods such as the Draize test and the Lethal Dose test. The Draize test puts the product in the animals' eyes to see the effects and the Lethal Dose test measures how much it takes to kill them. It encourages you to sympathize with the animals and not use products that have been tested on them.
Meghan Winn

Aveda - Official Site - Watch Aveda videos in the Aveda Video Player. - 0 views

    • Meghan Winn
       
      This webpage has a video presentation called "About Aveda" that uses logos as its source of rhetoric. The video talks about how Aveda cares for our environment and how pure their product is. They call upon our reason and logic by telling you how clean and safe their production methods are. Some examples are when they talk about their use of green energy for production (100% wind energy) and how all of their packaging uses recycled materials.
Meghan Winn

ACT Fluoride Rinse > The #1 Dentist Recommended Brand - 0 views

    • Meghan Winn
       
      I believe that this webpage uses ethos as its primary source of rhetoric. The company refers to its own character by telling you that it is the "Number one dentist recommended brand." They also tell you that three out of four dentists recommend it to their patients for cavity prevention. I chose this page because they (ACT) continually boast about their own reputation.
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