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Cybil Scott

Natassia Watson - 0 views

shared by Cybil Scott on 14 Oct 08 - No Cached
  • From what I have gathered about the credentials of Mr. Levin, he does seem to be a highly educated man with an unwavering beliefs system. 
    • Cybil Scott
       
      maybe instead of just jumping right into it, you could explain a little of what you read, who is he?
  • article
  • article
    • Cybil Scott
       
      what article?
  • ...6 more annotations...
  • large scale it’s easier
    • Cybil Scott
       
      sentence error?
  • The combination of fear and anger make it easier to accept his message.
    • Cybil Scott
       
      i like this, its a strong point.
  • terrorist
    • Cybil Scott
       
      add an s.
  • One Who Walk Away from Omelas
    • Cybil Scott
       
      typo
  • necessary evil
    • Cybil Scott
       
      good point
  •   Most Americans know that these were freedoms not always guaranteed for them and if   “retrogression often follows progress” that means we must not sit idly by while we are taken advantage of.  These thought provoking sentiments builds an atmosphere of distrust for government and an urgency for action in the minds of the readers who are learning that “silence is  debilitating” and that “liberty has been endangered in the past” so that means its can easily happen again.
    • Cybil Scott
       
      i believe you have to site this? since you are reiterating what he has said.
Natassia Watson

STAYFREE® Products for a Heavy Period - 0 views

  •  
    even though the products are explained; little needs to be said becasue this is a well knwon brand among women
Natassia Watson

YouTube - Movie Stars with a St.Jude Thanks and giving commercial - 0 views

  •  
    THis commercial uses both pathos and ethos. The writer tries to appeal to the emotions of the person watching so that they will donate to their cause but they do so using world famous celebrities whose reputation makes them appealing to a wider audience.
Natassia Watson

MSN.com - 0 views

  •  
    It appeals ethos because the article is based on the opinion of a health professional which makes it all the more credible
Meghan Winn

Natassia Watson - 0 views

shared by Meghan Winn on 07 Nov 08 - Cached
  • in seeing
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this should be 'to see'
  • “the War
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'The' should be capitlized
  • to for
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'to' should not be there
  • ...24 more annotations...
  • and so
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i think it would flow better if you took these words out and just started with 'throughout' as a new sentence
  • McCain,
    • Meghan Winn
       
      comma should be before McCain not after
  • McCain’s underlying purpose
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Why do you call it underlying? I feel like that is kind of the whole point of his speech.
  • Speech
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't need to be capitalized
  • With that said he goes on to explain the mounting cost of presence not just in dollars but the amount of live that have been lost since the start of the war.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      This sentence is confusing.. it might be cleaer to say 'With that said he goes on to explain the mounting cost of our presnence in Iraq, not just in dollars, but in the amount of lives that have been lost since the start of this war.'
  • therefore our
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • and so
    • Meghan Winn
       
      I think it would flow better if you took these words out and started another sentence with 'He'
  • statement
    • Meghan Winn
       
      should be plural
  • we continuing without and
    • Meghan Winn
       
      might make more sense saying 'our continuing without an'
  • but the also
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • used ethics
    • Meghan Winn
       
      earlier you said he didn't directly discuss an ethical issues
  • Videos
    • Meghan Winn
       
      why is this here?
  • numerous and respected
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i don't think you need the word 'and' here
  • , such
    • Meghan Winn
       
      it would flow better if 'such' started a new sentence
  • uses logos to justify his position on the war, he constantly made
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you changed tense from 'uses' to 'made'
  • officials also
    • Meghan Winn
       
      should be 'officials who also'
  • whom republicans
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i think it should be 'whom are republicans'
  • that don’t support the war. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this makes the sentence a little wordy and is not needed since you already said they 'share his view of a misguided war'. it is kind of repeating yourself
  • but lack pathos
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • Such statements combined with other rhetoric effects do make this a somewhat appealing argument. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this sentence contradicts the rest of the paragraph
  • McCain would result
    • Meghan Winn
       
      might make more sense to say 'is what would result'
  • “& intolerable violence. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      no end to this quotation
  • Obama was more successful in the visual portion due to logical transition and development of his ideas.  Obama’s use of the rhetorical techniques was more forceful and poignant, he spoke with more fervor and greater deal of certainty in his position and thus was able to deliver a better argument.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you kind of discuss new thoughts here.. you might want to add another paragraph after it that ties into your main idea more and closes the paper
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You used lots of quotes throughout your paper but never cited where they came from.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You had very good details and awesome word choice! You also used the correct point of view throughout the paper and did a good job staying on topic.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Your opening is good but i'm not sure if the last paragraph is meant to be a closing since it discusses new topics. You might want to add another paragraph or make that one relate more to the rest of the paper.
Meghan Winn

Natassia Watson - 0 views

shared by Meghan Winn on 04 Nov 08 - Cached
  • trid to
    • Meghan Winn
       
      tried*
  • further they called their oppnents past actions into question.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      opponents* also, sentence structure is kind of confusing
  • Even though McCain used more logos in his speech, he blundered in advocating the establishment of MFI, which would be another governmental agency even though he says that “We don't need a dozen federal agencies doing the job badly”.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this sentence is confusing
  • ...2 more annotations...
  • Obama seemed to deliver a better message in that he didn’t contradict himself, constantly kept his audience engaged on topics that are of interest to them.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you need a connecting word such as 'and' between 'contradict himself' and 'constantly kept'
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You didn't really have an opening or closing paragraph. I couldn't really tell if you even used 2 written messages and 2 visual or just one of each.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You used some quotes throughout your essay but didn't ever cite where they came from.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You also did not discuss the structure of their messages, their intended audiences or how comfortable they are in either form of communication (written of oral).
    • Meghan Winn
       
      The second paragraph is a good analyzation of their rhetorical strategies. It is also good that you stated what their messages focused on because since you didn't give a works cited page and used different media than the suggested ones I wasn't really aware of what your chosen messages were about.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You did a good job with your point of view. You didn't address the reader as 'you'.
Dena Rennie

Natassia Watson - 0 views

shared by Dena Rennie on 25 Nov 08 - Cached
    • Dena Rennie
       
      You did a fantastic job with this project, I really can't think of anything to add to help you make revisions. About the only thing I can think of would be to give the what the acronym UNICEF stands for, but you did explain what it does, so that is useful as well. Overall, this is a great paper- hope you do well!
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