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smdyaig

Dee Sunshine - 1 views

deerimbaud.blogspot.com

voicex

shared by smdyaig on 09 Feb 10 - Cached
  • One thing I have learned (and which I need to keep re-learning) is to learn to sit with my sorrow, not to try to fight it. It is okay to be sad. Let me say that one more time... it is okay to be sad.
    • smdyaig
      smdyaig on 09 Feb 10
       
      saying it to himself as much / more than to us
  • There, that's better...
    • smdyaig
      smdyaig on 09 Feb 10
       
      literally happening as he says it.
    • smdyaig
      smdyaig on 09 Feb 10
       
      literally happening as he says it.
  • Along the route of the pilgrimage they were selling everything from cabbages to fibre optic lights to shrink wrapped shirts to pots and pans, which made me wonder, who buys a frying pan on a pilgrimage???
    • smdyaig
      smdyaig on 09 Feb 10
       
      The ??? = audible voice (not just literary)
  • ...8 more annotations...
  • ns, which made me wonder, who buys a frying pan on a pilgrimage???
  • , which made me wonder, who buys a frying pan on a pilgrimage???
  • India!
  • "honeymoon"
    • smdyaig
      smdyaig on 09 Feb 10
       
      meaningful, deliberate "s
  • Slowly, slowly, over the last 16 months, my heart has been healing, and I've been piecing myself together again. Slowly, slowly... but still not fixed, and still not immune to anniversaries of sorrow.
    • smdyaig
      smdyaig on 09 Feb 10
       
      Repetition of phrase = poetic
  • ndia! I love this mad, beautiful, smelly, fragrant, gentle, noisy country. It is the best place I have ever known. It is my home, my OM, my bone, my blood, my soul.
    • smdyaig
      smdyaig on 09 Feb 10
       
      rhythmic, only one way to read this.
  • the best place I have ever known. It is my home, my OM, my bone, my blood, my
  • d, and still not immune to anniversaries of sorr
bamk340

Stop the Stuffing! - David Lebovitz - 1 views

www.davidlebovitz.com/...stop_the_stuffing.html

voicex

shared by bamk340 on 04 Feb 10 - Cached
  • métro
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      means subway in English
  • face à face
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      means one-on-one
  • affiche
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      means poster
  • ...20 more annotations...
  • Mr. Ed
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      Mr. Ed is a horse from this comedy back in the day.
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      Expects/forces audience to look up this reference if they don't know it (the comedy aired in the 60s)
  • le gavage
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      or force-feeding
  • foie gras
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      literally means fatty liver
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      He puts stuffs this first paragraph with French words, probably to set the stage and emphasize to the audience that he is indeed in France and he knows the culture, and probably also for a humorous effect!
  • rocketed
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      an action verb, creates a very vivid (an kind of humorous) image in my mind.
  • unequivocally daring
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      the use of adverb and adjective
  • offal
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      just want to add that in asian culture, we like eating animal intestines like liver, heart...
  • chow down
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      I guess here he is creating an image that eating intestines is not "forks and knives". His tone and word choice changes to "chow down," which is more casual and create an image (at least of me) of a person stuffing down a lot of food with the person's bare hands.
  • btw: In case you invite me over for dinner, I'm with that camp.
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      just wanted to make note of his use of online language. he's gradually changing the tone a little. In the beginning of the paragraph, he uses more complicated phrases like "unequivocally daring" to describe his subject, and towards the end he's using words like "chow down" and "btw"
  • to try horse milk
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      this post contains a lot of links to past posts when he wrote about these topics. i think it is very smart that he only links to the more uncommon foods, like horse milk, that way, it'll attract more people to read about it.
  • Américains
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      Don't quite understand why he decided to say Americans in French. But probably for a humorous effect? Or he's trying to imply that he is viewing this from a French perspective?
  • There's also of a bit of dubious discussions about how everyone here are either really careful or eat in moderation. Or that people are starving themselves to stay thin, or that the French eat anything—fries, crème brûlée, and triple-cream cheese with reckless abandon, yet stay remarkably thin, no matter what.
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      This is a really long sentence. I feel this is generally this blogger's style. He writes a lot of length sentences and not very many short and choppy ones. This kind of show his string of thoughts and his excitement in the topic that he supplies his sentences with endless information.
  • Well, except they speak French very well and somehow seem to know all those verbs.
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      Ends paragraph with a side note that states the obvious and brings in, i guess, an unexplainable phenomenon. This is part of the humor he brings to his blog.
  • a commenter remarked that I was a typical American who was part of the posse giving foie gras "bad press". (Er, dude, I eat foie gras.)
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      Parallels bad about foie gras with being a paparazzi. Use of quotes, "bad press," emphasizes that the commenter was wrong about what he had to say about foie gras. Foie gras is also personified, like a star. His side thought, put in parenthesis illustrate a clear change in tone, calling the commenter as "dude" minimizes the importance of the person, that he is just some guy. Yet the blogger tries to be annoyed without being meaning. Adding "er" in front or writing out the sound he is making, makes the sentence more humorous instead.
  • Only because it's part of the French culinary heritage and vocabulary, and since I'm trying to fit in, I once thought about trying horse meat, just to give it a go.
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      Another trend I found in his writing is not only use of long sentences, but also beginning these sentences with dependent clauses. The blogger could have rephrased this sentence to make it more active. By placing the main idea of this sentence in the back of the sentence, he's trying to build drama and in a way kind of justifying himself before telling the audience what he really wants to tell.
  • icky stuff
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      the word choice "icky" creates a more child-like voice. I can imagine him twitching and tencing up as he is saying "icky"
  • I didn't really
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      the italics illustrates him trying to convince himself that he didn't need to try horse meat.
  • folks...whew!
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      by calling the audience "folks" he groups all the people reading his blog together. Makes it kind of seem like he's performing a monologue (where he gets to bring up the audience. In addition, the word "whew" is an onamanopedia, which creates an image of him wiping sweat off his forehead.
  • (only because my first French teacher asked me, "Why is everyone in California so politically-correct?", so I have an image to maintain)
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      Another characteristic of his style is to interrupt his sentences with his stories and side thoughts. Although here it is in within the parenthesis, usually, they are inserted as clauses in the sentence.
  • scarfing
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      kind of like the word "chow down" he used early. creates an image of him stuffing himself with food and gulping down a lot of food.
  • I don't know what else is on the menu, but I'm pretty sure there won't be any horse meat. If there is, I'll let someone else have my portion...because 'tis the season of sharing.
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      Topic gradually digressed from him seeing posters advocating others not to eat certain foods to him talking about horse meat and Americans versus French in being adventurous in trying foods. he likes to digress yet in the end, somehow brings everything back together. I really like his ending sentence to this short paragraph how he gives a "legit" reason for not trying exotic foods.
Nicole Tam

Stained Glass Politics - 1 views

stained-glass-politics.blogspot.com

shared by Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10 - Cached
  • forceful finish
    • cdcrone
      cdcrone on 04 Feb 10
       
      Alliteration is Awesome
  • Such selective use allows the blogger to be emphatic without being in-your-face, so to speak
    • cdcrone
      cdcrone on 04 Feb 10
       
      I dont know about this claim...it seems to me from the passage above that it *is* "in-your-face;" forcing the issue that practices or views might be outdated by thousands of years seems like a pretty big issue.
  • self-mockery that suggests self-awareness
    • cdcrone
      cdcrone on 04 Feb 10
       
      The punctuation I agree seems partiularly important here.
  • ...15 more annotations...
  • Sarah Palin, sex abuse, Anglican exodus, gay marriage. Eighty percent of Americans view these explosive cultural touchstones through the prism of faith.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 20 Apr 10
       
      I like the way you start with controversial topics. I think its a great way to reel readers in
  • This blog will examine the impact of religious belief on national political issues, and how faith informs the way different groups view each other and the wider world.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 20 Apr 10
       
      It's nice that you lay out what your blog is about, but I don't necessarily think you need to say "this blog is..." because its a blog it might be nicer to just get into it.
  • Not so.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 20 Apr 10
       
      I like that you made a general statement and then refuted it. I agreed with the first so you kept me on my toes.
  • We can talk about separation of church and state, but the separation of faith and politics is impossible.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 20 Apr 10
       
      I like this sentence and I think this paragraph does a good job of driving the point home and giving readers a taste of what you might cover
  • Jay Anderson takes his faith seriously
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 20 Apr 10
       
      Good overview of who he is and what he writes, but it's a little dry.
  • Anderson crafts his voice primarily by linking to articles, quotations, and YouTube videos that affirm his point of view.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 20 Apr 10
       
      You could link to one of the articles or youtube videos here to add content for your readers who are interested
  • e Cat
  • Liberals might deplore abortion personally, but still support a healthcare bill that provides coverage for it.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 20 Apr 10
       
      Explain this more. Right now it sounds like too much of a generalization.
  • the way the American media portrays people of faith, namely those with strong and vocal opinions. 
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 20 Apr 10
       
      This could be an interesting point to talk more about.
  • instructive
  • instructive
  • instructive
  • instructive
  • Anglican Centrist,
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 20 Apr 10
       
      You might want to link to the actual posts.
  • He’s just chatting with us across the dining room table, bouncing big ideas off an imaginary audience.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 20 Apr 10
       
      This sentence drives home the causal tone of the article you read, and also puts your readers at ease with you.
tommyalexander

The World Of Web 2.0: Voice Analysis: Soshable.com - 1 views

internetwo.blogspot.com/...oice-analysis-soshablecom.html

shared by tommyalexander on 03 Feb 10 - Cached
  • The post is content-heavy; there is little room
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 04 Feb 10
       
      I like your use of the semi colon to transition from longer sentences to this short one. It is a nice change of pace
  • “Racing to control … goldmine of behavioral marketing … firepower that everyone recognizes.”
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 04 Feb 10
       
      Good analysis of these very image-heavy phrases
  • gearing itself
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 04 Feb 10
       
      good word choice here. instead of just plainly saying "it is written for an informed readership", you added your own voice
  • ...8 more annotations...
  • especially potent, in that it visualizes the supposed power of Twitter, while simultaneously implying that this is a de facto statement
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 04 Feb 10
       
      you are doing a good job of keeping with your educated, professional voice in this post. nice choice of words/phrases to make that stand out
  • illicits a level of understanding between the reader of the author
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 04 Feb 10
       
      this is good, but I feel like you may be able to come up with a different way of saying this if you want your voice to stand out. I'm not sure about the word choice of "illicits"
  • provoking readers
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 04 Feb 10
       
      good job with the word choice..."provoking"
  • when at the beginning of a paragraph – if they
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 04 Feb 10
       
      I like your use of the dash, but I think you need to remove the word "when". (unless I'm reading this wrong)
  • or tone
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 04 Feb 10
       
      maybe find a different word for "tone" here. it is a little disorienting to read "tone and voice" and "message and tone" in the same sentence.
  • words jump off the page
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 04 Feb 10
       
      good use of personification
  • inject personality
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 04 Feb 10
       
      nice word choice with "inject". you could have easily said "incorporate" or even "use", but "inject" really has more imagery than those.
  • formal discussion of the topics at hand
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 04 Feb 10
       
      i really enjoyed your analysis of this post and how you could relate it to your own blog. stick with your formal voice, it works for you.
Chelsea Hamill

Fashion Tidbits - 1 views

fashion-tidbits.blogspot.com

fashion

shared by Chelsea Hamill on 04 Feb 10 - Cached
  • It was -11 degrees today....brrrr so cold!
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 04 Feb 10
       
      She uses causal and familiar diction. Her grammar is informal as well adding commentary to her sentence.
  • It might be nothing for you Canadians but I have no patience when my fingers feel like they're about to fall off!
  • I'm telling you, there ARE HEAPS of coffee shops in Seoul. It's not like Starbucks doesn't have enough money already, you know?
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 04 Feb 10
       
      * She previously tells the readers that the coffee prices have been raised. The use of all caps adds an emphasis to the number of coffee shops there are. It stresses how frustrated she is at the new prices.
  • ...2 more annotations...
  • There. My little rant is over.
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 04 Feb 10
       
      This short sentence is very conversational. She is writing almost like she is speaking directly to us.
  • I was one grumpy, cappuccino lady today.
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 04 Feb 10
       
      She uses the picture above to illustrate how she is feeling. I just think this sentence is funny. Something that most can relate to.
taylorcornelson

An Ethical Discourse Regarding the Nature of Diet: Trifecta - 1 views

ethics-girl.blogspot.com/...trifecta.html

shared by taylorcornelson on 09 Feb 10 - Cached
  • have come across quite a few
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      "have come across quite a few blogs.."?
  • tyle, witt
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      replace , with - ?
  • This powerful example illustrates just how important the issue is to LaBossiere, and in turn how important the issue of factory farming should be to us as readers.
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Great sentence.
  • ...16 more annotations...
  • writing is sort of looming
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      I think making this sentence more assertive would help your point come across more clearly. "Because his writing style looms between ..."
  • hen I first reading
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Missed a word here, probably "started"
  • How money is scaring the meat market into the corner with a cleaver.  In a food/ethics blog.  In the words of the internet, lolzI'll definitely be reading more of his blog soon.
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Love this, but maybe rephrasing would make it read more clearly? "How money is scaring the meat market into the corner with a cleaver. In a food/ethics blog. In the words of the internet, lolz. I'll definitely be reading more of his blog soon."
  • This week I’ve decided to do a sort of “tribute” bit about my newfound favorite blogger, “Wayne Yuen,” and his blog, “Piles of Philosophy.” 
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Finally, someone who understands proper punctuation in conjunction with quotation marks! Hurray! Nice job.
  • Whether you are a carnivore, omnivore, “demi-vegetarian,” vegetarian, vegan, or fruitarian, you will probably be intrigued with what he has to say.  
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Great sentence.
  • Well for starters Yuen
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Maybe remove "well for starters"?
  • iledohsoclosetogether
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Fantastic.
  • nd it only gets worse
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Great use of italics
  • though
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Though, rather than thought.
  • The one that ran free looked like an animal, it had big legs, a smallish breast, and plenty of dark and white meat, while the run-of-the-mill supermarket turkey had the tiniest legs and hugest breast I have ever seen…there is NO WAY that thing could have ever stood up on its own. 
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Great use of imagery.
  • Long story short Wayne thinks it’s a was
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Great use of your own voice... very strong.
  • Om nom nom…
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Internet-realted diction is always appreciated.
  • Now, on to something completely different…
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      The original quotation is, "and now for something completely different", or at least that's how it was in their film of the same title (I think).
  • ever increasing
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      ever-increasing
  • Ethics in food is a particularly hairy subject, but to get started, here are a few sites that I found helpful and interesting on my quest for knowledge and to sort out my own opinions…
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Nice way to launch into this discussion.
  • Is this because we need harsher regulations? Or is someone slacking on the job
    • taylorcornelson
      taylorcornelson on 20 Apr 10
       
      Maybe a bit more of a conclusion, stating how what you've just discussed might influence your blog in the future? Great voice work, though I think if you edited the first post a little to include more of your own voice (at least in the beginning) it would be stronger.
  • cdcrone on 09 Feb 10
     
    Guac's first "paper"
Nicole Tam

Voice X - The Money Diet - 1 views

www.walletpop.com/...ill-losing-weight-saving-money

money diet weight loss

shared by Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10 - Cached
  • Granted, nobody's going to make a reality TV series based on my diet experiences. I did have a comical moment when I went to the gym the first week, climbed aboard one of those StairMaster-like contraptions and almost fell off. Maybe there would be some melodramatic footage if someone filmed me every time I went through a McDonald's drive-thru to buy my kids the occasional Happy Meal or ice cream. I'm sure that I look like a tragic romantic figure every time I pass by the posters and pictures of McDonald's Angus burger.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      This is a nice way to add some realism in a funny way. He is proud of the weight he has lost, while realizing that it isn't quite dramatic enough to start a reality show about. This experience at the gym is something a lot of people have probably dealt with. This tangent about his un-dramatic weight loss leads into an interesting scenario between him and McDonalds.
  • -Angus, I only met you several months before I began this diet. Angus, I hardly knew ye. -"Dad, would you stop kissing the menu?" -Angus, call me-- -"Dad!"
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      Geoff has personified the angus burger and has not only started dialogue with it but has started a relationship with the burger. This shows that food is more than just food to Geoff, and now that it has been taken away from him it is equivalent to losing a lover.
  • OK, maybe that's not exactly how our visits to the drive-thru have worked out. As I was saying, mostly this is a drama-free diet.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      This snaps him back into reality. He is conversational with the readers and he is honest with them. Although he was initially skeptical about how this diet would work out, he is now realizing that although he isn't dropping tons and tons of weight, he isn't experiencing much drama. This offers hope to readers, and he is giving it to them in a way that isn't overly motivational. Some people become annoyed always hearing that they can do it, and that it'll be easy. This is motivation that seems to be coming from a friend. He is letting you know that he is trying it, and so far it isn't so bad.
  • ...5 more annotations...
  • I had several chances to destroy my new, healthier eating lifestyle, but somehow, I stuck to my plan.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      This is a funny, and more negative way of saying that he has stuck to his diet. He is clearly still doubting himself and waiting for the day that he caves, but he is also pleasantly surprised that he has still been able to diet. Rather than just saying he ate healthy this week, or he resisted temptation, he refers to fast food and junk food as chances to destroy his new lifestyle.
  • I bought cupcakes for my daughter's kindergarten class to celebrate her birthday, and I didn't swipe any for myself (we had extra and don't think I wasn't tempted).
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      This is almost like giving himself a pat on the back. The parenthesis are an aside to the reader, letting them know that although he didn't actually eat the cupcake, he was still tempted and is still human and wrestling with his diet.
  • I also lost money by not going to the YMCA -- we have a membership, and I should be using it more -- but I didn't make it once this week. If I had, I might have finally dropped enough to get into the high 240s.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      The dashes are a way for Geoff to take a moment to explain why not using the YMCA gym lost money for him. This is him reflecting on what he could have done better, and realizing that it would have helped him lose weight and make the most of the money he is spending.
  • I used to spend almost $100 a month on snacks and generally unnecessary food -- and frankly, I'd rather not believe that.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      The dash again is similar to the use of parenthesis. It is a bit of an aside to the reader. It isn't necessary to understand what he is saying, but it lets you know his feelings about what he is realizing, and the mental pause that people take when they see a dash adds to the voice created when he adds his opinion about what he has just realized.
  • he slightly less heavyset Geoff Williams
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      I thought this was a cute and funny way to sign off on the blog post. It gives more character to the author, and also shows that the diet is working.
  • Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
     
    money diet week 4 progress
Dongoh Kim

Food Adventures: February 2010 - 1 views

bamintofoodadventures.blogspot.com/2010_02_01_archive.html

shared by Dongoh Kim on 04 Feb 10 - Cached
  • especially in the pastry
    • Dongoh Kim
      Dongoh Kim on 04 Feb 10
       
      Very clever additional detailed information. The readers are able to identify David Lebovitz not just a expertize in culinary but actually an expertise in pastry
  • Mr. Lebovitz straightforwardly—in a non-straightforward kind of way—retells his adventures in Paris,
    • Dongoh Kim
      Dongoh Kim on 04 Feb 10
       
      With this sentence... actually I had to think a little bit. This sentence is saying like: He was going West but in an East kind of way? But after saying the word "retells" it gave me a clear idea that Mr. Lebovitz was playing with his stories in a humorous and back-to-the-point manner.
  • (by the way, my French improved remarkably after reading this post and his blog in general).
    • Dongoh Kim
      Dongoh Kim on 04 Feb 10
       
      This particual sentence drags the reader to read Lebovitz article. She is engaging the reader to be excited. I would also want to learn French if I can.
  • ...1 more annotation...
  • spontaneous nature
    • Dongoh Kim
      Dongoh Kim on 04 Feb 10
       
      Very good choice of words! these two simple words describe the actual intentions of Mr. Lebovitz.
sunmeeholmes

Blueish Brain Matter: Trifecta - 0 views

blueishbrain.blogspot.com/...trifecta.html

shared by sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10 - Cached
  • The purpose of this blog, like many others, is to make its readers think
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10
       
      Maybe, instead of writing out "the purpose of this blog is..." try writing it from your point of view: "I want to make you think and give you a new perspective..." something like that.
  • focusing on people in my age group (late teens to early 20s). I chose this age group, not only because I am a part of it,
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10
       
      "my age group" and "I am part of it" are a little repetitive...try to put these sentences together.
  • Besides that, I also think that people within that age range have had a unique experience with regard to spiritual and psychological issues.
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10
       
      Try to focus less on the age group and more on the spirituality
  • ...9 more annotations...
  • Instant messaging became text messaging, morphed into myspace, upgraded to facebook and has now reincarnated itself as twitter.
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10
       
      Really like this sentence
  • Being born in 1988,
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10
       
      You've mentioned a couple times what age you are and what age group you're in...I don't think you need to reiterate it here.
  • A lot of the blog will be dedicated to the music industry and how it is unfolding in this increasingly digital world.
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10
       
      I'm a little confused on what the focus of your blog is...is it about spirituality, the digital revolution or the music industry? Maybe stick to one thing, or make sure that you tie each of those topics together.
  • especially since it is hosted by a website called beliefnet.com
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10
       
      i like that you explained why her blog is so popular
  • “Inspiration. Spirituality. Faith”
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10
       
      this isn't so relevant, the url explains what the website is about (p.s. link the url!)
  • psuedo-spiritual gibberish
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10
       
      Good voice...use it more often!
  • I want my blog, like hers, to explore spiritual issues and how they directly influence people’s perceptions, decisions and actions, not just their thinking.
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10
       
      I would tie this in with the digital revolution and music industry also...again, you need to re-emphasize how they link together
  • poetic rhythm built into them, forcing the reader to digest his words with a specific cadence.
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10
       
      this is cool...it feels like you're talking about music...a great way to work with both your topics!
  • The first exclamation point forces a full-length (half-note) pause after the word India. The next sentence is then broken down by commas into two syllable phrases, roughly a quarter-note for each (with the exception of the word “beautiful” whose last two syllables kind of blend into one). This gives the sentence an almost iambic pentameter-ish feel in the first half.
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 20 Apr 10
       
      Again, I love how you make the quote into music...this is a great way to add your voice into a blog about another person
Chelsea Hamill

Step By Step - 0 views

www.nextstepmagazine.com/...college-search-results.aspx

SOScollege

shared by Chelsea Hamill on 25 Feb 10 - Cached
  • Chelsea Hamill on 25 Feb 10
     
    This website allows you to search interests or majors as well as a location you would prefer. This website also breaks down the application process in various steps. You can search for scholarship and look at an admission schedule on this website.
Scott Prentice

College Applications - Tips, Advice, and College Application Requirements - 0 views

www.collegeboard.com/...index.html

SOScollege application

shared by Scott Prentice on 24 Feb 10 - Cached
  • morgan macbride on 13 Apr 10
     
    done
sunmeeholmes

Dates & Deadlines - USC Undergraduate Admission - 0 views

www.usc.edu/...dates_deadlines.html

SOScollege deadlines usc

shared by sunmeeholmes on 23 Feb 10 - Cached
  • sunmeeholmes on 23 Feb 10
     
    USC Fall 2010 deadlines
sunmeeholmes

FAFSA - Free Application for Federal Student Aid - 0 views

www.fafsa.ed.gov/before003a.htm

SOScollege deadlines fafsa

shared by sunmeeholmes on 23 Feb 10 - Cached
  • sunmeeholmes on 23 Feb 10
     
    FAFSA deadlines by state.
Chelsea Hamill

twitter - 0 views

We need a picture https://twitter.com/SOS_College username: SOS_College password: sauce340

started by Chelsea Hamill on 24 Mar 10 no follow-up yet
morgan macbride

The CLIC Network - 0 views

www.theclic.net

college plan recruit

shared by morgan macbride on 02 Mar 10 - Cached
  • morgan macbride on 02 Mar 10
     
    similar system to what we are thinking of doing our website on
bamk340

International Students - colleges in United States - apply to US colleges - 0 views

www.collegeboard.com/...43.html

SOScollege international done

shared by bamk340 on 14 Mar 10 - Cached
  • bamk340 on 14 Mar 10
     
    A page within Collegeboard website specifically for international students applying to colleges in the states
Scott Prentice

Dirty Secrets of College Admissions - The Daily Beast - 0 views

www.thedailybeast.com/...full

SOScollege application

shared by Scott Prentice on 07 Mar 10 - Cached
  • Scott Prentice on 07 Mar 10
     
    Blog
Mark Marino

a show of hands - 0 views

markcmarino.com/flyer.htm

elt wrt_links

shared by Mark Marino on 08 Apr 10 - Cached
  • Mark Marino on 08 Apr 10
     
    staged reading of my play "a show of hands" based on this story http://hands.literatronica.net
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