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tommyalexander

The Weight of Reality: Trifecta - 1 views

weightofreality.blogspot.com/...trifecta.html

shared by tommyalexander on 09 Feb 10 - Cached
  • When we drive down the street or go out to a restaurant, it is not hard to see why 64% of adults in America are overweight or obese
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 20 Apr 10
       
      good imagery/intro to your topic
    • Dongoh Kim
      Dongoh Kim on 20 Apr 10
       
      It shows a clear fact and attracts the audience by giving them a surprising issue.
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 21 Apr 10
       
      I like the link, it gives the reader additional information
  • (lets be serious, not everyone in this country can be a Victoria's Secret model)
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 20 Apr 10
       
      like your use of voice here
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 21 Apr 10
       
      Like the break and insight to you and your voice
  • America and the celebrities shown on television and in movies has lead to unhealthy eating habits in both men and women, including anorexia and bulimia. According to Teen magazine, 35% of girls 6 to 12 have been on at least one diet, and 50% to 70% of normal weight girls believe that they are overweight
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 20 Apr 10
       
      Maybe change the first sentence to flow better into your use of the stat. You mention men and women but use a stat related to young girls. This is a shocking fact but maybe a stat about men with eating disorders would be equally shocking
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 21 Apr 10
       
      The statistics are really helpful in proving your point
  • ...17 more annotations...
  • Many of these shows are drawing in large audiences
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 20 Apr 10
       
      pun intended?
  • On the other hand, weight loss shows may be setting unrealistic expectations for others who may be trying to lose weight. The contestants on these shows are given trainers and nutritionists, and because they are on a show they have nothing to do except work out.
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 20 Apr 10
       
      I like this transition to another perspective of this argument. It shows that you have thought a lot about the points you are trying to make
  • When young people were asked about their reasons for dieting, they cited the celebrities that they saw in television shows. Since this study the amount of advertisements for weight loss supplements, diet programs, and thin women on television has only increased.
  • (I’m as guilty as anyone in indulging in these reality TV shows),
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 21 Apr 10
       
      I really like when you connect back to the reader, especially since you have such a research dense topic
  • We make pledges to lose weight, to exercise, to eat healthy, but it is so much easier to go to the drive thru, to sit on the couch, and to avoid the scale.
  • Our meals are super sized, our population is becoming super sized, and now reality television is catching on to the trend.
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 21 Apr 10
       
      I like this comparison but maybe reword to help it flow better.
  • because even if you are not trying to lose weight, there are tips on ways to start exercising and eating better, areas I know a lot of us could use some help in.
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 21 Apr 10
       
      This makes me want to check out the blog. I think a major issue is that people extreme diet when all they need to do is change their diet to a healthy alternative
  • He created “The Money Diet,” and recorded all the foods he resisted buying, then calculated how much not buying junk food and fast food saved him.
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 21 Apr 10
       
      I have always wanted to know what that would be!
  • (I’m usually in the drive thru with a serious craving for fries and a shake).
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 21 Apr 10
       
      I like the insight into you and your thoughts. Helps the reader connect and know more about you.
  • And when you really think about it, wouldn’t you rather spend that money on a fabulous pair of shoes instead of that burger at In n’ Out?
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 21 Apr 10
       
      I like how you ended on a question. I noticed that there were a few questions in your blog which is a great way to engage the reader and have them think about what you are saying
  • We are always hearing about how breakfast is the most important meal of the day, for everyone, regardless of size, and
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 21 Apr 10
       
      Phrasing here could use some adjustments
  • pizzazz
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 21 Apr 10
       
      nice
  • In the real world you have to be able to motivate yourself.
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 21 Apr 10
       
      good point!
  • I stumbled upon a blog with another interesting take on what can motivate people to lose weight,
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 21 Apr 10
       
      Maybe another word instead of "stumbled"? I like it, but you used it in your last post
  • Plus, money is usually a much better motivator than salad and the treadmill.
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 21 Apr 10
       
      I really like the way you end a lot of your paragraphs. It lets your voice stand out and it gets the point across. Try to incorporate more of this voice into the body of your paragraphs
  • yet the waistline of our country seems to be growing every year.
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 21 Apr 10
       
      Like this imagery - maybe take out "seems to be" because I think the waistline IS growing every year?
  • Eating healthy and exercising are hard habits to get into, and it can be discouraging to go to the gym and jump on the elliptical next to the gorgeous, perfectly toned girl who doesn’t sweat
    • tommyalexander
      tommyalexander on 21 Apr 10
       
      haha nice imagery - I feel like many girls can relate to this?
bamk340

The Weight of Reality: February 2010 - 4 views

weightofreality.blogspot.com/2010_02_01_archive.html

shared by bamk340 on 04 Feb 10 - Cached
  • Most diet blogs are meant to be motivating, and in order to inspire others, you often must be inspired yourself. But, if we’re being serious with ourselves, thousands of people pledge every January first to lose weight, and yet the waistline of our country seems to be growing every year.
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 04 Feb 10
       
      I like the realist point of view here. The honesty makes readers more likely to pay attention and trust the writer.
  • it can be discouraging to go to the gym and jump on the elliptical next to the gorgeous, perfectly toned girl who doesn’t sweat
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 04 Feb 10
       
      Really paints the picture, and it's something that I can totally relate with! The imagery makes this an interesting read.
  • and I am totally guilty of this too
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 04 Feb 10
       
      A nice personal touch, it makes the writer real to the reader.
  • ...12 more annotations...
  • While many fast food companies are trying to include healthy options in their menus, this isn’t the reason most of us are going there (I’m usually in the drive thru with a serious craving for fries and a shake)
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 04 Feb 10
       
      Again, personal confessions make it seem real. The side note in parentheses is also funny. I can see myself in that drive through ordering those fries and a shake too.
  • He knows that all that old food will still be calling out to him. He also knows that his weight loss is not going to be as dramatic as all the reality shows make it seem.
    • sunmeeholmes
      sunmeeholmes on 04 Feb 10
       
      Repetition of the words, "he knows" catches attention.
  • stumbled
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      Use of action verb, create a clear image.
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      would it grab more of the reader's attention if you reverse the order of the clauses and start with "I stumbled..." first?
  • calculated how much not buying junk food and fast food saved him.
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      very good idea!
  • weight loss tangible
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      The use of personification makes this more interesting. Because of the image the word "tangible" is illustrating ( I am actually imaging reaching and grabing "weight loss"), it is very convincing.
  • Plus, money is usually a much better motivator than salad and the treadmill.
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      I like how you pointed this out because I didn't think to compare this with other weight loss "motivations".
  • Most of are
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      just a note for you that you forgot a word in this sentence
  • We make pledges to lose weight, to exercise, to eat healthy, but it is so much easier to go to the drive thru, to sit on the couch, and to avoid the scale.
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      The use of parallel structure in this sentence to compare what what people want to do verse what they tend actualy do. I like how you point these relationships out.
  • Weight loss is a slow process, especially when factors like work, family and the junk food that we are constantly surrounded with come into the mix.
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      Again, pointing out these relationships are what makes your post interesting to read. It shows that you really analyzed this topic and kind of put your perspective into it.
  • “I'm thinking that if I can start training myself to say, "Hey, don't buy that eighty-nine-cent candy bar," when I'm at, say, a Walgreen's (no offense, Walgreen's), and I jot down that 89 cents in a journal, maybe I'll start to see some progress, not just on my scale, but in my bank account, too,”
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      Maybe you should block quote this or summarize his points.
  • With this scenario,
  • With his blog Geoff is ab
    • bamk340
      bamk340 on 04 Feb 10
       
      the previous paragraph also started with "with" may be you can change that so there's more variety.
Nicole Tam

Voice X - The Money Diet - 1 views

www.walletpop.com/...ill-losing-weight-saving-money

money diet weight loss

shared by Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10 - Cached
  • Granted, nobody's going to make a reality TV series based on my diet experiences. I did have a comical moment when I went to the gym the first week, climbed aboard one of those StairMaster-like contraptions and almost fell off. Maybe there would be some melodramatic footage if someone filmed me every time I went through a McDonald's drive-thru to buy my kids the occasional Happy Meal or ice cream. I'm sure that I look like a tragic romantic figure every time I pass by the posters and pictures of McDonald's Angus burger.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      This is a nice way to add some realism in a funny way. He is proud of the weight he has lost, while realizing that it isn't quite dramatic enough to start a reality show about. This experience at the gym is something a lot of people have probably dealt with. This tangent about his un-dramatic weight loss leads into an interesting scenario between him and McDonalds.
  • -Angus, I only met you several months before I began this diet. Angus, I hardly knew ye. -"Dad, would you stop kissing the menu?" -Angus, call me-- -"Dad!"
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      Geoff has personified the angus burger and has not only started dialogue with it but has started a relationship with the burger. This shows that food is more than just food to Geoff, and now that it has been taken away from him it is equivalent to losing a lover.
  • OK, maybe that's not exactly how our visits to the drive-thru have worked out. As I was saying, mostly this is a drama-free diet.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      This snaps him back into reality. He is conversational with the readers and he is honest with them. Although he was initially skeptical about how this diet would work out, he is now realizing that although he isn't dropping tons and tons of weight, he isn't experiencing much drama. This offers hope to readers, and he is giving it to them in a way that isn't overly motivational. Some people become annoyed always hearing that they can do it, and that it'll be easy. This is motivation that seems to be coming from a friend. He is letting you know that he is trying it, and so far it isn't so bad.
  • ...5 more annotations...
  • I had several chances to destroy my new, healthier eating lifestyle, but somehow, I stuck to my plan.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      This is a funny, and more negative way of saying that he has stuck to his diet. He is clearly still doubting himself and waiting for the day that he caves, but he is also pleasantly surprised that he has still been able to diet. Rather than just saying he ate healthy this week, or he resisted temptation, he refers to fast food and junk food as chances to destroy his new lifestyle.
  • I bought cupcakes for my daughter's kindergarten class to celebrate her birthday, and I didn't swipe any for myself (we had extra and don't think I wasn't tempted).
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      This is almost like giving himself a pat on the back. The parenthesis are an aside to the reader, letting them know that although he didn't actually eat the cupcake, he was still tempted and is still human and wrestling with his diet.
  • I also lost money by not going to the YMCA -- we have a membership, and I should be using it more -- but I didn't make it once this week. If I had, I might have finally dropped enough to get into the high 240s.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      The dashes are a way for Geoff to take a moment to explain why not using the YMCA gym lost money for him. This is him reflecting on what he could have done better, and realizing that it would have helped him lose weight and make the most of the money he is spending.
  • I used to spend almost $100 a month on snacks and generally unnecessary food -- and frankly, I'd rather not believe that.
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      The dash again is similar to the use of parenthesis. It is a bit of an aside to the reader. It isn't necessary to understand what he is saying, but it lets you know his feelings about what he is realizing, and the mental pause that people take when they see a dash adds to the voice created when he adds his opinion about what he has just realized.
  • he slightly less heavyset Geoff Williams
    • Nicole Tam
      Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
       
      I thought this was a cute and funny way to sign off on the blog post. It gives more character to the author, and also shows that the diet is working.
  • Nicole Tam on 04 Feb 10
     
    money diet week 4 progress
Scott Prentice

The Weight of Reality - 0 views

weightofreality.blogspot.com

shared by Scott Prentice on 21 Apr 10 - Cached
  • They are taken out of their lives and given a chance to focus on losing weight and regaining their health, a luxury that most Americans cannot afford.
    • Scott Prentice
      Scott Prentice on 21 Apr 10
       
      good point
  • although I’ve been looking into whether or not weight loss TV shows can play a role in motivating people to lose weight, it might benefit me to see what else can inspire people
    • Scott Prentice
      Scott Prentice on 21 Apr 10
       
      Good spot to input your thoughts on motivating factors. It seemed like you were working up to this unknowingly from previous posts.
  • who doesn’t sweat
    • Scott Prentice
      Scott Prentice on 21 Apr 10
       
      hahah
Chelsea Hamill

Fashion Tidbits - 0 views

fashion-tidbits.blogspot.com/search

shared by Chelsea Hamill on 04 Feb 10 - Cached
  • Uhhhh...yeah I know. You're thinking, OMG, she has such an amaaaaaazing body, while simultaneously wondering, how does that work????? How does she end up coming from the I'm-chosen-to-have-a-naturally-fabulous-body gene pool?But why not meeeeeeeeee???!
  • Uhhhh...yeah I know. You're thinking, OMG, she has such an amaaaaaazing body, while simultaneously wondering, how does that work????
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 04 Feb 10
       
      * This paragraph has a lot going on. She creates conversation by opening with "uhhh…" making it seem like she is talking to you. This also illustrates a feeling of shock. The "yeah I know" creates a relationship between her and the reader. She is right there with us feeling the same thing as we are, or so she assumes.
  • I'm-chosen-to-have-a-naturally-fabulous-body gene pool?
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 04 Feb 10
       
      I like how she connects this whole phrase together. It's a mouthful and the way she writes it makes you have to say it in one breathe.
  • ...3 more annotations...
  • meeeeeeeeee???!
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 04 Feb 10
       
      The extension of the word creates a feeling of envy and despair
  • Hehe.
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 04 Feb 10
       
      The hehe makes the previous statement somewhat sarcastic.
  • Woah whoo!
    • Chelsea Hamill
      Chelsea Hamill on 04 Feb 10
       
      o This size font of this sentence makes it stand out and catch your attention. The words themselves are playful and fun. She ends the post in the same causal, colloquial manner.
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