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Contents contributed and discussions participated by tommyalexander

tommyalexander

The Weight of Reality: Trifecta - 1 views

  • When we drive down the street or go out to a restaurant, it is not hard to see why 64% of adults in America are overweight or obese
    • tommyalexander
       
      good imagery/intro to your topic
  • (lets be serious, not everyone in this country can be a Victoria's Secret model)
    • tommyalexander
       
      like your use of voice here
  • America and the celebrities shown on television and in movies has lead to unhealthy eating habits in both men and women, including anorexia and bulimia. According to Teen magazine, 35% of girls 6 to 12 have been on at least one diet, and 50% to 70% of normal weight girls believe that they are overweight
    • tommyalexander
       
      Maybe change the first sentence to flow better into your use of the stat. You mention men and women but use a stat related to young girls. This is a shocking fact but maybe a stat about men with eating disorders would be equally shocking
  • ...9 more annotations...
  • Many of these shows are drawing in large audiences
    • tommyalexander
       
      pun intended?
  • On the other hand, weight loss shows may be setting unrealistic expectations for others who may be trying to lose weight. The contestants on these shows are given trainers and nutritionists, and because they are on a show they have nothing to do except work out.
    • tommyalexander
       
      I like this transition to another perspective of this argument. It shows that you have thought a lot about the points you are trying to make
  • We are always hearing about how breakfast is the most important meal of the day, for everyone, regardless of size, and
    • tommyalexander
       
      Phrasing here could use some adjustments
  • pizzazz
    • tommyalexander
       
      nice
  • In the real world you have to be able to motivate yourself.
    • tommyalexander
       
      good point!
  • I stumbled upon a blog with another interesting take on what can motivate people to lose weight,
    • tommyalexander
       
      Maybe another word instead of "stumbled"? I like it, but you used it in your last post
  • Plus, money is usually a much better motivator than salad and the treadmill.
    • tommyalexander
       
      I really like the way you end a lot of your paragraphs. It lets your voice stand out and it gets the point across. Try to incorporate more of this voice into the body of your paragraphs
  • yet the waistline of our country seems to be growing every year.
    • tommyalexander
       
      Like this imagery - maybe take out "seems to be" because I think the waistline IS growing every year?
  • Eating healthy and exercising are hard habits to get into, and it can be discouraging to go to the gym and jump on the elliptical next to the gorgeous, perfectly toned girl who doesn’t sweat
    • tommyalexander
       
      haha nice imagery - I feel like many girls can relate to this?
tommyalexander

Is Google Making Us Stupid? - Magazine - The Atlantic - Nicholas Carr - 11 views

  • “Dave, my mind is going,” HAL says, forlornly. “I can feel it. I can feel it.”
    • tommyalexander
       
      powerful use of quotes from the film - causes an association with the feeling you get when watching the scene
  • The Web has been a godsend to me as a writer. Research that once required days in the stacks or periodical rooms of libraries can now be done in minutes.
    • tommyalexander
       
      he acknowledges the good parts about the internet before beginning his main argument
  • Sometime in 1882, Friedrich Nietzsche bought a typewriter
    • tommyalexander
       
      interesting start to the paragraph
tommyalexander

Scholarships.com: Free College Scholarship Search - 2 views

  •  
    Search for prospective colleges and get linked directly to their financial aid pages.
tommyalexander

FAFSA - Free Application for Federal Student Aid - 0 views

  •  
    We all know about this
tommyalexander

The World Of Web 2.0: Voice Analysis: Soshable.com - 1 views

  • The post is content-heavy; there is little room
    • tommyalexander
       
      I like your use of the semi colon to transition from longer sentences to this short one. It is a nice change of pace
  • “Racing to control … goldmine of behavioral marketing … firepower that everyone recognizes.”
    • tommyalexander
       
      Good analysis of these very image-heavy phrases
  • gearing itself
    • tommyalexander
       
      good word choice here. instead of just plainly saying "it is written for an informed readership", you added your own voice
  • ...8 more annotations...
  • especially potent, in that it visualizes the supposed power of Twitter, while simultaneously implying that this is a de facto statement
    • tommyalexander
       
      you are doing a good job of keeping with your educated, professional voice in this post. nice choice of words/phrases to make that stand out
  • illicits a level of understanding between the reader of the author
    • tommyalexander
       
      this is good, but I feel like you may be able to come up with a different way of saying this if you want your voice to stand out. I'm not sure about the word choice of "illicits"
  • provoking readers
    • tommyalexander
       
      good job with the word choice..."provoking"
  • when at the beginning of a paragraph – if they
    • tommyalexander
       
      I like your use of the dash, but I think you need to remove the word "when". (unless I'm reading this wrong)
  • or tone
    • tommyalexander
       
      maybe find a different word for "tone" here. it is a little disorienting to read "tone and voice" and "message and tone" in the same sentence.
  • words jump off the page
    • tommyalexander
       
      good use of personification
  • inject personality
    • tommyalexander
       
      nice word choice with "inject". you could have easily said "incorporate" or even "use", but "inject" really has more imagery than those.
  • formal discussion of the topics at hand
    • tommyalexander
       
      i really enjoyed your analysis of this post and how you could relate it to your own blog. stick with your formal voice, it works for you.
tommyalexander

Nike: Greek Goddess of Confiscating Tapes (annotated) - 0 views

  • So you probably know by now
    • tommyalexander
       
      Immediately starts off with a conversational voice. By saying "you probably know by now", the reader knows that whatever he is talking about has been in the news. It makes the reader want to know what happened, if they don't already.
  • Crawford took the ball at James, they both jumped
    • tommyalexander
       
      He starts off by describing an actual basketball play. This sets up the sarcasm and humor in the rest of the paragraph.
  • then another 360, then he took off one of his shoes and bonked James in the head with it, put the shoe back on, pulled out a shaving cream pie and shoved that in James face, took out a bottle of seltzer water and sprayed James, then he poked James in the eye Three Stooges style, then he came up with a quick hip hop song called “Be Gone Lebron,” then he pinched James’ cheek, beat James at thumb wrestling, gave James a wedgie and, finally, dunked the ball, two-handed, rattling the rim, while James cried like a child lost at the mall.
    • tommyalexander
       
      The rest of the paragraph is extremely exaggerated, obviously sarcastic remarks about what Jordan Crawford must have done in the air before dunking on Lebron. His sarcasm is related to the point of the article which is alluded to in the title. His description includes a combination of both actual basketball terms as well as just random references
  • ...13 more annotations...
  • NOBODY
    • tommyalexander
       
      He continues his conversational voice by predicting what the reader is probably thinking. His use of all caps implies a voice inflection. You imagine the word "nobody" being said with a large amount of disbelief.
  • PHONES
    • tommyalexander
       
      Once again the use of all caps makes the reader imagine this word being said with disbelief. Also talking about cameras on phones gives the context of the writer's age. While cameras on phones are a relatively recent creation, young people don't tend to talk about cameras on phones with a sense of disbelief. This implies the writer has been around for some time
  • Well, no, there were people filming it
  • the Nike official called out his Nike storm troopers, who promptly ran around the place shooting lasers and confiscating any and all tapes of the offending dunk
    • tommyalexander
       
      Using a pop culture reference for humor. He could have just said "Nike sent some officials out to confiscate the tape". Instead he chose this way which is very rich in imagery.
  • Animal Farmish
    • tommyalexander
       
      Reference to the novel Animal Farm by Orwell. Conjures images of out of control governments and the loss of rights. Dystopia
  • — happiness, in this case, being our unalienable right to laugh at LeBron
    • tommyalexander
       
      Uses a dash to abruptly change the tone from serious to humorous.
  • loved that slogan
    • tommyalexander
       
      He chooses to use parentheses here instead of a dash because this thought is unrelated to his flow of words. Also, the pop culture reference to "Just Do It"
  • *It’s ZAY-vee-ur. Not ex-ZAY-vee-ur.
    • tommyalexander
       
      A funny aside. Once again he uses humor to make his voice stand out.
  • to comfort the comfortable, to afflict the afflicted, to keep someone as beloved as LeBron James off of YouTube. I mean, what?
    • tommyalexander
       
      Once again he is using sarcasm. Interesting word choice comfort->comfortable, afflict->afflicted
  • THE LeBron James
    • tommyalexander
       
      by using all caps in the word "the" the reader knows to say it as "thee" in their head
  • Personally, I think they should …
    • tommyalexander
       
      He closes of the post by basically making a list of all of Nike's misfortunes/failures from the last several years. Because it's always funny to laugh at the misfortunes of others...
  • confiscate his entire career as a basketball executive
    • tommyalexander
       
      ouch
  • Confiscate Matt Leinart
    • tommyalexander
       
      HARSH!
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