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Ryan Meehan

myliblog: Uncle Bobby's Wedding - 0 views

jaslarue.blogspot.com/...uncle-bobbys-wedding.html

gay marriage usf readings argument persuasion rhetoric marriage religion civil rights

shared by Ryan Meehan on 26 Oct 08 - Cached
  • Thank you for working with my assistant to allow me to fit your concerns about “Uncle Bobby's Wedding,” by Sarah S. Brannen, into our “reconsideration” process.
    • Ashlee Duckworth
      Ashlee Duckworth on 27 Oct 08
       
      Opening with this comment welcomes the reader and makes me feel as if the author has truly considered the issue at hand.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Oct 08
       
      I agree with Ashlee's statement. This is a warm welcoming to the reader.
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 29 Oct 08
       
      With this opening statement, the author gives the response a more personal feel. It also allows him to give a truthful answer without coming off as offensive.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 29 Oct 08
       
      Yes i also agree with the comments above, this is one of the very opening statements and it brings about a more personel level with the reader.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      I agree as well with the comments above. This opening statement makes the reader feel welcome and ensures them that they are doing the best they can at reviewing policies and dealing with the issues at hand.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      I agree with everyone. The opening statement makes the concerned parent feel welcome and that they are trying to deal with the situation as best they can.
    • Amanda Flores
      Amanda Flores on 30 Oct 08
       
      I like how he opens this by thanking her. It is very welcoming, like everyone has said.
    • Ryan Meehan
      Ryan Meehan on 28 Aug 11
       
      Great comment.
  • Here's what I understand to be your concern, based on your writings.
    • Ashlee Duckworth
      Ashlee Duckworth on 27 Oct 08
       
      This comment gives me the impression that the author wants to make sure that what he thinks the issues is, actually is what the problem is. This shows caring and intelligence.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Oct 08
       
      Again, I think Ashlee made a very good point with this. This is important in solving an issue.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 30 Oct 08
       
      I like the way he wrote this because he is letting her know what vibe he got from her writings. By him stating this there can be no confusion. All that she can say would be that he took it the wrong way. or that's not what she ment, if so from there on there could be more clarification if needed.
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 30 Oct 08
       
      It is very effective how he took direct quotes from the patron, so it is clear that he does not twist her words. It shows he does not want his point of view to be misconstrued.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      I like the way that the writer is looking to clarify exactly what the issue at hand is so there is no confusion.
    • Amanda Flores
      Amanda Flores on 30 Oct 08
       
      He did good in putting this in here. He is letting her know what he feels she is concered with to see if it matches what the actual concers are. Like Ashlee said, it shows that he cares.
    • Ashlee Duckworth
      Ashlee Duckworth on 27 Oct 08
       
      This paragraph makes me feel as if the author actually understands multiple viewpoints.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 28 Oct 08
       
      I agree that this paragraph shows his understanding of many different views on the subject. I think citing these is effective because it lets the patron see the other views also.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 29 Oct 08
       
      I also think it is a good way for the author to either show or express that he is not just set on one point but actually multiple viewpoints.
  • ...36 more annotations...
  • Your second issue is a little trickier. You say that the book is inappropriate, and I infer that your reason is the topic itself: gay marriage.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 28 Oct 08
       
      I like how the author responded to this concern by citing examples from other childrens books and also giving logical reasons why these issues are addressed in childrens books.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      In this sentence we see that the defender has a clear understanding about what the argument is
  • Your third point, about the founders' vision of America, is something that has been a matter of keen interest to me most of my adult life.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 28 Oct 08
       
      The author makes a good arguement here and supports his point very well. The fact that he wrote a book on the subject makes you believe that he knows alot about the topic and that his views about preserving our individual liberties are correct.
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 29 Oct 08
       
      Basically saying "I know more, if not as much as you do. So I'm probably right." Haha
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 29 Oct 08
       
      Yes i agree with Cybil, he basically just said that he knows his stuff in this subject matter.
  • which has reviewed and adopted these policies on behalf of our library
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Oct 08
       
      This small statement is a way of persuading the reader. Without this piece of information, the reader may not trust the Board of Trustees or care about them.
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 29 Oct 08
       
      I agree, this statement provides an understanding of the authority of the Board of Trustees.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      This statement shows the reader that they will make an informed decision and not a biased one.
  • Children's books deal with anything and everything. There are children's books about death (even suicide), adult alcoholism, family violence, and more.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Oct 08
       
      After stating that children's books deal with many different things, she went on to provide examples. This is important in persuading the reader to believe what she is saying.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      I like the way Mr. Larue stated that children's books can deal with anything and everything, even things that may be inappropriate because it is relevant to the situation that those books are allowed at the library.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      By showing that other children's books deal with issues about anything and everything it shows that all childrens books aren't always happy.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      I dont think that this paragraph is defended well at all. I am absolutely not convinced in this paragraph. Just because there are many disturbing childrens books does not make them right.
  • Even the most common fairy tales have their grim side: the father and stepmother of Hansel and Gretel, facing hunger and poverty, take the children into the woods, and abandon them to die!
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Oct 08
       
      Again, she's providing specific examples--very effective. I thought it was interesting that she used an exclamation point instead of a simple period to end this statement. I think the point of it is to persuade the reader even more to listen to her. It's kind of like saying "hey, listen to this statement, it's important, and I'm completely right!"
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 29 Oct 08
       
      I love the part about the children's stories, it's so true! A great reminder to the reader to help get their point across.
    • Amanda Flores
      Amanda Flores on 30 Oct 08
       
      I agree with Angela. By stating these examples, he is more likely to persuade.
  • Stories help children name their fears, understand them, work out strategies for dealing with life.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Oct 08
       
      This is important in persuading the reader. She is going on further to prove her point.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Oct 08
       
      Whoops, I mean he!
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 29 Oct 08
       
      Yes i agree, this was a good way to further persuade the reader.
    • Ryan Meehan
      Ryan Meehan on 28 Aug 11
       
      Nice comment!
  • So what defines a children's book is the treatment, not the topic.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Oct 08
       
      This is good that they explained what actually defines the children's book since earlier on in the piece they said that the topic wasn't what defined it.
  • In fact, I even wrote a book about it
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Oct 08
       
      Ethos! He wrote a book on the topic, making the reader think that he knows what he's talking about and that he is trustworthy.
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 29 Oct 08
       
      Wow! I bet that response was a bit of a sock. I would hate to strike an argument with someone who was a professional on the subject, especially if I didn't know they were beforehand.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      The Author shows much credibility on the subject, with this sentence.
  • My Webster's actually gives several definitions of marriage: “1. the state of being married; relation between husband and wife...; 2. the act of marrying, wedding; 3. the rite or form used in marrying; 4. any close or intimate union.” Definitions 2-4, even as far back as 1960, could be stretched to include a wedding between two men. Word definitions change; legal rights change. In some parts of America, at least today, gay marriage is legal.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Oct 08
       
      This is definitely a great way to persuade the reader. He's throwing out facts from the dictionary to prove his point. And the fact that he states that definitions and legal rights change is very true. Also, stating that gay marriage is legal in some parts of the country is great. I think he did a really good job in this particular paragraph.
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 30 Oct 08
       
      I think the first definition sort of weakened his argument about gay marriage, seeing as how the first definition says "relation between husband and wife." I would have also added an updated version of Webster's definition of marriage to see if the wording has changed. He goes on to say that word definitions change, but just because you have a 1960s definition of "dog," and say that word definitions change, does not mean that that specific word's meaning will be the one that changes.
    • Amanda Flores
      Amanda Flores on 30 Oct 08
       
      I feel that definitions from the dictionary are a great way to prove yourself. He is telling her the facts, you can't argue with that. But I do agree with Dena. The first definition does weaken his argument.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      The fact that he states that gay marriage is legal in some parts of the country, is a good point in explaining to the reader that if something is legal, they can't say that writing a book about it is inappropriate.
  • But if the library is doing its job, there are lots of books in our collection that people won't agree with; there are certainly many that I object to. Library collections don't imply endorsement; they imply access to the many different ideas of our culture, which is precisely our purpose in public life.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Oct 08
       
      This is a very good point also.
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 29 Oct 08
       
      He brings up a good point by explaining that not everyone shares the same opinions and a good bit of the material present will recieve mixed feelings.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 29 Oct 08
       
      I think it also helps that he earlier showed that he was opened to multiple views not just his own.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 29 Oct 08
       
      Great point. The purpose of a library is to educate people. Many people go to the library for a general knowledge of many different topics. If someone personally wants to censor what they or there children read, that should be a personal decision.
    • Amanda Flores
      Amanda Flores on 30 Oct 08
       
      I agree with all of them, this is a great point.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      He brings up a good point that he objects to certain books, but it doesn't mean that other people and cultures don't enjoy them. I also like the fact that he states that the library doesn't endorse any of the books people may deem innapropriate but they are there for people who want them.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      I think that this a good point. There are many things that are disagreeable and should be disagreeable
  • I do appreciate many things: your obvious value of reading, your frank and loving relationship with your child, your willingness to raise issues of importance to you in the public square, and more. Thank you, very much, for taking the time to raise your concerns with me.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Oct 08
       
      He is being very respectful about the whole issue.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 29 Oct 08
       
      You do not find that to often.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 29 Oct 08
       
      Jamie does a good job explaining his decision, while still being respectful of the womans views. I personally think this shows a reflection of his character.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 30 Oct 08
       
      this was good very persuasive.. ( it's like the old saying " kill people with kindness) she cannot get mad at the way he ended this.
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 30 Oct 08
       
      That was very reputable of Jamie to respond to the fact that the woman does care about her family and this is why she raised the issue. It shows how respectful of others he is.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      I like the way he ended this on a positive note even though he didn't give the decision that the patron wanted.
    • Amanda Flores
      Amanda Flores on 30 Oct 08
       
      I really like how he said this. It shows that he is very respectful. I also agree with Alex, this does show the a reflection of his character.
  • I even hauled out my favorite Webster's
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 29 Oct 08
       
      I like how the author even looks into the sources provided by the individual filing the complaint. This shows that he has truly looked over the claims and is taking the issue seriously.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 29 Oct 08
       
      Yes, i agree with Garrett on this one. I like how the author looked over the source to let it be known that the author know's what he is talking about.
  • Little Red Riding Hood (in the original version, anyhow) was eaten by the wolf along with granny.
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 29 Oct 08
       
      The usage of specific examples to show that not all children's stories have happy endings is very effective.
  • But another book in our collection, “Daddy's Roommate,” was requested by a mother whose husband left her, and their young son, for another man.
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 29 Oct 08
       
      This statement shows that while some may find certain things inappropriate, the same things may be hepful to others. And in this case, a similar book proved to be a helpful tool for a different mother.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      This is a valid statement. Different personal circumstances allow for different interpretations of things. What may be helpful to one person, may be innapropriate to another.
  • has spent time thinking about the context in which the library operates, and thoughtfully considered the occasional discomfort (with our culture or constituents) that might result.
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 29 Oct 08
       
      Assures the reader that their feelings have been considered. Very persuasive.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 29 Oct 08
       
      Here, we assume that the laws and regulations have been thought over and agreed upon by a credible authority. The last sentance in this paragraph is very important. When running a public service there is always going to be someone that is unhappy. Utilitarianism is important in making these decisions, "the greatest good for the greatest number".
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      I agree with Cybil here. As I start reading this article I become more and more convinced that the Board of Trustees are a credible source.
  • Although I suspect you may not agree with my decision, I hope it's clear that I've given it a great deal of thought, and believe it is in accordance with both our guiding principles, and those, incidentally, of the founders of our nation.
  • I have been assured that you have received and viewed our relevant policies: the Library Bill of Rights, the Freedom to Read, Free Access to Libraries for Minors, the Freedom to View, and our Reconsideration Policy
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 29 Oct 08
       
      Jamie describes the rules and regulations of public libraries here. He is building his case with firm evidence that will help the woman understand his decision.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 29 Oct 08
       
      I agree with you completely. By him bring up the rules states that he is bringing up facts. With facts behind the decision that he is making the lady can't really say that he is wrong she can only have a opinion since he has a fact.
    • Amanda Flores
      Amanda Flores on 30 Oct 08
       
      I agree with the both of you. You two said it all.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      This is very persuasive because the person defending the piece seems to be well educated. A good education is one of the most credibe factors concerning a person.
  • You directed me to the SarahBrannen.com site, which I also reviewed. I got a copy of “Uncle Bobby's Wedding” today, and read it.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 29 Oct 08
       
      He shows that he is making his own decisions, and researching the topic. Jamie wants to understand why there is an issue and gain supportive evidence why he makes the decision that he does.
  • First, I think you're right that the purpose of the book is to show a central event, the wedding of two male characters, as no big thing. The emotional center of the story, of course, is Chloe's fear that she's losing a favorite uncle to another relationship. That fear, I think, is real enough to be an issue for a lot of young children.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 29 Oct 08
       
      In making a constructive argument for a position, the sympathy of the woman is needed. Obviously she thinks strongly about her opinion, and swaying her mind is not going to be easy. Clarifying the situation in a non assertive manner is a step forward in making his case.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      In an argument it is extremely important to be able to understand the position of the other person. The Author does a great job portraying this in this paragraph.
  • His thesis is that both the purpose and power of children's literature is to help young people begin to make sense of the world.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 29 Oct 08
       
      Making sense of the world is not an easy thing. Intorducing children to very real circumstances when they are young gives them an advantage in dealing with issues that will undoubtedly face them in their lifetime. I dont think it is how long someone can sugar coat that shapes personal opinions, but experience and informed decision making.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      Once again I am absolutely not convinced by this. This is just one mans opinion. My opinion is that children's books are supposed to be entertaining. I dont think a five year old needs to understand the world.
  • They constitute a barrier to discovery and use. The books there – and some very fine ones -- just got lost. In the second case, I believe that every book in the children's area, particularly in the area where usually the parent is reading the book aloud, involves parental guidance.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 29 Oct 08
       
      Censorship has long been banned and for good reason. Everyone wants freedom of speech for themself, but not necesarily for others. Parents are there to give guidence, and support. Not to censor their childrens lives and introduce them to a non-existent world.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      I agree with Alex on that. Even though the books involve parental guidence, it isn't the parents job to formulate their opinions by themselves. I completely agree that people want everyone else censored, but at the same time want to be able to say whatever they want. It can't work both ways.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      I agree with Alex, people want censorship, but only when its not them being censored. It can't work both ways.
  • In short, most of the books we have are designed not to interfere with parents' notions of how to raise their children, but to support them.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 29 Oct 08
       
      Why else would children books be used. They are stories that most times use fantasy and fiction to teach a lesson.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 30 Oct 08
       
      It is a good point that not all parents are looking for the same thing. One parent may want to teach their kids to accept gay people and another may teach them that its wrong and to not accept them.
  • that that kind of decision is up to the parents, not the library. Because here's the truth of the matter: not every parent has the same value system.
  • First, you believe that “the book is specifically designed to normalize gay marriage and is targeted toward the 2-7 year old age group.” Your second key concern is that you “find it inappropriate that this type of literature is available to this age
  • First, you believe that “the book is specifically designed to normalize gay marriage and is targeted toward the 2-7 year old age group.” Your second key concern is that you “find it
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      This also portrays that the Author is credible. In this paragraph the author makes clear that he understands the womens arguments about the piece. By this paragraph the lady arguing against the piece can better understand what the author has to say.
  • In Little Red Riding Hood, they learn not to talk to big bad strangers. Of course, not all children's books deal with
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      This is much more convincing. There are examples where some disturbing children books can be good.
  • The book is published by G. P. Putnam's Sons, “a division of Penguin Young Readers Group.” Th
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      This is convincing. The women can look this up to see if it is a credible source.
  • You feel that a book about gay marriage is inappropriate
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      I defenitely agree that a book about homosexuality is innaproprite for a child.
  • government was based on the idea that the purpose of the state was to preserve individual liberties, not to dictate them. The
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      This is true. People should have rights. I dont think homosexuality is wrong. I do think it is wrong though when it is put into Children's books. I think this abnormal psyche could harm youth.
  • How then, can we claim that the founders would support the restriction of access to a book that really is just about an idea, to be accepted or rejected as you choose? What harm has this book
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 30 Oct 08
       
      How can a child make such a decision?
  • Recently, a library patron challenged (urged a reconsideration of the ownership or placement of) a book called "Uncle Bobby's Wedding.
  • ownership
  • I suspect the book will get a lot of challenges in 2008-2009. So I offer my response, purging the patron's name, for other librarians.
  • You suggested that the book could be “placed in an area designating the subject matter,” or “labeled for parental guidance” by stating that “some material may be inappropriate for young children.” I have two responses.
  • commented
  • myliblog
  • Ryan Meehan on 26 Oct 08
     
    "Recently, a library patron challenged (urged a reconsideration of the ownership or placement of) a book called "Uncle Bobby's Wedding." Honestly, I hadn't even heard of it until that complaint. But I did read the book, and responded to the patron, who challenged the item through email and requested that I respond online (not via snail-mail) about her concerns."
  • Janice Perez Rivera on 30 Oct 08
     
    Here Jamie is stating the facts that the lady stated which are extremely important because they are true.
  • Janice Perez Rivera on 30 Oct 08
     
    When Jamies states that Sara Brannen was trying to portray that gay marriage is normal.... Sara was not focusing on what was important which was the relationship between the uncle and the young person. i like the fact that he pointed that out.
Ryan Meehan

Common Core State Standards Initiative - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia - 0 views

en.wikipedia.org/...ore_State_Standards_Initiative

shared by Ryan Meehan on 03 Mar 11 - No Cached
  • The Common Core State Standards Initiative is a U.S. education initiative that seeks to bring diverse state curricula into alignment with each other by following the principles of standards-based education reform. The initiative is sponsored by the National Governors Association (NGA) and the Council of Chief State School Officers (CCSSO). Announced on June 1, 2009,[1] the initiative's stated purpose is to "provide a consistent, clear understanding of what students are expected to learn, so teachers and parents know what they need to do to help them."[2] Forty-eight of the fifty states in the United States are members of the initiative. Standards were released for mathematics and English language arts on June 2, 2010, with a majority of states adopting the standards in the subsequent months. (See below for current status.) States were given an incentive to adopt the Common Core Standards through the possibility of competitive federal Race to the Top grants. The common standards are funded by the governors and state schools chiefs, with additional support from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, the Charles Stewart Mott Foundation and others.[3] States are planning to implement this initiative by 2015[4] by basing at least 85% of their state curricula on the Standards.
    • Ryan Meehan
      Ryan Meehan on 03 Mar 11
       
      talk about this common core standard....
  • here are six categories of content to be covered at the high school level: number and quantity; algebra; functions; modeling; geometry; and statistics and probability. Some topics in each category are indicated only for students intending to take more advanced, optional courses such as calculus, advanced statistics or discrete mathematics. Even if the traditional sequence is adopted, functions and modeling are to be integrated across the curriculum, not taught as separate courses. In fact, modeling is also a Mathematical Practice (see above), and is meant to be integrated across the entire curriculum beginning in kindergarten. High school standards in other categories which are intended to be tied to the modeling category are indicated in the Standards with a star symbol.
Alex Gutierrez

Free the Airwaves - 0 views

www.freetheairwaves.com/about.html

shared by Alex Gutierrez on 02 Sep 08 - Cached
    • Ryan Meehan
      Ryan Meehan on 02 Sep 08
       
      Read through the argument presented by Google here and assess the approach the author or authors have taken in order to be persuasive. Is there anything regarding the presentation of their argument that stands out to you? Feel free to "highlight and comment" on specific excerpts (as you did last week with "What are you good at?") OR you may choose to leave a "floating sticky note" anywhere on the page by clicking the drop down arrow next to "Comment" and choosing "Add a floating sticky note to this page." Additionally, you may choose to respond to a comment already written by one of your classmates. Should you choose this approach, please note that simply agreeing or disagreeing is not sufficient. You must explain why.
    • Ryan Meehan
      Ryan Meehan on 08 Jan 09
       
      This is a great discussion...
  • can't even be imagined today.
    • Ashlee Duckworth
      Ashlee Duckworth on 02 Sep 08
       
      I think this is a good way to get people interested in what they are proposng. They are drawing people in by saying that the benefits are so great you can't even imagine them.
    • Brandon Cruz
      Brandon Cruz on 05 Sep 08
       
      Agreed. This even gets me excited! It makes me wonder what kind of technology could they come up with. Everyone loves technology (well almost everyone) and this statement jumpstarts reader's minds to think of the cool new things they could be using if only they would use those airways.
  • but for society in general
    • Ashlee Duckworth
      Ashlee Duckworth on 02 Sep 08
       
      This approach is preetty successful in my opinion. They are saying it is necessary for society. I feel this approach gets the attention of many different audiences in many different ways.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 03 Sep 08
       
      Not only do i think they are saying it is a necessity for society, i think they are trying to say that it is right for everyone. All 3 levels of the economic society.
  • ...26 more annotations...
  • crucial
    • Ashlee Duckworth
      Ashlee Duckworth on 02 Sep 08
       
      Using words like this makes me want to sign the petition simply because it sounds so important and urgent.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 03 Sep 08
       
      Yes i agree, crucial is definately one of those words that stick out when you read them.
  • Make no mistake
  • Make no mistake
    • Ashlee Duckworth
      Ashlee Duckworth on 02 Sep 08
       
      I think using phrases that most people know helps their cause because it makes most people feel comfortable.
  • public interest here is paramount
    • Ashlee Duckworth
      Ashlee Duckworth on 02 Sep 08
       
      There is the whole "good for society" bit again. I'm not saying that it is or isn't good for society, but comments like these repeated over and over sure makes it seem that way!
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 03 Sep 08
       
      I have gotten the impression over the years that anything that is really good for the society has some sort of flaw in it and they come out sooner or later. But i do agree that when i keep seeing the fact that they are trying to please everyone it does keep me intuned.
  • vast unused
    • Ashlee Duckworth
      Ashlee Duckworth on 02 Sep 08
       
      Words like these make the space seem unlimited. These words make me feel as if there are no problems with using the space and even if there were problems, there is so much that it wouldn't matter anyway!
  • far lower cell phone and Internet access bills
    • Charlotte Randolph
      Charlotte Randolph on 02 Sep 08
       
      When soemthing like this is said, it really catches my attention, I mean who doesn't want lower bills!
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 03 Sep 08
       
      I definately agree, with the way the economy is and not knowing if it is going to get better. Who would not want to save some extra cash.
  • far lower cell phone and Internet access bills.
    • Ashlee Duckworth
      Ashlee Duckworth on 02 Sep 08
       
      This comment makes me want to sign the petition for the sheer fact that I will be saving money!
    • Ashlee Duckworth
      Ashlee Duckworth on 02 Sep 08
       
      They didn't provide any information on what this will do to the environment, if anything at all. Just thought I'd mention that!
  • public interest here is paramount
    • Charlotte Randolph
      Charlotte Randolph on 02 Sep 08
       
      Comments like this get people's attention. It makes me think, wow they are thinking of what is best for me and the rest of the public.
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 03 Sep 08
       
      This is going to make an incredible amount of money when everyone has to switch over to digital cable, because EVERYONE who watches TV will have to.
    • Natassia Watson
      Natassia Watson on 05 Sep 08
       
      It would be great if this wireless revolution ever came to pass but not just because we would all save a lot of money. I also think that in the same way that everyone in the entire country has access to some form of TV even if they don't have cable we should all have free access to the internet. There are still a considerable amount of Americans who don't have regular internet access and so for them this could really be life changing.
  • broadcast in digital only starting in 2009
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 03 Sep 08
       
      This is going to make an incredible amount of money when people switch over to digital cable. EVERYONE who watches TV will be required to.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 03 Sep 08
       
      I did not necessarily think that this switch was going to affect everyone. I thought it was only going to affect those who still had standard cable. What about for people that have Satellite? or for People that have the Verizon Fios? Alot of companies offer pretty cheap starter plans and special promotional packages,and make you sign a contract and get you that way so you can't go anywhere. Anyone know if it for sure is affecting everyone?
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 05 Sep 08
       
      You are correct it will only affect people who have standard cable. If you have satellite or even a television with a built in digital tuner you will be unaffected. While in my opinion, google is only trying to persuade the readers to sign their petition so that they can make more money, they also appeal to the readers by saying that it will save them money on their internet and phone bills, which is an extremely effective way to grab the readers attention. Who doesn't want to save money? I didn't know that so much of the "white space" isn't being used, nor did I know what "white space" was, but the fact that they explain just how much isn't been used catches the readers attention. They say that freeing the white spaces is "crucial" to the future of the internet. Using words like crucial makes it seem even more important and urges readers to sign the petition.
    • Sean McMillan
      Sean McMillan on 03 Sep 08
       
      This helps to establish a connection with the reader. By them stating this will help their company but then go on to explain that it's not their driving force helps comfort the reader.
    • Denise Sanchez
      Denise Sanchez on 04 Sep 08
       
      I agree with Sean. Google addresses the fact that they will profit from the use of free "white spaces." Their honesty towards the public does create a sense of comfort and trust. To further support their position, they present the readers with benefits they would acquire such as lower prices on phone bills and internet access.
  • better access to the Internet
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 03 Sep 08
       
      When something as already as good as the internet that is used just about everyday can be improved, who wouldn't want that? Throwing in phrases like this, especially if they are true, really catch my interest.
    • Bob The Builder
      Bob The Builder on 04 Sep 08
       
      Access to the internet is already remarkable, I can barely imagine how much more it could improve. If they were to "free the airwaves", web opportunities would greatly improve society.
  • signing our petition
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 04 Sep 08
       
      After reading the petition, I believe that this is a good idea. In the area where I grew up in Illinois, if you do not live in town, it is almost impossible to get high speed internet. My sister lives 10 miles outside of the town in which we grew up and she can only get a dial-up connection. Also, speaking from experience where you are doing an immense amount of research for a class project- a wireless high speed connection in the classroom is a saving grace for those students whose only access to the internet may be limited to what they have at school.
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 05 Sep 08
       
      I agree, I came from a really small town where it would have been amazing to have wireless internet, or even anything above dial-up. I just didn't have the patience to even experience the internet because it took forever. Once I came and lived in the city I didn't know how I survived before. I think it would be quite an amazing thing for everyone to have acess to the internet in this sort of way.
    • Brandon Cruz
      Brandon Cruz on 05 Sep 08
       
      I agree as well. This would also give people who can't afford internet better access to it, especially for school.
    • Ryan Meehan
      Ryan Meehan on 08 Jan 09
       
      Great discussion...
  • Three-fourths of the white spaces are completely unused today
    • Bob The Builder
      Bob The Builder on 04 Sep 08
       
      Stating the fact that only a quarter of the white spaces are used was an excellent way to start off their argument. Society has done so many excellent things with just this small portion of white space, imagine what can be done with the other three quarters.
    • Hinal Patel
      Hinal Patel on 05 Sep 08
       
      After doing a little research on what "white spaces" were, it is amazing that three-fourths of them are unused. I think this opportunity will make wireless much more efficient. I agree with the point above because using this fact is truly a great way to start the argument because it gets the readers attention. It may seem a little hectic to switch to total wireless, but with all the other options given, the switch seems like nothing.
    • Ryan Meehan
      Ryan Meehan on 08 Jan 09
       
      Example comment...
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 05 Sep 08
       
      The article uses many different, and effective, ways to draw the reader in and to persuade them. The first paragraph states that a wireless revolution could be reached including "numerous new products and services." This is an effective way to draw readers in and make them want to continue reading. I mean, who doesn't want to be exposed to all these new and exciting products and services? They state two different times that they would like the reader to make their opinion heard-in the last paragraph, and also in the paragraph in which they say, "we hope you'll add your voice…by signing our petition." This can also be an effective way to persuade the reader because they are not only saying it once, but twice. The reader may feel important after "making [their] voices heard." They are honest about why they "care" about the issue and later state that they are not trying to speak for individuals other than themselves, but they are just trying to explain why they believe it is so crucial. This is persuasive in a way because it allows the reader to trust them. Also, the word "urge," although a small word, has a big meaning-it makes the reader feel like it is urgent to do what they are telling them to do.
  • far from certain
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 05 Sep 08
       
      I think the use of this phrase emphasizes the argument that the other option is better and faster.
  • We hope that once you've explored the facts for yourself, you'll want to make your voice heard
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 05 Sep 08
       
      The authors at Google do a great job of grabbing the reader's attention by speaking of the technological advances that would result from the global accessibility of "white spaces." The promise of technological progression is appealing for good reason. Advancements in modern technology are taking place at a mind-blowing rate, and people are excited to see what the future has to offer. Google makes an attempt to form a relationship with the reader by suggesting that they are teaming up with multiple companies to benefit not only themselves, but "society in general." This gives the reader the impression that Google shares the same views and supports similar causes. Google really gets people excited when they mentioning the words "lower" and "bills" in the same sentence. The thought of saving money really grabs people's attention, which is probably why this information was presented at the end of the article. The art of grabbing onto the reader and leaving them with a good impression was well executed in this article.
  • to the future of the Internet
    • Brandon Cruz
      Brandon Cruz on 05 Sep 08
       
      It's more like it's crucial to the profit increase of Google. Not that I'm against it but this whole article is trying to pursuade us to to sign this petition so Google can get more hits and way more money. It's just funny how they make it sound like they "care" so much. Like I said, though, I will proabably sign it.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Sep 08
       
      I think the writers of this article did a very good job pursuading their readers that this change would be in their best interest. First of all it is very informative and tells you what the "white spaces" are and what would be accomplished by making them more available for use. After reading this people will want to know more about the "new products and services" and also about the "future of the internet" and the "far lower cell phone and internet bills." All of the techniques used were very pursuasive and made you trust their opinion.
  • more people doing web searches and using our software products
    • Jonathon Ellington
      Jonathon Ellington on 06 Sep 08
       
      I feel that this is ultimatly a capitalist venture that is relitivly unconcerned with its users. Google is just trying to forward their agenda and monopolize the internet. Huge profits for them, and what will this give us the consumer? Less of a wait time for mindless distraction on sites such as facebook and online games.
  • kick-start a revolution in wireless technology,
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 08 Dec 08
       
      I think this is amazing. It is just another step towards becoming more technological. I think there is almost a limitless amount of stuff that can be done with technology and that I think is main focus for many in todays world.
  • This fall, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) will decide whether to make this spectrum available for anyone to use.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 08 Dec 08
       
      I'm not sure exactly why this would not be made available. What are some of the downfalls of having this. Are there any?
  • will enable a new generation of innovation and competition from which consumers -- especially those to whom the white spaces could soon deliver high-speed online access -- should benefit tremendously
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 08 Dec 08
       
      Isnt this what it is all about. Access would open up new arenas for improvements and innovation I think.
  • free the airwaves now.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 08 Dec 08
       
      Here is a pretty good, clear and concise statement. We obviously know what the purpose of this article is.
  • Ryan Meehan on 02 Sep 08
     
    Read through the argument presented by Google here and assess the approach the author or authors have taken in order to be persuasive. Is there anything regarding the presentation of their argument that stands out to you? Feel free to "highlight and comment" on specific excerpts (as you did last week with "What are you good at?") OR you may choose to leave a "floating sticky note" anywhere on the page by clicking the drop down arrow next to "Comment" and choosing "Add a floating sticky note to this page." Additionally, you may choose to respond to a comment already written by one of your classmates. Should you choose this approach, please note that simply agreeing or disagreeing is not sufficient. You must explain why.
  • Sean McMillan on 03 Sep 08
     
    Make no mistake: open access to this unused bandwidth would surely be good for our own bottom line (not to mention those of many of our industry peers);
Janice Perez Rivera

Vincent DiDomenico - 0 views

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    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 28 Nov 08
       
      I agree with the comment that conveience can at time bring laziness.... before I got to that sentence as I was reading that same thought came to my mind.
  • lest their message be skewed or viewed
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 29 Nov 08
       
      This sentence could have a better flow. Maybe try "Unless their message was skewed or viewed...etc.
  • One from the sovereignty group might say the FP group didn’t put enough concerning their issues in
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 29 Nov 08
       
      this sentence needs to be structured better. especially starting at the "FP group didn't put eough conncerning their issues in" it seemed like to me when I read this sentence that the word "concerning" did not fit, in that particular sentence.
  • ...4 more annotations...
  • These kinds of disagreements are the biggest enemy to any group or person fighting against social injustice, as they can hurt the team effort, and can cause the finished product to look sloppy. This could also put their message out as looking skewed or disorganized,
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 29 Nov 08
       
      Good point.... It is also easier for a person to commplain about another group or person over the internet because they don't have to see the person...... things like this happen all the time in regular groups or organizations as well.
  • picking up a book and reading takes too long, or is too uninteresting.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 29 Nov 08
       
      try to stay away from "extra words" such as too, or, and etc, (suggestion for this sentence) ...picking up a book and reading it takes too long or is uninteresting.
  • comprise
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 29 Nov 08
       
      overall I feel that this is agood paper. Just a little more review and I think you will de great. Just don't forget to place your bibliography.
Cybil Scott

Winn Project 3 - 0 views

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  • he environment is by saving paper they offer free online cards t
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      might want to revise this sentence
  • ng their environme
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      the enviroment?
  • Not only do they inform the reader about issues but they also tell them how this hurts our environment and ho
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      POV switch
  • ...2 more annotations...
  • Their layout makes the page very user friendly and easy to navigate. The font is easy to read and the color scheme they use (green) is very appropriate for their cause. The site is very organized which makes it simple for the reader to find what they are looking for. They use clickable images with clever pictures and witty slogans on them to navigate the readers to their featured campaigns. The rest of the images on their page are also very appealing and aptly placed.
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      very was used like 4 times. a bit distracting
  • I can’t wait to continue my activity with this organization and see all of the things that they can make happen!
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      you might want to elaborate more on how it made you feel personally, more reflective?
Cybil Scott

Alex Gutierrez - 0 views

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  • Equal access to clean water, healthcare, education, influence in political issues, and access to systems within a society are all social injustices that plague our world. Many individuals have come together, forming groups and communities in an a
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 28 Nov 08
       
      I dont see how any of these are social injustices.
  • poverty
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 28 Nov 08
       
      corruption
  • The choices were made indirectly for them, and without money and power had no say or influence.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 28 Nov 08
       
      This sentence needs to be changed. Watch sentence structure
  • ...13 more annotations...
  • The second reason is political ineptitude, or lack of influence due to religion, ethnicity or gender. Rwanda is made up of many different tribes.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 28 Nov 08
       
      Dont understand this sentence
  • By supporting those that have been directly affected provides a foundation with which they can gain confidence to take action.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 28 Nov 08
       
      I dont understand this sentence completely.
  • The main goals of social injustice groups are to put an end to harsh societal realities, and help the downtrodden to recover.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 28 Nov 08
       
      You can never eliminate them completely
  • Some may find this statement to be ironic in the fact that social injustices are due to humans taking advantage of others.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 28 Nov 08
       
      I dont completely agree with this Alex
  • where the strong survive.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 28 Nov 08
       
      In this situation I do not completely agree. The strong dont survive genocide.
  • somewhat
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      repetitive
  • affects
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      effects
  • American’s
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      no apostrophe here
  • Tutsi’s
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      no apostrophe
  • 2 U.S.
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      write out the numbers
  • believe that humans should have a somewhat innate human condition
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      they do? and what does that mean exactly?
  • So I plan to stay active in the ONE community and do my small parts in helping our world progress
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      i dont feel as if this essay was about personal reflection. how did you feel, how did you interact with the online community?
  • but to some, however crazy it sounds is logical in their eyes
    • Cybil Scott
      Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08
       
      should probably fix this sentence
Janice Perez Rivera

Brian Russo - 0 views

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  • The moderator or administrator of the website uses a great amount of Pathos in order to really appeal to the hearts of his readers, because you have to be a pretty cold person to not feel bad at all for an animal who closes its’ eyes and cries moments before it is murdered, time and time again.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Nov 08
       
      This is a good example of pathos. It even made me feel bad for the animals.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Nov 08
       
      I think you should cut off your introduction before you go onto describing the pathos. Otherwise, it's a realy good introduction. You introducted your topic and your opinion well.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Nov 08
       
      Actually, I think you could just take out the pathos part and put it somewhere else in the essay, and continue the introduction.
  • provides lots
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Nov 08
       
      I think you should use the word "a lot" or "many" instead of "lots."
  • ...12 more annotations...
  • the reader can truly feel the pain of that animal.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Nov 08
       
      I think this is an logical absolute. You're assuming something about the audience that may or may not be true.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Nov 08
       
      Assignment Parameters- I could see your main idea throughout the entire paper. You definitely stayed on topic and made very good points.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Nov 08
       
      Style-Point of view is appropriate. You stated your opinion throughout the paper, which is okay in this type of paper. Your word choice is appropriate.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Nov 08
       
      Conventions-I didn't notice any grammar or spelling errors. You do need a Works Cited Page though.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 28 Nov 08
       
      I didn't see if you really talked about any involvement you had in the website, so maybe you should add that in towards the end.
  • I believe that they should include some of the videos that are currently posted on YouTube of the actual killings.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 28 Nov 08
       
      This is a very good point. this would be a great way of showing and building up people's emotions on what is occuring to these animals
  • The thinking capacity for the average dolphin is amazing, because they are highly intelligent.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 28 Nov 08
       
      maybe here you should add some stats on how intelligent dolphins are.
  • Warning: this meant contains mercury and puts you at risk for serious health problems
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 28 Nov 08
       
      Don't forget to put direct quotations if yoour using a direct quote "Warning.........."
  • into the lunches of school students!
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 28 Nov 08
       
      wow... I never knew .... that. That is crazy!!
  • to try
  • meat to try to raise
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 28 Nov 08
       
      should be and try to raise the public's...etc.
  • especially when the meat from the kills is contaminated
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 28 Nov 08
       
      tr to make this flow a little better.
Angel Aramayo

Angela Moneck - 0 views

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  • news-just
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 27 Nov 08
       
      Maybe use a comma here.
  • issues coming
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 27 Nov 08
       
      ...issues, and come together...
  • their opinions out there
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 27 Nov 08
       
      Maybe reword this. Something like, "to express their opinions."
  • ...5 more annotations...
  • The online community I chose to analyze is called Care 2 (Make a Difference). This community fights for several different causes including human rights, the environment, health care, animal welfare, and education.
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 27 Nov 08
       
      I'm not sure the first sentence is totally necessary. Maybe you could incorporate the name of the online community in the beginning of the second sentence.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 28 Nov 08
       
      yes i agree that the name of what you are supporting should standout and be in the beginning of your paper.
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 27 Nov 08
       
      I don't think the word "that" is necessary, and can be eliminated in most cases.
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 27 Nov 08
       
      Be sure to add parenthetical documentation after quotes.
  • I signed a petition called “Stop segregating with colors.”
    • Garrett Granger
      Garrett Granger on 27 Nov 08
       
      Try not to start consecutive sentences with the same words.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 28 Nov 08
       
      As garrett said starting the sentence with the same beginning words makes it seem repetitive.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 28 Nov 08
       
      I think the paper is pretty good. a few minor mistakes that you find in every first draft. I think the flow of the paper is pretty good. a few repetitive statements but other than that i think it is pretty good. also i would start incoporating or introducing your topic or your website a little earlier in the paper, like the first or second paragraphs.
Meghan Winn

ENC 1102 Project III - 0 views

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    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 26 Nov 08
       
      So far the paper isn't bad at all. It is very informational and well written. You use a lot of good details and everything is clear and understandable.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 26 Nov 08
       
      In the paragraphs you have written you mainly just give details about Africa. When you continue writing I would make sure you address the topic more and tell of the websites visual rhetoric and your involvement in thier webpage. You should also try to critique their page and maybe give some ideas of your own.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 28 Nov 08
       
      Like Meghan said so far what you have is not that bad at all. I think the paper flows together very well and you have more than enough details in the first 2 paragraphs. I am assuming that there is going to be more written so be sure to address the visual rhetoric of the website that you viewed.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 28 Nov 08
       
      Again just make sure to include what you did and how you interacted with the website. anything that they did that caught your interest or anything that you did in regards with involvement on the website.
Michael Gutierrez

The World Wildlife Foundation... - 0 views

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  • they way they live
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      regarding the way
  • By not saving animals the human race is hurting itself. Once people figure out they are all here for each other is when things will really start to change.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      I completely agree. That is awsome that you are all about conservation. I feel alot of the same thats cool.
  • It about being responsible for my actions.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      100% true
  • ...9 more annotations...
  • If I can’t kill it I shouldn’t eat it, so I’ve taken a stance on not eating beef or pork.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      Dont really understand this here, maybe elaborate a little more here.
  • The World Wildlife Foundation is
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      I think this paragraph should be a bit stronger. The opening paragraph is very important. You really need to give a good idea about what the paper is going to be about.
  • I grew to love and respect nature
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      I was brought up to love and respect nature
  • advocated
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      advocate
  • and because I love the study of life so much.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      This sentence sounds a little akward. Just watch sentence structure
  • However, the simple action of even discussing this paper
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      This is a good sentence
  • and information the site
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      information on the site
  • Clicking on the “Good Stuff” tab lead me to a place where WWF merchandise is sold.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      Where you describe the website is very good and very important.
  • trustworthy site for a great cause, and I felt a little bit better about the world after I joined.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 28 Nov 08
       
      like your opening paragraph, your conclusion needs to be much stronger. It actually should relate back to the opening paragraph.
Michael Gutierrez

Gutierrez Michael - 0 views

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  • Countries around the Globe
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 25 Nov 08
       
      Countries and Globe do not need to be capitalized.
  • Countries and Continents
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 25 Nov 08
       
      These don't need to be capitalized either.
  • After reviewing all the research I had collected, I decided to concentrate my efforts on the Continent of Africa. The social injustices and corruption concerning Africa is mind boggling.             For this particular assignment I decided to get involved with ACORD.
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 25 Nov 08
       
      This part sounds very redundant. I would try rewording this in a way so it doesn't sound so bland. You use the phrase "I decided" within two sentences of each other and they sit almost directly on top of one another.
  • ...6 more annotations...
  • It is an Africa
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 25 Nov 08
       
      I'm guessing you mean "African"
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 25 Nov 08
       
      Overall, fairly well written. There are several grammatical errors, and words that are capitalized that don't need to be. I thought we were only supposed to write about one online community, not a variety- so I'm a little confused on that end. Maybe you could center your focus to a couple of sites and list them, that way it seems a little more credible and people who may become interested in can have a starting point as to where they get involved.
  • Since the beginning of human existence societies have had to deal with social injustices. Many wars have been fought concerning social injustices.
    • Michael Gutierrez
      Michael Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      Maybe try and combine these two sentances here.
  • Poverty and social inequality, around the world, is mainly caused by corruption. ACORD understands that in order to decrease poverty and social inequality it must halt corruption.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      where did this fact come from and is it a reliable source.
  • they do nothing to help the overall situation.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      doesnt really make sense. of course they are doing something to help the situation. Maybe reword this to make it sound not so contradicting.
  • poverty is just the tip of the iceberg.
    • Alex Gutierrez
      Alex Gutierrez on 27 Nov 08
       
      good analogy
Meghan Winn

Hours upon hours of searching... - 0 views

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  • provided
  • Their dedicated team took over the extremely valuable work provided by Schwab Learning, another non-profit that was the pre-curser to GreatSchools from of January of 2008 and all the information once provided by the Schwab Learn will be incorporated into the GreatSchools website.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      this sentence is very confusing
  • provided
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      change of tense (providing)
  • ...30 more annotations...
  • provides parents, guardians, and concerned citizens a voice
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      i think you mean it provides them a place to voice their issues
  • in a form of a forum.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      'in the form of a forum' might make more sense
  • would have proven
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      'could' might be more appropriate since the site is still there and still has users
  • which by being ignorant is a social injustice in itself.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      kind of makes the sentence confusing
  • you understand your
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      avoid the words 'you' and 'your'.. remember the point of view writing tip that we were supposed to read a few weeks ago!
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
  • difficulty whether
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      if there supposed to be a connecting word here?
  • But it is very impossible to do it
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      confusing.. what is 'it'?
  • student
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      should be plural
  • who are more knowledgable with knowing how
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      'with knowing' should be replaced with a word like 'about'
  • Actually, not only one, several replies back actually.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      you don't need to say actually twice
  • in spreading out knowledge with dealing certain situations.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      doesn't make sense
  • responded to
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      you should add something like 'with the idea' between these two words
  • incorporate the schoolwork to basketball
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      kind of confusing.. might make more sense to say 'relates the schoolwork to basketball' or 'incorporates their schoolwork and basketball'
  • The fact of the matter is that by using certain sites one can fight the right fight if one can believe in it.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      sentence is not very clear
  • picture has
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      'shows' might make more sense than 'has'
  • in depicting in
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      confusing
  • you, the parent or guardian, the chance to be this teacher with your child. Though recall that it doesn't mean that it requires you to peer over your child's shoulder, it requires you to help your child in any manner possible because in the end of your child's life, the biggest teacher was you.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      refer back to what I said about avoiding you and your earlier.. you use them a lot in these sentences
  • to make
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      'use' could sound better
  • matter that can through
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      not very clear
  • what you
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      POV- avoid 'you'
  • in search for help
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      'in search of help' might make more sense
  • In the future, I hope this site gets more and more popular as the years progress.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      you don't need to say both 'in the future' and 'as the years progress'.. they kind of mean the same thing
  • finding
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      change of tense
  • get the education they deserve
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      this is not needed and makes your sentence sound very repetitive
  • future ,
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      no space needed
  • behind in life for the rest of their lives.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      word choice makes this sound confusing
  • If being an activist becomes a problem then it is no longer activism.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      what does this mean?
  • persuading
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08
       
      change of tense
  • It is as simple as that.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 26 Nov 08
       
      repetitive.. you just used this sentence
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 26 Nov 08
       
      You use some very good details and have some good ideas for improving this webpage.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 26 Nov 08
       
      You had some confusing sentences but I'm sure if you fixed those your paper would be much more clear and easy to read.
Dena Rennie

Natassia Watson - 0 views

docs.google.com/View

shared by Dena Rennie on 25 Nov 08 - Cached
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 25 Nov 08
       
      You did a fantastic job with this project, I really can't think of anything to add to help you make revisions. About the only thing I can think of would be to give the what the acronym UNICEF stands for, but you did explain what it does, so that is useful as well. Overall, this is a great paper- hope you do well!
Ryan Meehan

MediaStorm: Common Ground by Scott Strazzante - 0 views

www.mediastorm.org/0023.htm

strazzante mediastorm farming agriculture symmetry common ground photography multimedia

shared by Ryan Meehan on 12 Nov 08 - Cached
  • Ryan Meehan on 12 Nov 08
     
    On July 2, 2002, Jean and Harlow Cagwin watched as their home - the last remnant of their 118-acre cattle farm in Lockport, Illinois - was torn down clearing the way for a new housing development. Several years later, Ed and Amanda Grabenhofer and their four children moved into the new Willow Walk subdivision, their house just yards from where the Cagwin's home once stood.
Angel Aramayo

Shekenah WhitneyProject2 - 0 views

docs.google.com/...View

shared by Angel Aramayo on 05 Nov 08 - No Cached
  • While both Obama and McCain use ethos, pathos, and logos in their speeches and/or media presentations one candidate uses them more effectively than the other.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      good opening paragraph!
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      i think 'and/or' just needs to be 'and
  • opens his speech with a personal anecdote about how war affected
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      change of tense between 'opens' and 'affected'
  • goes on the say,
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      i think you mean 'goes on to say'
  • ...11 more annotations...
  • the main characteristic that he used was in using
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      this part of the sentence doesn't make sense
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 08 Nov 08
       
      yeah i think you just have a few to many words in this sentence. Sentences don't always have to seem or be complex to get the point across.
  • and or
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      this should just be 'and'
  • rhetoric
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      what kind of rhetoric?
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 08 Nov 08
       
      When you make statements like this, like meghan said i think it would be good to back up the statement with different examples of rhetoric
  • in this speech
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      This is not needed you already said 'in Obama's speech' at the beginning of this sentence.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 08 Nov 08
       
      yeah try not to say the same thing twice in the same sentence
  • terroists
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      correctly spelled 'terrorists'
  • statements mean that
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      these words make the sentence confusing
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 08 Nov 08
       
      Yeah i think if you re-structered the sentence it would help
  • a man that
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      i think it would be more clear if you just said 'that he'
  • and Iraqi
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      missing quotation mark here
  • This is a hinderence because his argument
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      i think it would be more clear to say 'this hinders his arguement because'
  • Obama also used logos throughout his argument such as
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      this is kind of confusing.. it might be better to say 'obama also used logos throughout his argument in statements like'
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 08 Nov 08
       
      i really do not get what this is suppose to be? All it states is that he used logos. why not back it up with examples of logos
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      Your last paragraph introduces new topics and issues that you had not previously discussed. I can't tell if it is supposed to be your closing or not because if so it doesn't really support the rest of the paper.
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      you used a lot of quotations but never cited where they came from
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      you did a good job using the correct point of view and you used a lot of good details
    • Meghan Winn
      Meghan Winn on 05 Nov 08
       
      The organization of your paper was very good. It helped your ideas be easily understood and also helped the flow of the paper.
Janice Perez Rivera

Angela Moneck - 0 views

docs.google.com/View

shared by Janice Perez Rivera on 07 Nov 08 - Cached
  • It is the act of writing or speaking effectively. This “essential element of human action” includes many different forms
    • Charlotte Randolph
      Charlotte Randolph on 07 Nov 08
       
      These two sentences to me seem kind of choppy. They are complete sentences but I feel like they could be combined.
  • Ethos relies on the character of the speaker. Pathos evokes emotion from the audience and logos relies on logic or reason to prove a point.
    • Charlotte Randolph
      Charlotte Randolph on 07 Nov 08
       
      Try to combine these sentences too.
  • Although Biden does not agree with the war at this point, at the beginning, he greatly supported the invasion of Iraq. Since then, he has now become one of the “war’s toughest critics.”
    • Charlotte Randolph
      Charlotte Randolph on 07 Nov 08
       
      Wow I didn't know that he supported it in the beginning.
  • ...5 more annotations...
    • Charlotte Randolph
      Charlotte Randolph on 07 Nov 08
       
      You need to write more, it is supposed to be 1250 words minimum.
  • In the only 2008 vice presidential
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 07 Nov 08
       
      take out the word only. it's extra .. In the 2008 vice presidential....
  • The war hits close to home with the vice presidential nominee. His son Beau is now in Iraq. He commented that he did not want his son going, but also does not want his grandchildren to have to go back later on
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 07 Nov 08
       
      very interesting point. I did not know that the war for him was so close to home like you stated. i also did not know that he supported the war at first.
  • “How we leave [Iraq] makes a big difference.”
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 07 Nov 08
       
      notice how he used the word "we" which makes the audience really connect with him. Because we includes everyone.
  •     Sarah Palin seems to feel more comfortable with oral rather than written communication. In her oral communication, it is obvious that she holds back nothing.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 07 Nov 08
       
      this is a very good and interesting point that you brought out
Janice Perez Rivera

Sean McMillan - 0 views

docs.google.com/View

shared by Janice Perez Rivera on 07 Nov 08 - Cached
  • he just feels that he doesn’t have the right personality to run the United States.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 07 Nov 08
       
      That last sentence does not flow as well as it should.I think it's the word run "personality to run the United States" Maybe you should try,...he just feels that he doesn't have the correct personality to lead this country. or you can use the United States.
  • George bush
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 07 Nov 08
       
      Make sure you capitalize Bush
  • When addressing and issue or speaking to the audience,
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 07 Nov 08
       
      Instead of using and use an issue.
  • ...2 more annotations...
  • This theme was a great example of ethos, where he connected to people’s emotions with something they deal with everyday and love dearly, the family.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 07 Nov 08
       
      This is a very valid point on how he connected with the middle class. Just a suggestion another way that Obama connected with the middle class and getting them to feel connected to him in someway were they feel like he completely understands them was by advertisement through the internet... not just his websites but through facebook and myspace. That is how he reach to college students. Also the radio.
  • He a great example of someone
    • Janice Perez Rivera
      Janice Perez Rivera on 07 Nov 08
       
      He is a great example of someone verses He a great....
Brian Russo

Cybil Scott - 0 views

docs.google.com/...View

shared by Brian Russo on 07 Nov 08 - No Cached
  • If a person speaking appears uncomfortable or unsure about what they are saying, the audience will perceive their ethos and credentials as untrustworthy, and persuasion will not work.
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 07 Nov 08
       
      good point
  • slow steady controlled speech
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 07 Nov 08
       
      commas
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 07 Nov 08
       
      good examples of ethos logos and pathos
  • ...4 more annotations...
  •     I believe
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 07 Nov 08
       
      no first person
  • I found
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 07 Nov 08
       
      no first person
  • It gives him more credit over his competition with Barack Obama
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 07 Nov 08
       
      reword
  • us feel
    • Brian Russo
      Brian Russo on 07 Nov 08
       
      us to feel
Charlotte Randolph

Janice 1 - 0 views

docs.google.com/...View

shared by Charlotte Randolph on 03 Nov 08 - No Cached
  • Barak Obama
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 03 Nov 08
       
      You might wanna double check the spelling on that, I'm pretty sure it's "Barack."
  • Right now this country needs a collectivist mindset.
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 03 Nov 08
       
      This seems to be the general thesis of the paper, but I don't see any evidence truly supporting this statement. It goes from trying to state that McCain is wrong for the job, but then you go on to discuss their rhetoric of the debate, and not mentioning anything on why Obama would be the better candidate, or supporting evidence of why McCain has an individualistic mindset.
  • compassionate
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 03 Nov 08
       
      I don't think this is the right word here. I think you mean these are the issues of which he is most passionate.
  • ...13 more annotations...
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 03 Nov 08
       
      It kind of feels as if the paper ends rather abruptly. A conclusion that sort of sums the idea of the paper up might help buffer that. Also, there are a lot of grammatical errors throughout this paper that need to be gone back over- mainly missing commas here and there, and couple phrases that don't seem like the right words. Also, I didn't see any citations in the paper. You definitely need to go back through and add them into your paper.
  • s “Senat
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 03 Nov 08
       
      any time you have a direct quote, you always need a comma before the quote starts, and then before the quote ends, unless it's the end of a sentence (in which case it needs the proper punctuation). words, "Senator Obama doesn't understand,"
  • Barak Obama
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 05 Nov 08
       
      You might want to double check the spelling. I'm pretty sure it's "Barack"
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 06 Nov 08
       
      Yes, Dena is correct.
  • As a matter of fact, John McCain used a certain gesture with his hands whenever he felt the need to emphasize a point which, to me, showed a bit of frustration on his part. 
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 05 Nov 08
       
      It almost feels as if this might need to be a new paragraph. It goes from discussing his verbal rhetoric to his visual rhetoric, so maybe you might want to add more about his spoken rhetoric than on his visual rhetoric before you jump into that. Or you might want to add more about Obama's verbal rhetoric and that might add some balance.
  • Barak Obamas
    • Dena Rennie
      Dena Rennie on 05 Nov 08
       
      *Barack Obama's
  • John McCain in the other hand did not have a solution he just kept speaking about Barak Obama and what he does not understand or on how he wants to raise taxes and does not explain Obamas good reasons behind it.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 06 Nov 08
       
      This is a pretty long sentence. You could break the run on up into two sentences like this- "John McCain, on the other hand, did not have a solution. He just kept speaking about Barack Obama and what he does not understand or on how he wants to raise taxes, without explaining Obama's good reasons behind it." Something along those lines would probably make it flow a little better.
  • The gesture that I am speaking of is the balling up of his fists and shaking them until he released his thought or comment.  This simple, yet reparative gesture is what I would consider to be somewhat of an ethos characteristic of John McCain’s debate performance because he took on a type of attitude with each time he presented the gesture and it became a habit throughout his debate.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 06 Nov 08
       
      I'm not sure if I understand how his gesture is considered to be ethos. Maybe you could go further into explaining this.
  •  In comparison with the hand gestures that John McCain exhibited in the debate, Senator Barak Obama displayed a similar form of ethos characterization. 
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 06 Nov 08
       
      Again, I think you should go further into explaining how this is ethos.
  • His intent was to portray his more sensitive side and feelings about the war by mentioning an encounter he had with a family member of a 22 year old solider who died in combat in Iraq.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 06 Nov 08
       
      This is a good example.
  • Bibliography
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 06 Nov 08
       
      You need to have a works cited and an annotated bibliography.
  • Janice T. Perez Rivera
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 06 Nov 08
       
      Okay, so for some reason, it's not showing my floating sticky notes of my three topics, so I'm going to put them in here. Assignment Parameters- I think you have a start to your main idea but didn't go on further with it. Like Dena said, it seems like your thesis is that "right now this country needs a collectivist mindset." You didn't go on to explain how Obama has a colectivist mindset. Also, this statement is a bit biased. I know that it is extremely hard to keep your opinion out of a paper like this, but you could try not to make it so harsh. You may be able to say, "Unlike McCain, Barack Obama has a more collectivist mindset." Your purpose is somewhat clear, but it seems to jump around a bit at times. Organization- I think this is the biggest thing you need to work on. I see part of an introduction in the paper, but not an official one separate from the rest of the paper. You could use "Upon completeing..." to "some ways" as your introduction and maybe add a little background of what rhetoric is or something along those lines. I also didn't see much of a closing in the paper, so maybe you could sum up the main ideas of your paper into a short closing to make it more organized.
    • Angela Moneck
      Angela Moneck on 06 Nov 08
       
      Conventions-I noticed a few puncuation, spelling, and grammatical errors, so I would suggest just going back through and re-reading your paper to catch those particular errors. You need to use MLA format in the paper, including your header with your name. You also need to add in text citations.
  • Barak Obamas logo represents change “one voice can change” is part of his slogan
    • Charlotte Randolph
      Charlotte Randolph on 07 Nov 08
       
      This sentence kind of confuses me. It's how you start I think that is confusing, saying his logo represents.....try to reword it.
  • This proposition is truly important because it’s a huge change that will affect more than half of the people in America. This proposition shows change. Change is not something that many people are in favor of because change can be scary. However his logo illustrates clearly “change.”
    • Charlotte Randolph
      Charlotte Randolph on 07 Nov 08
       
      These sentences need to be conbined or changed they don't flow well together.
anonymous

Winn Project 2 - 0 views

docs.google.com/View

shared by anonymous on 06 Nov 08 - Cached
  • He goes on to share his ideas about how this situation can be resolved through the redeployment of our military, working with the Iraqi government and the support of Iraq’s refugees.
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 06 Nov 08
       
      Why not state what some of those ideas were.
  • In my opinion John McCain is more comfortable with his oral/ visual rhetoric than with written
    • Angel Aramayo
      Angel Aramayo on 06 Nov 08
       
      Back this up with why you think that.
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