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Sean McMillan

Gutierrez Michael - 0 views

    • Sean McMillan
       
      You need a concise thesis statement.
  • He quotes that National Security
    • Sean McMillan
       
      awkward wording.
  • He believes in treating all Americans equally. McCain quotes “Don’t increase taxes on anybody”. McCain wants to keep taxes the way they are. This is ethical, logical, and fair to all American citizens.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      choppy, cite quote.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      Good start on ethos, but you need to further explain all your points.
  • ...8 more annotations...
  • In all I see Obama as a better rhetorical speaker; he appears more comfortable in oral or written communication. I do view John McCain as a better candidate for the position of President of The United States.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      support you claims as to why.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      find a concise overall conclusion based on rhetoric and support whatever claims you make.
  • The President of The United States, probably the most important position in the world, will be chosen. Rhetoric, skill in the effective use of speech, will be a crucial factor in determining the next President (Merriam Websters Collegiate Dictionary). Barack Obama and John McCain, the two main Presidential candidates, must be able to persuade American citizens toward their view.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      you use the same sentence struction 3 times in a row. Mix up your structures and usage.
  • Obama convinces his audience by telling them exactly what they want to hear. Obama convinces via the ideals of logos. Most of his answers to the elements which lay before him make perfect logical sense. Obama uses pathos in his Rhetoric. One hears passion and concern in the words of Obama. Ethos can also be found in many of Obama’s ideals. Obama seems to be ethical and moral by the ideas he has presented to American citizens.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      short, choppy writing. Assumed too many social norms.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      expand on all your points and use specific examples and quotes to support your claims.
  • Essay
    • Sean McMillan
       
      Just work on your style and thought process. Your writing seems a little choppy and unconcise. Try to find a simple to the point thesis and conclusion and work on the flow of your thoght process. Also just some small grammatical and wording mistakes.
  • this.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      This paragraph seems a little lost, none of the points pertain to your thesis. Maybe combine with the previous or next paragraph, or even add some thoughts on rhetoric pertaining to these points.
  • paper.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      This paragraph gets closest to your thesis idea, try to combine this and work it in with some of the earlier information. to make a very concise simple thesis statement.
  • Works cited
    • Sean McMillan
       
      mla format?
  • Iraq).
    • Sean McMillan
       
      this is a lot of good information, you just need to work in explanations from what all this means as far as obama's approach to rhetoric. Maybe how the audience would react to all these points.
Dena Rennie

Project 2 rough draft - 0 views

shared by Dena Rennie on 06 Nov 08 - Cached
  • Works Cited
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Good job with the Works Cited and annotated bibliography.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      My floating sticky notes aren't working again, so here is my conventions critique: Conventions- The only thing I noticed was a small amount of spelling errors and that the in text MLA citations are missing. Otherwise, good job. Especially on the works cited and annotated bibliography.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Make sure if you use MLA works cited, that you use MLA paper sourcing as well. And usually you need an extra space between sources in MLA works cited, it also makes it a lot easier to read the sources.
  • different
    • Angela Moneck
       
      You've used the work "different' four times in two sentences. You could substitute this word with another word to make it more interesting.
  • He also,
    • Angela Moneck
       
      A comma is not needed there.
  • ...12 more annotations...
  • throught he
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Speling error.
  • Also, he appeals to the veryday people with comments like that on his website that say, “I’m asking you to believe, not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington… I’m asking you to believe in yours.”
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Good quote.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      everyday is missing an e
  • Also, there is John McCain who has been around the presidential election process before. He has ran for President before and did not make it past primary elections. He was a part of the U.S. House of Represenatives for Arizona in 1982, and was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1986. He is someone who has been around the hustle and bustle of the Washington lifestyle. He is someone who, it would be thought, would be ready for the highest position in our country. His platform has included helping out our economy and ensuring our national security. He wants to get health care costs down to a price that is reasonable for all people. One thing that McCain differs from Obama on is the issue of Iraq. McCain believes we need to assist Iraq in becoming a prosperous country on its own, before we can back out and leave them alone.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I like how you introduced each candidate. It makes the paper flow much better.
  • McCain’s written rhetoric can be seen on his website where he describes how he plans to change our country. His main ideas and what he stands for are clear to see there. It says “Country First: Reform, Prosperity, Peace.”
    • Angela Moneck
       
      This paragraph is very short. It's a good point, but I think you can go into it further. You could do this by possibly giving another example.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      This paragraph's length makes it one of the weaker points of the essay. It starts off with a good transition, but there is no evidence to support that what he stands for on issues.
  • Each candidate uses rhetoric to appeal to their potential voters. They both use Pathos to appeal to their audiences. They appeal to the middle class by promising a change in the way they have lived their lives, by lowering taxes and getting more affordable healthcare. Obama appeals to the minorities saying that it is their time to take a stand and get out and vote, telling them that they can make a difference. Ethos is a big part of politics, because if we have no confidence in what they have stood for in the past how can we back them now. A person’s reputation is key in politics, especially in the Presidential election. This is the time when scandals become forefront, because each party is trying to discredit the other. If we aren’t confident in the person how can we be confident in the policies. Logos is used, although I’m not sure always effectively. Politicians use logic to appeal to people saying how things in our country are now and how they believe they can change them in the future. For instance, logically if we are in a state of economic crisis we want someone who plans to change that for the better.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I see where you're going with this paragraph, but I'm not sure if it's effective. I think that you need to explain individually in the paragraphs exactly what is an example of pathos, what is an example of ethos, and so on. Otherwise, I think it would be hard for people, especially people who don't completely understand rhetoric, to be able to figure out what is an example of which one.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Organization-Your organization was good and clear. With the exception of the conclusion, I wouldn't change anything.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Your organization between candidates is good, but I would probably discuss the rhetoric each candidate uses within the paragraphs in which you discuss the candidates. It would help the paper flow a little better and possibly help improve your transitions between candidates even stronger.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      And I agree with Angela, you should most definitely have evidence to backup what rhetoric method each uses. Also there are very little references in this paper to sources, which you definitely need to make sure you use. This is a really good paper and I would hate to see you lose points due to possible plagarism. Even when you paraphrase you need to cite your source.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Assignment parameters- I thnk your main idea is conveyed effectively. I feel that your purpose is clear and easy to understand.
  • adamentaly
    • Dena Rennie
       
      I could be wrong but I think this is misspelled.
  • different
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Try finding another word besides different, it has popped up quite a few times within the first paragraph, and it's a little overload. Usually you don't want to use a specific word more than two times within a paragraph (three if it's a very large paragraph, definitely no more than that)
  • Election
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Election doesn't need to be capitalized
  • There has been much debate about the candidates for this year’s election.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      This first sentence seems a little awkwardly worded.
  • bama’s Written rhetoric is clear in
    • Dena Rennie
       
      1) Written doesn't need to be capitlized. 2) This paragraph seems like it stops short. It feels there should be more depth to it. One example is easily to manipulate into saying that "well that's just a one time thing, he did this some other time." The more examples you have, the stronger your argument will be. =)
  • McCain uses visual rhetoric in his speeches and debates as well. H
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Same thing applies here as the paragraph above. The more examples you have, the stronger your argument. Make sure you have reputable sources as well.
Meghan Winn

Natassia Watson - 0 views

shared by Meghan Winn on 07 Nov 08 - Cached
  • in seeing
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this should be 'to see'
  • “the War
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'The' should be capitlized
  • to for
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'to' should not be there
  • ...24 more annotations...
  • and so
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i think it would flow better if you took these words out and just started with 'throughout' as a new sentence
  • McCain,
    • Meghan Winn
       
      comma should be before McCain not after
  • McCain’s underlying purpose
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Why do you call it underlying? I feel like that is kind of the whole point of his speech.
  • Speech
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't need to be capitalized
  • With that said he goes on to explain the mounting cost of presence not just in dollars but the amount of live that have been lost since the start of the war.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      This sentence is confusing.. it might be cleaer to say 'With that said he goes on to explain the mounting cost of our presnence in Iraq, not just in dollars, but in the amount of lives that have been lost since the start of this war.'
  • therefore our
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • and so
    • Meghan Winn
       
      I think it would flow better if you took these words out and started another sentence with 'He'
  • statement
    • Meghan Winn
       
      should be plural
  • we continuing without and
    • Meghan Winn
       
      might make more sense saying 'our continuing without an'
  • but the also
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • used ethics
    • Meghan Winn
       
      earlier you said he didn't directly discuss an ethical issues
  • Videos
    • Meghan Winn
       
      why is this here?
  • numerous and respected
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i don't think you need the word 'and' here
  • , such
    • Meghan Winn
       
      it would flow better if 'such' started a new sentence
  • uses logos to justify his position on the war, he constantly made
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you changed tense from 'uses' to 'made'
  • officials also
    • Meghan Winn
       
      should be 'officials who also'
  • whom republicans
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i think it should be 'whom are republicans'
  • that don’t support the war. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this makes the sentence a little wordy and is not needed since you already said they 'share his view of a misguided war'. it is kind of repeating yourself
  • but lack pathos
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • Such statements combined with other rhetoric effects do make this a somewhat appealing argument. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this sentence contradicts the rest of the paragraph
  • McCain would result
    • Meghan Winn
       
      might make more sense to say 'is what would result'
  • “& intolerable violence. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      no end to this quotation
  • Obama was more successful in the visual portion due to logical transition and development of his ideas.  Obama’s use of the rhetorical techniques was more forceful and poignant, he spoke with more fervor and greater deal of certainty in his position and thus was able to deliver a better argument.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you kind of discuss new thoughts here.. you might want to add another paragraph after it that ties into your main idea more and closes the paper
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You used lots of quotes throughout your paper but never cited where they came from.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You had very good details and awesome word choice! You also used the correct point of view throughout the paper and did a good job staying on topic.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Your opening is good but i'm not sure if the last paragraph is meant to be a closing since it discusses new topics. You might want to add another paragraph or make that one relate more to the rest of the paper.
Alex Gutierrez

Amanda Flores - 0 views

  • responsible
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Replace with responsibility.
  • For the candidate who wins
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Maybe replace with, "the elected candidate"
  • holds the office of head of state
    • Garrett Granger
       
      holds the office as head of state...
  • ...22 more annotations...
  • He was the son of divorced parents. He lived with his mother in the beginning of his life, and then moved in with his grandparents for the rest.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Maybe you should combine the two sentences and reword the very end. Perhaps provide the information for why he moved in with his grandparents.
  • So you can pick the best candidate for the job, you must compare each one.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Reword this sentence. Maybe something like, " In order to slelect the best candidate for the job, it's important to compare them to one another."
  • I am going to look at a speech and essay from both John McCain and Barack Obama.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      It's not necessary to tell the reader what you are going to do in this manner.
  • Both McCain and Obama did a speech
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Word choice could be better here.
  • The rhetoric used here was ethos.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Explain how this was used.
  • talks
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Tenses are conflicting here.
  • tells the people why what he plans to do is better.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      This would be a good spot to use specific examples.
  • He wrote this is show that
    • Garrett Granger
       
      He wrote this to show...
  • He uses actually numbers.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Maybe replace this sentence with a quote from the article.
  • he does use a lot of logic.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Again, provide examples.
  • By comparing all the speeches and essays rhetorically of both McCain and Obama, you could decide on a winner.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Reword this sentence and exclude the word "you".
  • I have only compared one of each on the candidates.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Try not to incorporate your own opinions in the essay.
  • you must examine and analyze the rhetorical strategies used by each candidate.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Again, reword and try to drop the word "you".
  • (Dictionary.com)
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      I would maybe reword this sentance if you can. The words are kind of awkward.
  • He is the one who has to make all decisions for the American people.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      Think about elaborating alittle more in the opening paragraph. Maybe try with a clear thesis statement.
  • s may
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      try using "are" here.
  • directly or indirectly
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      Give examples of each one here.
  • about how he knows how hard the war is on everyone, but knows we need to finish it and not back out so we don’t hurt us in the end.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      Kinf of awkward reading here. Maybe try to reword this sentance.
  • uch a personal feel to it. He was looking at the crowd the whole time,
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      very good evidence. Shows his passion.
  • tates many facts
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      maybe give a few of the facts here to back up statement.
  • Since he has fought in a war
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      good stuff here.
  • So by figuring out which politician makes the most convincing statements,
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      Which ways to we go about making this decision? Maybe elaborate a little more, and close the essay out a little stronger with examples. Other than that. Good Paper
Alex Gutierrez

https://docs.google.com/a/mail.usf.edu/View?docid=dfnk558c_1hpcjzwcm&AuthEventSource=SSO - 0 views

  • all of the world
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      One of the most powerful Countries in the World.
  • And as the end of President Bush’s term approaches, American’s final decisions become more and more important
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      I think this sentence should be rearranged. It just does not sound right to me. Also I would describe what you mean in this sentence better.
  • yeas
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      years
  • ...14 more annotations...
  • op-ed
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      What is this?
  • McCain’s reliance on factual examples to persuade the reader makes logos the primary form of rhetoric present in the op-ed.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      This a good and important paragraph for this paper. I would elaborate on this last sentence. Also remember to watch sentence structure.
  • form
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      from
  • form
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      from
  • It’s apparent from the very beginning that ethos is the major form of rhetoric being used in the speech. 
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      You need to describe this better. Really try to back up your statements.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      Why is it that ethos plays a role here. Maybe want to give a little more evidence here with some specific examples of why.
  • Like John McCain, Obama expressed his opinion on the war in Iraq and explained how he would deal with the issue if he were elected President, and again like McCain; the article included a great deal of factual information.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Watch sentence structure
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      In the above paragraph you say McCain did not have factual information. May want to look at this in a little more detail.
  • Because Senator Obama’s article relies mainly on factual information as a means to persuade the viewer, logos is the primary form of rhetoric present.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      This is a good sentence. I can see where you are coming from in this sentence when you say logos is the primary form of rhetoric.
  • disprove any untrue statements made by the Republican candidate’s party
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      What are the untrue statements?
  • Hopefully the analysis of the usage of rhetoric will allow for individuals to have a better understanding of the presidential candidates, and will be able to make an accurate decision in November.  
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      This is a good sentence in that it relates back to the opening paragraph. I would try to make your conclusion a little stronger.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      Attempt to make the conclusion a little stronger. Wouldnt be hard to do and could add alot to the affectiveness of your paper.
  • Works Cited
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      You also need an annotated Bibliography
  • McCain uses little factual information and a great deal of hypothetical situations in order to persuade his audience.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      try to stay away from point of views here. Or if he uses hypothetical situations what are they?
  • Again, there is no factual basis to support the Senator’s claims.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      Factual information is not necesarilly pertinent here because the war is not over. Maybe use something like history has shown as an example that this will not happen or something along those lines.
  • “We won’t have sufficient resources to finish the job in Afghanistan until we reduce our commitment to Iraq.”
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      This seems also to me like an opinion. What authority does the chairman have. Why would this statement be more credible than the statements and experiences that McCain has had. Maybe give a little more detail in explaining this here.
  • Obama used factual information in order to defend himself against the claims of the McCain campaign.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      What are some of these factual informations and where do they come from.
Michael Gutierrez

Alex Gutierrez - 0 views

shared by Michael Gutierrez on 06 Nov 08 - Cached
  • (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary).
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Try using a shorter defenition.
  • I will discuss ethical decision making, analyzing and observing the usage of ethos, pathos and logos throughout the presidential election process.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Dont tell the reader exactly what you are going to do. Give the reader a feel for what you are going to do.
  • Campaign ads, televised debates and speeches have all been organized specifically to communicate and persuade the American people.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      watch sentence structure
  • ...11 more annotations...
  • In a recent video interview, Jim Wallis an evangelical Christian writer and political activist discusses religious issues that Americans will be faced with
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      sentence structure
  • purposing
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      proposing
  • and success in politics
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      give some examples
  • heady the appeal of a call to arms, however just the cause, we should still shed a tear for all that is lost when war claims its wages from us”.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      I dont think I would use a qoute that is this big. It allmost takes up the entire paragraph
  • has learned
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      has had
  • purposed
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      proposed
  • his platform
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Describe his platform better. Many people will not know what it is.
  • A major issue concerning the next president will be the war in Iraq
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Try to tye your paragraphs together better.
  • McCain uses logos
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      How does he use Logos?
  • Sometimes they work out, other times they have ended with inconceivable tragic consequences
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      This appears to be a fragment
  • You be the judge
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      good conclusion. I think this paper is good in that it has many good ideas. The one thing I would look at is the flow of the paper. Keep a look out for how you word your sentences.
Cybil Scott

Throughout the entire 2008 el... - 0 views

shared by Cybil Scott on 06 Nov 08 - No Cached
  • With his use of Pathos and his ability to win over the hearts of the American people, Barack Obama appears to be out in front in the 2008 election. It seems that John McCain has run a traditional and honest campaign through his use of an Ethos-type strategy in an attempt to establish himself as experienced and able to serve, but perhaps this wasn't what the American people wanted to see this time around. George W. Bush used similar tactics to establish himself as a credible candidate, and it appears that the American people are ready for new beginnings, and primed for the "Change We Need".  
    • Cybil Scott
       
      I think you are a very good writer. It felt like I was reading something out of a newspaper which was great! However, for the purposes of rhetoric, I feel like you didn't talk directly about it enough except for the conclusion part of your paper.
Cybil Scott

As election season is in full... - 0 views

shared by Cybil Scott on 06 Nov 08 - Cached
  • One would also find out why each candidate appeals to certain groups of Americans.  To analyze these points further, we must look further into each candidate’s effectiveness in both written and verbal communication.
    • Cybil Scott
       
      the flow is really good here.
  • somewhat exclusive to some people.
    • Cybil Scott
       
      might want to edit.
  • plans to in the war
    • Cybil Scott
       
      i think you forgot a word.
  • ...3 more annotations...
  • John McCain’s written rhetoric seems to be a straightforward approach with minimal use of inclusive words, unlike Senator Obama’
    • Cybil Scott
       
      good point!
  • based on as complete
    • Cybil Scott
       
      ??
  • The urgency to vote in this election has been a constant staple in the mainstream media, especially within the last few months.  While it is important to vote, it is more important that voters be educated on the issues, so they will be inspired to vote for someone they believe will be the better pick for president.  One can find that inspiration by researching each candidate and deciding for themselves where their vote would be best placed.
    • Cybil Scott
       
      It seems like your conclusion is a bit disconnected from the rest of your paper.
Amanda Flores

With the Presidential electio... - 0 views

    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Title?
  • Through their methods of doing this
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Sounds weird for some reason, maybe you could put .... through various methods
  • we can
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      No Point of View!
  • ...24 more annotations...
  • Everyone
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      POV
  • and a s
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      in a ?
  • very good
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      very well spoken? or very intelligent public speaker maybe?
  • McCain’s campaign is fairly well fleshed out, as it has its bases in Bush’s platform
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      This sentence seems out of place. I think you were trying to use a transition, but this does not seem to fit.
    • Amanda Flores
       
      I agree.
  • uses logos
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      the use of
  • address
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      addressed
  • one war.  
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      one in war
  • allows him to
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      allows a way ... that part of the sentence sounds weird
  • worse and Iraq.
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      worse in Iraq?
  • It is interesting to note that in his visual rhetoric McCain tends to avoid approaches on Logos, instead focusing on pathos, while in his written rhetoric, such as this article, he does the opposite
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Very nice observation!
  • Obama is a very good public speaker
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Not worded right
  • ones do. 
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      No need for the word do. end it at ones.
  • s transition — despite
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Maybe use a comma, or semi colon. that dash looks weird
  • Obama uses Logos in both his visual and written rhetoric, and does so quite masterfully
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      very nice sentence. Great adjective!
    • Amanda Flores
       
      Agreed!
  • to me
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      POV!
  • Obama does not seem to focus very much on pathos, but he uses logos so well that it isn’t really necessary
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Interesting thought
  • Obama is
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Obama's?
  • t we ca
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      POV!
  • nature, speaking
    • Amanda Flores
       
      I feel like this is a run-on. I think it would sound better if you ended the sentence after nature. And start the next sentence on why or how he addressed it that way.
  • I find
    • Amanda Flores
       
      Point of view
  • and quite
    • Amanda Flores
       
      Take out and.
  • the statement out there
  • Obama is
    • Amanda Flores
       
      Obama's
  • coming, and coming soon
    • Amanda Flores
       
      It would sound better if you said: The day of the election is coming soon.
Amanda Flores

Oral rhetoric vs. Written rhe... - 0 views

shared by Amanda Flores on 06 Nov 08 - Cached
  • disagree with
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Maybe try using the word "oppose" here.
  • Some resources that support these claims are “Images in Words: Presidential Rhetoric, Charisma, and Greatness” by Cynthia G. Emrich, Holly H. Brower, Jack M. Feldman and Howard Garland,  “Survival of the Fittest: Rhetoric during the Course of an Election Campaign” by Jennifer Jerit, “Visual Rhetoric in Advertising: Text-Interpretive, Experimental, and Reader-Response Analyses” by Edward F. McQuarrie and David Glen Mick, “Support of Content and Rhetorical Processes of Writing: Effects on the Writing Process and the Written Product” by Kirsten R. Butcher and Walter Kintsch and, “The Rhetoric Institute: Notes and Comments” by Patricia Sullivan.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      I don't think it's necessary to list your sources here.
    • Amanda Flores
       
      When you are using these sources throughout your paper, you should state the person's creditablity. If not, what you are trying to back up won't be as effective.
  • these kinds of tactics are successful because “appeals that are high in emotional content will survive longer than other types of arguments.”
    • Garrett Granger
       
      This is a good example of backing your claims with factual information.
  • ...6 more annotations...
  • Jerit illuminates, “arguments that cause citizens to feel angry might inspire them to mobilize for or against a particular candidate.”
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Again, good usage of information from one of your source to support your claims.
  • Able minded Barrack Obama’s oral speech seems to be more successful than John McCain’s oral speech in their attempts to achieve persuasion.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Maybe leave this closing statement at the end of the previous paragraph. It makes this one a little confusing.
  • “Presidents who engaged in more image-based rhetoric in their inaugural addresses were rated higher in charisma.”  They say, “Followers cannot act on messages they do not hear… people who are vivid, whether in appearance, manner or speech are more salient, and hence attract more attention than those who are not.”                                                                                   
    • Garrett Granger
       
      I think you are relying too much on quotes toward the end of the paragraph.
    • Amanda Flores
       
      Instead of using all the quotes, you could summarize. There are good points, just sum them up instead of quoting.
  • In his oral speech
    • Garrett Granger
       
      It gets a little confusing the way you go back and forth when comparing the different works by each candidate.
  • The use of ethos pathos and logos were used by Barack Obama and John McCain in written and oral speeches they gave.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Be sure to seperate the paragraphs here.
  • written speech
Meghan Winn

Natassia Watson - 0 views

shared by Meghan Winn on 04 Nov 08 - Cached
  • trid to
    • Meghan Winn
       
      tried*
  • further they called their oppnents past actions into question.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      opponents* also, sentence structure is kind of confusing
  • Even though McCain used more logos in his speech, he blundered in advocating the establishment of MFI, which would be another governmental agency even though he says that “We don't need a dozen federal agencies doing the job badly”.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this sentence is confusing
  • ...2 more annotations...
  • Obama seemed to deliver a better message in that he didn’t contradict himself, constantly kept his audience engaged on topics that are of interest to them.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you need a connecting word such as 'and' between 'contradict himself' and 'constantly kept'
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You didn't really have an opening or closing paragraph. I couldn't really tell if you even used 2 written messages and 2 visual or just one of each.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You used some quotes throughout your essay but didn't ever cite where they came from.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You also did not discuss the structure of their messages, their intended audiences or how comfortable they are in either form of communication (written of oral).
    • Meghan Winn
       
      The second paragraph is a good analyzation of their rhetorical strategies. It is also good that you stated what their messages focused on because since you didn't give a works cited page and used different media than the suggested ones I wasn't really aware of what your chosen messages were about.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You did a good job with your point of view. You didn't address the reader as 'you'.
Ryan Meehan

"Rabbit" by Run Wrake - 0 views

  •  
    A thought-provoking animation by illustrator and cartoonist Run Wrake. What argument is the creator of the film trying to make? Is it clear? Is it successful?
Dena Rennie

Brian Russo - 0 views

shared by Dena Rennie on 16 Oct 08 - No Cached
  • War, and
    • Cybil Scott
       
      perhaps a semi colon here
  • states “Just
    • Cybil Scott
       
      comma after states
  • “the ‘Constitution’s “father” James Madison”.
    • Cybil Scott
       
      ?????? too many quotations?
  • ...16 more annotations...
  • that “no
    • Cybil Scott
       
      comma
  • stifle
    • Cybil Scott
       
      stifles
  • "false, scandalous and malicious writing or writings against the government of the United States, or either house of the Congress of the United States or the president of the United States."
    • Cybil Scott
       
      you may have to site this.
  • Michael Levin
    • Dena Rennie
       
      You need a tab here if it's a new paragraph. =)
  • as torture is justified only to save lives (not extort confessions or recantations), it is justifiably administered only to those known to hold innocent lives in their hands. Ah, but how can the authorities ever be sure they have the right malefactor? Isn't there a danger of error and abuse? Won't we turn into them?”
    • Dena Rennie
       
      I don't know if you're using MLA format or not- but you might need to site this at the end of the quote.
  • “Self-imposed silence is as debilitating to a democracy as censorship.”
    • Dena Rennie
       
      what's the source on this?
  • House Majority Leader Dick Armey
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Can you think of any other way to word that? I know that's his title, but that seems really awkward reading it.
  • t "We
    • Dena Rennie
       
      comma after *that*
  • McCullaghs
    • Dena Rennie
       
      need an apostrophe unless you're talking about more than one McCullagh.
  • In 1978
    • Dena Rennie
       
      you need a comma after the year.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Really good work overall, your biggest problem seemed to be grammatical errors which are the easiet to make. I don't know what sort of formatting you are using, which makes it hard to judge on what you should and should not site- but other than that I think it's a really good paper. Also- if you have your works cited page ready, that would be good to post sometime soon. Depending on what format style you used, mistakes are easily made with that as well. (p.s.- sorry it's so late, these last couple of weeks have been really hectic for me and I'm trying to get caught back up in all my classes! =/ my bad!)
    • Dena Rennie
       
      also, after reading over it once again, the last half of the paper seems a little less organized than the first half. The first part flows very well, but the last couple of paragraphs seems to jump ideas a little bit. You might try rewording the first sentences of the paragraphs and that should help it.
  • f Declan McCullagh’s dissertation on the
    • Dena Rennie
       
      you might wanna site where you found out its his dissertation. I don't think I remember reading that in the article.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      I like how you positioned these two paragraphs together since they were similar articles. I felt both had a lot of similar content and made it flow very nicely.
  • cCullaghs comments somewhat mirror those of Foner’s, as he gives a brief history
    • Dena Rennie
       
      I think this statement should probably go somewhere closer to the beginning. By now after reading the paragraph, it already seems a little bit of a given.
  • In the case of the people of Omelas, the same principles that apply to the cases of the United States apply there as well. They were a simple group of people, who were not by any means barbarians or killers, but were trying to be happy, and they needed few laws. A culture in which violent is an alien factor, innocent and without the fear of crime can truly thrive without an abundance of rules and regulations.  In the cases of situations like Abu Ghraib, the notorious prison in which prisoners were regularly executed, tortured, and forced to live under the worst conditions.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      You might wanna clarify on who wrote about these subjects since you throw four names out there, and you almost always want to write as if your audience has no idea who wrote what.
  • The New Yorker
    • Dena Rennie
       
      I wanna say this should be italicized, but I'm not entirely sure. I know something should be done to distinguish it- but I am not entirely sure what.
Sean McMillan

Angela Moneck - 0 views

shared by Sean McMillan on 17 Oct 08 - Cached
    • Sean McMillan
       
      Nice job researching, you can tell you put a lot of effort into it.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      When you get down to the last couple of analysis you should try to see if you can combine some like ideas or articles and find some nice transitional techniques to try to tie it all together. Just smooth out all your well researched information.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      Good intro, it would probably be a good idea to discuss rhetoric a little further and how it specifically pertains to your analysis of the torture debate.
  • ...8 more annotations...
    • Sean McMillan
       
      As far as style, just some run-on sentences. Cut out some commas and make some sentences a little simpler. It'll help your papers readibility.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      you need to site your quotes in the text.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      I like these paragraphs, well done. Good analysis and good use of quotes and direct examples to back your claims. Just some wording issues which is easy to fix.
  • “important to protect the rights of individuals threatened by terrorists.”
    • Sean McMillan
       
      I like the way you worked all these quotes in as support.
  • But, in my opinion, I think her story is less effective than the rest of the author’s pieces because it is not a real situation.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      point of view mix up.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      try to tie your thesis in a little more in closing. talk about the torture debate a little and how the authors use rhetoric.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      i couldn't catch many grammar mistakes, just word usage and agreement. I'm not that grammar savy so go over it pretty good.
  • If the speech was given by a student at the school, it would probably not mean as much to the listeners.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      good point.
Michael Gutierrez

Alex Gutierrez - 0 views

  • tury huma
    • Garrett Granger
       
      century, human
  • people
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Maybe use "others" here, instead of people?
  • Aristotle is “Credible,
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Aristotle is, "credible...
  • ...48 more annotations...
  • r.” (Ramage and Bean 1).
    • Garrett Granger
       
      author" (Ramage and Bean 1).
  • America and
    • Garrett Granger
       
      America, and
  • what they are.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Maybe can add: and how they have evolved into what they are today.
  • ss.”(Foner 1).
    • Garrett Granger
       
      progress" (Foner 1).
  • life, but we collectively
    • Garrett Granger
       
      life; but we all collectively have not.
  • people into what we are.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      You maybe are missing a couple of words here?? This doesn't make sense because you have not conveyed your full thought it seems.
  • is without a doubt an
    • Garrett Granger
       
      is without a doubt, an...
  • He has
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Try not to start off this sentence the same as you did the previous one. Rearrange this sentence or possibly combine the two into something like... He has succeeded in numerous accomplishments and has been honored....
  • Rhetoric plays an important role in the articles, journals, reviews, films and discussions that surround them.
  • He has
  • on certain points.
  • Every person has a personal opinion or bias on controversial issues, and it is up to each and every person to distinguish their personal and moral truth.
  • Pathos is another element
  • logos
  • which I find to be the most important to us as living, thinking individuals
  • He has been honored with respectable awards, and achievements, which add to the effectiveness and reliability of his writings.
  • Levin is well known as having controversial views
  • Levin asks a few rhetorical questions
  • Ethos can also work against people when discussing issues
  • mandatory.” He
  • People will be less susceptive to his views on social liberties than if he were a professor, historian, doctor, or other professional
  • tells a story of great happiness that depends on great misery (torture) for a small innocent child
  • Omelas
  • So, in essence, his rhetorical approach had an opposite effect on me.
  • No author wrote in their article, accept my message because I say so or because if you don’t
  • The context in which articles are published does not have great importance to me personally
  • His article discusses torture, and morality.
  • His article discusses torture, and morality.
  • barbaric.” (Levin 1)
  • emotions.” (Ramage, Bean 1).
  • Declan McCullagh, is a journalist, photographer, and programmer. In his article, “Why Liberty Suffers in Wartime”, he discusses the issue of restrained liberty in time of war.
  • is “a means of
  • environment, our relationships
  • publications she incorporates, a
  • indeed.” (Le Guinn 4).
  • minister earned
  • humanity.” (Hunsinger 1)
  • He uses
  • He uses
  • He uses
  • reasoning.” (Ramage and Bean 1).
  • beings we
  • degrees it
  • us. It
  • c that m
  • different, it allows
  • and the source of each
  • In considering
Charlotte Randolph

http://docs.google.com/a/mail.usf.edu/View?docid=dm9r52k_1fttt9t3w - 0 views

  • Although it has been used for many years by many different people, torture has been the center of many facets in society.  Many scholars have written countless articles about the subject, and it is the center of many horror films made today.  However, when the conversation turns to torture in times of war, the subject matter can become the center of a highly rigorous debate.  This is an issue that is of great significance for society today and is something that should be brought to everyone’s attention for several moral and ethical reasons.  Torture is discussed in a variety of different forms, from fiction to research, and should be examined for its authenticity.
    • Brian Russo
       
      very good intro
  • “In some circumstances, though, our only real choice, in terms of both national security and moral consequences, will be between controlled and uncontrolled torture. We gain nothing by pretending differently. In the struggle against deadly terrorism, some of world's most civilized democracies are themselves unwilling to shrink from doing what they think is necessary. Such are the times in which we live. (Slater)”
    • Brian Russo
       
      same size as rest of paper
  • “In some circumstances, though, our only real choice, in terms of both national security and moral consequences, will be between controlled and uncontrolled torture. We gain nothing by pretending differently. In the struggle against deadly terrorism, some of world's most civilized democracies are themselves unwilling to shrink from doing what they think is necessary. Such are the times in which we live. (Slater)”
    • Brian Russo
       
      same size as rest of paper
  • ...4 more annotations...
    • Brian Russo
       
      Great paper. Good content and vocabulary. paper uses strong transitional phrases and has good organization. Good job researching authors credentials and citing sources. The only thing the paper needs is a good strong conclusion to wrap everything up. Paper ends with analysis of an article and not a conclusion. Other than that, awesome paper.
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      Good job overall!
  • Jumping to a similar article
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      This sentence is structured well, but the beginning of it is kind of odd to me. Maybe you could think of another way to start this sentence.
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      Your intro is well structured!
Charlotte Randolph

Janice T. Perez Rivera - 0 views

  • In today’s society torture reminds me of “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas,” by Ursala K. Le Guin. Because society paints a prefect picture.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      This is the only time you mentioned any of the works we were assignened to read and analyze.
  • Bibliography
    • Angela Moneck
       
      This should be a Works Cited page by using MLA format.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I don't think you understood the assignment completely. You wrote more about what torture is, where it is present, what practices are used, and what's considered torture. Our assignment said to analyze the four assigned readings and talk about how the author used rhetoric to state their opinion and whether it was successful or not. Then we had to choose academic sources of our own to analyze the rhetoric and how it portrayed the writer's point.
  • ...9 more annotations...
  • The definition of torture is "the act of inflicting excruciating pain, as punishment or revenge, as a means of getting a confession or information, or for sheer cruelty."
    • Angela Moneck
       
      You can use this when you revise your paper. You could briefly talk about what torture is, then go on to explain what rhetoric is.
  • If we keep on ignoring how people around us are hurting inside or if we keep on ignoring what is right in front of us (War on Terror) this cycle of torture is not going to get better.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      This seems like it's your opinion. The assignment says to try to keep our opinions separate from the paper.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Assignment Parameters-Your paper definitely maintains a main idea, but it is not the idea that the assignment was intended to create.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Style-Your sentence structure varies and I understand what points you are trying to get across, but once again, they are not the points that need to be made in this particular paper. Your point of view, for the most part, is appropriate because you are stating facts, but as far as your opinion, you need to try to keep your opinion out of the paper completely, even though that is sometimes very hard to do.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Development-Your details do develop your main idea, but once again, your main idea wasn't what was assigned for this paper. The paper was mostly supposd to be about rhetoric and its effects on particular pieces of work. I can tell you took time to work on your paper, and if it followed the directions, I think it would be a pretty good paper, but as far as following directions, you did not. I would suggest you go back and look through the directions for the assignment again.
  • There is still torture involved with this however it is more mentally, than physically
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      Look at the different types of torture. It is not mainly mental, there are a lot of physical types of torture, too.
  • Now how torture evolved into today’s society came from these past events and many more that were not discussed. However torture now is different than what it was ten years ago. Because of the laws and regulations that are set in place. Also because we don’t want history to repeat it self even though it has before. Now that our world is high tech and information can travel all over the world in a manner of seconds we are more aware if something tragic were to occur anywhere else. This helps from another genocide occurring. One of the questions that was always asked when I was learning about the Holocaust was where was the rest of the world when all of this was occurring?
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      Look at the way these sentences are worded. A few of the don't make sense and they are choppy. Just try to reword these sentences and word them a little better.
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      Pay attention to your grammer, copy it to a word document to spell check it before the final draft.
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      Be srue to analyze the authors use of rhetoric in each article.
Brian Russo

Cybil Scott - 0 views

shared by Brian Russo on 16 Oct 08 - No Cached
  • An author
    • Brian Russo
       
      name of author
  • To begin
    • Brian Russo
       
      stronger transition
  • the given four authors that were read first each had a different perspective on the subject of torture, but were from very different sources
    • Brian Russo
       
      wordy
  • ...9 more annotations...
  • The only case where this could be debated is if the author were a victim of torture or they did it themselves, in which case would place them on a personal level with the topic.
    • Brian Russo
       
      good point
  • Which is basically what we do today when we hear about torture in the middle east
    • Brian Russo
       
      fragment
  • I will discuss
    • Brian Russo
       
      omit
  • Onto my next set of sources
    • Brian Russo
       
      omit
    • Brian Russo
       
      paper is good, just try to get out of using 1st person so often, if at all
  • in my opinion
    • Brian Russo
       
      omit
  • like me
    • Brian Russo
       
      omit
  • A great example of logos is employed in another authors stance on torture. The logical approach is as follows,“A Since   (1)just combat-killing is total destruction of a person,                 (2)torture is- usually-only partial destruction or temporary incapacitation of a person, and                 (3)the total destruction of a person is a greater harm than the personal destruction of a person is, thenB since      (4)just combat-killing is a greater harm than torture usually is;                 (5)just-combat killing is sometimes morally permissible                 (6)torture is sometimes morally permissible” (Shue 125).
    • Brian Russo
       
      structure
    • Brian Russo
       
      Overall, paper has good content and organization. All the references were used correctly and good points were made. The only things to work on are getting the paper out of 1st person, and using stronger transitions.
Ashlee Duckworth

Vincent DiDomenico - 0 views

shared by Ashlee Duckworth on 16 Oct 08 - Cached
  • rather poetically
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Nice touch, Great way to accentuate your idea.
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      You have a good paragraph here with your ideas, However I feel like there are too many questions.
  • due the
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      due to the
  • ...13 more annotations...
  • due to
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      overuse of phrase
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      ignore this comment... i dont know why it was put here!
  • due to
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      over use of the phrase
  • In this way
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      unnecessary
  •  In this way
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      unnecessary
  • historian was
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      historian, he was
  • Being a renowned historian was recognized for his works people would be much more inclined to agree with him than McCullagh’s weaker record of a few articles. 
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      This whole sentence is confusing to me!
  • The both of them
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Could just start the sentrence with "Both of them"
  • ethos and Logos
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Why is one capitalized and the other is not?
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      These few short sentences on publication are great, however I don't feel you provide enough evidence.
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      No transitional phrases!
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      This paragraph, although informational and very persuasive, does not represent the rhetorical issues the paper is supposed to deal with. I think the paper was supposed to be about how the authors used rhetoric and style to write their journals, not actually about torture.
  • So too does the personal philosophies of the many influence the personal philosophies of the few
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      WHAT?!?!?!
  • To conclude,
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Good transition
  •  
    What is the main focus of the paper? I don't really feel like the paper is getting any point across.
  •  
    Your word choice is appropriate for the audience. Could use a few more transitional phrases. Nice job keeping each paragraph on topic. Maybe you could use a couple more paragraphs to develop a main idea for the paper.
Angela Moneck

Rhetorical analysis - 0 views

  • "Why Liberty Suffers in Wartime".
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I noticed that you put puncuations outside the quotation marks in some parts of your paper, but I'm pretty sure they're supposed to go on the inside of the quotation marks.
  • He used the references to past mistakes very well but relied on them too heavily.
  • connect
  • ...14 more annotations...
  • connect
    • Angela Moneck
       
      This should be "connected," not "connect."
  • where he said "All of us today share a feeling of grief and outrage over the events of September 11 and a desire that those responsible for mass murder be brought to justice. But at times of crisis the most patriotic act of all is the unyielding defense of civil liberties, the right to dissent and equality before the law for all Americans"(foner).
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I believe that there should be a comma in between the word "said" and "All" before your quote. Also, Foner's name at the end of the quote should be capitalized.
  • One thing Foner could have improved on, like many of the other writers discussed, is his use of other professionals.  When a writer uses ideas, theories, or quotes from other field experts it makes the reader feel that he really did his homework and successfully researched and studied the topic, it almost acts as a security blanket reassuring the reader.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I think this is a very good point. It seems like you really took a lot of time to analyze the works. Good job!
  • It felt as is
    • Angela Moneck
       
      The word "is" should be "if."
  • Rhetoric is one of the most important part
  • Further proving that it's not always what you say, but how you say it.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I like the way this was said. It's very true!
  • Rhetoric, simply put, is the ability to effectively use language.  Rhetoric relies on three basic appeals to capture an audience: logos, ethos, and pathos.  Logos, or the logical appeal, bolsters an argument by supplying data, facts, or any method of logic.  Ethos, the appeal to ones emotions, connects the reader by using personal experience or "tugging heartstrings".  The last appeal, pathos, is the appeal of the publishers and writers credibility.  This being said, the four writers, LeGuin, Levin, McCullagh and Foner show how diverse rhetoric is and how a writer can manipulate any of these three appeals to gain and inform an audience.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I like your introduction. It's good that you explained what rhetoric was and how it's used because when writing pubilcly, all readers may not know exactly what you're talking about.
  • tackles
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I like that you used the word "tackles" instead of some other not-so-exciting verbs.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Conventions-I didn't mean to pick on your grammer and puncuation, but that was all I could really pick on! The rest of your paper, I thought, was very good. Most of the stuff I could critique involved small grammatical errors, (which everyone makes), especially on papers.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Oh, also, in the Conventions area, your references were correct. You used the correct format and used in-text citations, so there is definitely no plagiarism is present.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Assignment Parameters-I thought you did a VERY good job with keeping on topic. You explained everything that you needed to explain to the reader including if the author's credentials effected their work, what rhetoric they used, etc. It was easy to understand exactly what you were saying.
  • She also refers to the child as "it" helping us to understand how the child as viewed, as an "it" rather than a "whom".
    • Angela Moneck
       
      This is a very good analysis.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Style-You chose good words to use, making the paper not boring. You switched some of the verbs and descriptions you used, which is very important, especially in a long paper. Your sentences varied with construction, which is also a good thing. You kept your opinion out of the paper and kept the point of view as being non-biased.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Overall I thought your paper was very good. I can tell you really took time to analyze the works, figure out what the author was attempting to say, and answer all the questions that were assigned.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      It won't let me highlight another section that was already highlighted, but I really liked that you used "tugging heartstrings" to describe the use of pathos.
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