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Michael Gutierrez

Gutierrez Michael - 0 views

  • Countries around the Globe
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Countries and Globe do not need to be capitalized.
  • Countries and Continents
    • Dena Rennie
       
      These don't need to be capitalized either.
  • After reviewing all the research I had collected, I decided to concentrate my efforts on the Continent of Africa. The social injustices and corruption concerning Africa is mind boggling.             For this particular assignment I decided to get involved with ACORD.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      This part sounds very redundant. I would try rewording this in a way so it doesn't sound so bland. You use the phrase "I decided" within two sentences of each other and they sit almost directly on top of one another.
  • ...6 more annotations...
  • It is an Africa
    • Dena Rennie
       
      I'm guessing you mean "African"
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Overall, fairly well written. There are several grammatical errors, and words that are capitalized that don't need to be. I thought we were only supposed to write about one online community, not a variety- so I'm a little confused on that end. Maybe you could center your focus to a couple of sites and list them, that way it seems a little more credible and people who may become interested in can have a starting point as to where they get involved.
  • Since the beginning of human existence societies have had to deal with social injustices. Many wars have been fought concerning social injustices.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Maybe try and combine these two sentances here.
  • Poverty and social inequality, around the world, is mainly caused by corruption. ACORD understands that in order to decrease poverty and social inequality it must halt corruption.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      where did this fact come from and is it a reliable source.
  • they do nothing to help the overall situation.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      doesnt really make sense. of course they are doing something to help the situation. Maybe reword this to make it sound not so contradicting.
  • poverty is just the tip of the iceberg.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      good analogy
Ryan Meehan

"Rabbit" by Run Wrake - 0 views

  •  
    A thought-provoking animation by illustrator and cartoonist Run Wrake. What argument is the creator of the film trying to make? Is it clear? Is it successful?
Ashlee Duckworth

Vincent DiDomenico - 0 views

shared by Ashlee Duckworth on 16 Oct 08 - Cached
  • rather poetically
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Nice touch, Great way to accentuate your idea.
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      You have a good paragraph here with your ideas, However I feel like there are too many questions.
  • due the
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      due to the
  • ...13 more annotations...
  • due to
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      overuse of phrase
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      ignore this comment... i dont know why it was put here!
  • due to
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      over use of the phrase
  • In this way
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      unnecessary
  •  In this way
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      unnecessary
  • historian was
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      historian, he was
  • Being a renowned historian was recognized for his works people would be much more inclined to agree with him than McCullagh’s weaker record of a few articles. 
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      This whole sentence is confusing to me!
  • The both of them
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Could just start the sentrence with "Both of them"
  • ethos and Logos
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Why is one capitalized and the other is not?
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      These few short sentences on publication are great, however I don't feel you provide enough evidence.
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      No transitional phrases!
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      This paragraph, although informational and very persuasive, does not represent the rhetorical issues the paper is supposed to deal with. I think the paper was supposed to be about how the authors used rhetoric and style to write their journals, not actually about torture.
  • So too does the personal philosophies of the many influence the personal philosophies of the few
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      WHAT?!?!?!
  • To conclude,
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Good transition
  •  
    What is the main focus of the paper? I don't really feel like the paper is getting any point across.
  •  
    Your word choice is appropriate for the audience. Could use a few more transitional phrases. Nice job keeping each paragraph on topic. Maybe you could use a couple more paragraphs to develop a main idea for the paper.
Angela Moneck

Rhetorical analysis - 0 views

  • "Why Liberty Suffers in Wartime".
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I noticed that you put puncuations outside the quotation marks in some parts of your paper, but I'm pretty sure they're supposed to go on the inside of the quotation marks.
  • He used the references to past mistakes very well but relied on them too heavily.
  • connect
  • ...14 more annotations...
  • connect
    • Angela Moneck
       
      This should be "connected," not "connect."
  • where he said "All of us today share a feeling of grief and outrage over the events of September 11 and a desire that those responsible for mass murder be brought to justice. But at times of crisis the most patriotic act of all is the unyielding defense of civil liberties, the right to dissent and equality before the law for all Americans"(foner).
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I believe that there should be a comma in between the word "said" and "All" before your quote. Also, Foner's name at the end of the quote should be capitalized.
  • One thing Foner could have improved on, like many of the other writers discussed, is his use of other professionals.  When a writer uses ideas, theories, or quotes from other field experts it makes the reader feel that he really did his homework and successfully researched and studied the topic, it almost acts as a security blanket reassuring the reader.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I think this is a very good point. It seems like you really took a lot of time to analyze the works. Good job!
  • It felt as is
    • Angela Moneck
       
      The word "is" should be "if."
  • Rhetoric is one of the most important part
  • Further proving that it's not always what you say, but how you say it.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I like the way this was said. It's very true!
  • Rhetoric, simply put, is the ability to effectively use language.  Rhetoric relies on three basic appeals to capture an audience: logos, ethos, and pathos.  Logos, or the logical appeal, bolsters an argument by supplying data, facts, or any method of logic.  Ethos, the appeal to ones emotions, connects the reader by using personal experience or "tugging heartstrings".  The last appeal, pathos, is the appeal of the publishers and writers credibility.  This being said, the four writers, LeGuin, Levin, McCullagh and Foner show how diverse rhetoric is and how a writer can manipulate any of these three appeals to gain and inform an audience.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I like your introduction. It's good that you explained what rhetoric was and how it's used because when writing pubilcly, all readers may not know exactly what you're talking about.
  • tackles
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I like that you used the word "tackles" instead of some other not-so-exciting verbs.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Conventions-I didn't mean to pick on your grammer and puncuation, but that was all I could really pick on! The rest of your paper, I thought, was very good. Most of the stuff I could critique involved small grammatical errors, (which everyone makes), especially on papers.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Oh, also, in the Conventions area, your references were correct. You used the correct format and used in-text citations, so there is definitely no plagiarism is present.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Assignment Parameters-I thought you did a VERY good job with keeping on topic. You explained everything that you needed to explain to the reader including if the author's credentials effected their work, what rhetoric they used, etc. It was easy to understand exactly what you were saying.
  • She also refers to the child as "it" helping us to understand how the child as viewed, as an "it" rather than a "whom".
    • Angela Moneck
       
      This is a very good analysis.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Style-You chose good words to use, making the paper not boring. You switched some of the verbs and descriptions you used, which is very important, especially in a long paper. Your sentences varied with construction, which is also a good thing. You kept your opinion out of the paper and kept the point of view as being non-biased.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Overall I thought your paper was very good. I can tell you really took time to analyze the works, figure out what the author was attempting to say, and answer all the questions that were assigned.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      It won't let me highlight another section that was already highlighted, but I really liked that you used "tugging heartstrings" to describe the use of pathos.
Meghan Winn

Comp II Project I - Google Docs - 0 views

shared by Meghan Winn on 15 Oct 08 - No Cached
  • Ursala
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Correctly spelled Ursula K. LeGuin
  • Ursala K. Le Guin
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Correctly spelled Ursula K. LeGuin
  • Ursala’s portrayal of a typical anti hero shows the many truths about life in how an isolated child such as this main character is able to portray.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Organization- Sentence doesn't make total sense
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- Sentense doesn't make sense.
  • ...47 more annotations...
  • Ursala
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- Incorrect spelling
  • The people within this city are aware of these conditions and even though known as joyous people ignore the fact of this child and are compliant of the situation.
  • Childs
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- wrongly capitalized
  • accordance
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- order would make more sense here
  • Many cases torture can be used for greater of mankind,
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- sentense doesn't make sense
  • Many cases torture can be used for greater of mankind,
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention-sentence doesn't make sense
  • is clearly not what our government sees as a means of reliance for torture
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- sentence doesn't make sense
  • and or
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- and/or
  • Many times these instances with the small child although not acceptable in today’s society could potentially happen for mere fact of having a better life for others.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- commas are needed around "although not acceptable in today's society"
  • is revealing of torture
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- doesn't make sense
  • Levin’s
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- should just be Levin
  • and making
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- should be "and of making a choice"
  • Levins
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- Levin
  • Levins
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention-Levin
  • Levins
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- Levin
  • Levins
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- Levin
  • to join his side of the instances
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- sentence doesn't make sense
  • along with one even stating she would want to watch.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- This is wrong. The mother said she would want to administer the torture not just watch.
  • Levins
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- Levin
  • Levins
  • Levins
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- Levin
  • for the better of human kind.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- doens't make sense
  • These instances are shown very well, and also persuade the reader that may not be for these circumstances to begin seeing Levins point of view and begin to reasoning with him.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- parts of sentence don't make sense, wrong tense used for reason
  • McCullagh gives examples of how our government will when needed perform acts of torture with no knowledge
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- commas needed around "when needed", need to specify who has no knowledge
  • Many times in our history presidents have had to make tough decisions on this topic and decide to go against all odds such as Lincoln suspending the Habeas Corpus act in 1861.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- sentence changes tense
  • and considered Lincolns
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- should be "and is considered Lincoln's"
  • Although this instance is proclaimed it is also beatable by the U.S. Constitution stating that
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- sentence doesn't make sense
  • it becomes the more ethical thing to achieve from the success of saving many more lives with the sacrifice of one.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- doesn't make sense
  • Foner claims “We must accept limitations on our liberties” meaning we should accept the presidents decisions on terrorism and the effects that the president decides to secretly take on these actions.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- This is wrong. Foner is just citing "sentiments that are likely to be with us for some time to come." The article is actually about how he thinks "the most patriotic act of all is the unyielding defense of civil liberties."
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- commas are also needed around the quote
  • by bringing people right of speech
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- doesn't make sense
  • “Wired” and “The Nation” in the articles discussed tend to have a similar style of writing
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- the authors have a similar style of writing not the magazine
  • Levins
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- Levin
  • Articles by both Foner and McCullagh indicate how our government must take drastic matters into their own hands and deal with them in ways that the American public should not be aware of. These measures are important to our society and many times save thousands of lives. It seems as if in our society we are okay with these measures as long as the public does not hear of them. This ideal image of both Foner and McCullagh are imperative in the success in our American society today.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- This is wrong. As I stated earlier Foner completely disagrees with these actions and McCullagh never even says that he agress with the actions taken by our government.
  • Ultimately when reading these articles it comes clear that ethical basis comes into effect.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- doesn't make sense
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Organization- The closing doesn't really relate to the rest of the paper. Ethics is only mentioned one time before this.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Organization- There is no opening to the paper. You go right into discussing your first article instead of introducing your main idea.
  • Ursala
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- Ursula
  • Levins
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- Levin
  • Levin’s
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Convention- Levin
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Assignment Parameters- The paper does not really reflect the idea that was assigned. There is only one reference to rhetorical basis and style (pathos, logos, or ethos). You didn't always state whether the author was for or against torture. You also didn't really mention anything about the credentials or authority of any authors or sources so there was nothing about how this affects the success of the message. You also did not research any additional articles on torture so there was obviously no discussion about their specific claims or how they use situation and fact.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Organization- There are a lot of good details used in the paragraphs about LeGuin's story but many of the things talked about do not relate to the topic. The first two paragraphs are good discussion on the story but don't relate to the subject of torture and there is no mention about how this author uses rhetorical strategies.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You use a lot of good details and quotes throughout the paper but the fact that you have incorrect references and have the whole idea of Foner's article wrong might make your paper look unreliable.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      The paper doesn't tie together very well. For one of the authors you talked about rhetoric, for one you talked about different aspects of the plot and for some you gave too much review of the information in the article and not enough about the message they were trying to portray and the writing style they used to get it across to the readers.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      The paragraphs about Levin are good. You use details that help develop your ideas and also state what kind of rhetoric style he uses to persuade his readers.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      The paragraphs about McCullagh have too much review and not enough of your ideas on his writing style, message or credentials.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      The paragraph about Foner's article is really confusing to me. Not only are your references not accurate with his article but I don't understand that sentence about how he claims "his views on terrorism by bringing people right of speech"?
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Your bibliography page is also supposed to be in MLA format, not just the link to the website.
Meghan Winn

Natassia Watson - 0 views

shared by Meghan Winn on 07 Nov 08 - Cached
  • in seeing
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this should be 'to see'
  • “the War
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'The' should be capitlized
  • to for
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'to' should not be there
  • ...24 more annotations...
  • and so
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i think it would flow better if you took these words out and just started with 'throughout' as a new sentence
  • McCain,
    • Meghan Winn
       
      comma should be before McCain not after
  • McCain’s underlying purpose
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Why do you call it underlying? I feel like that is kind of the whole point of his speech.
  • Speech
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't need to be capitalized
  • With that said he goes on to explain the mounting cost of presence not just in dollars but the amount of live that have been lost since the start of the war.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      This sentence is confusing.. it might be cleaer to say 'With that said he goes on to explain the mounting cost of our presnence in Iraq, not just in dollars, but in the amount of lives that have been lost since the start of this war.'
  • therefore our
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • and so
    • Meghan Winn
       
      I think it would flow better if you took these words out and started another sentence with 'He'
  • statement
    • Meghan Winn
       
      should be plural
  • we continuing without and
    • Meghan Winn
       
      might make more sense saying 'our continuing without an'
  • but the also
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • used ethics
    • Meghan Winn
       
      earlier you said he didn't directly discuss an ethical issues
  • Videos
    • Meghan Winn
       
      why is this here?
  • numerous and respected
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i don't think you need the word 'and' here
  • , such
    • Meghan Winn
       
      it would flow better if 'such' started a new sentence
  • uses logos to justify his position on the war, he constantly made
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you changed tense from 'uses' to 'made'
  • officials also
    • Meghan Winn
       
      should be 'officials who also'
  • whom republicans
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i think it should be 'whom are republicans'
  • that don’t support the war. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this makes the sentence a little wordy and is not needed since you already said they 'share his view of a misguided war'. it is kind of repeating yourself
  • but lack pathos
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • Such statements combined with other rhetoric effects do make this a somewhat appealing argument. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this sentence contradicts the rest of the paragraph
  • McCain would result
    • Meghan Winn
       
      might make more sense to say 'is what would result'
  • “& intolerable violence. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      no end to this quotation
  • Obama was more successful in the visual portion due to logical transition and development of his ideas.  Obama’s use of the rhetorical techniques was more forceful and poignant, he spoke with more fervor and greater deal of certainty in his position and thus was able to deliver a better argument.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you kind of discuss new thoughts here.. you might want to add another paragraph after it that ties into your main idea more and closes the paper
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You used lots of quotes throughout your paper but never cited where they came from.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You had very good details and awesome word choice! You also used the correct point of view throughout the paper and did a good job staying on topic.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Your opening is good but i'm not sure if the last paragraph is meant to be a closing since it discusses new topics. You might want to add another paragraph or make that one relate more to the rest of the paper.
Dena Rennie

Project 2 rough draft - 0 views

shared by Dena Rennie on 06 Nov 08 - Cached
  • Works Cited
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Good job with the Works Cited and annotated bibliography.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      My floating sticky notes aren't working again, so here is my conventions critique: Conventions- The only thing I noticed was a small amount of spelling errors and that the in text MLA citations are missing. Otherwise, good job. Especially on the works cited and annotated bibliography.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Make sure if you use MLA works cited, that you use MLA paper sourcing as well. And usually you need an extra space between sources in MLA works cited, it also makes it a lot easier to read the sources.
  • different
    • Angela Moneck
       
      You've used the work "different' four times in two sentences. You could substitute this word with another word to make it more interesting.
  • He also,
    • Angela Moneck
       
      A comma is not needed there.
  • ...12 more annotations...
  • throught he
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Speling error.
  • Also, he appeals to the veryday people with comments like that on his website that say, “I’m asking you to believe, not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington… I’m asking you to believe in yours.”
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Good quote.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      everyday is missing an e
  • Also, there is John McCain who has been around the presidential election process before. He has ran for President before and did not make it past primary elections. He was a part of the U.S. House of Represenatives for Arizona in 1982, and was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1986. He is someone who has been around the hustle and bustle of the Washington lifestyle. He is someone who, it would be thought, would be ready for the highest position in our country. His platform has included helping out our economy and ensuring our national security. He wants to get health care costs down to a price that is reasonable for all people. One thing that McCain differs from Obama on is the issue of Iraq. McCain believes we need to assist Iraq in becoming a prosperous country on its own, before we can back out and leave them alone.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I like how you introduced each candidate. It makes the paper flow much better.
  • McCain’s written rhetoric can be seen on his website where he describes how he plans to change our country. His main ideas and what he stands for are clear to see there. It says “Country First: Reform, Prosperity, Peace.”
    • Angela Moneck
       
      This paragraph is very short. It's a good point, but I think you can go into it further. You could do this by possibly giving another example.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      This paragraph's length makes it one of the weaker points of the essay. It starts off with a good transition, but there is no evidence to support that what he stands for on issues.
  • Each candidate uses rhetoric to appeal to their potential voters. They both use Pathos to appeal to their audiences. They appeal to the middle class by promising a change in the way they have lived their lives, by lowering taxes and getting more affordable healthcare. Obama appeals to the minorities saying that it is their time to take a stand and get out and vote, telling them that they can make a difference. Ethos is a big part of politics, because if we have no confidence in what they have stood for in the past how can we back them now. A person’s reputation is key in politics, especially in the Presidential election. This is the time when scandals become forefront, because each party is trying to discredit the other. If we aren’t confident in the person how can we be confident in the policies. Logos is used, although I’m not sure always effectively. Politicians use logic to appeal to people saying how things in our country are now and how they believe they can change them in the future. For instance, logically if we are in a state of economic crisis we want someone who plans to change that for the better.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I see where you're going with this paragraph, but I'm not sure if it's effective. I think that you need to explain individually in the paragraphs exactly what is an example of pathos, what is an example of ethos, and so on. Otherwise, I think it would be hard for people, especially people who don't completely understand rhetoric, to be able to figure out what is an example of which one.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Organization-Your organization was good and clear. With the exception of the conclusion, I wouldn't change anything.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Your organization between candidates is good, but I would probably discuss the rhetoric each candidate uses within the paragraphs in which you discuss the candidates. It would help the paper flow a little better and possibly help improve your transitions between candidates even stronger.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      And I agree with Angela, you should most definitely have evidence to backup what rhetoric method each uses. Also there are very little references in this paper to sources, which you definitely need to make sure you use. This is a really good paper and I would hate to see you lose points due to possible plagarism. Even when you paraphrase you need to cite your source.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Assignment parameters- I thnk your main idea is conveyed effectively. I feel that your purpose is clear and easy to understand.
  • adamentaly
    • Dena Rennie
       
      I could be wrong but I think this is misspelled.
  • different
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Try finding another word besides different, it has popped up quite a few times within the first paragraph, and it's a little overload. Usually you don't want to use a specific word more than two times within a paragraph (three if it's a very large paragraph, definitely no more than that)
  • Election
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Election doesn't need to be capitalized
  • There has been much debate about the candidates for this year’s election.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      This first sentence seems a little awkwardly worded.
  • bama’s Written rhetoric is clear in
    • Dena Rennie
       
      1) Written doesn't need to be capitlized. 2) This paragraph seems like it stops short. It feels there should be more depth to it. One example is easily to manipulate into saying that "well that's just a one time thing, he did this some other time." The more examples you have, the stronger your argument will be. =)
  • McCain uses visual rhetoric in his speeches and debates as well. H
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Same thing applies here as the paragraph above. The more examples you have, the stronger your argument. Make sure you have reputable sources as well.
Janice Perez Rivera

Sean McMillan - 0 views

  • he just feels that he doesn’t have the right personality to run the United States.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      That last sentence does not flow as well as it should.I think it's the word run "personality to run the United States" Maybe you should try,...he just feels that he doesn't have the correct personality to lead this country. or you can use the United States.
  • George bush
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      Make sure you capitalize Bush
  • When addressing and issue or speaking to the audience,
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      Instead of using and use an issue.
  • ...2 more annotations...
  • This theme was a great example of ethos, where he connected to people’s emotions with something they deal with everyday and love dearly, the family.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      This is a very valid point on how he connected with the middle class. Just a suggestion another way that Obama connected with the middle class and getting them to feel connected to him in someway were they feel like he completely understands them was by advertisement through the internet... not just his websites but through facebook and myspace. That is how he reach to college students. Also the radio.
  • He a great example of someone
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      He is a great example of someone verses He a great....
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