Some basics.

But there really is a way to conflict-free collaboration in our individual work lives-that is to say, an environment where individuals feel free to vigorously debate and challenge ideas, rather than "go along to get along." We typically think our ability to work without conflict depends on how others treat us, but Arbinger's work suggests something different: our ability to cut through conflict depends on how we see others. The structure, the nature of real collaboration, is the same at home, at work, or in our communities. And it all begins with mindset.

An outward mindset, however, focuses on being accountable and helping others achieve their goals and to the entire organisation (OUR results), seeing others as "people". This mindset promotes an attitude where the individual is focusing on collective success and the well-being of others by being helpful, responsible, and makes a real impact on the team effort.

Reflecting on the personal impact of the material, Zeck comments, "I am much more aware of my role in relationships, my role in these dealings with other people, my role in collusions I had with other people. [Over time] it became much more difficult to pretend that I wasn't responsible, and that I didn't have accountability and that I wasn't playing a significant role in those relationships like I had in the past. I could always find ways to blame other people, I could always find ways to excuse my behavior, excuse the way I was relating to other people and drat-the Arbinger material has taken all of that away from me! I can no longer do that in good conscience."

A long-time colleague of ours, Terry Olson, tells of the following experience that began in a workshop he was conducting for public-school teachers. They were using a room at a lockdown educational facility for elementary-aged children with severe behavioral problems. Some of the teachers from that school were eavesdropping at the back of the room.

"Individuals and organizations that are operating with an inward mindset act in what we call an Inside-Outside-In way. By this, we mean that they first think about the results they want to achieve, or their own inside triangle objectives (Inside). They they think about what they need others to do - their customers, for example, their peers, their team members, and so on - in order for them to achieve those objectives (Outside). They they set out to make sure that the actions those people take are in fact helpful; they stay on top of what others are doing in order to manage their activities as needed (In)."

From Arbinger's forthcoming book, "The Outward Mindset - Seeing Beyond Ourselves"

"We tend to invite in other people the kind of mindset that we ourselves are operating from. This is why efforts to change others often can feel so frustrating: Despite efforts to do things differently - to say things differently, interact differently, engage differently, and so on - people often respond to us the same way they always have. Very often the reason for this is that our changes have been mostly cosmetic. We have pasted new behavioral techniques onto the same old mindset, thinking that our behavioral changes will elicit different and better responses from others. These experiences demonstrate that people often respond primarily to how they think we are regarding them rather than to our particular behaviors per se." From Arbinger's upcoming book "The Outward Mindset - Seeing Beyond Ourselves

Think your organization is in tip-top shape? "There's a saying that people don't need a doctor until they're sick," said Sam Whitney, one of the brains behind the Mindset Audit. "One of the problems with an inward mindset is that you don't know you have it. We wanted to develop a tool that could expose organizational mindset really quickly, and would allow people to walk away with an analysis of their score as well as suggestions for moving forward. As soon as you start to see those weak points, you begin to question the virtue of your organization's effectiveness, and that in turn causes you to question your place, and your part in that organizational breakdown. You're revealing a foundational mindset, and bypassing a lot of the common barriers by getting to the core of organizational issues."

What happens when you begin to focus on someone's outside triangles? Perhaps a quote from G.K. Chesterton -

"How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it; if you could really look at other men with common curiosity and pleasure; if you could see them walking as they are in their sunny selfishness and their virile indifference! You would begin to be interested in them, because they are not interested in you. You would break out of this tiny and tawdry theater in which your own little plot is always played, and you would find yourself under a freer sky, in a street full of splendid strangers."

"When our mindsets are outward, we are alive to and interested in other people and their objectives and needs. We see others as people we are open to helping. When our mindsets are inward, on the other hand, we in effect turn our backs to others.

Not caring to notice or be moved by others requires something of us that takes a tremendous personal and social toll: it requires us to feel justified for why we shouldn't have to care." From Arbinger's forthcoming book The Outward Mindset

"Consciously competent and authentic leadership engenders credibility and trust. The relationship between leaders and followers then becomes reciprocal. Leaders have the right to expect that others will compassionately recognize them as fallible human beings. When leaders openly acknowledge their weaknesses and mistakes, constituents reciprocate by seeing these as opportunities to learn and grow. Credibility is earned with time and experience; grace is granted to be human."

Anderson, Robert J.; Adams, William A. (2015-11-04). Mastering Leadership: An Integrated Framework for Breakthrough Performance and Extraordinary Business Results (Kindle Locations 1018-1022). Wiley. Kindle Edition.

Arbinger's new way of speaking about this same phenomenon-inward and outward mindset-illustrates the same principles. An inward mindset describes a mentality wherein the individual is focused solely on him or herself. Again, akin to being in the box, from an inward mindset others don't matter like I do. We are cut off from and closed to their needs and challenges-their humanity. An outward mindset describes a mentality wherein the individual is focused on collective success and wellbeing. A person with an outward mindset is aware of and alive to the needs, concerns and objectives of others and understands that their needs, concerns and objectives matter.

"We understand that any practice or policy that communicates to others that they don't really matter like we do can end up creating barriers to mindset change - barriers in others because we have barricaded ourselves from them."

The Arbinger Institute The Outward Mindset

Here is the Arbinger webinar library.

How well do you take correction?

How safe do people feel with us? Our co-workers? Our employees? Our children? Our partners? Our siblings? Our neighbors? Our rivals? Our enemies?

How safe?

If you look carefully, you will see your own mindset reflected in the faces and actions of the people around you. Why? Because others respond more to our mindsets than they do to our words or our actions.

Individuals and organizations operating with an outward mindset first focus on the outside triangle objectives of those they have obligations toward (Outside).

Then they reconsider their own inside triangle efforts in order to make them more helpful (Inside).

Then they connect their inside triangle efforts back to the outside triangles of others and stay accountable for their impact on others by paying attention to whether their efforts are actually helping (Out).