The basics of meeting preparation (things like inviting the right participants and testing equipment) can feel like second nature for many who are familiar with the routine. But beyond logistics, anxiety can arise for individuals who are less comfortable with what happens off-script during meetings. Concern around asking the right questions, having the right responses and utilizing meeting time productively often distracts from the end goal. But there's a way to cut through meeting anxiety, and it's centered on helpfulness.

How often do we feel disappointed in others' performance or behavior? As leaders, it's our responsibility to take action to mend unproductive relationships. With Arbinger I've learned to ask myself two questions when I find myself thinking like this. "Am I curiously seeking and hearing the other person's opinion with the intention of understanding?" "How am I making this situation worse for them?"

The romance of goal-setting captures our attention at least once a year (looking at you, New Years). We want to run marathons, we want to write books, we want to fall in love, we want to get in shape-we want to follow through on our commitments and reach the goals we've set for ourselves, but it's all easier said than done.

After reading the material I realized how important these concepts are to leadership and that we were missing this aspect of leadership in our curriculum. We were teaching leadership theories and leadership skills (like giving good briefings, or being a good listener), but not focusing on the interpersonal aspect of leadership. The Arbinger material brings home for the students the relational side of leadership. Also, the students really connect with the stories and enjoy how the books are written as a narrative rather than a list of points to memorize. This material is a needed break from the endless stream of PowerPoint bulleted lists they get in most classes these days.

Beautiful expression of what an "inward mindset" can do.

Joel Peterson, a Robert L. Joss Consulting Professor of Management at Stanford Graduate School of Business implies that the reason many leadership attempts eventually fail can be attributed to a lack of trust. "Trust is more powerful than power itself," he remarked in a recent article. Thus whether your title is CEO, HR Director, or Sales Manager, your power as a leader does not lie in the position itself, but in your ability to build trust with those around you.

While I might consider another's lifestyle choices to be negative or reprehensible, viewing their burdens through the lens of my pat solutions ultimately hinders my ability to understand them. And seeking to understand their behavior without condoning it is essential to true helpfulness.

When we feel bugged by others, usually we demand a different response from them than we ourselves are willing to give. When neither we nor another are caring for each other, for example, we can get quite upset at the other's lack of care. We operate with an oxymoronic illogic: I'm upset because you are doing precisely what I am doing!

From my point of view, we tend to go astray when developing leaders by often jumping to the desirable or corrective action too early without inviting those leaders to look at the situation with different understanding, perspective and interpretation. In other words, we are not trying to shift the way they think prior to changing the way they do.

Here's the full interview with Jim.

In The Outward Mindset, we write about this. There is a basic outward-mindset pattern that people can apply in organizations. The first of the three parts of the pattern is to see others. What we mean by that is to become curious and attentive to the needs, challenges, and objectives of those with whom one interacts and affects. When my mindset is outward, I'm going to be purposeful about building my awareness and understanding about other people. And if I'm a leader, I'm going to open up space and create opportunity within my organization so people are learning about each other's objectives, needs, and challenges.

James Farrell, one of the principal authors of Arbinger's book, quotes a foreign political leader as saying: "You have to understand we and our enemies are perfect for each other. Each of us gives the other reason to never have to change."

We're familiar with the basics of increasing productivity-setting clear goals, providing feedback, establishing standards, providing skills development-there's no shortage of advice when it comes to making the workplace a more efficient place. However, emerging on the scene of workplace productivity (and overall quality of life, we might add) is something less likely to be found on a "Top Ten" list: genuine human connection.

How must my customer see me that is eliciting the response I am seeing from them?

Maybe I really don't understand what their objectives are.

Maybe I am in collusion with them - the very things I want to see less of are being brought about because of the way I see them.

I've always loved this story.

It was this occasion, this call for action, that was the opportunity to practice what I'd been talking about into my recorder all morning, lost in my own thoughts. These moments are choice points, when we determine our own way of being by whether we will respond to the humanity of another or not. The more consistently we choose to honor our sense of what we know to be the right thing to do, the more we discover the peace and deep naturalness of being right with others.

A genuine dialogue process is one in which people have significantly reduced their propensity to carry hidden baggage. Groups composed of such people create both a shared meaning and a common purpose, and their attitude toward each other is one of mutual respect and service. They communicate clearly because they live clearly; without blame and self-protection, they have the simple desire to help one another in achieving their common goal. When that is their way of being toward each other, productive dialogue always follows.

The Leadership Team of Spandex, the European subsidiary of an American multinational company, had become highly dysfunctional. Team members had become preoccupied with internal politics, had stopped listening to each other, and had become dishonest in their work with one another. According to Spandex President Rod Larson, things deteriorated to the point that the team became totally unproductive, leading to an inability to capitalize on business opportunities or solve organizational problems.