"Sine the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy. This hasn't ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward... It's like when there's a piece of lint on a projectors lens. We think there's a flaw on the screen, and we try to change this person and that person, whomever the flaw appears on next. But it's futile to try to change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself. (Byron Katie)

1. Don't accuse others of being in the box. Do try to stay out of the box yourself.
2. Don't give up on yourself when you discover you've been in the box. Do keep trying.
3. Don't deny that you've been in the box when you have been. Do apologize; then just keep marching forward, trying to be more helpful to others in the future.

1. Don't try to be perfect. Do try to be better
2. Don't use the vocabulary - the "box" and so on - with people who don't already know it. Do use the principles in you own life.
3. Don't look for others boxes. Do look for your own.

"Seeing an equal person as an inferior object is an act of violence, Lou. It hurts as much as a punch in the face. In fact, in many ways it hurts more. Bruises heal more quickly than emotional scars do."

The most effective team leaders are servants first ... they put others before themselves...they are not too important to do the unpopular jobs...they are the first to volunteer...others know they can trust them for help...they make other better and stronger...they sacrifice personal recognition for team goals...they work just as hard when there is no one to impress...they don't back away from leading when things are tough. (Proactive Coaching)

"This is the key: Even in asking this question, if we ask it sincerely, we begin to change in our way of being; we begin to become the kind of person capable of doing the right thing without counterfeiting it." (From Bonds That Make Us Free)

A good story about how one man applied the principles.

Great video from Chip Huth - KC SWAT Team Commander

Sincerely asked, the question, "What is right to do?" includes the question, "Might I be in the wrong?" With either of these questions we ask the other; we pull ourselves up short and start over. (Bonds That Make Us Free)

Where might you be wrong?

Interview with Duane Boyce from Arbinger on resolving conflicts

An Arbinger case study from a Telecommunciations company.

CEO of Raytheon talking about a difficult transition & how Arbinger helped.

It is a problem because if performance management systems are poorly implemented, then they can't possibly accomplish what they are supposed to do, namely help organizations improve their overall effectiveness.  What's worse is that the way they are implemented actually often hurts an organization's overall performance.

I will be listening to the community call that discussed this topic. The questions we'd ask would be a bit different from the way we rate each other today. If you were evaluating me for example you would go to my Co-workers and ask them how well my efforts enabled them to achieve their objectives. What was my impact on them. That is what I would be reporting to you as well.

"I do my job, I get my results, and no one has to chase me down or manage me. Well my employees are also 'big boys and girls' and should be able to get results: I pay them top salaries, they were hired because of their competence and expertise, I trust and expect them to get things done. But when things become critical, or go wrong, no one steps up and takes responsibility and delivers results! I don't know what to do!"