"We tend to invite in other people the kind of mindset that we ourselves are operating from. This is why efforts to change others often can feel so frustrating: Despite efforts to do things differently - to say things differently, interact differently, engage differently, and so on - people often respond to us the same way they always have. Very often the reason for this is that our changes have been mostly cosmetic. We have pasted new behavioral techniques onto the same old mindset, thinking that our behavioral changes will elicit different and better responses from others. These experiences demonstrate that people often respond primarily to how they think we are regarding them rather than to our particular behaviors per se." From Arbinger's upcoming book "The Outward Mindset - Seeing Beyond Ourselves
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