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Ryan Sila

kthornhill's blog - 0 views

shared by Ryan Sila on 31 Aug 09 - Cached
  • taunting at
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Cut "at".
  • Nell closed her eyes, imagining that her body was a dungeon and somewhere deep inside was a potion that might grant her the strength and the bravery to go through with Molly’s request.
    • liz gordon
       
      good imagery.
  • glowing
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Making a church glow is a good religious reference. Well done!
  • ...9 more annotations...
  • rusty, metal fence
    • Ryan Sila
       
      This is the first image we get outside of the church. It provides a nice contrast, accentuating the difference between church and 'what she had been waiting to do the entire day'
  • devilish pixie
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Clever
  • their world
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Simple, yet great description here.
  • as it always did
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Childish simplicity here, and it works extremely well.
  • this time the power of good didn’t triumph after two hours.
  • It was his car now: his father moved away and left him alone with the car.  He hadn’t seen him since.
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Good way to introduce information. This works really well
  • gauntlet of friendly faces
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Very good. The contrasting words flow nicely and reveal a lot.
  • stuck her out here with no way to get back
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I love this description
  • He drove him
    • Ryan Sila
       
      This sounds awkward...perhaps remove the 'him'?
Ryan Sila

jmudd's blog - 0 views

shared by Ryan Sila on 01 Sep 09 - Cached
  • Walking to my first class ever as a High School student, I contemplate how 9th grade English will be different.  I reach the door, about to enter a completely new world of English.
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Whoa! Bold choice. Most writers find it very difficult to write in the present, and a lot of readers find it disconcerting. The thing is: even if you use the past tense, your reader will experience the story as if it is happening right now, so past isn't really an issue. Bottom line: if this works for you, don't change it. There is nothing wrong with writing a story in the present. But, don't feel like it has to be present tense to make us feel it is in the present.
  • I began to have doubts.  “Am I going to fail this week’s test?”.  “How am I going to survive this year, and will I pass this class?”. I better because I am not going to summer school!  I started wondering if Mr. Rappleye enjoyed making me suffer. 
    • Tex Tourais
       
      This is the section that interests me the most.
  • clearly
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I might think about deleting this -- it might make it more matter-of-fact and more humorous
  • ...22 more annotations...
  • will definitely be game
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Interesting usage of informal language -- be sure that this fits with the speaker's character and that language such as this continues throughout the story -- it shouldn't be out-of-place
  • I was surprised
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Mixed tenses -- this is past tense, the rest of the story is present
  • The breakfast of champions
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I'm not sure if this just didn't show up on the blog or not, but italicizing the thought would make it clearer that it is a thought before the last clause. Also, I suggest using a comma after 'champions'
  • are spread eagle
    • Meg Guard
       
      I think spread eagle is with legs.. I am not sure though. EIther way the expression sounds funny here.
  • manor
    • Meg Guard
       
      manner** a manor is like a house in the country
  • “Stop it guys, you start every morning with some senseless argument.  Just shut up and let’s figure out what we are going to do today”
    • Meg Guard
       
      I wasn't sure who was saying this, so maybe if you added a tag "said blah blah blah" that would make it clearer
  • smoothly
    • Meg Guard
       
      good adjective
  • I remember
    • Ryan Sila
       
      The short anecdotes that follow are very interesting, but the transition to the flashbacks is a bit choppy.
  • a little too assertively
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Good. This says a lot, either about the narrator's insecurities or about Rich and Mike's superiority issues.
  • Michelle is preoccupied with gazing at Rich who doesn’t even notice her presence
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I like this
  • nearby boats, people, jet-skiers, a dog
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Sentence pattern! I forget which one, but it works well here.
  • get him good or his son
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Minor note -- I'd move "or his son" next to "him" -- it sounds cleaner
  • always seems to be the mastermind behind every sick party
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Ominous...
  • During the past hour
    • Ryan Sila
       
      This sounds like it was in the hour before writing this -- though it could be just me.
  • all too familiar
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Alluded to earlier in the story. Good callback.
  • skipping steps
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Good detail. Reinforces 'sprint' nicely
  • ping pong dweller
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Clever
  • crunching
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Possible foreshadowing...injury?
  • loved that sound
    • Ryan Sila
       
      There's a shift in point of view here that is a bit jarring
  • BLINK
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I really like this. It serves as a break, yet is sudden enough for us to experience what the players are feeling. It also moves us seamlessly from one scene to another through repetition. Well done
  • chapel
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I think that "chapel" is a term that is peculiar to our school. Many readers might not understand exactly what this is, and they may think that it is religious (which it might be, if this school is a religious school). I think "assembly" or something like that might work better.
  • and take in the fact that they are playing their last game against the schools biggest rival
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I feel like omitting this bit might work. I feel like cutting that sentence off after repeating 'sit there' strongly reinforces the fact that they really are just sitting there. I think the bit about their realization that it's their last game against Pine Bluff comes across in the next sentence.
Ryan Sila

Grant's blog - 1 views

shared by Ryan Sila on 01 Sep 09 - Cached
  • with a nose that seemed to pull the rest of the skin on his face towards itself
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Awesome! This one detail shows the entire face.
  • “Hurt?” “Oh.  Heh heh.  S-sorry.” 
    • Tex Tourais
       
      It's too early for this big of a reveal. Let us get to know the doctor first and give us small clues to his character before you fill the man in as sinister. The key to a good reveal is that the small bits of information should wash right over the reader. When you finally get to the reveal, the reader should first be shocked and then go, "Yes. That's exactly right. I knew it all along but didn't see that I knew it."
    • Grant Baxter
       
      I don't quite understand what you meant by this being a reveal. I didn't really intend this to reveal that.
  • I picked up one with a particularly risque cover, and swiftly threw it into the pile before Cherry could get a look at it,
    • Meg Guard
       
      I really like this line, I feel like it shows us what kind of person Lemmy is (he cares about his sister and what she is exposed to, etc.) without blatantly saying it (following the whole show not tell dealio).
  • ...4 more annotations...
  • She was turned to stare unblinkingly at the nothing out the window, and the staring gray eyes were like chips of dead crystal.  Yet most striking of all was the liquid starlight that flowed down her figure, the rippling waves of white hair that shimmered in the moonlight.  She sat in stark contrast to the dark gloom of the train.
    • ellen archie
       
      I really like this description. I'm sort of wondering why she looks so un-grim, when (I assume) she was trying to kill herself though. Because she is all starlight, and for someone who won't talk and was trying to kill herself, that doesn't reallly make sense. So I want to know more about her
  • It won’t work on anyone you’ll find in this kind of place
    • Meg Guard
       
      ooh this place? are they on a train to the afterlife?? are they angels?
  • inseparable companion for the last month.
    • Ryan Sila
       
      This one bit gives a lot of information. Well done.
  • They certainly had money enough
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Statements about their money keep popping up. If money is very important to the characters or to the plot, then well done. If not, some can probably be removed
Ryan Sila

mguard's blog - 0 views

shared by Ryan Sila on 31 Aug 09 - Cached
  • miling to who you think is your first period Bio teacher
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Ha! Very clever.
  • Quickly you adjust your top.
    • Tex Tourais
       
      This is a small point, but "Quickly you adjust your top" is not as quick as "You adjust your top." Do you understand what I'm saying? Sometimes speed is conveyed better through a short sentence than through an adverb.
  • car-key jingling, most likely party going
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I really like this description -- a very realistic way for a freshman to think about a senior. Also, hyphenate "party-going," as the two words are serving as one adjective
  • ...13 more annotations...
  • that was definitely not there before
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Very good way to convey the sense of surprise (and also add humor)
  • I lost my keys more frequently, misplaced my reading glasses often, even confused my children’s names
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Good, concrete details. Very believable
  • Glenn Miller
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Another good, specific detail
  • burst
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Burst contrasts nicely with the image of the girl setting the table. Accentuates the difference between mother and father, perhaps
  • The air was electricity
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Something about this strikes me wrong...maybe the air buzzed like electricity? or something like that
  • I had to escape….my job… the pressure
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I could be wrong, but I feel like a job in the military has more pressure than a civilian one
  • We spent the night talking about berets and baguettes and plane rides over crystal blue oceans and the Eiffel tower in a nighttime sky
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I really like this sentence. It has a good ring to it.
  • I tacked up any newspaper clippings or magazine articles I found about Paris.  I scoured the mail each day looking for news.
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I'm a bit unsure if a twelve-year-old would do mature enough to do this, but it could certainly still work.
  • Mother didn’t pick out my outfits for school anymore and I insisted on wearing curlers each night to bed.  I even convinced my Mother to let me wear some of her rouge to school. 
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Very good details that show that Suzanne has grown up without saying so
  • pine wood, shoe shine, and steam
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Again, great details.
  • .  Maybe some other time but just not tonight, I have to get some sleep.”
  • “Dad, not tonight.”
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Switch from Daddy to Dad is very telling.
  • or whoever I was with at that point.
Ryan Sila

ghalbanna's blog - 0 views

shared by Ryan Sila on 01 Sep 09 - Cached
  • Ghazi Albanna Tourais 8-25-09
    • Tex Tourais
       
      This is your blog, so you can probably cut the header :)
  • (didn’t really read the book)
    • Tex Tourais
       
      The reader usually will regard parenthesis as a whisper. If Mr. Rappleye whispered this, than you've got it write. But, if he changed tone, but didn't yell, then you probably want this in italics for emphasis.
  • I was pretty sure the book was about the author running the Iditarod.
    • Tex Tourais
       
      I like this line; it's clever and tells us a lot about the narrator.
  • ...2 more annotations...
  • It is obvious he tries to hide these things but does a terrible job for whatever reason
    • Ryan Sila
       
      This will pop up again
  • young
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Young? Really?
Ryan Sila

diane eapen's blog - 1 views

shared by Ryan Sila on 08 Oct 09 - Cached
  • one pacing the room, back and forth in exasperated movement; the other sitting, unruffled, silently staring at me.
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Fantastic bit here, I think. I already feel like I know these characters after just one sentence.
  • practically
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I feel like this statement would be stronger with this modifier omitted.
  • They were at the scene, the lab, when it happened
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I really like this bit here. It makes me curious -- this is the first time we are introduced to the fact that his death was not natural (it seems).
  • ...9 more annotations...
  • gingerly
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Seems like 'gingerly' doesn't fit with the other, darker, words used. Is this intentional?
  • very own
    • Ryan Sila
       
      "very own" puts stress on the fact that it was Mitchell's lab. If this is an important detail, great. If not, maybe just leave it as "his laboratory"
  • wet, barren streets
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I really like this description. It creates a good image for me.
  • have situated myself
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Sounds a bit awkward. Maybe 'where I sit'?
  • in an unhinged fashion
    • Ryan Sila
       
      This sounds a bit awkward to me
  • shards of a broken lamp scattered everywhere
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Good. I like that you are explaining the backstory in bits.
  • Maybe she is still grieving
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Is this the root of the title? And thus foreshadowing?
  • other unimportant stuff that adults like to hound kids about for small talk
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I feel like this informal language doesn't fit with the rest of the writing.
  • white-carpeted stairs
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Good repitition of detail. Now we know where we were in the scene that opened the story.
Ryan Sila

sofia's blog - 0 views

shared by Ryan Sila on 31 Aug 09 - Cached
  • (You just read draft #2.)
    • Sofia de O.
       
      Though it's really not that different.
  • that school
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Is there a reason why we're not getting the name?
  • To teach one of them how to speak like us, because we’d given up on speaking like them.
    • Tex Tourais
       
      See - here the pronoun came works better. You're using it to give me some characterization and set up the conflict between the "us" and the "them," so I like it. But, are you sure you don't want to give us setting? You could use the school's name to give us a country and let us know where we are.
    • Tex Tourais
       
      That should be "game" not "came" in the first sentence.
  • ...6 more annotations...
  • raised raised
    • Ryan Sila
       
      just a simple typo -- 'was raised'
  • I signed in at 4:03
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I love this -- it tells us a lot about the character very quickly.
  • glow glow
  • Why can’t you just be more reliable?”
    • Ryan Sila
       
      This is sharp. It reveals a very strong conflict between the two of them.
  • bald smiling lawyer
    • Ryan Sila
       
      This is a grotesque image in my mind. It works here, well done
  • in the form of Clause 14 B
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Clever way of stating this
Ryan Sila

miscott's blog - 0 views

shared by Ryan Sila on 14 Sep 09 - Cached
  • the cheap kind.
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Be Specific: What's a cheap ketchup?
  • depend
    • Tex Tourais
       
      matter?
  • the goal was to him at that all the practice would pay off
    • Tex Tourais
       
      ???
  • ...5 more annotations...
  • I am the captain
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Don't forget - you're in the past tense here.
  • I can still remember
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I like the flashback, though I feel this transition may need to be revised.
  • Flintstones
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Good, specific detail. It's interesting.
  • I could tell that he was proud of me because
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I'm not sure we need this. I think the description that follows is solid enough to get this point across.
  • As we began baiting up and casting our lines into the water
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Great reminder of the setting. It helps to remind us of the root of the strong feelings that the narrator attaches to fishing.
Ryan Sila

hkahn's blog - 1 views

shared by Ryan Sila on 14 Sep 09 - Cached
  • She was not a beautiful woman.
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Strong opening line; solid grab.
  • were now clenched
    • Ryan Sila
       
      This sounds great. Loose and waving sound like their meaning -- they flow nicely. Clench, however, is a harsh sounding word, and the stark contrast conveys that something big happened very nicely.
  • killed the engine
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I like this a lot, especially because 'kill' mirrors the action she fears she has committed.
  • ...3 more annotations...
  • Jack’s parting words
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Good usage of a list of 3 here. Putting the incongruous one third is well done.
  • One now straightened her hair and painted on her face each morning; the other only attempted to tame her hair before slipping on her dirty sneakers and old sweatshirt
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Very strong comparison here. It works well.
  • flippant
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Good word.
Ryan Sila

gkessler's blog · Just another Blogs.micds.org weblog - 0 views

shared by Ryan Sila on 31 Aug 09 - Cached
  • maybe nature helps the creative process, he thought
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Careful - you need to make sure to distinguish a thought right from the start, either through punctuation or introduction.
  • wandered as deliberately
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Interesting use of oxymoron
  • nurturing, shit-eating grin you’ve ever seen
    • Meg Guard
       
      wait what? I don't think I have ever seen a nurturing, shit-eating grin...
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I, unlike Meg, really like this line. The stark contrast between the two descriptions of the grin convey mixed feelings and mixed emotions.
  • ...7 more annotations...
  • the car ended up as a flying saucer with an identity crisis
    • Meg Guard
       
      hahaha
  • who is definitely uninterested
    • Meg Guard
       
      ouch haha
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I'm not sure I believe that a teacher would say this
  • “Well, sure.”
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I really like this. It's short and witty and says a lot about Mal.
  • raccoon
  • Nyr-rur-rur-rur-rur
    • Ryan Sila
       
      These bits sound great when read, and, having heard them read, I understand entirely. However, I think if I had read them myself at first, I would not have understood what is going on.
  • beard-thing
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Again, clever
  • There was no avoiding its destruction
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Blunt. Witty. I like it.
Ryan Sila

kpulliamcollins's blog - 2 views

  • Sitting on the cold floor of Foreman’s basement, as we called it, I ruined everything.
    • Tex Tourais
       
      I love it. It's the "as we called it" that really sells this line. You've got this interjection that makes the reader feel like the narrator is just meandering around, and then the quick jab: 3 small words with punch. Well constructed!
  • At this point she came out from behind her door.
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Consider a switch to something like "she said, stepping out from behind the door." You want to give your characters force and power. Try not to filter them or let things happen to them. Present them acting for themselves.
  • started to yell
    • Tex Tourais
       
      yelled
  • ...12 more annotations...
  • and enter
    • Tex Tourais
       
      , entering the room
  • bitch
    • Tex Tourais
       
      If you could censor this when posting to the blog, that'd be great.
  • fucking
    • Tex Tourais
       
      We're on a school site, Kaila. Please use dashes or symbols.
  • I could hear the smile spreading across her face.
    • Meg Guard
       
      this just struck me funny, i feel like you can't hear a smile
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I, too, am unsure about this line.
  • she didn’t even use chapstick, just licked her lips a lot. She licked her hand; her gelato was dripping.
    • Meg Guard
       
      I like it!
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Agreed. Great transition.
  • She giggled.
  • without any real destination
    • Ryan Sila
       
      This one bit says a lot. It may be a bit redundant with 'wander,' however. I might think about changing 'wander' to 'walk' and allowing 'without any real destination' to speak for itself.
  • I made sure to stay even with her so I wouldn’t get my pants dirty
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Again, I think this says a lot. It says he has a tendency to fall behind her without a conscious effort to stay beside her, which speaks to both of their characters. Also, he is worried about his pants being dirty. Great work.
  • weighed her down
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Again, this speaks to her character.
  • or the food
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Interesting perspective
  • Foreign voices
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I am unsure whether this means 'foreign' as in 'from another country' or 'foreign' as in 'strange, unfamiliar.' If it is the latter, I might suggest changing the wording, it might mislead some readers.
  • She just blew the smoke in my face.
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Poignant
Ryan Sila

ahall's blog - 0 views

shared by Ryan Sila on 01 Sep 09 - Cached
  • thing but
    • Tex Tourais
       
      thing, but
  • I Juniper,
    • Tex Tourais
       
      I'm confused by the comma here.
  • maybe twenty years left
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I find this a bit jarring. She has 20 years left and is planning her funeral now? You may want to think about shortening the time she has left a bit.
  • ...4 more annotations...
  • She had an attitude as big as her weave, and a tolerance level as small as her waist size
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I love this description. It's clever.
  • Who is I?
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Just a minor note: I think TV shows are supposed to be italicized?
  • Jack Nicholson from “The Shining
    • Ryan Sila
       
      I like the pop culture reference. It works.
  • their mother loved the streets more than she loved her children.
Meg Guard

earchie's blog - 0 views

shared by Meg Guard on 31 Aug 09 - Cached
  • by a bland senior girl
    • Tex Tourais
       
      The fact that the girl is nameless - was that a conscious choice designed to highlight her blandness? If so, it's an interesting one (although it is a little unusual that you would refer this way to someone driving you to school, as that indicates a relationship of some sort).
  • both music and hygiene
    • Tex Tourais
       
      HA!
  • who would never be so impractical as to wear shoes without good traction
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Excellent characterization! I feel that I know this character immediately.
  • ...11 more annotations...
  • “How strange to see one’s feet when walking” I thought.
  • Goodbye to the old and hello to the new: the polished, perfect Christmas tree was no more;  now it was time for the amazing Christmas tree he had always wanted.
    • liz gordon
       
      the use of the tree to symbolize a change is really good.
  • pleased tobe reminded.
    • Katie Thornhill
       
      tobe = to be
    • Tex Tourais
       
      I love this opening. This little "knowing she would not be pleased" tag on the end of it tells us so much about Charlie, Jane and the relationship between them. We immediately want to know why Charlie likes to needle his wife (and we secretly guess that it's because Jane's a pain in the neck). In just one line, we appear to be already on Charlie's side; even though, he's the agressor (sp?) here.
  • always some damn
    • Katie Thornhill
       
      do you mean "one" where you put "some" because that might make more sense
  • It was always some crazy problem that had to happen right away.
    • Katie Thornhill
       
      I'm not sure I get what you mean here. Maybe you need to word it better?
    • Tex Tourais
       
      My problem with this is different from Katie's. You start out over Charlie's shoulder and then you immediately shift to Jane's point of view. It's a little jarring. I'd recommend sticking to one person's perspective.
  • Her lips tightened, her fists clenched against her side, her breathing speeding up.
    • Katie Thornhill
       
      you switched tense - it should be her breathing sped* up if you want to stay consistent
  • Iwant
    • Katie Thornhill
       
      Iwant = I want
  • frustrated with the whole businesss
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Unnecessary - we already know this.
  •  Jane was angry now, Charlie could tell.
  • seminary
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Ahhhh... the plot thickens.
  • every year during Fat Tuesday, he went up to Virginia, where his best friend Peter and his family lived in order to escape the chaos
    • Meg Guard
       
      This is confusing, I think some commas might help clear up the confusion
Meg Guard

lmalik's blog - 1 views

shared by Meg Guard on 01 Sep 09 - Cached
  • Drool.  On my pillow. Again.
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Nice grab. The moment is immediately relatable (meaning anyone could relate to it), and the sharp, staccato sentences convey the exasperation effectively.
  • all I see is metal with alternating neon color
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Yep - we've all been there...
  • ’silent and listen are spelled with the same letters’. ’the only way out is through’ ’learn and succeed’.
    • Tex Tourais
       
      I like this, too. I like the fact that you trust your reader to know you're talking about posters in the classroom. A big part of becoming a reader is developing this trust.
  • ...7 more annotations...
  •  A rose entertwined within an intricate, delicate web of lace.
    • liz gordon
       
      love this description
  • Murderers and rapists took precedent over tennis bracelets.
  • Every feeling of hate I felt towards Jeremy turned into mush.
    • liz gordon
       
      so john does have some sympathy in him! that's good to know...i was thinking he is a hard character.
  • Every familiar object became a threat
  • On his yead, clear as day, a black bandana wth a paisley border.
    • Meg Guard
       
      How is Jeremy wearing the bandana if the police have it/he left it at Janie's house??
  • If children asked to pet her, he usually told them she bit and gave a rare smirk as they scuttled away.
    • Meg Guard
       
      This is really funny and I think it tells us a lot about Mazhr
  • Not the kind of ridiculing chuckle he gave when he saw an entire family of five struggling to fit on a motorbike
    • Meg Guard
       
      haha
Danielle Hazley

Google Reader (16) - 1 views

  • Starlight Girl
    • Danielle Hazley
       
      I love this name for the nameless girl.
Danielle Hazley

Google Reader (17) - 0 views

    • Danielle Hazley
       
      I really like the imagery in your piece because I can almost see perfectly Mrs. Schmitt's white carpeted stairs and her daughters room. I love all the mystery in this story around who the people are in the beginning scene, where Ms. Morris comes into the picture and things like that. I think the description of each new character is very good because the reader and vividly see what the girls are seeing. I believe that even though the girls know more than the reader the reader is still seeing everything through the girls eyes and learning new things with them. Good Job.
Danielle Hazley

Google Reader (18) - 0 views

  •  
    Liz this story is really good to me. I do feel like I get to know the best friend more than I get to know the protagonist. Why did the friend leave when she knew that Reilly was really upset and not thinking right. She starts off like a really good friend but then she leaves. I wish we could learn more about Reilly because I feel like her emotions were thrown at us and we don't know much about Michael and there relationship to fully understand her deep agonizing pain. Ya kno?
Meg Guard

rsila's blog - 0 views

shared by Meg Guard on 31 Aug 09 - Cached
  • squeeze
  • Mr. Campbell is a very famous, very wealthy cartoonist. When in school, he had no friends, and retreated into his drawings instead. His cartoons became his life, his characters became his friends. However, as he improved with his cartooning and his strips were published, he attracted tremendous amounts of fame and attention and scrutiny. Mr. Campbell is a schizophrenic. He believes that his two-dimensional cartoon characters can peel themselves off the page and enter reality. They sit on Mr. Campbell’s shoulder and talk with him. They are his friends. Robert Grimley endured a similar situation. He had very few friends in school, as well, and Mr. Campbell’s comic strip became a source of stability for him. When Robert discovers that the two of them live in the same town, he knows that he must get to know him. Robert wants nothing more than to be friends with Mr. Campbell. Mr. Campbell just wants to be left alone.
    • Tex Tourais
       
      I'd get this out of here. It taints the reading and skews the comments.
  • there are plenty of them on eBay. I checke
    • Tex Tourais
       
      Clever.
  • ...10 more annotations...
  • glossed
    • Meg Guard
       
      I like this adjective, I think it fits nicely.
  • “Large white chocolate latte, please, Angela,” Maria, sniffling, said to Angela.
    • Meg Guard
       
      This sentence just seemed unnecessarily repetitive.
  • fechada
  • fechada
  • fechada
  • echada
  • f echada
  • f echada
  • f echada
    • Meg Guard
       
      es fAchada!! pero me encanta el espanol!!
  • – genuinely.
    • Meg Guard
       
      ooh interesante
Ryan Sila

wacker's blog - 0 views

shared by Ryan Sila on 08 Oct 09 - Cached
  • I checked my nearly ruined I Phone, the screen was a spider web of cracks, the sound didn’t work, and there were scratches sprawling from the bottom up on the back. I loved that phone like a baby. Or at least a baby that didn’t care how much you dropped it, or scratched it
    • Ryan Sila
       
      Great detail here. We learn a lot about the character
ellen archie

wacker's blog » Blog Archive » Good Friends - 1 views

  • kitchen grabbed
    • ellen archie
       
      I think there should be a comma here
  • Déjà vu stuck me because
    • ellen archie
       
      I think this part of the sentence is a little bit awkward.
  • That feeling of blatant betrayal, you always hear that metaphor, “Backstabber” but until then I didn’t know it actually physically hurt.
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