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earchie's blog - 0 views

blogs.micds.org/earchie

shared by Katie Thornhill on 31 Aug 09 - Cached

pleased tobe reminded.
- Katie Thornhill on 14 Sep 09
  
  tobe = to be
  
  <div class="cArrow"> </div><div class="cContentInner">tobe = to be</div>
  
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always some damn
- Katie Thornhill on 14 Sep 09
  
  do you mean "one" where you put "some" because that might make more sense
  
  <div class="cArrow"> </div><div class="cContentInner">do you mean "one" where you put "some" because that might make more sense</div>
  
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It was always some crazy problem that had to happen right away.
- Katie Thornhill on 14 Sep 09
  
  I'm not sure I get what you mean here. Maybe you need to word it better?
  
  <div class="cArrow"> </div><div class="cContentInner">I'm not sure I get what you mean here. Maybe you need to word it better?</div>
  
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...2 more annotations...
Her lips tightened, her fists clenched against her side, her breathing speeding up.
- Katie Thornhill on 14 Sep 09
  
  you switched tense - it should be her breathing sped* up if you want to stay consistent
  
  <div class="cArrow"> </div><div class="cContentInner">you switched tense - it should be her breathing sped* up if you want to stay consistent</div>
  
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Iwant
- Katie Thornhill on 14 Sep 09
  
  Iwant = I want
  
  <div class="cArrow"> </div><div class="cContentInner">Iwant = I want</div>
  
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liz gordon's blog - 1 views

blogs.micds.org/egordon

shared by Katie Thornhill on 31 Aug 09 - Cached

my hair was
- Katie Thornhill on 11 Sep 09
  
  changed tense
  
  <div class="cArrow"> </div><div class="cContentInner">changed tense</div>
  
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flip phone—clearly, an old and disheveled phone
- Katie Thornhill on 14 Sep 09
  
  a little bit awkward - might have something to do with the "clearly" in there because nothing about the part before indicated to me that it was "old" or "disheveled"
  
  <div class="cArrow"> </div><div class="cContentInner">a little bit awkward - might have something to do with the "clearly" in there because nothing about the part before indicated to me that it was "old" or "disheveled"</div>
  
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They thought I would just break it.
- Katie Thornhill on 14 Sep 09
  
  Maybe you could have something here like "of course, I have dropped this phone about a million times" or something to that effect because that would help to build the character as a bit careless (if you intend her to be) rather than just her parents thinking that she is
  
  <div class="cArrow"> </div><div class="cContentInner">Maybe you could have something here like "of course, I have dropped this phone about a million times" or something to that effect because that would help to build the character as a bit careless (if you intend her to be) rather than just her parents thinking that she is</div>
  
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...2 more annotations...
“FRANK WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!”
- Katie Thornhill on 14 Sep 09
  
  You seem to like all caps a lot, but there are other ways of indicating volume or frustration or whatever, try describing how she sounds sometime, it could be awesome
  
  <div class="cArrow"> </div><div class="cContentInner">You seem to like all caps a lot, but there are other ways of indicating volume or frustration or whatever, try describing how she sounds sometime, it could be awesome</div>
  
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before
- Katie Thornhill on 14 Sep 09
  
  just a little thing - by saying "before" you're implying that after she hung up the phone she answered him, which would be super weird. You might want to change that to "without"
  
  <div class="cArrow"> </div><div class="cContentInner">just a little thing - by saying "before" you're implying that after she hung up the phone she answered him, which would be super weird. You might want to change that to "without"</div>
  
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