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cuttingedge -

Friendship Building - University of Florida Counseling Center - 0 views

www.counsel.ufl.edu/...friendship_building.aspx

communications

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • Whatever the situation, one must still make that opening line, the "hello" and following sentence
  • Often the opener is most helpful and effective when it is directed at something common in the situation the two of you are in.
  • like an insignia on their clothes or the fact that you are both interested in the same club.
  • ...10 more annotations...
  • Focusing on these elements common to both of you can be more effective
  • It is important, however, to get beyond them to a common topic of interest.
  • Attempt to avoid getting mired and trading vital statistics about one another, such as: "Are you married?","Do you have any children", "How long have you lived in this town?"
  • One good way of getting beyond this type of questioning is to ask open questions as opposed to closed or narrow questions.
  • Open questions, in general, demand more than a one or two word answer
  • "What do you intend to do with your political science degree?"
  • "Tell me something about what you do,"
  • The open question demands a longer response
  • "People sure have strong ideas about politicians, don't they?"
  • How did you develop such a strong opinion?"
cuttingedge -

Learn How to Say No and Be Respected - 0 views

www.earthlingcommunication.com/...to-say-no-and-be-respected.php

communications niceWording

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • someone asking for a favor that requires a type of resource from you such as money or time. This situation is non-threatening and often gets you to carry out the task because of your guilt, passiveness, or inability to take a stance.
  • The second common scenario where it is extremely helpful to say no is in a more threatening situation than the first type of scenarios. It involves your unwillingness and reluctancy to carry out the action that is requested of you.
  • This common scenario is about being coerced into doing something against your will.
  • ...5 more annotations...
  • A charity worker is in contact with you requesting a donation yet this time you are unwilling to give them a donation because you dislike how they use donations in their work and giving a contribution feels like a waste.
  • You have been asked to put in some overtime at work but you really don’t want to. Maybe your partner has asked you to take the kids out or you have got so much paper work to sought through at home and it is piling up like the Eiffel Tower and tilting like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. You have other things to do but they aren’t important.
  • Your child who is struggling with an assignment that is due tomorrow asks for your assistance. You have spare time on your hands but you feel you need to let your child take responsibility for not having worked on the assignment at an earlier time.
  • In the second group of scenarios you have the time and monetary resources to donate but you say no because of your unwillingness to engage in the activity. You find saying no is extremely difficult because of peer pressure, intimidation, fear, or a concern for being seen as a weak.
  • It is necessary to learn to say no for your own emotional and mental well-being.
cuttingedge -

4 Quick, Easy Ways to Say No to People Who Take You for Granted - 0 views

us.deskdemon.com/...saynotogranted

communications niceWording

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • No matter how wonderful you are sometimes other people will try to take advantage of your good nature. They will push you, get you to do more than your fair share and keep asking you to do even more.
  • often your efforts will be taken for granted. Unless you can say No, the situation will not change in fact it may get even more difficult.
  • unless you can say No to these unreasonable people because very often to win respect from people you have to sometimes say No.
  • ...11 more annotations...
  • soften the No by postponing your help. For example -- - No, I am busy right now but I can help you in 40 minutes time - No, I have other things to do at the moment - Right now I do not have a free moment maybe later on - I would love to help but not at this minute, try John
  • This is a lot easier to do especially when dealing with people who intimidate you.
  • 2 Negotiate To deal with people who want your help but are slow to help you -- negotiate!
  • Say you are happy to help on one condition -- that they help you immediately
  • They will usually agree because they have to! If they say No, again as above, postpone helping them if you can.
  • There are some people who view the world in terms of what is in it for them and the concerns of others are of secondary importance. With these people you are wasting your time talking about your needs. For that reason you have to link your needs to their gains by negotiating - tell them they will get what they want IF you get what you want.
  • to say No for the first time use every opportunity to get some practice e.g. - In a restaurant, say no to the first table you are offered - at home say No to coffee when everyone else says Yes, have tea - In a store say yes to an offer of help but No to the product
  • when you are dealing with people whose approval is not that important to you. You will quickly learn through experience that it is not the end of the world if you say no and the other person is not pleased with you.
  • 4 Say No to the Big Request and Yes to a Smaller One Sometimes you are going to be asked to do more than your fair share. If you cannot avoid the job you may need to consider doing part of it.
  • offer to do part of the job but not all of it. For example: - I will clean 2 rooms if you do the other 3 rooms - I can do 5 pages of the report as long as you give me the data - If you start the project I will finish it
  • winning back control of your interactions with anyone who pushes you too far.
cuttingedge -

How To Say No - 0 views

www.getmoredone.com/tips6.html

communications niceWording

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • When You Have to Say Yes Sometimes, saying no is simply unavoidable. Here are some techniques to use: Tell the person you can agree to their request this time, but ask how the two of you might plan better for the next time. Tell them yes, but remind them they owe you one. For example, they might cover you for a shift next time you need time off. Tell them yes, but take control by saying you'll come back to them with a timetable. For instance, say, "I expect I'll be able to do that for you by the end of the week." Put a tough condition on your agreement. "If it would only take an hour, I'd be able to help, but I can't give you more than that."
  • Stick to your plan. If you have a written set of goals and strategies, this gives you a reason to stick to your course. ("Thanks, but I already have an investment plan, so you don't need to send me a newsletter about stocks.")
  • When someone persists, repeat your position, perhaps in a slightly different way. ("As I already said, our policy is to donate to charities that help children only.")
  • ...8 more annotations...
  • Make sure you understand exactly what is being asked of you before you respond. Perhaps the task is more time consuming than you thought. On the other hand, it may not take much effort at all.
  • Excel at just a few things, rather than being just average at many. Don't try to do everything
  • You have a right to say no. Remember that others may take you for granted and even lose respect for you if you don't.
  • Be polite, but firm in saying no. You only build false hopes with wishy-washy responses. For instance, the phrase "I'll try to be there" in response to a party invitation is giving yourself an excuse to avoid a commitment. It doesn't do anyone any favours.
  • When a superior asks you to do a new urgent task; Remind her that you are working on other projects that she has already identified as top priorities Ask for help in deciding where the new task should fall on the list of priorities Point out that you might be able to do everything, but not to the usual high standards that are expected
  • Some experts recommend keeping your answer short. This way, you can say no without feeling the need for a lengthy justification. ("I'm sorry, I'm not available that night.") On the other hand, others say that giving a longer answer with reasons reinforces your credibility. Let the situation decide.
  • Provide suggestions or alternatives to the person who is asking. ("I can't do that task today, but how about next week," or "How about asking John instead?")
  • When in doubt, it's easier to say no now, then change your mind to a yes later, rather than the other way around.
cuttingedge -

How to Say No Respectfully - wikiHow - 0 views

www.wikihow.com/Say-No-Respectfully

communications niceWording

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • Preface your 'NO' by saying 'I understand what you are saying' before refusing - it helps if people feel empathy
  • If you feel you are at risk of physical harm, alert a third party as quickly as possible
  • "This weekend isn't a good time for us to have stay-over guests." If they press, say, "We have a lot of shopping and cleaning to do to prepare for this next week, and we won't do it if we have company." Hopefully, that will end the discussion. And frankly, that's probably the truth, isn't it?
  • ...3 more annotations...
  • If your refusal upsets someone, remain calm and, if possible, remove yourself from the situation
  • Be respectful. Even if the person asking isn't.
  • Listen to the request respectfully. Do not interrupt the speaker. Phrase your "no" as simply as possible. Don't raise your voice or become upset, simply say that you cannot help this time. When you say no, say it in a confident, well modulated voice to sound more straightforward. Don't feel obligated to explain. You have your reasons and they may not be ones you wish to discuss. If this is the case, try saying something like, "I'm just not able to." Leave it at that - if you must, change the subject, or say, "I'm sorry, but I need to go." Explain simply, and only if you wish to do so. If the case really is one that you feel okay explaining, make your explanation as simple as possible. Stand firm. If the requestor does not want to accept your answer, tell him or her that your mind is made up and that you will not change it.
cuttingedge -

University of Florida Counseling Center - How to Say No - 0 views

www.counsel.ufl.edu/...how_to_say_no.aspx

communications niceWording

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • The first thing to do is to identify the emotional hooks or beliefs that are getting in your way. For example, if a friend wants to borrow your favorite records to take to a party, what are the negative consequences you anticipate if you say no? Are you afraid he or she will never speak to you again? If you say no to an employer, do you fear being fired from your job? If you say no to a professor, do you anticipate getting a bad grade in the course?
  • the next step is the restate them more realistically. For example, you might tell yourself if I say no, my friend will be disappointed not to be able to borrow my records, but our friendship is not contingent on this. He or she will likely respect me more for having said no clearly.
  • My employer may not be happy about my not staying overtime, but it is reasonable to refuse when it is inconvenient for me. If I agree to do something I don’t want to do I will probably feel dissatisfied with myself. I may also feel angry and resentful at the other person.
  • ...11 more annotations...
  • After you have restated your beliefs more rationally so that you feel ready to say no and feel good about doing so, the next step is to say it directly to the person, with a sense of assertiveness in your voice and manner. Make sure the non-verbal message is the same as your words. Are you making eye contact? Is your tone non-apologetic?
  • To make it easier, begin by saying no in some low risk situations where you’re perfectly assured of your right to say no and with this practice you’ll build up confidence in yourself and an ability to say no in more difficult situations, appearing confident at times when you may be feeling uncertain of yourself inside.
  • Rehearse saying no in a clear and direct way. Be aware of your entire manner and tone of voice when you do so.
  • If your have said no, but someone persists, like a broken record, not listening to your first no, you may need to persist in saying no. Are you simply the kind of person who gives in? Or do you tend to get angry? You may need to get their attention by touching them and saying - you seem to be invested in getting me to agree, but I’ve said no and I really mean it.
  • In more difficult situations when you are unsure of what you want to say or how you want to say it, try giving yourself time, by telling the other person - can I think about it? Then sort out what you feel and what your irrational beliefs and expectations are to your saying no.
  • it is important to realize that there is healthy selfish behavior. You have a right to say no and feel good about it. As you attend to your own feelings and needs you will have a lot more willingness to say yes at other times.
  • You might inquire about assertive groups that are offered on your campus or in your community.
  • When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith Don’t Say Yes When You Want to Say No by Tenserheim Your Perfect Right by Alberti and Emmons
  • may feel guilty about saying no since you have been taught to go out of your way to avoid hurting people’s feelings. So you end up feeling responsible for the other person’s feelings as if their happiness depends on your agreeing. This takes away their right to be responsible for their own feelings.
  • You might feel you are a bad person if you refuse - selfish and self-centered. You have been taught the virtue of self-sacrifice and self-denial. So you end up being more concerned and more considerate of others than you are of yourself.
  • You might fear the loss of the relationship or be afraid of damaging the relationship in some way. So you end up treating the relationship as fragile and dependent on your constant compliance.
cuttingedge -

Saying No: The Basics : How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty - 0 views

www.enotalone.com/...6080.html

communications niceWording

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • The object is to hear yourself saying no successfully. Little by little, stretch yourself by saying no in more challenging circumstances.
  • Most likely, you will settle on a few different phrases that work for you and that can be applied to the situations you face most often. The more you use them, the more comfortable you'll become with them. Over time, you will utter them with confidence and ease.
  • saying no without guilt is much easier for all concerned when it's done in the context of generosity. This means being helpful and available to family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors whenever you possibly can — in other words, when it won't cause significant stress or inconvenience and when you can say yes without resentment.
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  • Just as important, give yourself a little credit for being a generous person. Recognizing the many things you do for others with a willing spirit, you'll feel more confident and less guilty at times when you really do want to say no to them.
  • basic principle of saying no: Less is more. The most powerful and effective "no's" are the least complicated
  • we feel obliged to justify our "no" with a detailed explanation
  • elaborating is seldom necessary, and it leaves you on shaky ground. The more specific information you supply, the more likely the other person will be to: a) try to figure out a way to "solve the problem" so that you can actually do the thing he wants you to do (which, of course, you don't want to do), b) decide that your reason for saying no isn't good enough and be miffed about it
  • make a statement like "I'm sorry, I won't be able to" or "I'm afraid I'm busy that day," you sound clear and decisive.
  • If the other person insists on knowing why, the burden of prying will be on him. When that happens, don't fall into the trap of trying to come up with new, more creative excuses to satisfy someone who can't take no for an answer. Instead, repeat yourself as often as necessary.
  • emphasize different words, change the language around a bit, or offer some other vague comment. "I'm busy that day" can also be expressed as "I've got plans," "I have a previous engagement," "I've got an appointment I can't break," or "I've had something on my calendar for weeks." Hold your ground in the face of a rude, nosy, or aggressive person. No one has the right to force you to violate your own privacy.
  • "no" can be one of the most positive words in your vocabulary. Whether you crave more family time, more time for yourself, or more time to pursue a dream, saying no frees up room for the "yeses" in your life.
  • Sometimes I just want to stay home and do nothing. But that doesn't seem like a good enough reason. Unless I have something else on the calendar, I feel obligated to say yes.
  • To build up your courage for those really difficult "no's," start small. Practice
  • 1. Buying Time If you do nothing else suggested in this book, acquire the habit of buying time before responding to requests. It takes the pressure off when you can't figure out how to say no diplomatically or simply need more time to decide.
  • "time-buying" responses will cover you in just about every situation. For example: I need to check my calendar; I'll get back to you. Let me check with my husband/wife/partner to see if we're free that day. I've got to think about that; I'll let you know. I've got to take a look at my cash flow. I need to find out if I have to work first.
  • 2. "The Policy" We love to say no with the phrase "I have a policy." For example, suppose a friend asks for a loan you don't want to extend. Utter the phrase Sorry, I have a policy about not lending money, and your refusal immediately sounds less personal.
  • In all kinds of situations, invoking a policy adds weight and seriousness when you need to say no. It implies that you've given the matter considerable thought on a previous occasion and learned from experience that what the person is requesting is unwise. It can also convey that you've got a prior commitment you can't break
  • "Sorry, I can't come — it's our policy to have dinner together as a family every Friday night," it lets the other person know that your family ritual is carved in stone.
  • Of course, when searching for your response, it helps to have a policy. Which brings us to an important point: Saying no comfortably and without guilt requires you to really think about what you stand for. Why are you saying no? As you learn to eliminate unwanted obligations from your life, what are you making room for? When you can identify and embrace your priorities and focus on what you want more of — for example, time with the family, money for an important project or cause — you feel more justified saying no in order to pursue those goals.
  • Tell your best friend you don't want to go to her choice of restaurant, and suggest another. Tell your husband you don't want to go to the hardware store with him. Tell your son he can't have more dessert
  • cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09
     
    practice 'no' with small things."don't want to go to that restaurant and suggest another". Remember how generous you are. Always be generous helpful to ppl whenever you can...but when it won't cause feeling stressed,inconvenienced, and resentful. Keep 'no' short. "I'm busy that day", "I've got plans," repeat if they violate your privacy. 1. Buy Time = # I need to check my calendar; I'll get back to you. # Let me check with my husband/wife/partner to see if we're free that day. # I've got to think about that; I'll let you know. # I've got to take a look at my cash flow. # I need to find out if I have to work first 2. I have a Policy - decide your policy's then. "Sorry, I have a policy about not lending money," "Sorry, I can't come - it's our policy to have dinner together as a family every Friday night,"
cuttingedge -

Becoming Open to Others - University of Florida Counseling Center - 0 views

www.counsel.ufl.edu/...becoming_open_to_others.aspx

communications

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • We know it feels good to share with others. It’s really a nice feeling to get things off our chest, to get them out in the open.
  • If feels good to talk to somebody about things we’re concerned about. It’s good to be able to trust somebody.
  • the inner person, that is you, is communicated to others might be one way of being open
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  • Being open is a kind of invitation to others. What you share about yourself should encourage others to come in, so to speak and make contact with you. To involve themselves with you.
  • Being open is difficult. It makes us feel vulnerable, psychologically naked and usually anxious. But it also is important in terms of really letting others get to understand how we think, how we feel and what we believe. We often hide our inner thoughts and feelings because we’re concerned how well excepted they’ll be by other people. But we also shut out other people from knowing and accepting us by not being open.
  • We also are really saying we don’t fully accept ourselves if we won’t be open with others. We’re denying ourselves that chance to speak out, to declare our inner thoughts and feelings.
  • it might be more honest and open for me at that time when I’m right there with that person to share my resentment openly. And that way the situation and my feelings can be changed.
  • Telling someone that you’re bored is risky, but it takes courage to say, "I’m bored, why don’t we do such and such?", or "let’s change topics."
  • declaring your boredom or resentments also means I’m responsible for suggesting alternatives to change my mood.
  • being completely open with everyone in every situation may be very inappropriate. You may want to be more open with your spouse or close friends, but not with your boss or people you don’t know as well. You may choose not to be open with people you don’t fully trust, because to be open is to share vulnerable information about yourself. And if you don’t fully trust how someone else will use that information about you, you may choose not to share it.
  • Openness is making your outer world as similar to your inner world as possible. When you’re feeling jealous, happy, anxious or sad why not share with other people what you’re really feeling, that is jealous, happy, anxious or sad. We call this being congruent. That is letting what shows, your expression, frown, words represent what you actually feel and think. That takes hard work and a lot of honesty. A caution about being open is that sometimes we can be too open. In the name of being open we say everything we feel or think to others. But fail to be sensitive to others feelings about our openness.
  • By being sensitive to others you’ll avoid making three common errors. You will not share your feelings or thoughts too quickly and thereby push your listener away. You will not bore your audience and you will not have someone listen to you too long, without giving them hints about the kind of listener you want them to be.
  • focus on feelings. It’s usually easier to share opinions or thoughts about something. Everybody has an opinion. It’s harder to share feelings. Be in touch with how you feel. Share openly the feelings as much as you can.
  • Some feelings cover or come from other feelings. Anger may come from hurt. We might find it easier to show the anger. However, if we work really hard and try to understand the hurt, if we share the hurt and are open about the hurt we are actually being more open at a deeper level.
  • try to change your questions into statements. We sometimes have an attitude or feeling about something and we’re afraid to share it, we’re afraid to be open. Instead we ask a question. We might say for instance, "do you love me?", when instead we want to say I love you. Change your questions into statements you can make about yourself.
  • try to make your communication in the first person. Begin with sentences with I instead of you. You might say, " I feel happy that you’re here,"
  • Begin your sentences as often as possible with I
  • try not to say, "I don’t know." This generally means I don’t want to think about it anymore.
  • the extent to which others are open with you will depend on how open you are with them. Many people find that most of the relationships that they're involved in become much more important to them the more they to be more open in them. When we stay open to learning, new experiences open up for us. Perhaps the same can happen for you.
  • cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09
     
    knowing we are complex and worthwhile as a whole package. Being vulnerable invites participation in our lives, feels good, and brings us closer. If we accept our complex selves we can be unafraid to share it. Share resentment openly right then. Share "I'm bored" openly... but also means you are responsible to suggest alternatives to change your mood. Share openly feelings as much as you can. Congruence - letting what shows(your expression, frown, words) represent what you actually feel and think. State what you are feeling(jealous, happy, sad). Anger can mask hurt. Then state "I feel hurt". "I love you". "I'm glad you're here"
cuttingedge -

Self-Assertion - University of Florida Counseling Center - 0 views

www.counsel.ufl.edu/...self_assertion.aspx

communications

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • In order to achieve assertive communication, one needs a level of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-awareness. Self-confidence is projected, not performed. It has to radiate from within and does not rely on others.
  • Self-worth comes from believing that you are a worthwhile individual who deserves the best that life has to offer.
  • Self-awareness develops from personal monitoring. One learns of strengths and weaknesses by making internal assessments.
  • ...8 more annotations...
  • Self-assertion is a natural process for individuals who are confident and aware. In essence, you must have confidence within before you can demonstrate it in the midst of others.
  • Are you afraid of confrontation? What are you most concerned about – losing the person’s respect, physical altercations, etc.?
  • Confrontation may not feel comfortable, but it is healthy when done appropriately. It conveys the message, "I care enough to work this out". By working through the initial discomfort of a confrontation, you begin building skills, confidence, and self-awareness.
  • "I am most upset when you turn on your stereo while I am studying"
  • Attend to your body language. Pay attention to your tone of voice, physical appearance, facial expression, eye contact, and physical gestures as you speak.
    • cuttingedge -
      cuttingedge - on 02 Jan 09
       
      be sincere, be neutral and objective, and you won't have to worry about it.
  • Breathe deeply if you are nervous during a confrontation in order to restore control.
  • One’s clothes and accessories can paint a picture of credibility or the lack of it.
  • researchers suggest 7% of what we communicate is with words. 93% of what we communicate is non-verbal (e.g., tone of voice, facial and body language). Being in tune with your body’s message is equally important as the words you’d like to convey.
  • cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09
     
    Your own self worth(you deserve the best life has to offer) leads to self confidence. Confronting builds skills and self confidence. It also says "I care enough to work this out". Being honest with ones weaknesses and strengths and complex self is good. 93% of comm is body language and tones... be sure they represent your true feelings.
cuttingedge -

Dealing with Anger - University of Florida Counseling Center - 0 views

www.counsel.ufl.edu/...dealing_with_anger.aspx

communications

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • sidestepping the issue, keeping the anger inside, instead of being direct with a person. Sandbagging results in being indirect and sarcastic. Many people fear hurting someone else’s feelings if they share angry feelings
  • could lead to punitive kinds of behavior or resentment, directly or indirectly
  • People that you are involved with, a boyfriend of girlfriend or a spouse, know when you are angry. There are ways that you show it indirectly. And when you don’t express that anger directly to them, usually they resent it, and the frustration can cause people to withdraw from each other.
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  • When you have angry feelings ,you have to decide if this is the right time and the right place to express these feelings
  • Expressing anger is a lot easier if we trust someone. On the other hand, level of trust is not imperative.
  • the most important thing is to trust yourself. Trust your feelings and let your feelings out.
  • Give yourself time, take a few moments, locate the source.
  • choose the right time and the right place to express that anger.
  • tell them your anger in the most simple, direct way you can think of. And always remember that you have the responsibility to express your anger. The other person may not respond the way you want them to--they may not be willing to hear it-- but the important thing is that is their responsibility.
  • You only have the responsibility to tell them and that’s about it.
  • cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09
     
    be direct and simple as possible. Your responsibility is to let them know. This creates congruence. You are not responsible for their reaction. Expressing it prevents resentment on their part and withdrawl (bc they know you are angry and not discussing it)
cuttingedge -

» Training Attention and Emotional Self-Regulation - Interview with Michael P... - 0 views

www.sharpbrains.com/...-interview-with-michael-posner

discipline brain

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • emphasize that we human beings can regulate our thoughts, emotions, and actions to a greater degree than other primates. For example, we can choose to pass up an immediate reward for a larger, delayed reward.
  • We can plan ahead, resist distractions, be goal-oriented. These human characteristics appear to depend upon what we often call "self-regulation."
  • All parents have seen this in their kids. Parents can see the remarkable transformation as their children develop the ability to regulate emotions and to persist with goals in the face of distractions. That ability is usually labeled ‘‘self-regulation.’’
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  • One of our major findings, thanks to neuroimaging, is that there is not one single "attention", but three separate functions of attention with three separate underlying brain networks: alerting, orienting, and executive attention.
  • 1) Alerting: helps us maintain an Alert State.
  • 2) Orienting: focuses our senses on the information we want. For example, you are now listening to my voice.
  • 3) Executive Attention: regulates a variety of networks, such as emotional responses and sensory information. This is critical for most other skills, and clearly correlated with academic performance.
  • These neurons have long axons, connecting to the anterior cingulate and anterior insula, which we think is part of the reason why we have Executive Attention
  • Executive functions are goal-oriented. Executive attention is just the ability to manage attention towards those goals, towards planning.
  • Executive attention is important for decision-making (how to accomplish an external goal) and with working memory (the temporary storage of information)
  • fMRI lets us see the activation of areas of grey matter
  • A more recent technique, diffusion tensor, is focused instead on the white matter. It detects connectivity among neurons, it helps us see a map of networks.
  • There is a type of neuron, named the Von Economo neuron, which is found only in the anterior cingulate and a related area of the anterior insula
  • The development of executive attention can be easily observed both by questionnaire and cognitive tasks after about age 3–4, when parents can identify the ability of their children to regulate their emotions and control their behavior in accord with social demands.
  • From a practical point of view, we can think that neural networks like this are what enable specific human traits such as effortful control.
  • What is effortful control? It is a higher-order temperament factor consisting of attention, focus shifting, and inhibitory control - both for children and adults
  • A common example is how often you may make plans that you do not follow through with. A test often used to measure executive attention is the Stroop Test (you can try it here)
  • Good parenting has been shown to build good effortful control
  • Tell us now about your recent research on attention training Several training programs have been successful in improving attention in normal adults
  • With normal adults, training with video games produced better performance on a range of visual attention tasks.
  • recent study we developed and tested a 5-day training intervention using computerized exercises
  • We found that executive attention was trainable, and also a significantly greater improvement in intelligence in the trained group compared to the control children.
  • Dr. Yiyuan Tang, studied the impact of mindfulness meditation with undergrads to improve exec attention, finding significant improvements as well.
    • cuttingedge -
      cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09
       
      Great! Look up the details of that study and exactly what they did.
    • cuttingedge -
      cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09
       
      to engage attention and awareness in a way that helps us "integrate" body/mind and brain in the experience of "being" (as to be distinguished neurologically from "thinking or doing.") In response to Tang's talk, David Rock offered a tip he found helpful in his study of mindfulness, namely the strategy of distingushing between narration (interpretation) and direct experience - each having their own correlates in brain anatomy and brain chemistry.
  • It is clear that executive attention and effortful control are critical for success in school. Will they one day be trained in pre-schools? It sounds reasonable to believe so, to make sure all kids are ready to learn
  • Let me add that we have found no ceiling for abilities such as attention, including among adults. The more training, even with normal people, the higher the results
  • Good parenting, as measured by different research-based scales, has been shown to build good effortful control
  • we found is that some specific genes reduced, even eliminated, the influence of the quality of parenting. In other words, some children's development really depends on how their parents bring them up, whereas others do not - or do to a much smaller extent.
  • formal training programs (computer-based, meditation) and also informal ones (parenting
  • How can SharpBrains readers access the computer-based attention training program you talked about earlier? Researchers and parents can download the program, which is aimed at kids aged 4 to 6. The computerized exercises are available on www.teach-the-brain.org. Click on learning tools and follow attention.
  • cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09
     
    Scientific studies using neuroimaging of the brain that prove that 'effortful control' and 'self-regulation' (self discipline) is trainable and how the brain areas of self-regulation physically improve with training. A big part of this is due to the person's ability to stay focused and keep their attention on a task or goal. They use mindful meditation and attention exercises. see free download.
cuttingedge -

Self-discipline - 9 views

"The one quality which sets one man apart from another-the key which lifts one to every aspiration while' others are caught up in the mire of mediocrity-is not talent, formal education, nor intelle...

definition

started by cuttingedge - on 15 Nov 08 2 follow-ups, last by cuttingedge - on 30 Dec 08
cuttingedge -

How to Ask a question: - 13 views

That was a nice way to ask on a potentially sensitive topic. 1. "I want to be direct and ask ...." 2. Explained circumstances. 3. "You can just say yes or no" (pol...

niceWording

started by cuttingedge - on 04 Dec 08 no follow-up yet
cuttingedge -

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." - Benjamin Franklin - 3 views

I love this quote! I just posted it on a business site and realized it's wisdom in many other areas... like conscious communications! How can we, as people that highly value relationsh...

prevention

started by cuttingedge - on 26 Nov 08 no follow-up yet
cuttingedge -

How To Deal With Inconsiderate People | Lifescript.com - 0 views

www.lifescript.com/...With_Inconsiderate_People.aspx

communications

shared by cuttingedge - on 15 Nov 08 - Cached
  • Inconsiderate friends can be a big problem if they are people who you really enjoy spending time with otherwise.
  • The first step in resolving the issue of inconsiderate friends may be to determine whether the person knows that she is exhibiting inconsiderate behavior
  • explaining to your friend that her behavior hurts your feelings by making your meeting together appear unimportant
  • ...4 more annotations...
  • In other cases, it may be a simple situation of saying "no" to this friend - to borrowing money or possessions that never get returned
  • In some cases, the best way to encourage considerate behavior in others is to show kindness yourself
  • Take the high road and you will find that people take your "kindness" and continue to walk all over you
  • The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct by P.M. Forni, there are plenty of guidelines to help you become the most considerate person that you can be.
cuttingedge -

Empathy - 3 views

Empathy is the capacity to recognize or understand another's state of mind or emotion. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes", or to in some way experience t...

definition

started by cuttingedge - on 15 Nov 08 no follow-up yet
cuttingedge -

Considerate - 3 views

Showing concern for the rights and feelings of others. "friends considerate enough to leave us alone" Thoughtful of others. It was very considerate of you to give up your place for your friend. C...

definition

started by cuttingedge - on 15 Nov 08 no follow-up yet
cuttingedge -

Quotes and Snippets - 5 views

I took these from a pdf file and so can't highlight it here. Here are some snips from the article. www.firstchurchlb.org/Sermon/2008_06_22.pdf The Latin root of "manners" is "hand." Manners are th...

started by cuttingedge - on 12 Nov 08 no follow-up yet
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