Skip to main content

Home/ Conscious Communications/ Group items tagged self

Rss Feed Group items tagged

Filter: All | Bookmarks | Topics Simple Middle
cuttingedge -

Self-discipline - 9 views

"The one quality which sets one man apart from another-the key which lifts one to every aspiration while' others are caught up in the mire of mediocrity-is not talent, formal education, nor intelle...

definition

started by cuttingedge - on 15 Nov 08 2 follow-ups, last by cuttingedge - on 30 Dec 08
cuttingedge -

Self-Assertion - University of Florida Counseling Center - 0 views

www.counsel.ufl.edu/...self_assertion.aspx

communications

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • In order to achieve assertive communication, one needs a level of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-awareness. Self-confidence is projected, not performed. It has to radiate from within and does not rely on others.
  • Self-worth comes from believing that you are a worthwhile individual who deserves the best that life has to offer.
  • Self-awareness develops from personal monitoring. One learns of strengths and weaknesses by making internal assessments.
  • ...8 more annotations...
  • Self-assertion is a natural process for individuals who are confident and aware. In essence, you must have confidence within before you can demonstrate it in the midst of others.
  • Are you afraid of confrontation? What are you most concerned about – losing the person’s respect, physical altercations, etc.?
  • Confrontation may not feel comfortable, but it is healthy when done appropriately. It conveys the message, "I care enough to work this out". By working through the initial discomfort of a confrontation, you begin building skills, confidence, and self-awareness.
  • "I am most upset when you turn on your stereo while I am studying"
  • Attend to your body language. Pay attention to your tone of voice, physical appearance, facial expression, eye contact, and physical gestures as you speak.
    • cuttingedge -
      cuttingedge - on 02 Jan 09
       
      be sincere, be neutral and objective, and you won't have to worry about it.
  • Breathe deeply if you are nervous during a confrontation in order to restore control.
  • One’s clothes and accessories can paint a picture of credibility or the lack of it.
  • researchers suggest 7% of what we communicate is with words. 93% of what we communicate is non-verbal (e.g., tone of voice, facial and body language). Being in tune with your body’s message is equally important as the words you’d like to convey.
  • cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09
     
    Your own self worth(you deserve the best life has to offer) leads to self confidence. Confronting builds skills and self confidence. It also says "I care enough to work this out". Being honest with ones weaknesses and strengths and complex self is good. 93% of comm is body language and tones... be sure they represent your true feelings.
cuttingedge -

» Training Attention and Emotional Self-Regulation - Interview with Michael P... - 0 views

www.sharpbrains.com/...-interview-with-michael-posner

discipline brain

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • emphasize that we human beings can regulate our thoughts, emotions, and actions to a greater degree than other primates. For example, we can choose to pass up an immediate reward for a larger, delayed reward.
  • We can plan ahead, resist distractions, be goal-oriented. These human characteristics appear to depend upon what we often call "self-regulation."
  • All parents have seen this in their kids. Parents can see the remarkable transformation as their children develop the ability to regulate emotions and to persist with goals in the face of distractions. That ability is usually labeled ‘‘self-regulation.’’
  • ...26 more annotations...
  • One of our major findings, thanks to neuroimaging, is that there is not one single "attention", but three separate functions of attention with three separate underlying brain networks: alerting, orienting, and executive attention.
  • 1) Alerting: helps us maintain an Alert State.
  • 2) Orienting: focuses our senses on the information we want. For example, you are now listening to my voice.
  • 3) Executive Attention: regulates a variety of networks, such as emotional responses and sensory information. This is critical for most other skills, and clearly correlated with academic performance.
  • These neurons have long axons, connecting to the anterior cingulate and anterior insula, which we think is part of the reason why we have Executive Attention
  • Executive functions are goal-oriented. Executive attention is just the ability to manage attention towards those goals, towards planning.
  • Executive attention is important for decision-making (how to accomplish an external goal) and with working memory (the temporary storage of information)
  • fMRI lets us see the activation of areas of grey matter
  • A more recent technique, diffusion tensor, is focused instead on the white matter. It detects connectivity among neurons, it helps us see a map of networks.
  • There is a type of neuron, named the Von Economo neuron, which is found only in the anterior cingulate and a related area of the anterior insula
  • The development of executive attention can be easily observed both by questionnaire and cognitive tasks after about age 3–4, when parents can identify the ability of their children to regulate their emotions and control their behavior in accord with social demands.
  • From a practical point of view, we can think that neural networks like this are what enable specific human traits such as effortful control.
  • What is effortful control? It is a higher-order temperament factor consisting of attention, focus shifting, and inhibitory control - both for children and adults
  • A common example is how often you may make plans that you do not follow through with. A test often used to measure executive attention is the Stroop Test (you can try it here)
  • Good parenting has been shown to build good effortful control
  • Tell us now about your recent research on attention training Several training programs have been successful in improving attention in normal adults
  • With normal adults, training with video games produced better performance on a range of visual attention tasks.
  • recent study we developed and tested a 5-day training intervention using computerized exercises
  • We found that executive attention was trainable, and also a significantly greater improvement in intelligence in the trained group compared to the control children.
  • Dr. Yiyuan Tang, studied the impact of mindfulness meditation with undergrads to improve exec attention, finding significant improvements as well.
    • cuttingedge -
      cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09
       
      Great! Look up the details of that study and exactly what they did.
    • cuttingedge -
      cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09
       
      to engage attention and awareness in a way that helps us "integrate" body/mind and brain in the experience of "being" (as to be distinguished neurologically from "thinking or doing.") In response to Tang's talk, David Rock offered a tip he found helpful in his study of mindfulness, namely the strategy of distingushing between narration (interpretation) and direct experience - each having their own correlates in brain anatomy and brain chemistry.
  • It is clear that executive attention and effortful control are critical for success in school. Will they one day be trained in pre-schools? It sounds reasonable to believe so, to make sure all kids are ready to learn
  • Let me add that we have found no ceiling for abilities such as attention, including among adults. The more training, even with normal people, the higher the results
  • Good parenting, as measured by different research-based scales, has been shown to build good effortful control
  • we found is that some specific genes reduced, even eliminated, the influence of the quality of parenting. In other words, some children's development really depends on how their parents bring them up, whereas others do not - or do to a much smaller extent.
  • formal training programs (computer-based, meditation) and also informal ones (parenting
  • How can SharpBrains readers access the computer-based attention training program you talked about earlier? Researchers and parents can download the program, which is aimed at kids aged 4 to 6. The computerized exercises are available on www.teach-the-brain.org. Click on learning tools and follow attention.
  • cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09
     
    Scientific studies using neuroimaging of the brain that prove that 'effortful control' and 'self-regulation' (self discipline) is trainable and how the brain areas of self-regulation physically improve with training. A big part of this is due to the person's ability to stay focused and keep their attention on a task or goal. They use mindful meditation and attention exercises. see free download.
cuttingedge -

Quotes and Snippets - 5 views

I took these from a pdf file and so can't highlight it here. Here are some snips from the article. www.firstchurchlb.org/Sermon/2008_06_22.pdf The Latin root of "manners" is "hand." Manners are th...

started by cuttingedge - on 12 Nov 08 no follow-up yet
cuttingedge -

BBC - Ways to make peace - 0 views

www.bbc.co.uk/...comm_makepeace.shtml

communcations

shared by cuttingedge - on 12 Nov 08 - Cached
  • We're all different and where there's difference, there will be disagreement
  • The first step towards doing this is to understand what you're really arguing about and get an insight into your conflict style. After you've looked at both these areas, you can use some of the techniques
  • Be self-awareSelf-awareness and self-responsibility are the first steps in sorting out and avoiding conflict. It's impossible to make your partner change, but if you change your behaviour they'll almost certainly react differently.
  • ...19 more annotations...
  • Assume the best - unless you have evidence to the contrary, always give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
  • Check your conscience - are you arguing because there's something you're avoiding, such as apologising, compromising or forgiving? Make sure you're not fighting to protect your pride.
  • Think about whether you're being affected by something else - don't underestimate the power of external circumstances. Are you stressed, tired, hormonal or angry about something else?
  • An adult is calm and focused, and listens and negotiates.
  • Own your feelings - your partner can't make you feel something. Your feelings are under your own control. If you're angry, say "I'm angry because...", not "You made me angry."
  • Improve communicationGood communication is vital to making peace. Often arguments go on and on, just because one or both parties feel they haven't been heard.
  • Listen - this is the most important part of good communication. Listen to your partner, without judging or making assumptions.
  • Explore - ask questions to make sure you really understand what your partner is saying. Be willing to look at every angle.
  • Explain - this is the other side of exploring. Be ready to give as much information as your partner needs to understand your point of view. Don't expect them to read your mind.
  • Empathise - put yourself in your partner's shoes. Feel what they're feeling and let them know you've taken notice, eg "I understand that you're feeling upset."
  • Express - say what you mean and mean what you say. Be clear and to the point.
  • Laugh - this may seem a strange thing to put in an argument, but sensitive use of humour can be a powerful way to diffuse an argument. If there's a lighter side, use it.
  • It's impossible to have a proper discussion with someone who has lost their temper. If either of you feels very angry, stop your discussion or the row will almost certainly get worse.
  • Joint techniquesThe best peacemaking tactics are ones you've agreed on beforehand.Big Brother - pretend your argument is being observed by someone who's opinion you value. You'll be amazed at how polite and reasonable you'll both become.
  • Use code words - agree a word to use when either of you feels it's getting too emotional or you're just going round in circles. Then take some time out before you start again.
  • Be practical - try the resolving issues exercise to help you work through the problem rationally.
  • Agree to disagree - sometimes it's simpler. Not all battles need a winner and a loser.
  • Argue productively - print out the productive arguing guidelines. Put them somewhere you can see them and both try to stick to them.
  • Take turns - if you don't feel you're getting equal air-time, agree to take turns. Use a watch to time alternate five to ten minute slots until your communication has improved
cuttingedge -

University of Florida Counseling Center - How to Say No - 0 views

www.counsel.ufl.edu/...how_to_say_no.aspx

communications niceWording

shared by cuttingedge - on 01 Jan 09 - Cached
  • The first thing to do is to identify the emotional hooks or beliefs that are getting in your way. For example, if a friend wants to borrow your favorite records to take to a party, what are the negative consequences you anticipate if you say no? Are you afraid he or she will never speak to you again? If you say no to an employer, do you fear being fired from your job? If you say no to a professor, do you anticipate getting a bad grade in the course?
  • the next step is the restate them more realistically. For example, you might tell yourself if I say no, my friend will be disappointed not to be able to borrow my records, but our friendship is not contingent on this. He or she will likely respect me more for having said no clearly.
  • My employer may not be happy about my not staying overtime, but it is reasonable to refuse when it is inconvenient for me. If I agree to do something I don’t want to do I will probably feel dissatisfied with myself. I may also feel angry and resentful at the other person.
  • ...11 more annotations...
  • After you have restated your beliefs more rationally so that you feel ready to say no and feel good about doing so, the next step is to say it directly to the person, with a sense of assertiveness in your voice and manner. Make sure the non-verbal message is the same as your words. Are you making eye contact? Is your tone non-apologetic?
  • To make it easier, begin by saying no in some low risk situations where you’re perfectly assured of your right to say no and with this practice you’ll build up confidence in yourself and an ability to say no in more difficult situations, appearing confident at times when you may be feeling uncertain of yourself inside.
  • Rehearse saying no in a clear and direct way. Be aware of your entire manner and tone of voice when you do so.
  • If your have said no, but someone persists, like a broken record, not listening to your first no, you may need to persist in saying no. Are you simply the kind of person who gives in? Or do you tend to get angry? You may need to get their attention by touching them and saying - you seem to be invested in getting me to agree, but I’ve said no and I really mean it.
  • In more difficult situations when you are unsure of what you want to say or how you want to say it, try giving yourself time, by telling the other person - can I think about it? Then sort out what you feel and what your irrational beliefs and expectations are to your saying no.
  • it is important to realize that there is healthy selfish behavior. You have a right to say no and feel good about it. As you attend to your own feelings and needs you will have a lot more willingness to say yes at other times.
  • You might inquire about assertive groups that are offered on your campus or in your community.
  • When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith Don’t Say Yes When You Want to Say No by Tenserheim Your Perfect Right by Alberti and Emmons
  • may feel guilty about saying no since you have been taught to go out of your way to avoid hurting people’s feelings. So you end up feeling responsible for the other person’s feelings as if their happiness depends on your agreeing. This takes away their right to be responsible for their own feelings.
  • You might feel you are a bad person if you refuse - selfish and self-centered. You have been taught the virtue of self-sacrifice and self-denial. So you end up being more concerned and more considerate of others than you are of yourself.
  • You might fear the loss of the relationship or be afraid of damaging the relationship in some way. So you end up treating the relationship as fragile and dependent on your constant compliance.
cuttingedge -

Are you rude? Maybe you should think again - CNN.com - 0 views

www.cnn.com/...index.html

communcations self

shared by cuttingedge - on 12 Nov 08 - Cached
  • Eighty percent of Americans think rudeness is a serious national problem Ninety-nine percent of same people say that they themselves are not rude Going through life rude and angry can make you sick
  • Eighty percent of Americans think rudeness is a serious national problem, but 99 percent of the same people say that they themselves are not rude.
  • The first question is: Are you chronically late? Oprah has to admit, "My answer would be sorta kinda," she says.
  • ...12 more annotations...
  • I was chronically late," she says. "And I was late one day, and he said, 'If this ever happens again, I will never work out with you, because my time means as much to me as yours means to you. So you either get here on time or find yourself another trainer.' And I went, 'Okay.'"
  • "I think people are rude when they're having a bad day, and they don't expect to ever have to see you again, so they say what they want,"
  • nicknamed some of her rudest customers "the tossers." "What they do is instead of handing me their cash, they toss it at me," she says. "I've had people toss it so hard it's actually flown off my side of the counter."
  • "the messers." "They come, they get what they want, they leave their mess, and then I have to clean it up,"
  • Dr. Forni -- a professor at Johns Hopkins University and author of "Choosing Civility: The 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct" and "The Civility Solution: What to Do When People Are Rude"
  • "The quality of our lives is about treating each other well in every situation. We are all the trustees of one another's happiness and well-being in life,"
  • Stress and anonymity are two very, very common causes of rudeness
  • "Especially when they are together, like in traffic."
  • "We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace"
  • treat others as ends in themselves rather than as beings for the satisfaction of our own immediate needs and desires.
  • choosing to act in a civil manner has proven more beneficial than self-satisfaction. "I'm not a physician, but any doctor will say that when we are involved in a rude encounter, there are hormones -- like catecholamines, for instance, cortisol -- that are cascading into our system and they are making our immune system weaker,"
  • Going through life rude and angry can make you sick.
cuttingedge -

How To Deal With Inconsiderate People | Lifescript.com - 0 views

www.lifescript.com/...With_Inconsiderate_People.aspx

communications

shared by cuttingedge - on 15 Nov 08 - Cached
  • Inconsiderate friends can be a big problem if they are people who you really enjoy spending time with otherwise.
  • The first step in resolving the issue of inconsiderate friends may be to determine whether the person knows that she is exhibiting inconsiderate behavior
  • explaining to your friend that her behavior hurts your feelings by making your meeting together appear unimportant
  • ...4 more annotations...
  • In other cases, it may be a simple situation of saying "no" to this friend - to borrowing money or possessions that never get returned
  • In some cases, the best way to encourage considerate behavior in others is to show kindness yourself
  • Take the high road and you will find that people take your "kindness" and continue to walk all over you
  • The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct by P.M. Forni, there are plenty of guidelines to help you become the most considerate person that you can be.
1 - 8 of 8
Showing 20▼ items per page