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someone asking for a favor that requires a type of resource from you such as money or time. This situation is non-threatening and often gets you to carry out the task because of your guilt, passiveness, or inability to take a stance.

The second common scenario where it is extremely helpful to say no is in a more threatening situation than the first type of scenarios. It involves your unwillingness and reluctancy to carry out the action that is requested of you.

This common scenario is about being coerced into doing something against your will.

Preface your 'NO' by saying 'I understand what you are saying' before refusing - it helps if people feel empathy

If you feel you are at risk of physical harm, alert a third party as quickly as possible

"This weekend isn't a good time for us to have stay-over guests." If they press, say, "We have a lot of shopping and cleaning to do to prepare for this next week, and we won't do it if we have company." Hopefully, that will end the discussion. And frankly, that's probably the truth, isn't it?

When You Have to Say Yes Sometimes, saying no is simply unavoidable. Here are some techniques to use: Tell the person you can agree to their request this time, but ask how the two of you might plan better for the next time. Tell them yes, but remind them they owe you one. For example, they might cover you for a shift next time you need time off. Tell them yes, but take control by saying you'll come back to them with a timetable. For instance, say, "I expect I'll be able to do that for you by the end of the week." Put a tough condition on your agreement. "If it would only take an hour, I'd be able to help, but I can't give you more than that."

Stick to your plan. If you have a written set of goals and strategies, this gives you a reason to stick to your course. ("Thanks, but I already have an investment plan, so you don't need to send me a newsletter about stocks.")

When someone persists, repeat your position, perhaps in a slightly different way. ("As I already said, our policy is to donate to charities that help children only.")

designed to help you resolve minor issues before they become major problems. Completing the exercise together should help you and your partner find a solution for your dilemma.

Make a date in advance to do this exercise. Allow yourselves an hour.Make sure you're not going to be disturbed.Write your answers on a separate piece of paper using the headings below, (leave space for you to fill in your answers) .Use one sheet of paper per issue.

The exerciseThe issue between us is...(Write down the issue)

you think they may be hurt or angry at the suggestion, follow these tips:Make sure your partner is relaxed and in a good mood.

Make sure it's a suggestion. Avoid using words such as "should", "ought" and "must". Instead, try "I was wondering..." or "Perhaps we..."

Talk about how you feel the exercise will help you. Leave your partner to decide if they think it will also help them.Ask them to think about it. Don't expect an immediate answer.

The object is to hear yourself saying no successfully. Little by little, stretch yourself by saying no in more challenging circumstances.

Most likely, you will settle on a few different phrases that work for you and that can be applied to the situations you face most often. The more you use them, the more comfortable you'll become with them. Over time, you will utter them with confidence and ease.

saying no without guilt is much easier for all concerned when it's done in the context of generosity. This means being helpful and available to family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors whenever you possibly can — in other words, when it won't cause significant stress or inconvenience and when you can say yes without resentment.

No matter how wonderful you are sometimes other people will try to take advantage of your good nature. They will push you, get you to do more than your fair share and keep asking you to do even more.

often your efforts will be taken for granted. Unless you can say No, the situation will not change in fact it may get even more difficult.

unless you can say No to these unreasonable people because very often to win respect from people you have to sometimes say No.

The first thing to do is to identify the emotional hooks or beliefs that are getting in your way. For example, if a friend wants to borrow your favorite records to take to a party, what are the negative consequences you anticipate if you say no? Are you afraid he or she will never speak to you again? If you say no to an employer, do you fear being fired from your job? If you say no to a professor, do you anticipate getting a bad grade in the course?

the next step is the restate them more realistically. For example, you might tell yourself if I say no, my friend will be disappointed not to be able to borrow my records, but our friendship is not contingent on this. He or she will likely respect me more for having said no clearly.

My employer may not be happy about my not staying overtime, but it is reasonable to refuse when it is inconvenient for me. If I agree to do something I don’t want to do I will probably feel dissatisfied with myself. I may also feel angry and resentful at the other person.