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Michael Gutierrez

Gutierrez Michael - 0 views

  • Countries around the Globe
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Countries and Globe do not need to be capitalized.
  • Countries and Continents
    • Dena Rennie
       
      These don't need to be capitalized either.
  • After reviewing all the research I had collected, I decided to concentrate my efforts on the Continent of Africa. The social injustices and corruption concerning Africa is mind boggling.             For this particular assignment I decided to get involved with ACORD.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      This part sounds very redundant. I would try rewording this in a way so it doesn't sound so bland. You use the phrase "I decided" within two sentences of each other and they sit almost directly on top of one another.
  • ...6 more annotations...
  • It is an Africa
    • Dena Rennie
       
      I'm guessing you mean "African"
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Overall, fairly well written. There are several grammatical errors, and words that are capitalized that don't need to be. I thought we were only supposed to write about one online community, not a variety- so I'm a little confused on that end. Maybe you could center your focus to a couple of sites and list them, that way it seems a little more credible and people who may become interested in can have a starting point as to where they get involved.
  • Since the beginning of human existence societies have had to deal with social injustices. Many wars have been fought concerning social injustices.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Maybe try and combine these two sentances here.
  • Poverty and social inequality, around the world, is mainly caused by corruption. ACORD understands that in order to decrease poverty and social inequality it must halt corruption.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      where did this fact come from and is it a reliable source.
  • they do nothing to help the overall situation.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      doesnt really make sense. of course they are doing something to help the situation. Maybe reword this to make it sound not so contradicting.
  • poverty is just the tip of the iceberg.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      good analogy
Cybil Scott

Alex Gutierrez - 0 views

shared by Cybil Scott on 28 Nov 08 - No Cached
  • Equal access to clean water, healthcare, education, influence in political issues, and access to systems within a society are all social injustices that plague our world. Many individuals have come together, forming groups and communities in an a
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      I dont see how any of these are social injustices.
  • poverty
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      corruption
  • The choices were made indirectly for them, and without money and power had no say or influence.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      This sentence needs to be changed. Watch sentence structure
  • ...13 more annotations...
  • The second reason is political ineptitude, or lack of influence due to religion, ethnicity or gender. Rwanda is made up of many different tribes.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Dont understand this sentence
  • By supporting those that have been directly affected provides a foundation with which they can gain confidence to take action.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      I dont understand this sentence completely.
  • The main goals of social injustice groups are to put an end to harsh societal realities, and help the downtrodden to recover.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      You can never eliminate them completely
  • Some may find this statement to be ironic in the fact that social injustices are due to humans taking advantage of others.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      I dont completely agree with this Alex
  • where the strong survive.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      In this situation I do not completely agree. The strong dont survive genocide.
  • somewhat
    • Cybil Scott
       
      repetitive
  • affects
    • Cybil Scott
       
      effects
  • American’s
    • Cybil Scott
       
      no apostrophe here
  • Tutsi’s
    • Cybil Scott
       
      no apostrophe
  • 2 U.S.
    • Cybil Scott
       
      write out the numbers
  • believe that humans should have a somewhat innate human condition
    • Cybil Scott
       
      they do? and what does that mean exactly?
  • So I plan to stay active in the ONE community and do my small parts in helping our world progress
    • Cybil Scott
       
      i dont feel as if this essay was about personal reflection. how did you feel, how did you interact with the online community?
  • but to some, however crazy it sounds is logical in their eyes
    • Cybil Scott
       
      should probably fix this sentence
Denise Sanchez

What are you good at? - 0 views

  • complaining
    • Ryan Meehan
       
      I really like to complain.
    • Ryan Meehan
       
      I also like to complain.
  • demonstrating
    • Ryan Meehan
       
      I am good at demonstrating.
    • Brandon Cruz
       
      I love to show people new things. I don't want to be a teacher when I grow up but, I get this weird sense of accomplishment out of it. I worked at a summer camp a few years ago where I was the high ropes instructor. I dealt with mostly middle school kids who were all scared to death to climb up the thirty feet knowing that the only thing keeping them from falling was a rope. Once they built up enough courage to do it, though, it was awesome to help them through all the obstacles and conquer their fears.
  • running
    • Ryan Meehan
       
      I am a good runner.
  • ...12 more annotations...
  • cooking
    • Brandon Cruz
       
      I wouldn't go as far to say that I am particularly "good" at cooking but it is something that I enjoy. I did an internship during my senior year in high school at Publix Supermarkets in their photography studio where we shot all of the photos for the weekly sales ad that they produce. It was really interesting to see how much work goes into preparing the different meals for photographing. They brought in a food stylist to "style" the food to make it look the best it could for the shot. Ever since then when I cook I almost worry more about the presentation than anything which, often leads to sacrifice in taste.
    • Ryan Meehan
       
      A food stylist. There's a job I never knew existed. Cool.
    • Hinal Patel
       
      I don't seem to be passionate about much, but cooking is definitely one of them. I watch the Food Network Channel almost religiously. I use cooking as an escape from regular life because it is one thing that I can really control. I like knowing that not only are there concrete ways to make something, it's okay to stray away and do your own thing. I started cooking because in my family, girls are expected to start making food early. I just got lucky that I really liked the idea of cooking. I've taken a few baking classes and really wanted to major in culinary arts, but science just seemed more practical. Food is one thing that I can easily move from culture to culture and have now learned what spices go with what places. I'm glad that I have grown up with Indian food all my life because I find that starting to cook Indian has made it easier for me to cook other types of food. It also gives me something to connect to with the women of my family because sharing recipes is something I can finally be a part of. Cooking is something that comes in handy with many things and my passion for it keeps building with every new thing I make. I realized that if I could be anything, it would be a host on my own cooking show, but since I feel better on the other side of the screen, a hobby is all it will be.
    • Brian Russo
       
      Cooking is a pretty big deal in my family. Pretty much everyone in my family is an excellant cook, including both of my parents, grandparents and all of my aunts and uncles. This is more than likely due to the fact that my heritage is predominantly Italian and Italian people historically love to cook and eat as well. Nonetheless, cooking is something I consider myself very good at and apparently others do as well, as I have received numerous compliments on my cooking. As in a restaurant, where customer satisfaction is all that matters, your main objective as a cook is for whoever you're cooking for to be completely satisfied with the meal that you've prepared. It feels good and satisfying to know that your cooking was enjoyed and appreciated. Even though I really enjoy cooking, a hobby is all it will ever be. I don't plan on making a career out of it. In fact, I only started to cook almost out of necessity. Both of my parents, who are now seperated, work for the airlines, with my dad being a pilot and my mom being a flight attendant. Me and my younger brother live at home with my dad, so while my dad is out of town flying, which is usually for about five days out of the week, I've taken on the responsibility of cooking for my brother and whatever friends he has over. Not only does home cooking save a bunch of money, but if you learn how to do it right, you don't need to sacrifice the quality of the food by not eating out. There's also a freedom about cooking that I enjoy. When you go to a restaurant theres specific things to chose from, but when you cook at home, you're menu is limitless. Cooking also gives me a chance to put my own twist on classic meals and make them to better suit my own taste and the other people who i'm cooking for as well.
  • wondering
    • Brandon Cruz
       
      I'm pretty sure I have ADD because I am the man at this. Whether it's in class, at work, or studying my mind is never where it should be. I always find myself losing focus on what I'm working on. One of my favorite things to wonder about is business ideas. I never seem to have enough money so; I'm always trying to think of new ways to produce a little extra cash flow. Nothing has ever followed through, unfortunately, although I have had some good ones
    • Denise Sanchez
       
      Its strange that of all the words listed i would pick wondering, but its the one that applies to me the most. I grew up as an only child and as such I had to invent ways to keep myself entertained. I love reading and watching movies but i can spend hours just daydreaming.
  • laughing
    • Cybil Scott
       
      I think I am equally as good at laughing as I am at offending. I think the two go hand in hand. I don't really know how one can be good at laughing, it just sort of happens. It's the sense of humor that makes it happen. In my opinion if you can dish it out you better be able to take it. My personality involves a lot of laughing; not at other people's expense per se, but I definitely find a lot of things funny in my everyday life. Keeping a good sense of humor about you allows you to not take life so seriously. There tends to be a lot of ironic circumstances in life that are just too peculiar not to laugh at. However, with that comes the occasional offending comment. Some people do not understand my offhand sarcasm. Or my witty banter. I would also include that one of my favorite things to say online or in texting is LOL. Or Hahaha. But this is not granted so easily. I am not the type of person that finds everything funny, because it would devalue the truly hilarious things in life. I am not easily offended, but I can tell when a joke contains an offensive truth. Unfortunately, I do find myself taking it too far or not understanding why a person gets upset, because I'm so used to being easygoing about these things. There are a lot of times when I have to say "Aww, come on, you know I'm just kidding…".
    • Meghan Winn
       
      When I looked at this list of words the one that jumped out at me the most was laughing. I have a great sense of humor; I love to laugh and to make other people laugh. I would say that I'm really good at cheering up my friends and family whenever they are upset about something. I believe that people really like that about me. Life would be way too serious without a good laugh wherever you can find one! Sarcasm is one of my favorite types of humor. I am very sarcastic about a lot of things. Many times people are amused by it but sometimes they can get offended! Most people understand though and know I'm just kidding! I also love watching comedians like Mitch Hedberg or Dane Cook. They always give me a good laugh!
  • instructing
    • Bob The Builder
       
      When looking at this assignment, the word "instructing" stood out to me above all others. It's a weird thing to claim to be good at, but I believe that I am great at instructing. It's not that I'm a bossy person; I just tend to be a huge perfectionist. Usually in group situations I would rather be the leader than a follower because I like giving out orders and instructing people to complete certain tasks. When I took cooking classes with my friends and older sister I unintentionally was always the one giving people their jobs for the day. Maybe I have a slight OCD problem but it just bothers me if things are not organized to my liking so I would rather delegate and make sure things go according to plan. Instructing can also be used in terms of teaching, which I am equally good at. I usually can break material down into simpler and more understanding terms and teach it to someone who is having difficulty grasping those particular concepts. When I took chemistry my sophomore year of high school, my best friend at the time, was struggling every class period and couldn't understand the concepts the way our professor would teach them. Because I did, I was able to break down the lessons and teach it to her in a way that she had no problem comprehending. I guess in certain ways, instructing is one of my best qualities as well as my worst. It makes me an excellent tutor but also a slightly controlling team member. I think I just need to realize everything doesn't have to be perfect.
  • listening
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      I believe that I am good at listening. Whenever a friend or anyone in general needs to vent about someone or something, I always try my best to be available. I actually listen and for the most part, if I am not overwhelmed with occurences in my life, I genuinely care. I offer advice when I feel it is necessary. Even if I give bad advice, or even if they do not take it, I still offer it just in case they decide to use it. Having someone that is able and willing to listen to you, whether good or bad news, helps to release stress. Although I think I am a good listener, I am horrible at talking. I do not like to share my feelings with many people. The only emotions I do show are when I am happy or excited. When I am sad or unhappy I do not like to share those feelings with anyone because I do not want to burden other people with my troubles. Even though I feel like sharing my troubles with my friends produces stress for them, I have been told that not talking to them stresses them out more than if I had just talked to them in the first place. So for anyone who is listening and cares to take it, my advice is don't keep your feelings to yourself because it just brings more stress to everyone involved! Let your friends and family know what is going on in your life and both you and them will be less stressed.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I believe that I am a pretty social person, considering that I am good at both listening and talking. I try my best to listen to people's problems when they need to talk, and I appreciate when they do the same for me. I believe that I have always been good at this, especially through all the high school "drama" with boys, stresses, and fights. All of my friends, especially my best friends, know that they can come to me whenever they have any issue that they need advice on or they just need to get something off their chests. They all know that I won't judge them, I will only listen and give my honest input when I feel that it is needed. I think that good listening skills are a very important trait to have.
  • writing
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      I would have to say that writing on an interesting topic is one of my favorite things to do. I enjoy all sorts of writing. In writing you either do research and learn allot about a particular topic. Writing is also a means of expressing oneself. One is able to express who one is or where one has been. How much history would we know if our ancestors did not write it down? If Lewis and Clark never wrote in a journal we would know nothing of their travels into the West. I enjoy writing and am fairly good at it because I understand its importance. Many papers that I have written have described my most memorable experiences. Many others have described who I am and what my life has been like. Writing is a way to never be forgotten. Someone may read one of my papers one hundred years from now and know much more about me than a classmate which I never speak with. I am good at writing and enjoy it very much because I think it is one of the best ways in expressing oneself to the world around us. The one thing that I dont enjoy is writing about uninteresting topics. I love writing about history or people. One topic that I dont think I would enjoy writing about would be Physics or Chemistry. I enjoy and am good at writing if it is a topic that I am interested in.
  • writing
    • Dena Rennie
       
      I feel that I am good at writing. It may not even be that I am good at writing, or just that I feel good when I am writing. It doesn't matter if I am writing a poem, lyrics to a song, or writing a novel that I hope one day to finish- when I'm writing, I am at peace. I feel so in control when I write, and at the same time, I feel so helpless how the words just pour from my fingers so effortlessly. I suppose it's only fitting that I would be a writer. Both my parents have an amazing way with words. The first time I came home from spending time with my dad at the age of 16, the letter he gave me to read on the plane ride home brought tears to my eyes. And the sheer passion I see in my mother's eyes when I see her teaching her journalism class tells me that had she made different choices earlier in life, she would be a fearless journalist, desperately seeking the true story behind a political scandal, or a famous novelist like the great authors she looks up to with such high regard. Yes, there is no question that part of my writing abilities comes from both my parents, but the way I write is my own. Whether I am angrily blogging, or happily jotting down haikus, I feel the most like myself when I have a pen in one hand and a notebook propped by my knees cradling my left hand as it scrawls across the pages, or at my computer with a blank screen yearning to be filled with thoughts.
  • reading
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Reading is something I really enjoy. My mom and dad both read a lot and since I was little they always encouraged me to do the same. I'm not very good at writing but I appreciate others' talents. One of my favorite authors is Chuck Palahniuk. I have read many of his books and find the way he tells the story to be very interesting and unique. I wish I could write like that! I regret that I don't read as often as I used to but since I started college I've been pretty busy reading textbooks instead of novels!
  • talking
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      Talking is one of my favorite things to do. However, it can also be one of my least favorite when the person is not interesting. Striking up an inteligent, interesting, and witty conversation can really be quite pleasurable. I like talking because you meet alot of very interesting people that many times have something worth saying. For instance; I was in the airport about a month ago on my way back from Yellowstone and Glacier National Park just kiling time; when I found myself in a great conversation. The man I talked to was older with a son beginning college this semester, just so happened they were going to be around Yellowstone on one last pre-college family vacation. Of course this immediately warranted some talking. I found myself telling them the few places they absolutely could not miss, along with some that respectfully could be. This, believe it or not, brought alot of joy to me. I knew that they were also, like me, going to experience a moment that really cannot be fully explained through talking alone. Something you really "had to see to believe!" Now that I am home, I realize that I learned so many interesting and wonderful things that really should be talked about. On the flip side, talking can really be annoying and quite unpleasurable. When discussing things that are really your own business like grades, yet everyone and their grandmother has to know. At times when you are in a hurry and need to be somewhere, but you feel bad just turning away from a conversation that many times you don't feel to be very pleasurable. So talking most times is fun, but can also be boring and drawn out. So if you have something to talk about spit it out, and let it be heard.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Talking is another trait that I am good at. Although I don't particularly like talking in front of large groups of people, I love just talking to friends separately or in a group. Sometimes I find that I even talk too much, but my friends get used to that after knowing me for a while. I work in an environment in which it is required to be able to go up to people I may not know and start up a conversation. I may not always have been good at talking to people I don't know, but my job has persuaded me to actually like talking to people I'm not familiar with. I don't mind telling people how I feel, especially when I am upset about something-I can never keep anything inside for too long.
  • coaching
    • Angel Aramayo
       
      When it is all said and done, coaching is something that I have always wanted to pursue. I look at coaching as a way to help kids of any age get through obstacles that may come at them. Coaches are always telling us to never let up on that last lap, always run your hardest and touch the line. Never tell yourself that you can't do it or that something is too hard. You can take the most common used phrases in the gym and put them in life like scenarios. Life throws things at you left and right, if you gave up on the very first try, then how are you ever going to be successful in anything you do. It is very hard to do anything half speed, and if you never put forth your best effort how are you going to know what your potential is? A lot of people often do not even attempt a task because they psyche themselves out before they even try it. Sometimes it is just automatic for one to think that it is too hard, or there is no way one can do that. I want to be that coach or that person that helped someone succeed in the gym and then that person use those very simple lessons in life. A lot of coaches will coach to win games. But the best coaches are the ones who coach to help young kids become better people. Sure, it is a lot more fun when you win, but at the end of the day if you can't take anything home from it then what is the point.
  • writing
    • Jonathon Ellington
       
      Although I am no Ernest Hemmingway I would venture to say that I have a certain propensity for writing. I believe that this stems from my childhood; I would find myself dozing off in the shower where I was suddenly interrupted by my father who had unexpectedly walked in to the bathroom and then began to quiz me on spelling terms. While this may appear weird or bizarre at first glance, it helped me realize the power that words have. Standing there, I would wonder, "Why is he doing this? All I want to do is try to reminisce on the dream that was so rudely interrupted." But no, he was in there every Wednesday morning preparing me for the spelling pretest that was to come later that day. It wasn't until I had grown to the ripe age of a middle schooler that I realized how important writing was, not only could you tell fascinating stories but you could convey a message that would carry a deeper symbolism. During my seventh grade year two of my essays were entered into contests, both placed 1st or 2nd in their respective contests. These results inspired and encouraged me to continue my writing. As senior year of high school arrived I worked diligently to receive as much financial aid as I could. At the end of the year I had received over $15,000 in scholarship money. My first year of college was paid for and with this I was paid handsomely to attend. These events are why I consider myself a writer.
  • composing
    • Garrett Granger
       
      As I looked through the list of words on this page, it occurred to me that nothing really stood out as an actual strength of mine. I mean, I guess I do a good job of listening, talking, laughing, and even complaining, but how can you be good at something everyone else can do? It was the word "composing" that really caught my attention. For as long as I can remember, I have always enjoyed listening to music. I'm not sure why, but there is an indescribable feeling that comes over me when I hear a song I really enjoy. I guess it's something of a natural high for me. But as great as it is to listen to one of your favorite songs, it can't quite compare to playing one of your own tunes under the heat of stage lighting, in front of a crowd of cheering fans. Before moving to Tampa for college, I played the guitar for a band called South Atlantic. We never really experienced any major success, but we did play shows across the state of Florida. Now, nearly two years after our departure, I still have the desire to continue where the band left off. Unfortunately, composing a hit song has proved to be one of the greatest challenges of my life. I guess there is a reason why it's so difficult to get recognized by major record labels. I don't think that the art of creating a musical masterpiece can be taught. I believe it's one of those talents you either have, or you don't. So I guess what I'm really trying to say is, if I could choose one word from the list to help describe something I wish I were good at, it would definitely be composing.
  •  
    Diagnostic demonstration page for Ryan Meehan's 1102 Online Fall 2008 class.
  •  
    I know how to analyze situations. This is just a test to make sure I can figure this thing out properly.
  •  
    I'm good at a lot of those things but since I have to choose just one I'm gonna go with: analyzing. Its probably why I like the sciences so much because as you know it does requires a lot of analytical skills. I always seem to get a little rush whenever i use the skills that I learned in class and apply them in solving a problem. My analytical skills also extend to other areas of my life. I always thoroughly evaluate all aspects of something before I gt involved, so I can make sure its what is really best for and those around me. Im also good at laughing, I'm not a huge joke teller but when I hear a good joke I can't stop laughing. Even when other people have forgotten about, I still just keep on laughing.
Ryan Meehan

"Trendspotting" by Demetri Martin on The Daily Show - 0 views

  •  
    Watch the following segment from The Daily Show called "Trendspotting."
Michael Gutierrez

Alex Gutierrez - 0 views

  • tury huma
    • Garrett Granger
       
      century, human
  • people
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Maybe use "others" here, instead of people?
  • Aristotle is “Credible,
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Aristotle is, "credible...
  • ...48 more annotations...
  • r.” (Ramage and Bean 1).
    • Garrett Granger
       
      author" (Ramage and Bean 1).
  • America and
    • Garrett Granger
       
      America, and
  • what they are.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Maybe can add: and how they have evolved into what they are today.
  • ss.”(Foner 1).
    • Garrett Granger
       
      progress" (Foner 1).
  • life, but we collectively
    • Garrett Granger
       
      life; but we all collectively have not.
  • people into what we are.
    • Garrett Granger
       
      You maybe are missing a couple of words here?? This doesn't make sense because you have not conveyed your full thought it seems.
  • is without a doubt an
    • Garrett Granger
       
      is without a doubt, an...
  • He has
    • Garrett Granger
       
      Try not to start off this sentence the same as you did the previous one. Rearrange this sentence or possibly combine the two into something like... He has succeeded in numerous accomplishments and has been honored....
  • Rhetoric plays an important role in the articles, journals, reviews, films and discussions that surround them.
  • He has
  • on certain points.
  • Every person has a personal opinion or bias on controversial issues, and it is up to each and every person to distinguish their personal and moral truth.
  • Pathos is another element
  • logos
  • which I find to be the most important to us as living, thinking individuals
  • He has been honored with respectable awards, and achievements, which add to the effectiveness and reliability of his writings.
  • Levin is well known as having controversial views
  • Levin asks a few rhetorical questions
  • Ethos can also work against people when discussing issues
  • mandatory.” He
  • People will be less susceptive to his views on social liberties than if he were a professor, historian, doctor, or other professional
  • tells a story of great happiness that depends on great misery (torture) for a small innocent child
  • Omelas
  • So, in essence, his rhetorical approach had an opposite effect on me.
  • No author wrote in their article, accept my message because I say so or because if you don’t
  • The context in which articles are published does not have great importance to me personally
  • His article discusses torture, and morality.
  • His article discusses torture, and morality.
  • barbaric.” (Levin 1)
  • emotions.” (Ramage, Bean 1).
  • Declan McCullagh, is a journalist, photographer, and programmer. In his article, “Why Liberty Suffers in Wartime”, he discusses the issue of restrained liberty in time of war.
  • is “a means of
  • environment, our relationships
  • publications she incorporates, a
  • indeed.” (Le Guinn 4).
  • minister earned
  • humanity.” (Hunsinger 1)
  • He uses
  • He uses
  • He uses
  • reasoning.” (Ramage and Bean 1).
  • beings we
  • degrees it
  • us. It
  • c that m
  • different, it allows
  • and the source of each
  • In considering
Ryan Meehan

"Trendspotting" by Demetri Martin on The Daily Show | Diigo - 0 views

  • Rhetoric is important in the advertising industry, and in a way, I’m kind of selling my page to other people.
    • Ryan Meehan
       
      Great response, Angela. I appreciate your wiliingness to be so thorough here. Let me ask you, though. You make a good point that maintaining and updating a social networking profile page is a way in which you can "sell your page," and that you employ similar tactics to ad agencies trying to sell products. My question would be: What do you suppose your product is? In other words, why are you focused on driving more traffic to your page?
  • You need body language, eye contact, touch, sound, inflection!
    • Ryan Meehan
       
      Great point. In what ways do you think we account for the lack of "traditional" rhetorical tools we have available to us in the online format?
  • who by the way has other funny stand up videos on You Tube, you should check them out
    • Ryan Meehan
       
      Your instructor agrees.
  • ...3 more annotations...
  • The Daily Show sometimes takes the rhetoric of pathos to the extreme and ruins the validity of their argument all together.
    • Ryan Meehan
       
      I think this is an interesting point that might be worth exploring a bit more in-depth at some point in the semester. Does The Daily Show get a "free pass" due to its status as a comedy show? What are some undoubtedly valid arguments it has presented over the years, and what are some examples of arguments that maybe get lost in the slapstick?
  • I think that my page truly represents who I am
    • Ryan Meehan
       
      This comment reminds me of a discussion I have had with previous classes about the rhetoric of clothing and body decorations (tatoos, piercings, etc) Many students would often say something to the effect of "My clothes help me express who I am as a person." I sometimes think of Facebook the same way - it's like the clothes we wear on the Internet.
  • (Prostitot- preteen/young teen girls who dressing in a slutty-esque fashion.
    • Ryan Meehan
       
      Brilliant!
Sean McMillan

Gutierrez Michael - 0 views

    • Sean McMillan
       
      You need a concise thesis statement.
  • He quotes that National Security
    • Sean McMillan
       
      awkward wording.
  • He believes in treating all Americans equally. McCain quotes “Don’t increase taxes on anybody”. McCain wants to keep taxes the way they are. This is ethical, logical, and fair to all American citizens.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      choppy, cite quote.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      Good start on ethos, but you need to further explain all your points.
  • ...8 more annotations...
  • In all I see Obama as a better rhetorical speaker; he appears more comfortable in oral or written communication. I do view John McCain as a better candidate for the position of President of The United States.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      support you claims as to why.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      find a concise overall conclusion based on rhetoric and support whatever claims you make.
  • The President of The United States, probably the most important position in the world, will be chosen. Rhetoric, skill in the effective use of speech, will be a crucial factor in determining the next President (Merriam Websters Collegiate Dictionary). Barack Obama and John McCain, the two main Presidential candidates, must be able to persuade American citizens toward their view.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      you use the same sentence struction 3 times in a row. Mix up your structures and usage.
  • Obama convinces his audience by telling them exactly what they want to hear. Obama convinces via the ideals of logos. Most of his answers to the elements which lay before him make perfect logical sense. Obama uses pathos in his Rhetoric. One hears passion and concern in the words of Obama. Ethos can also be found in many of Obama’s ideals. Obama seems to be ethical and moral by the ideas he has presented to American citizens.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      short, choppy writing. Assumed too many social norms.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      expand on all your points and use specific examples and quotes to support your claims.
  • Essay
    • Sean McMillan
       
      Just work on your style and thought process. Your writing seems a little choppy and unconcise. Try to find a simple to the point thesis and conclusion and work on the flow of your thoght process. Also just some small grammatical and wording mistakes.
  • this.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      This paragraph seems a little lost, none of the points pertain to your thesis. Maybe combine with the previous or next paragraph, or even add some thoughts on rhetoric pertaining to these points.
  • paper.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      This paragraph gets closest to your thesis idea, try to combine this and work it in with some of the earlier information. to make a very concise simple thesis statement.
  • Works cited
    • Sean McMillan
       
      mla format?
  • Iraq).
    • Sean McMillan
       
      this is a lot of good information, you just need to work in explanations from what all this means as far as obama's approach to rhetoric. Maybe how the audience would react to all these points.
Janice Perez Rivera

Vincent DiDomenico - 0 views

    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      I agree with the comment that conveience can at time bring laziness.... before I got to that sentence as I was reading that same thought came to my mind.
  • lest their message be skewed or viewed
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      This sentence could have a better flow. Maybe try "Unless their message was skewed or viewed...etc.
  • One from the sovereignty group might say the FP group didn’t put enough concerning their issues in
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      this sentence needs to be structured better. especially starting at the "FP group didn't put eough conncerning their issues in" it seemed like to me when I read this sentence that the word "concerning" did not fit, in that particular sentence.
  • ...4 more annotations...
  • These kinds of disagreements are the biggest enemy to any group or person fighting against social injustice, as they can hurt the team effort, and can cause the finished product to look sloppy. This could also put their message out as looking skewed or disorganized,
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      Good point.... It is also easier for a person to commplain about another group or person over the internet because they don't have to see the person...... things like this happen all the time in regular groups or organizations as well.
  • picking up a book and reading takes too long, or is too uninteresting.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      try to stay away from "extra words" such as too, or, and etc, (suggestion for this sentence) ...picking up a book and reading it takes too long or is uninteresting.
  • comprise
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      overall I feel that this is agood paper. Just a little more review and I think you will de great. Just don't forget to place your bibliography.
Meghan Winn

Hours upon hours of searching... - 0 views

shared by Meghan Winn on 25 Nov 08 - No Cached
  • provided
  • Their dedicated team took over the extremely valuable work provided by Schwab Learning, another non-profit that was the pre-curser to GreatSchools from of January of 2008 and all the information once provided by the Schwab Learn will be incorporated into the GreatSchools website.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this sentence is very confusing
  • provided
    • Meghan Winn
       
      change of tense (providing)
  • ...30 more annotations...
  • provides parents, guardians, and concerned citizens a voice
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i think you mean it provides them a place to voice their issues
  • in a form of a forum.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'in the form of a forum' might make more sense
  • would have proven
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'could' might be more appropriate since the site is still there and still has users
  • which by being ignorant is a social injustice in itself.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      kind of makes the sentence confusing
  • you understand your
    • Meghan Winn
       
      avoid the words 'you' and 'your'.. remember the point of view writing tip that we were supposed to read a few weeks ago!
    • Meghan Winn
  • difficulty whether
    • Meghan Winn
       
      if there supposed to be a connecting word here?
  • But it is very impossible to do it
    • Meghan Winn
       
      confusing.. what is 'it'?
  • student
    • Meghan Winn
       
      should be plural
  • who are more knowledgable with knowing how
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'with knowing' should be replaced with a word like 'about'
  • Actually, not only one, several replies back actually.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you don't need to say actually twice
  • in spreading out knowledge with dealing certain situations.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • responded to
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you should add something like 'with the idea' between these two words
  • incorporate the schoolwork to basketball
    • Meghan Winn
       
      kind of confusing.. might make more sense to say 'relates the schoolwork to basketball' or 'incorporates their schoolwork and basketball'
  • The fact of the matter is that by using certain sites one can fight the right fight if one can believe in it.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      sentence is not very clear
  • picture has
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'shows' might make more sense than 'has'
  • in depicting in
    • Meghan Winn
       
      confusing
  • you, the parent or guardian, the chance to be this teacher with your child. Though recall that it doesn't mean that it requires you to peer over your child's shoulder, it requires you to help your child in any manner possible because in the end of your child's life, the biggest teacher was you.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      refer back to what I said about avoiding you and your earlier.. you use them a lot in these sentences
  • to make
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'use' could sound better
  • matter that can through
    • Meghan Winn
       
      not very clear
  • what you
    • Meghan Winn
       
      POV- avoid 'you'
  • in search for help
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'in search of help' might make more sense
  • In the future, I hope this site gets more and more popular as the years progress.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you don't need to say both 'in the future' and 'as the years progress'.. they kind of mean the same thing
  • finding
    • Meghan Winn
       
      change of tense
  • get the education they deserve
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this is not needed and makes your sentence sound very repetitive
  • future ,
    • Meghan Winn
       
      no space needed
  • behind in life for the rest of their lives.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      word choice makes this sound confusing
  • If being an activist becomes a problem then it is no longer activism.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      what does this mean?
  • persuading
    • Meghan Winn
       
      change of tense
  • It is as simple as that.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      repetitive.. you just used this sentence
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You use some very good details and have some good ideas for improving this webpage.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You had some confusing sentences but I'm sure if you fixed those your paper would be much more clear and easy to read.
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