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Researchers Tyler G. Okimoto, Michael Wenzel and Kyli Hedrick reported on what they've found happens in people's minds when they refuse to apologize. "We do find that apologies do make apologizers feel better, but the interesting thing is that refusals to apologize also make people feel better and, in fact, in some cases it makes them feel better than an apology would have," Okimoto said in an interview. He believes the research, in fact, may provide a clue on how best to get people to apologize. Our conventional approach, especially with kids, is to force people to apologize. But if people are reluctant to apologize because apologies make them feel threatened, coercion is unlikely to help - that is, if a sincere apology is hoped for.

With everyone's every deed made public on the Internet these days, we've suddenly all developed a lot more to apologize for. But we haven't actually gotten any sorrier, so all that means is that the number of fake apologies have gone up. And we've started to develop some pretty universal techniques for "apologizing" without really apologizing.

"The women reported giving 37% more apologies than the men did... The diary data suggest that women offer more apologies than men do because women have a lower threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior... [T]here was no gender difference in how men and women apologized." A comprehensive study, unfortunately not available online, although this post is pretty detailed.

Article talks about apologies and how CEOs whose facial expression matched their apologies had better invester recovery. Also, the vague language CEOs use in their apologies removed blame from themselves and made it seem like the mistake "just happened" rather than being their fault.

Discusses the purposes of apologizing and the effects of apologizing and not apologizing.

This article discusses the importance of sincere apologies and the consequences of over apologizing. It also lists other alternatives to apologizing (ex. expressing gratitude).

Apologies and plea deals in Phoebe Prince case

An important area of the field of second/foreign language teaching and learning is pragmatics -- the appropriate use of language in conducting speech acts such as apologizing, requesting, complimenting, refusing, thanking. Meaning is not just encoded in word semantics alone, but is affected by the situation, the speaker and the listener.A speech act is, according to linguist Kent Bach, "the performance of several acts at once, distinguished by different aspects of the speaker's intention: there is the act of saying something, what one does in saying it, such as requesting or promising, and how one is trying to affect one's audience". Speech acts can be broken down into 3 levels: 1. locutionary: saying something 2. illocutionary: the speaker's intent in performing the act. For example, if the locutionary act in an interaction is the question "Is there any salt?" the implied illocutionary request is "Can someone pass the salt to me?"; 3. In some instances, there's a third perlocutionary level: the act's effect on the feelings, thoughts or actions of either the speaker or the listener, e.g., inspiring, persuading or deterring. The Center for Advanced Research on Language Acquisition (CARLA) at University of Minnesota provides a collection of descriptions of speech acts, as revealed through empirical research. The material is designed to help language teachers and advanced learners to be more aware of the sociocultural use of the language they are teaching or learning. These speech acts include: Apologies Complaints Compliments/Responses Greetings Invitations Refusals Requests Thanks

Ending a battle that could only have taken place in the brave new world of social media, Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback on Monday apologized for an incident involving a teen who had maligned him on Twitter. ... she tweeted: "Just made mean comments at gov brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot." ... the principal told her to send Brownback a letter of apology ... the Shawnee Mission School District had begun to back away from the issue ... the district also gave the kerfuffle an educational twist."

This article talks about emojis and why they are not good to use when texting someone. An edition of the newspaper USA Today last week chose to supplement all its front-page stories with Facebook's new "emoji reactions"*. Of course, the internet's response was largely one of horrified bemusement (currently we lack an emoji for "horrified bemusement" so, apologies readers, you're going to have to do the hard work yourselves by reading the words the old-fashioned way).

Connotation of sorry is changing.

This article highlights three "conflict blueprints" and associated strategies to help constructively manage conflict around unsolvable problems. Although the advice geared for married couples, you can easily extrapolate the information and strategies to other close relationships you have. Conflict Blueprint #1: Current Conflicts -Share perspective in a calm way, and take turns speaking. Use "I" statements. Use repair attempts. Take a 20 minute break to deactivate the fight/flight response. Conflict Blueprint #2: Attachment Injuries -Genuinely apologize to your partner, regardless of your agreement or disagreement with their perspective. Focus only on the fact that you hurt your partner and that you need to take responsibility. Verbalize what you can take responsibility for, as well as any other factors that played into you getting caught up in the fight. Ask your partner what he or she needs from you to heal and move forward, and follow through. Conflict Blueprint #3: Gridlock and Dialogue Take turns speaking and listening. Communicate clearly and honestly. Where does your perspective or position on the issue come from, and what does it symbolize for you? What kinds of lifelong dreams or core issues are at stake for you? As a listener, create a safe space for the speaker. No judging, arguing, giving advice, or trying to solve the problem. Show genuine interest in what your partner is telling you; allow them time and space to fully communicate their concerns. Ask questions so that you can both fully explore the issue and its related meaning. Find ways to create small compromises that can pave the way to larger plans. If your dreams differ, try to find overlapping areas, or try to make plans to give each partner's dreams a chance to grow and become reality.