We are members one of another, connected to each other... And just for that reason, we become most ourselves when we are most true to one another. We become most right with ourselves when we are most right with them. (C. Terry Warner)

The thoughts that creep into our brain about other people tell us less about those people than they do about ourself... Most judgments of others are an attempt to empower ourselves and give a sense of being better than the person we judge. (Charles F. Glassman)

"Sincerity is being oneself without thinking of oneself. Self-forgetfulness is at the heart of sincerity. That means that if we try to force sincerity, we shall merely produce insincerity and hypocrisy. Once we start being self-conscious, we can't be true. To attempt anything self-consciously is to forget that we are members one of another." (Arthur Henry King)

"Some people assume that because it's not combative, the life (of pure courage) I have described must be timid, weak, and ineffectual. On the contrary, I have found that all things being equal, self-absorbed people never think as clearly or act as decisively as those whose conscience is clear. Self-absorbed people see threats where none exist, often can't tell their enemies from their friends, intend to surround themselves with allies who won't overshadow them.

"So here is a person working personally to live out of the box who had not considered what seeing others as people might mean for the biggest problems at work. Remember what it means to be working out of the box; it means that I'm focused on my impact on others. So we might ask when framing our problems, are we framing them based on our impact on others, or are we framing them in light of others' impact on me/us? If we can be out-of-the-box with others and marry that with an out-of-the-box way of seeing problems, then we can truly begin to experience Arbinger's organizational impact." (Reframing Our Problems at Work)

"In that moment a choice lay clearly before me. I could spend my life assembling, feeding, and protecting the egotistical, ravenous, and addictive fiction I called my "self" - or I could refuse it every sort of nurture and let it die an unregretted death. I knew that unless I somehow could leave off my project of promoting and protecting myself and instead open myself to life, I would be doomed to a lifetime of self-involvement. I could see that self-absorption is poison to the spirit." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from their point of view... Until you climb inside of their skin and walk around in it." (Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird)

"There is a way to see others as people even when they are doing wrong. To see them as objects is something that "I" am doing. Betray myself and I blind myself to the truth." (Arbinger Institute, The Choice)

"We will not withhold forgiveness, even from those who do not ask." (Maya Angelou)

"Because another is unkind to you is no justification of your own unkindness, but rather is a call for the exercise of great kindness on your part ... Your unkindness may provoke hurt in others, but it certainly hurts and wounds and impoverishes yourself most of all." (James Allen)

"To hallow my life I was taught to endure sorrow rather than cause it, to restrain anger rather than heed it, to bear injustice rather than inflict it...Evil multiplies by the response it seeks to provoke, and when I return evil for evil, I engender corruption myself. The chain of evil is broken for good when a pure and loving heart absorbs a hurt and forbears to hurt in return." (adpated, Dennis Rasmussen)

"When we are judging everything, we are learning nothing." (Steve Maraboli)

1. There are two Way of Being - the out-of-the-box way where we see others as people, and the in-the-box way where we see others as objects.

2. Way of Being is deeper and more important than behavior.

3. When we betray ourselves, we enter the box (i.e., we become self-deceived)

4. In the box, we see others and ourselves in ways that justify our own self-betrayals.

5. Over a lifetime of self-betrayal, we develop characteristic self-justifying ways of seeing ourselves and the world; we carry our "boxes" with us.

6. In the box, we provoke others to get in the box as well, and the mistreatment we then get from others gives us justification for staying in the box.

"I saw that we're all doing the best we can. This is how a lifetime of humility begins." (Byron Katie)

"In a word, we live together in forgiveness ... for without it no human fellowship can survive. Don't insist on your rights, don't blame each other, don't judge or condemn each other, don't find fault with each other, but accept each other as you are, and forgive each other every day from the bottom of your hearts." (Dietrich Bonhoeffer)

"The whole course of human history may depend on a change of heart in a single, solitary, even humble individual. For it is within the soul of the individual that the battle between good and evil is waged and ultimately won or lost." (Henry David Thoreau)

I've heard this language recently when speaking of customers. I've colluded with those who spoke those words - I've "piled on" their bandwagon. Red flags are now going up for me. I've gained an out-of-the-box perspective by speaking with someone who I have an out-of-the-box relationship with.

I now feel led to sit with the customer and ask "How have my teams been a problem for you?" And "How can we be more helpful?"

Of course, it would have been easier if I did that before the Red Flags went up! Failure is such a wonderful teacher!

"For myself, I find I become less cynical rather than more - remembering my own faults and follies; and realize that men's hearts are not often as bad as their acts, and very seldom as bad as their words." (Tolkien)

"It is not good enough to tell people to do their best for others and results. It is the obligation of the leaders & organization to provide a framework, a structure that enables them to do so."

"Growth in wisdom may be exactly measured by decrease in bitterness." (Friedrich Nietzsche)