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Chrissy Le

Love and Addiction: 4. "Love" as an Addiction - 0 views

  • a human relationship can be equivalent psychologically to a drug addiction.
  • Chein, Winick, and other observers interpret drugs to be a kind of substitute for human ties. In this sense, addictive love is even more directly linked to what are recognized to be the sources of addiction than is drug dependency.
  • Freud noted important parallels between love and another psychologically compelling process—hypnotism.
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  • From being in love to hypnosis is evidently only a short step.
  • Love is an ideal vehicle for addiction because it can so exclusively claim a person's consciousness.
  • Someone who is dissatisfied with himself or his situation can discover in such a relationship the most encompassing substitute for self-contentment and the effort required to attain it.
  • When a constant exposure to something as necessary in order to make life bearable, an addiction has been brought about, however romantic the trappings. The ever-present danger of withdrawal creates an ever-present craving.
  • Since the person who addicts himself to a lover has essentially the same feelings of inadequacy as the drug addict, why should such an individual choose another person, rather than a drug, for the object of his addiction
  • found that sexual relationships in the lower class tend not to involve as great a degree of life-sharing.
  • "The lower class person . . . is less dependent on people, and more oriented toward those gratifications which can be achieved without complicated cooperation of other human beings."
  • The latter can be defined as the need to cling to one human object for love and support. That object may not even be a true person, but only a conception of a person.
  • When people are economically comfortable but still sense a large deficiency in their lives, their yearnings are bound to be more existential than material. That is, these yearnings are tied into their basic conception of and feelings about themselves
  • A person feeling this inner emptiness must strive to fill it. In relationships, this can only be done by subsuming someone else's being inside yourself, or by allowing someone else to subsume you.
  • The result is a full-fledged addiction, where each partner draws the other back at any sign of a loosening of the bonds that hold them together.
  • The relationship was an addiction. F. Scott Fitzgerald and Sheilah Graham sealed themselves off from the outside world by neglecting their work and by dropping all their other personal relationships in Hollywood.
  • The belief which underlay this feeling—and all of the relationship—was expressed by Graham when she said that "my living began when he arrived." If there is a need to participate in every aspect of another's life, its conclusive form is the complete control of or reliance on another, so that one person does not exist without the other's being there, too. This is the essential similarity to drug addiction, where a person feels he is living only when he is on the drug. The ultimate statement of the desire to be consumed by love is in the last passage quoted from Graham, where she wanted to crawl into Scott's mind, lose her consciousness in his, and form one human entity out of two incomplete beings.
  • The sadistic person is as dependent on the submissive person as the latter is on the former;
  • The difference is only that the sadistic person commands, exploits, hurts, humiliates, and that the masochistic person is commanded, exploited, hurt, humiliated. This is a considerable difference in a realistic sense; in a deeper emotional sense, the difference is not so great as that which they both have in common: fusion without integrity.
  • Above all else, these extreme emotional reactions conclusively establish that the relationship was an addiction. All along, the lovers' actions toward each other were dictated by their own needs. Therefore, when their connection was severed—even temporarily—they had no basis on which to relate. Each was incapable of respecting, or even conceiving of, the other in his or her own terms, as continuing to live his or her own life. It was impossible for either to be concerned about the other's well-being; if the one lover wasn't there to satisfy the other's needs, then he or she ceased to exist.
  • Because an addiction is sought only for the total experience it provides, it can only be accepted emotionally in that form.
  • Love is the opposite of interpersonal addiction. A love relationship is based on a desire to grow and to expand oneself through living, and a desire for one's partner to do the same.
  • Anything which contributes positively to a loved one's experience is welcomed, partly because it enriches the loved one for his own sake, and partly because it makes him a more stimulating companion in life.
  • If two people hope to realize fully their potential as human beings—both together and apart—then they create an intimacy which includes, along with trust and sharing, hope, independence, openness, adventurousness, and love.
  • If a person loves only one other person and is indifferent to the rest of his fellow men, his love is not love but a symbiotic attachment, or an enlarged egotism.
  • the tendency to regard social partners as commodities. People who show this orientation "fall in love when they feel they have found the best object available on the market, considering the limitations of their own exchange values."
  • Fromm therefore stresses that the respect inherent in all love requires a lover to think, "I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own ways, and not for the purpose of serving me."
  • An independent, open person exploring life seriously will instinctively (if not consciously) consider whether someone has anything of substance to add to his or her existence.
  • Criteria For Love Vs. Addiction
dunya darwiche

Catalyst 2001 Features - Birth Order Psychology - 0 views

    • dunya darwiche
       
      Wow did this make me think of my Boyfriends family SOOOOOO MUCH! His older brother the oldest He as the middle child and the little sister oftenly seen as the angel wich in many cases she deserves it but that is out of context
  • five major birth order positions: only, oldest, second, middle, and youngest child
    • dunya darwiche
       
      This made me think of Horoscopes and how they seem to identify your personnality and anticipate your moves, decisions and thoughts according to your date of birth
  • Adler did document exceptions
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  • birth order is sometimes not a major influence on personality development and that the child's opinion of himself and his situation determines his choice of attitude
  • mélange of two distinct sciences: sociology and psychology
  • Like all sciences, social psychology searches for concrete proof before belief
  • “the biologizing of human beings is not only bad humanism, but also bad science.”
  • study at Ohio State University conducted in the winter of 2001 showed that birth order affects career interests. In the Journal of Career Assessment, researchers noted that only children and first born children tended to have more cognitive and analytical interests, while those later-born were more artistic and outdoors oriented.
  • twenty-five types of marriages according to birth order
  • most common marital relationship is between an only child and a second child, and it has a fairly high rate of success, while first born-first born relationships seem to rarely happen. Firstborns are less likely to connect romantically.
    • dunya darwiche
       
      Number 1 My parent were both first borns and they had a Very healthy romantic relationship that shined bright with passion and two I am a Firstborn and i do not see how WE are "less likely to connest romantically"
  • seems to have no scientific proof
  • influence of being the first born of a specific gender, the influence of changing family dynamics, and the potential for methodical pitfalls in birth order research interest not only studies on birth order, but the research of many other social trends.
Chanelle Miller

Stress Management - Academic Skills Center: Study Skills Library - Cal Poly, San Luis O... - 0 views

  • How Does Stress Affect You?
    • Chanelle Miller
       
      Psychological:  -Body produces hormones to fight harder or run faster. -Stress can cause heart disease due to the increase in blood pressure and tension that is put on the arteries. -Effects Your immune system therefore causing illnesses.
    • Chanelle Miller
       
      Psychological: -Lack of interaction and good decision making. -Stress can cause anxiety and depression
    • Chanelle Miller
       
      Behavioural: -Causes you to be excited or annoyed. -Takes part in the reason why people smoke, drink and laziness
  • What Causes Stress?
  • Academics
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  • Dating
  • Environment
  • Extracurricular
  • Peers
  • Time Management
  • Money
  • Parents
  • pressure of not failing.
  • relationship problems may add to the pressure/stress of academics.
  • viewing heated topics, slow moving traffic, trying to find a parking spot, etc.
  • extracurricular activities a part of their daily routine
  • pressure that is negatively influenced.
  • peer pressure
  • not knowing how to plan and execute daily activities
  • Money is a huge stressor that college students face.
  • Pressure from parents to succeed
  • Method for Identifying the Causes of Stress
    • Chanelle Miller
       
      To help manage your stress first you must identify what's causing your stress. Then, List and prioritize the sources of stress to help overcome and mange your stress level. Crating a management plan and keeping a stress journal would also help!
  • Stress Management Strategies
  • Learn how to say “NO!”
  • Attitude
  • Laugh
  • Avoid alcohol and cigarettes
  • Healthy eating
  • Exercise
  • Relaxing your mind and body
  • Sleep
  • Healthy relationships
  • Time management
  • Organization
  • Budget
  • Spirituality
  • Determine your learning style
  • Slow Down
  • Find a support system
  • Make changes in your surroundings
  • Delegate responsibilities
  • know your limits and do not compromise them.
  • Thinking rationally can take you a long way.
  • it is human nature to want to freak out.
  • Do something that you enjoy,
  • If you are feeling upset, express your feelings.
  • Once the chemical leave your body, you are back to feeling stressed and you are probably worse off than when you started.
  • Eat at least one hot-home cooked meal a day
  • Exercise for 30 minutes a day for at least 3 times per week.
  • physical activities can help you in not only burning off calories, but burning off stress. Exercise helps release tension.
  • take deep breaths
  • alone time”
  • focusing your attention on the present moment.
  • Avoid taking naps for more than 1 hour.
  • at least 7 hours of sleep
  • talk and hang out with friends. Find some you relate to and with whom you can share your problems with.
  • create a schedule, or even a to-do list.
  • Mark down your class meeting times, study time for a specific subject, mealtimes, fun activities, and sleep.
  • learn how to organize your notes, keep track of your assignments and note important due dates or date of exams. Establish your priorities for the day.
  • Distribute your money according to the bills you need to pay for the quarter
  • finding meaning in your life, the ability to connect with others.
  • find out whether you are a visual, auditory or kinesthetic learner.
  • Take your time so that you can ensure a well done job.
  • find someone you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with.
  • try moving to a place where there is no loud music, and brighter lights.
  • dividing up the work or responsibilities helps alleviate pressure and stress.
  • response to a demand
  • brain recognizes a threat.
  • your body releases hormones that activate your “fight or flight” response.
  • Physiological
  • hormones help you to either fight harder or run faster. They increase heart rate, blood pressure, and sweating.
  • heart disease.
  • increase in heart rate and blood pressure, prolonged stress increases the tension that is put on the arteries.
  • immune system
  • cold and flu illness
  • Behavioral
  • jumpy, excitable, or even irritable.
  • drink or smoke heavily, neglect exercise or proper nutrition, or overuse either the television or the computer.
  • Psychological
  • decrease your ability to work or interact effectively with other people, and be less able to make good decisions.
  • anxiety and depression.
Erin Waxman

Postpartum Depression | Canadian Mental Health Association - 0 views

  • References to postpartum depression date back as far as the 4th century BC. Despite this early awareness, it has not always been recognized as an illness.
  • The sooner the condition is diagnosed, the more effective the treatment.
  • The mother may fear she is losing her mind or fear that others may feel she is unfit to be a mother.
    • Erin Waxman
       
      example: visions of seeing harm done to their baby, or even seeing them do harm to their own child.
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  • The “baby blues” is the most minor form of postpartum depression. It usually starts 1 to 3 days after delivery, and is characterized by weeping, irritability, lack of sleep, mood changes and a feeling of vulnerability. These “blues” can last several weeks. It’s estimated that between 50% and 80% of mothers experience them.
  • Women with this condition suffer despondency, tearfulness, feelings of inadequacy, guilt, anxiety, irritability and fatigue.
  • A woman with postpartum depression may regard her child with ambivalence, negativity or disinterest.
    • Erin Waxman
       
      to me this is the most scary thing in the world. To have just given life to a child and to feel such negative feelings towards it when it should be the happiest time in your life.
  • An adverse effect on the bonding between mother and child may result.
    • Erin Waxman
       
      very important and can cause severe damage to the child. The lack of feelings of love and belonging in a child's first years can result in many behavioural and psychological problems in the future.
  • The depression can begin at any time between delivery and 6 months post-birth, and may last up to several months or even a year
  • Postpartum psychosis is a relatively rare disorder. The symptoms include extreme confusion, fatigue, agitation, alterations in mood, feelings of hopelessness and shame, hallucinations and rapid speech or mania. Studies indicate that it affects only one in 1000 births.
  • The exact cause of postpartum depression is not known.
  • One factor may be the changes in hormone levels that occur during pregnancy and immediately after childbirth.
    • Erin Waxman
       
      this is the most common thought cause of the illness
  • There is no one trigger; postpartum depression is believed to result from many complex factors. It is important, however, to communicate to women with postpartum depression that they did not bring it upon themselves.
  • One certain fact is that women who have experienced depression before becoming pregnant are at higher risk for postpartum depression.
  • The risk increases in women who have experienced 2 or more abortions, or women who have a history of obstetric complications.
  • a difficult relationship, lack of a support network, stressful events during the pregnancy or after delivery.
  • Therapy, support networks and medicines such as antidepressants are used to treat postpartum depression.
Dayna Rabin

The Science of Storytelling: Why Telling a Story is the Most Powerful Way to Activate O... - 1 views

  • A good story can make or break a presentation, article, or conversation. But why is that?
  • When Buffer co-founder Leo Widrich
  • are very likely to never forget the story of who invented the sandwich ever again
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  • For over 27,000 years
  • stories has been one of our most fundamental communication methods.
  • Our brain on stories: How our brains become more active when we tell stories
  • We all enjoy a good story,
  • why do we feel so much more engaged when we hear a narrative about events?
  • we listen to a powerpoint presentation with boring bullet points, a certain part in the brain gets activated.
  • It's in fact quite simple. I
  • Broca's area and Wernicke's area
  • language processing parts in the brain, where we decode words into meaning.
  • things change dramatically.
  • how delicious certain foods were, our sensory cortex lights up. If it's about motion, our motor cortex gets active:
  • but any other area in our brain that we would use when experiencing the events of the story are too.
  • A story can put your whole brain to work.
  • can have the same effect on them too.
  • The brains of the person telling a story and listening to it can synchronize, says Uri Hasson from Princeton:
  • By simply telling a story, the woman could plant ideas, thoughts and emotions into the listeners' brains."
  • Evolution has wired our brains for storytelling—how to make use of it
  • hy does the format of a story, where events unfold one after the other, have such a profound impact on our learning?
  • We are wired that way.
  • While we are busy searching for a similar experience in our brains, we activate a part called insula, which helps us relate to that same experience of pain, joy, or disgust.
  • We think in narratives all day long,
  • We make up (short) stories in our heads for every action and conversation.
  • In fact, Jeremy Hsu found [that] "personal stories and gossip make up 65% of our conversations."
  • henever we hear a story, we want to relate it to one of our existing experiences.
  • metaphors work so well with us.
  • story, if broken down into the simplest form, is a connection of cause and effect.
  • John Bargh
  • We link up metaphors and literal happenings automatically. Everything in our brain is looking for the cause and effect relationship of something we've previously experienced.
  • ou mention the same story to him, as if it was your idea?
  • According to Uri Hasson from Princeton, a story is the only way to activate parts in the brain so that a listener turns the story into their own idea and experience.
  • tell them a story,
  • According to Princeton researcher Hasson, storytelling is the only way to plant ideas into other people's minds.
  • Write more persuasively—bring in stories from yourself or an expert
  • multitasking is so hard for us.
  • ask for quotes from the top folks in the industry or simply find great passages they had written online.
  • The simple story is more successful than the complicated one
  • easy to convince ourselves that they have to be complex and detailed to be interesting.
  • the simpler a story, the more likely it will stick.
  • Using simple language as well as low complexity is the best way to activate the brain regions that make us truly relate to the happenings of a story.
  • xchanging stories with those of experts.
  • educe the number of adjectives or complicated nouns in a presentation or article
  • Our brain learns to ignore certain overused words and phrases that used to make stories awesome.
Daryl Bambic

NIMH · Negative Valence Systems: Workshop Proceedings - 0 views

  • Responses to acute threat (Fear): Activation of the brain’s defensive motivational system to promote behaviors that protect the organism from perceived danger. Normal fear involves a pattern of adaptive responses to conditioned or unconditioned threat stimuli (exteroceptive or interoceptive). Fear can involve internal representations and cognitive processing, and can be modulated by a variety of factors.Responses to potential harm (Anxiety): Activation of a brain system in which harm may potentially occur but is distant, ambiguous, or low/uncertain in probability, characterized by a pattern of responses such as enhanced risk assessment (vigilance). These responses to low imminence threats are qualitatively different than the high imminence threat behaviors that characterize fear.Responses to sustained threat: An aversive emotional state caused by prolonged (i.e., weeks to months) exposure to internal and/or external condition(s), state(s), or stimuli that are adaptive to escape or avoid. The exposure may be actual or anticipated; the changes in affect, cognition, physiology, and behavior caused by sustained threat persist in the absence of the threat, and can be differentiated from those changes evoked by acute threat.Frustrative non-reward: Reactions elicited in response to withdrawal/prevention of reward, i.e., by the inability to obtain positive rewards following repeated or sustained efforts.Loss: A state of deprivation of a motivationally significant con-specific, object, or situation. Loss may be social or non-social and may include permanent or sustained loss of shelter, behavioral control, status, loved ones, or relationships. The response to loss may be episodic (e.g., grief) or sustained.
Daryl Bambic

Why Kids Care More About Achievement Than Helping Others - The Atlantic - 0 views

  • Empathy activates conscience and moral reasoning, improves happiness, curbs bullying and aggression, enhances kindness and peer inclusiveness, reduces prejudice and racism, promotes heroism and moral courage and boosts relationship satisfaction. Empathy is a key ingredient of resilience, the foundation to trust, the benchmark of humanity, and core to everything that makes a society civilized.
    • Daryl Bambic
       
      Do you agree that empathy is the key ingredient to the individual's happiness?
  • parents value achievement and happiness over empathy and caring.
  •  
    Why Kids Care More About Achievement Than Helping Others https://t.co/5EkY8AKFdv Empathy is core to civilized society #edwrdsb #wrdsblearns
Daryl Bambic

Take The ACE Quiz - And Learn What It Does And Doesn't Mean : Shots - Health News : NPR - 0 views

  • Remember this, too: ACE scores don't tally the positive experiences in early life that can help build resilience and protect a child from the effects of trauma. Having a grandparent who loves you, a teacher who understands and believes in you, or a trusted friend you can confide in may mitigate the long-term effects of early trauma, psychologists say
  • Resilience, he says, builds throughout life, and close relationships are key
  • nightmares
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  • recurring thoughts
  • re-enact the trauma
  • distracted or withdrawn.
  • ometimes misdiagnosed as symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder,
  • difficulty in regulating emotions and behavior,"
  • secure attachments with caring adults.
Emilie L

The Mind of the Narcissist - 0 views

    • Emilie L
       
      himself vs. reflection: major point
  • Some people explicitly state that they do not love themselves at all (they are ego-dystonic). Others confine their lack of self-love to certain of their traits, to their personal history, or to some of their behaviour patterns. Yet others feel content with who they are and with what they are doing (ego-syntonic). But one group of people seems distinct in its mental constitution – narcissists.
    • Emilie L
       
      * keyword: distinct mental constitution (that differs from all the different kinds of confidence kinda brain traits)
  • Some people explicitly state that they do not love themselves at all (they are ego-dystonic).
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  • Narcissus is not in love with himself. He is in love with his reflection
  • Loving your True Self is healthy, adaptive, and functional. Loving a reflection has two major drawbacks: One depends on the existence and availability of the reflection to produce the emotion of self-love. The absence of a "compass", an "objective and realistic yardstick", by which to judge the authenticity of the reflection. In other words, it is impossible to tell whether the reflection is true to reality – and, if so, to what extent.
  • they direct their love to other people's impressions of them. He who loves only impressions is incapable of loving people, himself included.
  • If he cannot love himself – he must love his reflection
  • ut to love his reflection – it must be loveable
  • the narcissist is preoccupied with projecting a loveable image, albeit compatible with his self-image (the way he "sees" himself).
  • The more successful this projected image (or series of successive images) is in generating Narcissistic Supply (NS) – the more the narcissist becomes divorced from his True Self and married to the image.
    • Emilie L
       
      Meaning, the better he is capable of mentally creating better image for himself in the eyes of others (therefore his 'reflection') the more he becomes 'in love' with the idea of himself then who he truly is
  • he prefers his image
  • The narcissist, therefore, is not selfish – because his True Self is paralysed and subordinate
    • Emilie L
       
      * very good point
  • narcissist is not attuned exclusively to his needs. On the contrary: he ignores them because many of them conflict with his ostensible omnipotence and omniscience. He does not put himself first – he puts his self last. He caters to the needs and wishes of everyone around him – because he craves their love and admiration. It is through their reactions that he acquires a sense of distinct self. In many ways he annuls himself – only to re-invent himself through the look of others. He is the person most insensitive to his true needs.
  • rains himself of mental energy in this process. This is why he has none left to dedicate to others
    • Emilie L
       
      he is so focused in pleasing everyone else to this image that he has no time to dedicate himself to others = lack of empathy
  • Why should people indulge the narcissist, divert time and energy, give him attention, love and adulation? The narcissist's answer is simple: because he is entitled to it
  • Actually, he feels betrayed, discriminated against and underprivileged because he believes that he is not being treated fairly, that he should get more than he does
  • Clinical data show that there is rarely any realistic basis for these grandiose notions of greatness and uniqueness.
    • Emilie L
       
      meaning there is nothing really extravagant or particular about them that they should (or could even be really driven!!) to be narcissistic 
  • The narcissist is forced to use other people in order to feel that he exists
  • He is a habitual "people-junkie"
  • With time, he comes to regard those around him as mere instruments of gratification, as two-dimensional cartoon figures with negligible lines in the script of his magnificent life.
    • Emilie L
       
      bases his own happiness on what others are doing around him + their reflection of him
  • A personality whose very existence is a derivative of its reflection in other people's minds is perilously dependent on these people's perceptions. They are the Source of Narcissistic Supply (NSS). Criticism and disapproval are interpreted as a sadistic withholding of said supply and as a direct threat to the narcissist's mental house of cards.
  • The narcissist does not suffer from a faulty sense of causation. He is not oblivious to the likely outcomes of his actions and to the price he may have to pay. But he doesn't care.
  • he reacts to what he perceives to be a danger to the very cohesion of his self. Thus, every minor disagreement with a Source of Narcissistic Supply – another person – is interpreted as a threat to the narcissist's very self-worth.
    • Emilie L
       
      * big point
  • He would rather discern disapproval and unjustified criticism where there are none then face the consequences of being caught off-guard.
  • that the narcissist cannot take chances. He would rather be mistaken then remain without Narcissistic Supply
  • blames others for his behaviour
    • Emilie L
       
      again, lack of humility
  • The narcissist – wittingly or not – utilises people to buttress his self-image and to regulate his sense of self-worth. As long and in as much as they are instrumental in achieving these goals, he holds them in high regard, they are valuable to him
  • This is a result of his inability to love others: he lacks empathy, he thinks utility, and, thus, he reduces others to mere instruments
  • In 1977 the DSM-III criteria included: An inflated valuation of oneself (exaggeration of talents and achievements, demonstration of presumptuous self-confidence); Interpersonal exploitation (uses others to satisfy his needs and desires, expects preferential treatment without undertaking mutual commitments); Possesses expansive imagination (externalises immature and non-regimented fantasies, "prevaricates to redeem self-illusions"); Displays supercilious imperturbability (except when the narcissistic confidence is shaken), nonchalant, unimpressed and cold-blooded; Defective social conscience (rebels against the conventions of common social existence, does not value personal integrity and the rights of other people).
    • Emilie L
       
      1977 Criteria to Narcissistics * very interesting, gives personality traits + actions 
  • He sees them only through this lens.
  • The narcissist is portrayed as a monster, a ruthless and exploitative person. Yet, inside, the narcissist suffers from a chronic lack of confidence and is fundamentally dissatisfied. This applies to all narcissists. The distinction between "compensatory" and "classic" narcissists is spurious. All narcissists are walking scar tissue, the outcomes of various forms of abuse.
    • Emilie L
       
      strong on the outside, weak on the inside * contradicts with the other article I read earlier..
  • Freud (1915) offered a trilateral model of the human psyche, composed of the Id, the Ego, and the Superego.
    • Emilie L
       
      * find further research
  • According to Freud, narcissists are dominated by their Ego to such an extent that the Id and Superego are neutralised. Early in his career, Freud believed narcissism to be a normal developmental phase between autoeroticism and object-love. Later on, he concluded that linear development can be thwarted by the very efforts we all make in our infancy to evolve the capacity to love an object (another person).
  • The frustrated and abused child learns that the only "object" he can trust and that is always and reliably available, the only person he can love without being abandoned or hurt – is himself.
    • Emilie L
       
      ouuuu
  • This choice – to concentrate on the self – is the result of an unconscious decision to give up a consistently frustrating and unrewarding effort to love others and to trust them.
  • So, is pathological narcissism the outcome of verbal, sexual, physical, or psychological abuse (the overwhelming view) – or, on the contrary, the sad result of spoiling the child and idolising it (Millon, the late Freud)?
    • Emilie L
       
      What makes a narcissistic (i.e., triggers it?)
  • Overweening, smothering, spoiling, overvaluing, and idolising the child – are also forms of parental abuse.
    • Emilie L
       
      Too much love can apparently ruin a child
  • This is because, as Horney pointed out, the smothered and spoiled child is dehumanised and instrumentalised. His parents love him not for what he really is – but for what they wish and imagine him to be: the fulfilment of their dreams and frustrated wishes. The child becomes the vessel of his parents' discontented lives, a tool, the magic airbrush with which they seek to transform their failures into successes, their humiliation into victory, their frustrations into happiness. The child is taught to give up on reality and adopt the parental fantasies. Such an unfortunate child feels omnipotent and omniscient, perfect and brilliant, worthy of adoration and entitled to special treatment. The faculties that are honed by constantly brushing against bruising reality – empathy, compassion, a realistic assessment of one's abilities and limitations, realistic expectations of oneself and of others, personal boundaries, team work, social skills, perseverance and goal-orientation, not to mention the ability to postpone gratification and to work hard to achieve it – are all lacking or missing altogether. This kind of child turned adult sees no reason to invest resources in his skills and education, convinced that his inherent genius should suffice. He feels entitled for merely being, rather than for actually doing (rather as the nobility in days gone by felt entitled not by virtue of its merits but as the inevitable, foreordained outcome of its birth right). The narcissist is not meritocratic – but aristocratic.
    • Emilie L
       
      too much love explained: the child is smothered by love and thus thinks theres a reason for it nana the world revolves around me because mummy and Daddy think so I am there pride and joy, because I am in fact an angel... now look at me I am a narcissitic and it's like a legit mental disorder.
  • This is Millon's mistake. He makes a distinction between several types of narcissists. He wrongly assumes that the "classic" narcissist is the outcome of parental overvaluation, idolisation, and spoiling and, thus, is possessed of supreme, unchallenged, self-confidence, and is devoid of all self-doubt.
  • Yet, this distinction is both wrong and unnecessary. Psychodynamically, there is only one type of pathological narcissism – though there are two developmental paths to it. And all narcissists are besieged by deeply ingrained (though at times not conscious) feelings of inadequacy, fears of failure, masochistic desires to be penalised, a fluctuating sense of self-worth (regulated by NS), and an overwhelming sensation of fakeness.
    • Emilie L
       
      * much importanto: there is only reaaally one type of narcissism despite having two different paths to it i. too much love ii. not enough 
  • hey tend to ignore him – or actively abuse him – when these needs are no longer pressing or existent.
  • The narcissist's past of abuse teaches him to avoid deeper relationships in order to escape this painful approach-avoidance pendulum. Protecting himself from hurt and from abandonment, he insulates himself from people around him. He digs in – rather than spring out.
  • This shocking revelation deforms the budding Ego. The child forms a strong dependence (as opposed to attachment) on his parents. This dependence is really the outcome of fear, the mirror image of aggression. In Freud-speak (psychoanalysis) we say that the child is likely to develop accentuated oral fixations and regressions. In plain terms, we are likely to see a lost, phobic, helpless, raging child.
    • Emilie L
       
      child-like ego problems: strong dependence on parents creates a super vulnerable child
  •  
    "The World of the Narcissist (Essay)" - tons of information +lots to read through, primary resource! like a fountain of info on narcissists. Reliability: not many ads, written by a doctor (has his CV published online, http://samvak.tripod.com/cv.html), wrote two books- one of which is an "ebook"
Emilie L

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 0 views

  • Narcissistic Personality Disorder Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder generally believe that the world revolves around them.
  • This condition is characterized by a lack of ability to empathize with others and a desire to keep the focus on themselves at all times.
    • Emilie L
       
      Just like serial killers; like of empathy for others
  • cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding.
    • Emilie L
       
      personality traits that describe a narcissist (but what makes them differ from someone who is just egotistical?) 
  • ...9 more annotations...
  • Narcissistic Personality Disorder involves arrogant behavior, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration-all of which must be consistently evident at work and in relationships.
  • high self-esteem are often humble
  • Related personality traits include: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism.
  • Narcissists tend to have high self-esteem
  • oncentrate on unlikely personal outcomes (e.g., fame) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatmen
  • whereas narcissists rarely are
    • Emilie L
       
      lack of humility = lack of empathy = comes of as a jerk, the world revolves around me na na na
  • latest evidence indicates that narcissists are actually secure or grandiose at both levels
  • tend to be defensive
  • The sometimes dangerous lifestyle may more generally reflect sensation-seeking or impulsivity (e.g., risky sex, bold financial decisions).
    • Emilie L
       
      Like men who like messing around with different women; could be the lack of empathy that drives them to not care about the women's emotions once they 'hit it and quit it'... maybe some boys are not necessarily just jerks, but their brains have developed? to be narcissistic and thus get around the block... could be the same for women who enjoy fame and or money
  •  
    general description of narcissim- a good article to read as a 'start' to the subject. Reliability: very popular website, editors+writers from the site have educational background, REAL LIFE MAGAZINE (seems convincing enough to me)
Daryl Bambic

Kids Do Better on the Marshmallow Test When They… - 8 views

  • better academically, handled frustration better, and managed their stress more effectively as adolescents. They also had healthier relationships and better health 30 years later.
  • reliability of the adults
  • suggesting that children can delay gratification longer when they are working together toward a common goal.
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  • 207 five- to six-year-old children from two very different cultures—Western, industrialized Germany and a small-scale farming community in Kenya (the Kikuyu)
    • Daryl Bambic
       
      Why do you think the different cultures are important in the population sample?
  • (who was in another room)
    • Daryl Bambic
       
      Why do you think the other child was put in a different room? Do you think that the results would have been the same if the children were in the same room?
  • and, in the cooperative version, their partner also didn’t receive an extra cookie—even if the partner had resisted themselves.
  • even though they had a lower chance of receiving an extra cookie.
  • knowing others rely on them boosts their motivation
  • fun and engaging
  • opportunity to help someone else motivated kids to hold out
  • feeling responsible
  • mattered most.
  • Cooperation is not just about material benefits; it has social value,
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