In the interests of making this group more useful - What can I do with it that would be more helpful to those of you who read the postings?

Okay - I will try to do more of that.

"We jump forward willingly, even when what is required seems difficult physically or mentally or even financially. Such willingness expresses our innately considerate and generous nature. When our hearts are right, the obligation we feel to treat others generously comes to us as an opportunity." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

"Blaming or scapegoating someone always implies the claim that we would have done better in their shoes. It's a way of protesting our innocence and brightening our self-esteem." (David Cayley)

Fridays are always a good time on the week that's just passed and look ahead to next week. Here are some questions that can guide us:

1. What happened this week that annoyed me? Why?
2. Who made me angry this week?
3. On what topics am I disagreeing with people? Could I be wrong?
4. When, this week have I felt justified in my actions? Is it really self-betrayal?
5. What can I do better next week? Who can I focus on helping?

Hope these questions move us further down the road.

Great idea - I think I will as well.

Had a great example of how collusion begin presented during our class today:

1. "They" Do - Drop a hot work order on us at the last minute
2. "We" See - Inconsiderate, not caring, inflicting chaos on us, they get to go home while we're stuck here working on this, etc.
3. "We" Do - Complain, grumble, gather allies, do the begrudgingly, etc
4. "They" See - complaining work group, uncooperative people, not interested in serving the customer, make my life difficult, etc

Which group needs to change?
Who thinks they need to change?
How long will this go on?

That worked well in some cases with POD & Planning job shadowing each other.

"Others will detect little clues of tone and expression, revealing how we really feel, even when we take pains to pretend otherwise. And as we have learned they're not likely to respond gratefully, but more likely to accuse us in return." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

"As long as our feelings are accusing, whatever we do will smell of accusation." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

"There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as moral indignation, which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue. The 'indignant' person has for once the satisfaction of despising and treating a creature as inferior, coupled with the feeling of his own superiority and rightness." (Erich Fromm)

"Sooner or later you run out of excuses. Healing comes when we take extraordinary responsibility for our emotions and attitudes. Healing comes when we cease to excuse ourselves by blaming others."

"Manager is one corporation that was riddled with collusions called this 'the monster system' Another and most ugly word for it is war." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

Where and with whom are you at war?

"... the offended one is already set to take offense - is on the alert for anything that might be interpreted as offensive - and actively takes offense whenever he or she can."

We all know people like this - "they" are "us".

The general principle: One person can give offense only if the other will take offense.

"Something we were withholding made us weak, until we found it was ourselves." (Robert Frost)

"Don't worry about what others think about you; worry about what they think of themselves when they're with you." (Hilary Weeks)

Well I had the opportunity to practice what I challenged everybody with yesterday. I clearly need more practice. He is what I think he saw: judgment, not listening, irrelevant and obstinate.

I didn't say it was easy. Try again!

If what we said yesterday is true - "To see ourselves, we need only to look at others' reaction to us." - then we have to ask ourselves:

What Do I See?

Here's the challenge - pick that "challenging" person that you deal with everyday, every week, that you work & live most closely with and look at yourself through their eyes.

What Do You See?

"Generally speaking, we share responsibility for the way we are treated. I am talking about the treatment we get from people we live or work with day to day. In general, the more closely we are involved with someone, the more the principle applies. To see ourselves, we need only to look at others' reaction to us." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

Warning - this one is difficult to accept. Be prepared for a great deal of resistance to this concept. The resistance will come from you!

"The more we can find our way to the out-of-the-box vantage points within us, the more readily we will be able to shine the light on the in-the-box justifications we are carrying." (Leadership & Self Deception)

"A person is not our enemy. Our enemies are misunderstanding, discrimination, violence, hatred, and anger." (Thich Nhat Hanh)

"Many marriages would be better if the partners clearly understood that they are on the same side." (Zig Ziglar)

"The question for you as the leader is whether you are going to create an environment that is as enjoyable for your people as it is for you - a place that they are as excited about and devoted to as you are. The best leaders are those whom people want to follow. We have a different word for people whom others follow only because of force or need. We call them tyrants." (The Anatomy of Peace)

"In the moment we cease resisting others, we're out of the box - liberated from self-justifying thoughts and feelings. This is why the way out of the box is always right before our eyes - because the people we're resisting are right before our eyes. We can stop betraying ourselves toward them - we can stop resisting the call of their humanity upon us." (Leadership & Self Deception)