"People who chronically interpret others defensively and self-protectively think that others are naive and even stupid and in any case set up to be taken advantage of." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

"No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong." (Francois de La Rochefoucauld)

"We will not be free from self-deception until fault and blame cease to be the issue." (The Arbinger Institute)

"Our happiness is not necessarily a function of meeting our needs first, or at the expense of others. In fact, to address our needs in such a way is to foster unhappiness. The reality of life is that happiness depends on how I am with others. I am most happy when I am alive to others' needs." (Who We Are)

"If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher." (Pema Chodron)

"Those who understand others truly do not condemn them. On the contrary, a truthful understanding of another person is the same as the love of that other person. It is only a false understanding of another person that correlates with hatred, suspicion, contempt or indifference. There is a way to see the world without blame." (C. Terry Warner)

Me too - maybe we coach each other!

"To admit our errors or weaknesses (in an honest, sincere way) can bring us liberation and strength. It will seem ironic to say this, for facing up to the truth is usually what we most fear to do. Nevertheless, it's true. There is much transforming power in frankly acknowledging the truth about our own wrongdoing." (C. Terry Warner)

"Remember friend, the outer shell
Of every man you know full well,
But that which tears his soul apart
Yea, what is hidden in his heart,
Unknown to you his load of care,
The burdens he is called to bear
No soul can ever see.
So keep your peace and no judge be." (translated from German, author unknown)

"We have discovered that the light that will dispel the darkness of our eyes is constantly available, pouring toward us in an uninterrupted stream. Upon this truth hangs our hope." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

"Our love of being right is best understood as our fear of being wrong." (Kathryn Schulz)

"Signals from others can and do penetrate, but they get warped and jumbled by the irregular texture through which they must pass. The point is that in self-betrayal, we do pay close attention to the people we harden ourselves against. But as Leo Rosten is reputed to have said, 'We see them not as they are but as we are." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

"Humility is, in a sense, admitting how egotistical we are." (Criss Jami)

"This word perverse, helpfully captures the fact that the guarded, suspicious, I-It attitude is not a way of being on its own, but a twisting, distorting or misshaping of the natural, good, and graceful way of being that would be ours were we not caught up in self-betrayal." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

"Our insensitivity as self-betrayers is best described not as attending to ourselves rather than others, but rather as attending to others for our sake rather than for their sake." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

I have been wondering a lot lately about blindness. The blindness of our own eyes to see our own faults, weaknesses and failings. Why is it that we can grasp something intellectually (the Arbinger material for instance), but completely fail to come to grips with our blindness?

What is it in our own consciences that stops the light from coming in and removing our blindness? It seems that our consciences can deceive us into fabricating any story that supports the lie we are living.

I am interested in everybody's thoughts on how to overcome this and how to help others overcome this.

Agree - what creative ways can we develop to break/challenge people paradigms and worldviews? Have people answer the question - what if I'm wrong about how I view myself? or Who wouldn't say I'm a good listener? or Who wouldn't say I am a good manager? or Who wouldn't say I'm an expert? Could we do this at our one-on-one's. How can we hold people accountable to asking "disconfirming" questions about themselves?

We could ask people - "Does your reality work?"

"The first step toward wholeness is to let go of all resentment and recrimination. When we no longer carry ourselves in the world as victims, we can start on the road to recovery, but not until then." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

"Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy and compassion." (Daniel Goleman)

"We are constantly receiving signals from others that reveal something of their needs and hopes and fears. Martin Buber expressed this idea in these words: 'Living means being addressed.' We are called upon by others' unspoken requests, expressed in their faces and gestures and voices, to treat them with consideration and respect." (Bonds That Make Us Free)

"Refusing to forgive is a kind of trap. To insist that others must suffer for their wrongdoing is to insist on our own suffering as well." (The Arbinger Institute)