The Coaching Manager Tweddle Group

This scenario is all too common when an individual is asked to make the leap from expert to manager. It's especially common when someone is asked to lead a team of their recent peers. But jumping into the weeds and trying to do everything, even if it works initially, is not a sustainable strategy. Ultimately a manager needs to focus on becoming a successful teacher and mentor in order to help their people develop and grow, and to increase the overall capacity of the team.

In the most compelling and comprehensive synthesis of independent scientific studies about managerial competence, Tim Judge reports that effective managers tend to be highly adjusted, sociable, friendly, flexible, and prudent.

The examples provided by Sue's boss mainly fell into the first two categories of emotional intelligence: self-awareness and self-regulation. In talking through the examples from her manager, Sue admitted that she wasn't always aware of how her behavior at work was impacting others. So we decided to focus on techniques that would help her better regulate her behavior and identify her emotions.

What is empathy? It is a deep emotional intelligence that is closely connected to cultural competence. Empathy enables those who possess it to see the world through others' eyes and understand their unique perspectives.

The 3 coaching "in-the-moment" questions: 1. What went well? 2. What didn't go as well as expected? 3. If you had a do-over - what would you do differently?

When coaching such clients, I try to help them stay calm and grounded by focusing on making one immediate and powerful change: ask open-ended questions and avoid making directive statements. This strategy is simple, straightforward, and easy to remember. It's also measurable quantitatively. The manager (or someone observing the manager) can count how many times he or she asked open-ended questions and made directive statements during a meeting with direct reports. The ratio of the former to the latter should be high, often in the neighborhood of 10 to 1 as judged by my experience with clients who went on to succeed in management roles.

Knowing how to effectively give positive feedback is a powerful tool to develop employee skills and talent. Yet leaders on the front lines, middle management, and upper tiers of organizations often overlook positive feedback and reinforcement, or are unsure or uncomfortable giving it.

You don't turn an ordinary workplace into a Human Workplace by putting a sign on the door. It doesn't happen because you install a lactation room (although I highly recommend that you do!) or start an employee suggestion program.

The path to a Human Workplace is mental. It's a shift in perspective. It happens when people stop seeing the managers in an organization and the rest of the staff as two different camps.

But today, tighter budgets, flatter organizations, a heavy workload, and too many direct reports often leave managers without the time - and sometimes without the skills - to shoulder the responsibility of being coach and mentor. And yet, this function remains critical to the long-term health and productivity of the organization.

The agenda for each meeting was a sheet of paper with the six following questions: Where are we going? Where are you going? What is going well? Where can we improve? How can I help you? How can you help me?

At first, her role as a leader felt overwhelming, and she was tempted to "pull up" from her failing team. However, she continued to address their challenges, needs, and issues head on even though it drained her and took a lot of time. Soon, however, she was able to make decisions that were for the best of her people and the organization alike. She was able to build trust with her team, who soon saw her competence (an underrated aspect of high trust workplaces) and felt her authentic care. The pile of challenges started getting smaller and smaller. She was able to start moving her team with a speed they hadn't experienced before. This leader now has one of the highest trust teams in the organization and is seen by many as their "best leader ever."

While this post is about coaches working with clients, it apply to leaders working with the customers of their leadership.

The Golden Rule-treat others as you want to be treated-has a fatal flaw: it assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. It ignores that people are motivated by vastly different things... The Platinum Rule-treat others as they want to be treated-corrects that flaw.

Coaching isn't about asking versus telling. It's about creating a new awareness, which includes the reflective practices of sharing observations and sensations, motivational acts of encouraging and challenging, and ways of holding the space in the moment so the person can fully experience their self even when it feels uncomfortable. Coaches do all of these things as well as questioning.

In the survey, employees called out the kind of management offenses that point to a striking lack of emotional intelligence among business leaders, including micromanaging, bullying, narcissism, indecisiveness, and more. In rank order, the following were the top communication issues people said were preventing business leaders from being effective:

I'd put my money on a kind boss over a meaniac any day. There are several reasons. One is I just don't like jerks very much. But there are legitimate business reasons for backing the kind boss. Here are four ways kindness can give you an edge in business.

Save more general updates for emails and group stand-ups. Instead, use that one-on-one time to bring up key topics like how you want your career to grow, skills or opportunities you're interested in developing, and roadblocks you're struggling with. Of course, not everyone has a great manager that is willing to talk about these things, but it is worthwhile to bring these topics up to make sure you're successful.

ask yourself these three questions on a regular basis: What am I not saying that needs to be said? What am I saying that's not being heard? What's being said that I'm not hearing?

The best way to empower employees is not to manage them. Coach them to success. This is a process of developing their skills and providing them specific feedback to meet high standards. Employees want to be on the same team with their bosses.

What does work is a) helping people find a deep and very personal vision of their own future and b) then helping them see how their current ways of operating might need a bit of work if that future is to be realized. These are the first two steps in Richard Boyatzis' Intentional Change theory - which we've been testing with leaders for years. According to Boyatzis - and backed up by our work with leaders - here's how people really can begin and sustain change on complex abilities linked to emotional intelligence: