AU Communication & Technology

Punch this up a bit. If you better identify your goal then these sentences will come more naturally. You should also build in a social media campaign to promote and distribute the information you collect. Also think about the organization of these sentences. #5 may your most important sentence yet it's buried at the end. Sometimes chronology works to a disadvantage and thoughts should instead be organized around importance.

If organization of information is one of your selling points, then you need to begin working on developing your system.

It would also be handy if you could create a way for these folks to communicate with one another. Think about what's out there what technologies you could use.

How will users contribute ideas? 

How will it survive? 

See Shirky for some ideas here. What does he say needs to be present for people to join in reaching a goal?

Hey Frank, You might even want to consider making a wiki and sending people the link and branching out that way. It can help make it more organized as well.. ie. categorizing suppliments, training, goals and schedules, etc..

This comment applies to 1b.

NOTE: Using Diigo sticky notes in Gdocs is a bit weird because the notes do not stick, the document scrolls but the notes remain in place. I'm only continuing so the comments appear on the Diigo group home.

1c: Ultimately, there are a few more audiences that you might consider. All AU faculty, Alum, Student Activities, Laurie McFadden (the campus historian), admissions etc.

Also don't forget the other members of the community. You are asking students to reach out to them too.

1d & 1e: If you refine your responses on these two levels, then you may take a better step toward developing a pitch for your project. Think about your own experiences in Alfred. You are asking these students to explore the community and document those explorations. Why is this a good idea? How has this sort of exploration enhanced your own times in Alfred?

Sentence 1: Is starting this with a fear (something being difficult) the best choice? Why not focus on the positives, like exploring new places and ideas, independence, or joining a new community.

Sentence #2 (the headline) comes across as an incomplete thought. Prepare what? 

Your five sentences need to walk you through your plan clearly and coherently. Focus on defining your project rather than the FYE program as a whole.  Once you make changes to the your core five sentences then you also need to make changes to the descriptions you offer in this section. Take a look at the examples provided on the Drumbeat site.

This is good. You might be able to polish this just a bit. Think about how your passion can inspire your recruitment of others. Try to choose words that will both embody your passion and be accessible to your readers. You're very close to this already.

You've really captured the idea of the 5 Sentence steps. Your sentences stand on their on merit and your descriptions only reinforce your ideas. I think the area for the greatest improvement is in Step #4. The blog will not do this alone. Think about other avenues that can be used to spread your idea. In other words, integrate other forms of media into your idea, or at least open the door to this in your proposal.

Tell us why you chose your approach rather than why you chose the project.

This is an excellent start. If you really think through your project then I think you might even be able to create a bullet list things that students can develop in this environment. BTW, if you guys like this form of feedback (Diigo groups), then you might even integrate this technology into your proposal.

The content is here, but work on the delivery of that content just a bit. How would you react as a student if you were presented with what you have written? In essence, I'm suggesting that you look at the tone more than the content of your statements. A tonal change may also dictate changes to your descriptions below.

1c: You might have a solid idea here. How do college students cook differently than other audiences? Is there a way to tailor your approach to this specific audience in order to offer something that does not exist? Do college students, particularly in dorms, have access to different equipment? Can you make these differences a signature for your program?

1d & 1e: Rework these. Try to use 1d and 1e to sell your idea to audience members and people who might fund your project.

Section 2: Use the five sentences to really summarize your project for your audience and collaborators. See the examples provided on the Drumbeat blog entry. Don't bury your lead. The third sentence is really heart of your project. Lead with that one, then build out of that sentence to explain your project. You, like some other folks doing video projects, might want to consider doing this step twice. One time should focus on your process and production planning. The other should focus on selling your idea in a way that might be presented on a one or two page flyer. If you punch up this section, then you'll have something to show folks and encourage them to help. It seems like you still have a long way to go with your project and you'll need some hands along the way.  Some folks working with video might even want to consider combining efforts so you can learn from one another. The production skills are the same regardless of the content so if your primary goal is to acquire these skills then figure out a way to make this manageable.

Be more specific about how.

What is the purpose for you? Expand your ideas here. If you say this well it can become your pitch.

The second draft I suggested above should capture the pitch you construct in your five sentences. In short, the reader of this proposal should get excited about your idea. What you have created so far is a fairly solid plan of action, and that is absolutely necessary for success in this area. Now try to really capture your idea in a five sentence pitch that will make others want to take part in your idea.

I might make one minor switch by moving item #4 to item #5. It makes more sense chronologically if it's there.

Your five sentences are concise and to the point. This makes it easier to convey. Nice work.

In particular, using Google docs and chat will allow your group to write posts collaboratively if you choose to move in this direction. In other words, it allows you to share the editorial responsibilities as well as the writing responsibilities. Does that help?

Using a FB group also makes sense, but it will not replace GDocs for collaborative writing.

Analyzing your traffic is a great habit to get it into. It will allow you to experiment with different promotional strategies and easily check to see if those strategies seem to be working.

Your excitement is infectious.

Recruiting people with different skills is advisable. Communities are formed around people with varying strengths. This also creates a solid foundation for continued learning.

D & E can both be used to really pitch your idea. Think through these questions more carefully. Think of this in the same way that you might apply for a job. This is your opportunity to sell yourself. Would you buy into you based on your responses?

Take a look at some of the example Drumbeat proposals in the Drumbeat blog. Punching up the content in section #2 will help. I think your ultimate goal is to advance yourself in respect to eventually becoming a sports agent. There are a lot of ways to accomplish that goal using social media and web-based media. Think through all of the technologies that we've experienced. What do you need to do to achieve your goal? What technologies can be used to advance that goal? For example, this occupation will eventually require a law degree with a focus on contract law. Can you begin learning the basics now? How can social media help you collect, organize, and retrieve what you have learned or hope to learn. I am not suggesting that you change the project entirely, but based on your goal you ought to think carefully about what will be the best use of the technologies we've discussed for your purposes. Is the blog it?

Excellent graphic. Take a look at your process. What can you replace blog with or add to blog to help you achieve your goal.

Don't underestimate your idea. There are lots of ways that your idea could make the world a better place. If you can answer this question well, then this can help form your sales pitch.

Use these five sentences to clearly explain the importance of having a social media plan. Don't tell them what they don't understand help them understand it.

Think of this step like the outcomes that you have read for our Gen Ed proposal. These five sentences are your objectives or outcomes. The next section involves explaining why these outcomes are important, how you will achieve those goals, and how you will measure your success. If you rethink your response here, then this will necessarily change everything after that.

This sentence has little to do with your plan. 

Have you used iThoughts on the iPad or Cmap Tools on the laptop? You might be able to use these techs or Prezi to improve this graphic.

NOTE TO THE CLASS: Across the board, the "5 Sentence" sections need to be punched up. Try not only to describe your project in five sentences, but also try to sell that project in the process.

These are good ideas. Bring this information to the first section of your proposal.

Possibly rework this step in a way that focuses on defining your concept. 

It could also be promoted to future students. Think about your audiences more fully and define them all. Pluralizing the audience is generally preferable to singularizing the audience. Who else might be interested beyond students? Is this a project that might be used to define AU and its student body? If so, then how?  Think big!

Do you want to collect it, or do you want to create a way that the students collect it themselves as it is entered? See if there is a way to streamline this process. It might be as simple as SurveyMonkey. Find examples of similar processes and repeat what succeeded in those projects.

End with more punch! Really sell your idea with this final sentence. Tell us why it matters in the headline. The description does a better job of doing this than the headline.

I agree with this sentiment, but on the same token letting loose of the reins might also create a self-moderated community. For example, I could see using a technology like IdeaScale. The ideas can be submitted then voted up or down. If the larger project begins with FYE classes, then the initial list can be more controlled because the info that is collected is done so in a class setting where decorum tends to be a different. In the end, think through the ways this plan could be designed and launched.

If you sketch out your idea, then some of the missing components might become more apparent.