AU Communication & Technology

Is there a way to present this idea so it has a chance to continue after you graduate? 

Didn't you also join AUTV to tackle this project? Are there examples of this idea being executed at other campuses? If so, what can you learn from them? I can also offer to help you breakdown the footage in the examples you find. Learning to deconstruct can help you learn to construct. This will help you identify all of the components in a news package.

There are additional audiences that you are overlooking. I might even suggest that current students should not be your primary audience. Who else would be interested in seeing your creation? 

Make your second "why" explicit. Ask that question here and now.

Delete comma.

Add blackness.

This idea can be stated more plainly and effectively.  You want incoming AU students to explore and interact with the community, and to have them capture and share the experience.

The idea of creating a new social climate might be a bit over-the-top.

Define wiki.

Why is the Comment function turned off?

Excellent opening.

Aren't you ultimately hoping that this space will spread among the entire student body and Alfred community?

The idea of family creation seems more appropriately located in the section beneath this.

It's really just a bit more than this. Your proposal alos develops and builds community across classes by joining students together in a common project. Don't underestimate or undersell your idea.

You say it better in paragraph #2. Marry this paragraph to the one above. You can say all of this more efficiently and powerfully if you do so.

Ditto with this paragraph. I can see the Bucket List format sitting under this piece but since it's organized like an essay other readers won't know that you're responding to specific questions. For example, simply saying something exists comes out of the blue and reads awkwardly without the context of the proposal. You should also link back to that proposal so the readers (i.e. steering committee members can see that too.)

The trailer is fun.  It would have liked to see you discuss the ways that social media will be used in the distribution of this project though. The trailer is only a portion of your overall prototype.

Great pix, but it might also be helpful to show your plans for using the people you recruited.

What about your personal goals?

Isn't this more than recreation?

I still think you should consider ways to extend this project beyond the AU community.

Watch your spelling. Make sure to edit carefully when you're making things like this public.

The degree of interactivity in your prototype is also quite low.

The prototype does not match this description.

This is a solid idea. It creates an approachable space that should allow it to grow.

I'd expand this goal to include something about alums. Your concept is an excellent way to keep people who have AU associations involved after they leave our tiny community.

There are also some efforts to provide this coverage from AU's PR office. I've noticed that the AU FB page is sometimes used for this purpose. Those posts could easily be used to link to your coverage. Find out who is handling these posts and encourage them to do so.

Is the AUTV channel really the core channel for you? It seems so much more limited than other avenues of distribution.

Solid, aside from a few minor grammatical issues. Contributors are a "their" rather than an "its." There should also be a comma between "content" and "which."

In some respects, your concept reminds me of a social media version of "Around the Horn." The biggest difference is that you guys capture the "mass amateurization" aspect discussed in the Shirky book.

Avoid gender-specific pronouns if possible. It keeps the audience more open, and values the ever-growing segment of female sports fans.

I might also suggest looking at other people who are similar to you. Deconstruct the personal brands that these people have created. Learn from others and then use that knowledge to create your own brand.

Make sure that you copy edit the things that you post on the web. There are some basic errors (mire instead of more, adds instead of ads etc.) These errors become part of your brand.

I would also think that there is a more personal level to this concept. For example, if done well then it could lead to financial independence for you.

The promotion of your even was handled quite well.

Excellent media mix.