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Perhaps I'm not understanding the term 'argue'. Can't you 'win' an argument? Aren't there two sides, at least, to every argument? And, there is no hierarchy? Really? It seems there is always an order of dominance in an social structure. Boss / employee, Client / designer... there is always a power differential which must be accounted for. And, generally, it's up to the powerful to account for the weaker.

What your boss did that day was the equivalent of a dog humping another. He established dominance. He told you what to do. He humped you,man. He did establish the tone. Which is great and it appearantly worked. However, he didn't waive his doggy lipstick and make the power structure go away.

"Yes, AND" vs "No, BECAUSE" ... sounds like this could get personal real quick. I think what you are saying about the grounded in 'real people other than ourselves' is that you want reasons based in facts and not opinions. However, does the ethnographic research yield facts or opinion? It seems that it could be simply doubling up the opinion - As in " Here is my opinion about these other opinions (about dancing chinese villagers)" However, I do thing we everyone agrees on the results of the user research, then you CAN argue about your conclusions based on those premises without getting personal. I do think that works. And, I have seen it work.

Respecting and cultivating diversity in groups is key to high performance. It seems a bit utopian. But, it's something I believe. did anyone roll their eyes when you brought up the idea of the text analysis tool? How long did it take? Did they really 'get it' or was it something other simply tolerated? Even for the most well adjusted and balance T shaped person, it can be difficult to go along with anothers specialty, I'd imagine.

Rules, playing field, 'ball down the field'... these are all sports / war analogies. I guess the idea is "Same team". But, who is the bad guy... the guy who doesn't see it the way you do. Or, doesn't listen to reason. I don't think simply 'having a common goal' is sufficent to keep from hurting each other in meetings. If budgets and jobs are on the line, it won't be that playful.

I like that word, deliberate. It means intentionally. I suppose ' to deliberate' is to think intentionally, which is what I consider brainstorming to be. Granted brainstorming has a stigma - its light and permissive, unfocused and not serious, a waste of time. The points you bring up about 'Deliberative discourse' are helpful. It's like putting brainstorming through boot camp - to help brainstorming produce results, without hurting anyone or shutting anyone down. All in all a thought provoking post - thanks!