We become agents of change only to the degree that we begin to live to help things go right rather than simply to correct things that are going wrong. (Adapted from The Anatomy of Peace.)

We cannot cherish others while judging and criticizing them.

Week 5 Booster Shot - wait for the questions at the end of the talk. Take a moment and reflect on them!

Whenever we are inclined to insist, "I'm right and you're wrong!" we are probably wrong... When we are not willing to consider being wrong, our search for what is right is not completely sincere. (C. Terry Warner)

If others are responsible for my misery, I am stuck. If I am responsible, I am free... Without the power to choose misery, I lack the power to choose happiness. (The Choice)

Most people believe the mind to be a mirror, more or less accurately reflecting the world outside them, not realizing on the contrary that the mind is itself the principal element of creation.
(Rabindranath Tagore)

Foolishness is more than not knowing; it's that deadly combination of arrogance and ignorance. (adapted, Paul Tripp)

It is a problem to insist that others need to change while being unwilling to consider how I, myself, might need to change too.
(The Anatomy of Peace)

Week 4 video is another great talk by Chip Huth. It has a couple of follow-up questions that we should all take the time to answer.

Control will sometimes coerce compliance but it will never win allegiance and commitment. When the methods by which we try to change people represent more efforts to control them, these methods ultimately give them more reason to resist us. Power, control, psychological manipulation - these backfire. (C. Terry Warner, "Why Anasazi Works: Don't Fix Them; Let the Goodness Come Out")

Being curious and learning about the people in our lives helps remind us that we might be mistaken in our views and opinions of them; perhaps a strategy I've taken with a child is hurtful, perhaps my conclusions about my spouse are wrong. Being curious can open the way to seeing their full humanity.

If you try to dominate people, you're already defeated. (Terry Dobson)

My own contempt for others is the most debilitating pain of all, for when I am in the middle of it -- when I'm seeing resentfully and disdainfully -- I condemn myself to living in a disdained, resented world. (The Anatomy of Peace, p. 96)

Rules of behavior can be conformed to hypocritically. We can tell the truth to make ourselves look good, act politely to hide an evil intention, and even speak kindly to make another person squirm...By contrast, our living sense of how we should respond to others requires something more than outwardly correct behavior... That something more is wholeheartedness, consideration, and respect. It requires us not just to *act* honorably or kindly, but to *be* honorable or kind. (See Bonds That Make Us Free, p.22)

If I am living right, I will have no reason to think others don't deserve my love.

Anything that can be categorized (gender, race, religion, age, socio-economic status) can become a way to dehumanize individuals within such groups. The differences we clutch to in our justifications are mostly illusion. (Jim Ferrell)

If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being and who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart? (Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn)

When I see with compassion, my view of others changes, whether they change or not. (The Arbinger Institute, The Choice)

When we're defending a physical castle, it's entirely possible that hating outsiders is a useful tool. But in a connection economy, hating the other almost always destroys the hater.

Acquaint yourself with your own ignorance. (Isaac Watts)