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The basics of meeting preparation (things like inviting the right participants and testing equipment) can feel like second nature for many who are familiar with the routine. But beyond logistics, anxiety can arise for individuals who are less comfortable with what happens off-script during meetings. Concern around asking the right questions, having the right responses and utilizing meeting time productively often distracts from the end goal. But there's a way to cut through meeting anxiety, and it's centered on helpfulness.

Think your organization is in tip-top shape? "There's a saying that people don't need a doctor until they're sick," said Sam Whitney, one of the brains behind the Mindset Audit. "One of the problems with an inward mindset is that you don't know you have it. We wanted to develop a tool that could expose organizational mindset really quickly, and would allow people to walk away with an analysis of their score as well as suggestions for moving forward. As soon as you start to see those weak points, you begin to question the virtue of your organization's effectiveness, and that in turn causes you to question your place, and your part in that organizational breakdown. You're revealing a foundational mindset, and bypassing a lot of the common barriers by getting to the core of organizational issues."

After reading the material I realized how important these concepts are to leadership and that we were missing this aspect of leadership in our curriculum. We were teaching leadership theories and leadership skills (like giving good briefings, or being a good listener), but not focusing on the interpersonal aspect of leadership. The Arbinger material brings home for the students the relational side of leadership. Also, the students really connect with the stories and enjoy how the books are written as a narrative rather than a list of points to memorize. This material is a needed break from the endless stream of PowerPoint bulleted lists they get in most classes these days.

Despite mounting evidence of the advantages of a mindset-model approach, most leaders persist in behavioral-model strategies. In our experience, they do this first out of habit and second out of ignorance regarding good mindset-change strategies.   Leaders who want to begin focusing on changing the prevailing mindsets in their organizations first need to determine the kind of mindset change they are seeking. Arbinger's work is about moving individuals, teams, and entire organizations from inward-mindset orientations to outward-mindset orientations2.

When we feel bugged by others, usually we demand a different response from them than we ourselves are willing to give. When neither we nor another are caring for each other, for example, we can get quite upset at the other's lack of care. We operate with an oxymoronic illogic: I'm upset because you are doing precisely what I am doing!

From my point of view, we tend to go astray when developing leaders by often jumping to the desirable or corrective action too early without inviting those leaders to look at the situation with different understanding, perspective and interpretation. In other words, we are not trying to shift the way they think prior to changing the way they do.

Reflecting on the personal impact of the material, Zeck comments, "I am much more aware of my role in relationships, my role in these dealings with other people, my role in collusions I had with other people. [Over time] it became much more difficult to pretend that I wasn't responsible, and that I didn't have accountability and that I wasn't playing a significant role in those relationships like I had in the past. I could always find ways to blame other people, I could always find ways to excuse my behavior, excuse the way I was relating to other people and drat-the Arbinger material has taken all of that away from me! I can no longer do that in good conscience."

Interview with Louise Francesconi from Raytheon

"Some people assume that because it's not combative, the life (of pure courage) I have described must be timid, weak, and ineffectual. On the contrary, I have found that all things being equal, self-absorbed people never think as clearly or act as decisively as those whose conscience is clear. Self-absorbed people see threats where none exist, often can't tell their enemies from their friends, intend to surround themselves with allies who won't overshadow them.

At first, her role as a leader felt overwhelming, and she was tempted to "pull up" from her failing team. However, she continued to address their challenges, needs, and issues head on even though it drained her and took a lot of time. Soon, however, she was able to make decisions that were for the best of her people and the organization alike. She was able to build trust with her team, who soon saw her competence (an underrated aspect of high trust workplaces) and felt her authentic care. The pile of challenges started getting smaller and smaller. She was able to start moving her team with a speed they hadn't experienced before. This leader now has one of the highest trust teams in the organization and is seen by many as their "best leader ever."