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Dongoh Kim

Politics: the biggest problem in education | dougbelshaw.com/blog - 0 views

  • Education, on the other hand, is a very party political matter with endless tinkering of the system to attempt to win the support of middle-class voters.
    • Dongoh Kim
       
      He is using an interesting analogy contrasting with education and politics. The "endless tikering" best describes the useless effort that EDUCATION is doing with society, students, and teachers. Obviously the author is critizising.
  • I’m a believer in government being as small as possible: whilst the state needs to intervene in the ‘big picture’ of education, I think there are other organizations and bodies eminently more suitable to deal with assessment and examinations, for example.
    • Dongoh Kim
       
      "I am a believer" Why would he wrote this instead of I believe? I think he is actually trying to enphasize the speaking method of Martin Luther King: "I have a dream." Or he wants to be in a very specific part of a group segment: believers.
  • the new rules allowed my parents to take me out of the local, very poor, middle school (at my request) and install me at a much better school.
    • Dongoh Kim
       
      Although he is talking about good things of the system the phrases "very poor" and "at my request" are indirectly that the author is not really considering a good thing.
  • ...2 more annotations...
  • I’m certainly against the endless analogies and comparisons of schools to businesses. Educating children is not like making products to sell at a profit.
    • Dongoh Kim
       
      In these sentences, he is standing very strong his point of view. His phrasing, diction, and personal opinion is highlighted clearly.
  • Although I’ve been accused of it for the first time today, I’m not one for manipulating others and playing politics within my organization. Not at all: I’m there to make things better for the system – locally, nationally and internationally.
    • Dongoh Kim
       
      The phrase "Not at all" again he is standing his point very clearly. He is rejecting strongly what others would be thinking of him. Very clever. Moreover, he bolds his main sentence backing up his earlier phrase: "Not at all"
matekat60

Wilson's Biology Lab - The Blog: Will Genetic Juicing Replace Steroids? - 0 views

    • matekat60
       
      He is educate d in the topic because he knows that athletes are under constant pressute to be the best because theat is what they live from
  • Gene therapy is the practice of inserting different genes into the cells to improve their performance
    • matekat60
       
      Detail to know about gene manipulation shows sis knowladge
  • ...6 more annotations...
  • Because the genes are foreign material, people's immune system may reject the gene and destroy it, causing the operation to fail. If the operation is done poorly enough, the immune system's response may be severe enough to kill the patient (i.e., shutting down organs, including the brain). Also, gene therapy does not last for a long period of time, so multiple operations are required until the therapy actually works and cures the patient.
    • matekat60
       
      Detailed knowladge about the topic and he goes in depth about gene therapy so he knows what he is talking about
  • In 2006, a German track and field coach tried to allow genetic juicing to his athletes for the 2008 Olympics in China, but was caught before anyone could be treated. In an attempt to stop genetic manipulation in athletics, the World Anti-Doping Agenc
    • matekat60
       
      Gives good and interesting example from the world of athletics how coaches tempted to give illegal and dangerous stuff to their athletes just to improve their performance.
  • http://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/post.cfm?id=athlete-alert-is-genetic-juicing-se-2010-02-04http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gene_therapyhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesse_Gelsinger
    • matekat60
       
      sources are good way to show where you get your informations and give you inspirations
taylorcornelson

Educational Problems among Different Ethnic Groups: Trifecta - 3 views

  • in USC
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      studying "at" USC
  • timing
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      "time"
  • south
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      "South"
  • ...28 more annotations...
  • off from
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      "out of" high school
  • after several weeks later
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      don't need to say the "after" -- can just say "several weeks later", or "after several weeks"
  • After the incident, he told me that he will be working with his uncle and will no longer be attending school.
  • his father was found dead
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      intense -- good use of personal story to show your strong ties/connection to the subject you are writing about
  • Of course there are educational problems in Korea as well. But this time, it is not surrounding issues like low-income or harsh environment, because by government law, everyone must receive education in school no matter what happens; therefore, the majority of students do not need to pay the school fee unless they attend private schools
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      Sentence is a bit long...maybe make into two?
  • Different from America, where everyone deserves an opportunity, in Korea, students must be in the top lists to be successful, that is why Korea has a high rate of suicide among students.
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      great information in this paragraph -- I, and I'm sure many readers, did not know a lot of this
  • from December
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      "on" December 14?
  • He is a Korean and writes everything from Korean games, movies, education, politics, sports, social issues and more, but mostly complaining about them.
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      Do you need to say "a" Korean? Maybe just "He is Korean?", and "writes about everything from.." instead of just "writes everything"
  • ethnical
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      ethnic
  • But I will not be like that. I mostly share similar opinions with Fermentation, but I have other thoughts that contradict with him
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      Good tone and assertiveness here -- I like that you establish that "you will not be like that"
  • this blog looks boring.
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      haha, nice informality
    • morgan macbride
       
      i agree
  • The reason I fell in love with this blog is because of his writing methods. He uses amazing stories and analogies to refer to how an educational organization must be improved
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      great way of telling us why you chose this blog
  • exciting
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      "excited"
  • Now, it is my turn. This is just the beginning. Welcome to my world.
    • Lauren Goehner
       
      I like this wrap up
  • And how all these different learning methods affect individual ways of thinking?
    • morgan macbride
       
      this intro is good but comes off a little bit like an informercial
  • t is an introduction.
    • morgan macbride
       
      maybe connect this sentence to the last with a semi colon.
  • surrounding problems
    • morgan macbride
       
      switch order, put "problems surrounding"
  • I realized that there are millions of blogs that relate to my topic: Education.
    • morgan macbride
       
      add a hook or something funny
  • I personally
    • morgan macbride
       
      "and personally, I agree with him"
  • cool things
    • morgan macbride
       
      I like the informal tone of your voice, its engaging
  • ust like other readers
    • morgan macbride
       
      "just like other readers, I had to nod my....."
  • Hey You! Yes, You! Please don’t go so soon.
    • taylorcornelson
       
      Do you think there's some other way of grabbing the reader's attention, rather than asking them not to leave? I think even starting with "Did you ever think..." would be a much more engaging introduction.
  • high school
    • taylorcornelson
       
      Central and South American high schools?
  • Additionally,
    • taylorcornelson
       
      I think if you remove this word the paragraph would be stronger.
  • statistics in “Their Cheating Hearts” by William Raspberry
    • taylorcornelson
       
      Maybe a bit more of a conclusion to communicate with the reader?
  • Since I am writing about educational problems in different ethnical groups and comparing them to see why all these educational problems affect their entire economy, his thoughts and opinions are giving me a general sense of why people are not really “learning.”
    • taylorcornelson
       
      Rephrase to a more direct sentence? "His thoughts and opinions offer great insight as to why students in many schools aren't really "learning."
  • arguments
    • taylorcornelson
       
      Maybe refer to the author by name every once in a while?
  • schools and racing team
    • taylorcornelson
       
      Comment specifically how these techniques discussed above do what you say they do. (More specifics)
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