In her important, controversial new book, Sherry Turkle reads our leap into digital technology not as the unfettering of a deep, human urge to connect, but as a dire symptom to be understood within an older framework: psychoanalysis. Whether you find this book's analysis convincing depends on how you read the Rorschach test that is the Internet.
Based on this Boston Globe book review, I think the slant that Turkle misses is that maybe the internet is redefining, rather than limiting, human development. She uses an example of people instant texting things such as funerals, disallowing deep human, emotional discourse to illustrate how the internet is "not better", but limiting. But maybe this is a reflection of a society where families are often split for a variety of reasons - divorce, geography - and the internet is allowing a connection, rather than isolation. The internet doesn't prevent a deeper discussion.
Ann, from a sociological perspective, I believe the way we handle death and grieving is one of the most important trends to observe with this new media. Death is something we will always have to modify our perception to accommodate, and I think we're only at the beginning of a real cultural shift, and even an assimilation of cultures around how we make meaning around these issues. I'm going to add the Stefana Broadbent TED Talk to our shared bookmarks here. I think you'd like it.
I think Sherry Turkle has voiced some of my concerns. I am not convinced that with the internet tools of social media the millennials and others are sharing deeper learning environments and relationships online. I think we need to reexamine these hypothesis as time goes by and they continue to develop.
Joy, you might like You Are Not a Gadget, by Jaron Lanier http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Not-Gadget-Manifesto/dp/0307269647 It's his personal observation of where things might be headed. Much of it resonated with me, though I do understand it's only one point of view.
The observation how death and grieving is handled evolves and is reflective of society is an interesting observation. One internet tool I have noticed is that an on-line capability is often provided for death announcements. For several people close to me and a couple of celebrities that resonated with me, I would read or contribute to some of these postings and had a broader and more connected sense of the person. I didn't feel so isolated in my grief.
Since the Web is still less than 20 years old, I think the jury is still out regarding the darker isolating potential of online social behavior. Ann mentions online tools that announce death notices that allow people to publicly tell their stories and express grief over someone who recently died.
I had a recent experience with an online service called CaringBridge that is used as a public communications forum for people who are experiencing life threatening illnesses or accidents. It gives well wishers an opportunity to express their support and lets family members communicate the ongoing status of the person who is sick. It provides a kind of forum for sympathetic and loving communications that has never existed before.
My recent experience involves a friend I knew in high school who is battling brain cancer, and the debilitating chemo and radiation treatments. CaringBridge lets me join with a large group of other people to send messages of support to him. Recently, with difficulty, he has been able to begin writing posts to CaringBridge describing his day-to-day experiences and progress. Rather than being an alienating or "alone together" experience, I think it has a genuine positive effect on everyone involved, and is a powerful reminder of our own humanity and vulnerability.
Bruce, CaringBridge has been a great support for so many people. I originally discovered the site while I was following the story of Baby Allie http://www.scotthousehold.com/allie.htm whose mom documented her short life battling with AML. A huge community grew around her little life, and I discovered many CaringBridge sites. Jenny went on to start the Heroes for Children foundation, raising more than $3 million for families in TX with children undergoing treatment.
My own early blogging experiences were around my own grief and loss http://momrealityblog.blogspot.com/2006/01/it-began-with-tragic-ending.html I had previously been involved in several online parenting communities. They were a huge support to me during that time. We have the potential to do a lot of good online and off. I think we just need to be cognizant of how our messages are amplified, and how we amplify the messages of others.
Joy, I am so sorry for your loss. I think grief is different for everyone, and the internet is a place we can find other people who share similar methods of grieving, so we don't feel so alone. In our own families, it's hard to support each other through periods of loss. I've discovered a lot of online communities, some healthy, and some not, where people feel comfortable expressing their feelings about loss. I think the most important thing I learned online during that time, was "be gentle with yourself."
We worry that IM, texting, Facebook are spoiling human intimacy, but Stefana Broadbent's research shows how communication tech is capable of cultivating deeper relationships, bringing love across barriers like distance and workplace rules.