Statements about their money keep popping up. If money is very important to the characters or to the plot, then well done. If not, some can probably be removed
This is the first image we get outside of the church. It provides a nice contrast, accentuating the difference between church and 'what she had been waiting to do the entire day'
This sounds great. Loose and waving sound like their meaning -- they flow nicely. Clench, however, is a harsh sounding word, and the stark contrast conveys that something big happened very nicely.
One now straightened her hair and painted on her face each morning; the other only attempted to tame her hair before slipping on her dirty sneakers and old sweatshirt
These bits sound great when read, and, having heard them read, I understand entirely. However, I think if I had read them myself at first, I would not have understood what is going on.
This one bit says a lot. It may be a bit redundant with 'wander,' however. I might think about changing 'wander' to 'walk' and allowing 'without any real destination' to speak for itself.
I made sure to stay even with her so I wouldn’t get my pants dirty
Again, I think this says a lot. It says he has a tendency to fall behind her without a conscious effort to stay beside her, which speaks to both of their characters. Also, he is worried about his pants being dirty. Great work.
I am unsure whether this means 'foreign' as in 'from another country' or 'foreign' as in 'strange, unfamiliar.' If it is the latter, I might suggest changing the wording, it might mislead some readers.
I checked my nearly ruined I Phone, the screen was a spider web of cracks, the sound didn’t work, and there were scratches sprawling from the bottom up on the back. I loved that phone like a baby. Or at least a baby that didn’t care how much you dropped it, or scratched it
I really like this description -- a very realistic way for a freshman to think about a senior. Also, hyphenate "party-going," as the two words are serving as one adjective
I'm a bit unsure if a twelve-year-old would do mature enough to do this, but it could certainly still work.
Mother didn’t pick out my outfits for school anymore and I insisted on wearing curlers each night to bed. I even convinced my Mother to let me wear some of her rouge to school.
Interesting usage of informal language -- be sure that this fits with the speaker's character and that language such as this continues throughout the story -- it shouldn't be out-of-place
I'm not sure if this just didn't show up on the blog or not, but italicizing the thought would make it clearer that it is a thought before the last clause. Also, I suggest using a comma after 'champions'
I really like this. It serves as a break, yet is sudden enough for us to experience what the players are feeling. It also moves us seamlessly from one scene to another through repetition. Well done
I think that "chapel" is a term that is peculiar to our school. Many readers might not understand exactly what this is, and they may think that it is religious (which it might be, if this school is a religious school). I think "assembly" or something like that might work better.
and take in the fact that they are playing their last game against the schools biggest rival
I feel like omitting this bit might work. I feel like cutting that sentence off after repeating 'sit there' strongly reinforces the fact that they really are just sitting there. I think the bit about their realization that it's their last game against Pine Bluff comes across in the next sentence.