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Janice Perez Rivera

Angela Moneck - 0 views

  • It is the act of writing or speaking effectively. This “essential element of human action” includes many different forms
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      These two sentences to me seem kind of choppy. They are complete sentences but I feel like they could be combined.
  • Ethos relies on the character of the speaker. Pathos evokes emotion from the audience and logos relies on logic or reason to prove a point.
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      Try to combine these sentences too.
  • Although Biden does not agree with the war at this point, at the beginning, he greatly supported the invasion of Iraq. Since then, he has now become one of the “war’s toughest critics.”
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      Wow I didn't know that he supported it in the beginning.
  • ...5 more annotations...
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      You need to write more, it is supposed to be 1250 words minimum.
  • In the only 2008 vice presidential
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      take out the word only. it's extra .. In the 2008 vice presidential....
  • The war hits close to home with the vice presidential nominee. His son Beau is now in Iraq. He commented that he did not want his son going, but also does not want his grandchildren to have to go back later on
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      very interesting point. I did not know that the war for him was so close to home like you stated. i also did not know that he supported the war at first.
  • “How we leave [Iraq] makes a big difference.”
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      notice how he used the word "we" which makes the audience really connect with him. Because we includes everyone.
  •     Sarah Palin seems to feel more comfortable with oral rather than written communication. In her oral communication, it is obvious that she holds back nothing.
    • Janice Perez Rivera
       
      this is a very good and interesting point that you brought out
Alex Gutierrez

https://docs.google.com/a/mail.usf.edu/View?docid=dfnk558c_1hpcjzwcm&AuthEventSource=SSO - 0 views

  • all of the world
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      One of the most powerful Countries in the World.
  • And as the end of President Bush’s term approaches, American’s final decisions become more and more important
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      I think this sentence should be rearranged. It just does not sound right to me. Also I would describe what you mean in this sentence better.
  • yeas
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      years
  • ...14 more annotations...
  • op-ed
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      What is this?
  • McCain’s reliance on factual examples to persuade the reader makes logos the primary form of rhetoric present in the op-ed.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      This a good and important paragraph for this paper. I would elaborate on this last sentence. Also remember to watch sentence structure.
  • form
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      from
  • form
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      from
  • It’s apparent from the very beginning that ethos is the major form of rhetoric being used in the speech. 
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      You need to describe this better. Really try to back up your statements.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      Why is it that ethos plays a role here. Maybe want to give a little more evidence here with some specific examples of why.
  • Like John McCain, Obama expressed his opinion on the war in Iraq and explained how he would deal with the issue if he were elected President, and again like McCain; the article included a great deal of factual information.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Watch sentence structure
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      In the above paragraph you say McCain did not have factual information. May want to look at this in a little more detail.
  • Because Senator Obama’s article relies mainly on factual information as a means to persuade the viewer, logos is the primary form of rhetoric present.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      This is a good sentence. I can see where you are coming from in this sentence when you say logos is the primary form of rhetoric.
  • disprove any untrue statements made by the Republican candidate’s party
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      What are the untrue statements?
  • Hopefully the analysis of the usage of rhetoric will allow for individuals to have a better understanding of the presidential candidates, and will be able to make an accurate decision in November.  
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      This is a good sentence in that it relates back to the opening paragraph. I would try to make your conclusion a little stronger.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      Attempt to make the conclusion a little stronger. Wouldnt be hard to do and could add alot to the affectiveness of your paper.
  • Works Cited
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      You also need an annotated Bibliography
  • McCain uses little factual information and a great deal of hypothetical situations in order to persuade his audience.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      try to stay away from point of views here. Or if he uses hypothetical situations what are they?
  • Again, there is no factual basis to support the Senator’s claims.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      Factual information is not necesarilly pertinent here because the war is not over. Maybe use something like history has shown as an example that this will not happen or something along those lines.
  • “We won’t have sufficient resources to finish the job in Afghanistan until we reduce our commitment to Iraq.”
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      This seems also to me like an opinion. What authority does the chairman have. Why would this statement be more credible than the statements and experiences that McCain has had. Maybe give a little more detail in explaining this here.
  • Obama used factual information in order to defend himself against the claims of the McCain campaign.
    • Alex Gutierrez
       
      What are some of these factual informations and where do they come from.
Dena Rennie

Project 2 rough draft - 0 views

shared by Dena Rennie on 06 Nov 08 - Cached
  • Works Cited
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Good job with the Works Cited and annotated bibliography.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      My floating sticky notes aren't working again, so here is my conventions critique: Conventions- The only thing I noticed was a small amount of spelling errors and that the in text MLA citations are missing. Otherwise, good job. Especially on the works cited and annotated bibliography.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Make sure if you use MLA works cited, that you use MLA paper sourcing as well. And usually you need an extra space between sources in MLA works cited, it also makes it a lot easier to read the sources.
  • different
    • Angela Moneck
       
      You've used the work "different' four times in two sentences. You could substitute this word with another word to make it more interesting.
  • He also,
    • Angela Moneck
       
      A comma is not needed there.
  • ...12 more annotations...
  • throught he
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Speling error.
  • Also, he appeals to the veryday people with comments like that on his website that say, “I’m asking you to believe, not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington… I’m asking you to believe in yours.”
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Good quote.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      everyday is missing an e
  • Also, there is John McCain who has been around the presidential election process before. He has ran for President before and did not make it past primary elections. He was a part of the U.S. House of Represenatives for Arizona in 1982, and was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1986. He is someone who has been around the hustle and bustle of the Washington lifestyle. He is someone who, it would be thought, would be ready for the highest position in our country. His platform has included helping out our economy and ensuring our national security. He wants to get health care costs down to a price that is reasonable for all people. One thing that McCain differs from Obama on is the issue of Iraq. McCain believes we need to assist Iraq in becoming a prosperous country on its own, before we can back out and leave them alone.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I like how you introduced each candidate. It makes the paper flow much better.
  • McCain’s written rhetoric can be seen on his website where he describes how he plans to change our country. His main ideas and what he stands for are clear to see there. It says “Country First: Reform, Prosperity, Peace.”
    • Angela Moneck
       
      This paragraph is very short. It's a good point, but I think you can go into it further. You could do this by possibly giving another example.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      This paragraph's length makes it one of the weaker points of the essay. It starts off with a good transition, but there is no evidence to support that what he stands for on issues.
  • Each candidate uses rhetoric to appeal to their potential voters. They both use Pathos to appeal to their audiences. They appeal to the middle class by promising a change in the way they have lived their lives, by lowering taxes and getting more affordable healthcare. Obama appeals to the minorities saying that it is their time to take a stand and get out and vote, telling them that they can make a difference. Ethos is a big part of politics, because if we have no confidence in what they have stood for in the past how can we back them now. A person’s reputation is key in politics, especially in the Presidential election. This is the time when scandals become forefront, because each party is trying to discredit the other. If we aren’t confident in the person how can we be confident in the policies. Logos is used, although I’m not sure always effectively. Politicians use logic to appeal to people saying how things in our country are now and how they believe they can change them in the future. For instance, logically if we are in a state of economic crisis we want someone who plans to change that for the better.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I see where you're going with this paragraph, but I'm not sure if it's effective. I think that you need to explain individually in the paragraphs exactly what is an example of pathos, what is an example of ethos, and so on. Otherwise, I think it would be hard for people, especially people who don't completely understand rhetoric, to be able to figure out what is an example of which one.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Organization-Your organization was good and clear. With the exception of the conclusion, I wouldn't change anything.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Your organization between candidates is good, but I would probably discuss the rhetoric each candidate uses within the paragraphs in which you discuss the candidates. It would help the paper flow a little better and possibly help improve your transitions between candidates even stronger.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      And I agree with Angela, you should most definitely have evidence to backup what rhetoric method each uses. Also there are very little references in this paper to sources, which you definitely need to make sure you use. This is a really good paper and I would hate to see you lose points due to possible plagarism. Even when you paraphrase you need to cite your source.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Assignment parameters- I thnk your main idea is conveyed effectively. I feel that your purpose is clear and easy to understand.
  • adamentaly
    • Dena Rennie
       
      I could be wrong but I think this is misspelled.
  • different
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Try finding another word besides different, it has popped up quite a few times within the first paragraph, and it's a little overload. Usually you don't want to use a specific word more than two times within a paragraph (three if it's a very large paragraph, definitely no more than that)
  • Election
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Election doesn't need to be capitalized
  • There has been much debate about the candidates for this year’s election.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      This first sentence seems a little awkwardly worded.
  • bama’s Written rhetoric is clear in
    • Dena Rennie
       
      1) Written doesn't need to be capitlized. 2) This paragraph seems like it stops short. It feels there should be more depth to it. One example is easily to manipulate into saying that "well that's just a one time thing, he did this some other time." The more examples you have, the stronger your argument will be. =)
  • McCain uses visual rhetoric in his speeches and debates as well. H
    • Dena Rennie
       
      Same thing applies here as the paragraph above. The more examples you have, the stronger your argument. Make sure you have reputable sources as well.
Amanda Flores

With the Presidential electio... - 0 views

    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Title?
  • Through their methods of doing this
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Sounds weird for some reason, maybe you could put .... through various methods
  • we can
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      No Point of View!
  • ...24 more annotations...
  • Everyone
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      POV
  • and a s
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      in a ?
  • very good
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      very well spoken? or very intelligent public speaker maybe?
  • McCain’s campaign is fairly well fleshed out, as it has its bases in Bush’s platform
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      This sentence seems out of place. I think you were trying to use a transition, but this does not seem to fit.
    • Amanda Flores
       
      I agree.
  • uses logos
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      the use of
  • address
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      addressed
  • one war.  
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      one in war
  • allows him to
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      allows a way ... that part of the sentence sounds weird
  • worse and Iraq.
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      worse in Iraq?
  • It is interesting to note that in his visual rhetoric McCain tends to avoid approaches on Logos, instead focusing on pathos, while in his written rhetoric, such as this article, he does the opposite
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Very nice observation!
  • Obama is a very good public speaker
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Not worded right
  • ones do. 
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      No need for the word do. end it at ones.
  • s transition — despite
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Maybe use a comma, or semi colon. that dash looks weird
  • Obama uses Logos in both his visual and written rhetoric, and does so quite masterfully
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      very nice sentence. Great adjective!
    • Amanda Flores
       
      Agreed!
  • to me
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      POV!
  • Obama does not seem to focus very much on pathos, but he uses logos so well that it isn’t really necessary
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Interesting thought
  • Obama is
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      Obama's?
  • t we ca
    • Ashlee Duckworth
       
      POV!
  • nature, speaking
    • Amanda Flores
       
      I feel like this is a run-on. I think it would sound better if you ended the sentence after nature. And start the next sentence on why or how he addressed it that way.
  • I find
    • Amanda Flores
       
      Point of view
  • and quite
    • Amanda Flores
       
      Take out and.
  • the statement out there
  • Obama is
    • Amanda Flores
       
      Obama's
  • coming, and coming soon
    • Amanda Flores
       
      It would sound better if you said: The day of the election is coming soon.
Ryan Meehan

"Middle East" by Christopher Andersen - 0 views

  •  
    Magnum In Motion is a web site dedicated to the art of the photo essay. Each presentation contains a series photographs, coupled with the photographer's commentary.
Sean McMillan

Gutierrez Michael - 0 views

    • Sean McMillan
       
      You need a concise thesis statement.
  • He quotes that National Security
    • Sean McMillan
       
      awkward wording.
  • He believes in treating all Americans equally. McCain quotes “Don’t increase taxes on anybody”. McCain wants to keep taxes the way they are. This is ethical, logical, and fair to all American citizens.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      choppy, cite quote.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      Good start on ethos, but you need to further explain all your points.
  • ...8 more annotations...
  • In all I see Obama as a better rhetorical speaker; he appears more comfortable in oral or written communication. I do view John McCain as a better candidate for the position of President of The United States.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      support you claims as to why.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      find a concise overall conclusion based on rhetoric and support whatever claims you make.
  • The President of The United States, probably the most important position in the world, will be chosen. Rhetoric, skill in the effective use of speech, will be a crucial factor in determining the next President (Merriam Websters Collegiate Dictionary). Barack Obama and John McCain, the two main Presidential candidates, must be able to persuade American citizens toward their view.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      you use the same sentence struction 3 times in a row. Mix up your structures and usage.
  • Obama convinces his audience by telling them exactly what they want to hear. Obama convinces via the ideals of logos. Most of his answers to the elements which lay before him make perfect logical sense. Obama uses pathos in his Rhetoric. One hears passion and concern in the words of Obama. Ethos can also be found in many of Obama’s ideals. Obama seems to be ethical and moral by the ideas he has presented to American citizens.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      short, choppy writing. Assumed too many social norms.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      expand on all your points and use specific examples and quotes to support your claims.
  • Essay
    • Sean McMillan
       
      Just work on your style and thought process. Your writing seems a little choppy and unconcise. Try to find a simple to the point thesis and conclusion and work on the flow of your thoght process. Also just some small grammatical and wording mistakes.
  • this.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      This paragraph seems a little lost, none of the points pertain to your thesis. Maybe combine with the previous or next paragraph, or even add some thoughts on rhetoric pertaining to these points.
  • paper.
    • Sean McMillan
       
      This paragraph gets closest to your thesis idea, try to combine this and work it in with some of the earlier information. to make a very concise simple thesis statement.
  • Works cited
    • Sean McMillan
       
      mla format?
  • Iraq).
    • Sean McMillan
       
      this is a lot of good information, you just need to work in explanations from what all this means as far as obama's approach to rhetoric. Maybe how the audience would react to all these points.
Meghan Winn

Natassia Watson - 0 views

shared by Meghan Winn on 07 Nov 08 - Cached
  • in seeing
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this should be 'to see'
  • “the War
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'The' should be capitlized
  • to for
    • Meghan Winn
       
      'to' should not be there
  • ...24 more annotations...
  • and so
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i think it would flow better if you took these words out and just started with 'throughout' as a new sentence
  • McCain,
    • Meghan Winn
       
      comma should be before McCain not after
  • McCain’s underlying purpose
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Why do you call it underlying? I feel like that is kind of the whole point of his speech.
  • Speech
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't need to be capitalized
  • With that said he goes on to explain the mounting cost of presence not just in dollars but the amount of live that have been lost since the start of the war.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      This sentence is confusing.. it might be cleaer to say 'With that said he goes on to explain the mounting cost of our presnence in Iraq, not just in dollars, but in the amount of lives that have been lost since the start of this war.'
  • therefore our
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • and so
    • Meghan Winn
       
      I think it would flow better if you took these words out and started another sentence with 'He'
  • statement
    • Meghan Winn
       
      should be plural
  • we continuing without and
    • Meghan Winn
       
      might make more sense saying 'our continuing without an'
  • but the also
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • used ethics
    • Meghan Winn
       
      earlier you said he didn't directly discuss an ethical issues
  • Videos
    • Meghan Winn
       
      why is this here?
  • numerous and respected
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i don't think you need the word 'and' here
  • , such
    • Meghan Winn
       
      it would flow better if 'such' started a new sentence
  • uses logos to justify his position on the war, he constantly made
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you changed tense from 'uses' to 'made'
  • officials also
    • Meghan Winn
       
      should be 'officials who also'
  • whom republicans
    • Meghan Winn
       
      i think it should be 'whom are republicans'
  • that don’t support the war. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this makes the sentence a little wordy and is not needed since you already said they 'share his view of a misguided war'. it is kind of repeating yourself
  • but lack pathos
    • Meghan Winn
       
      doesn't make sense
  • Such statements combined with other rhetoric effects do make this a somewhat appealing argument. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      this sentence contradicts the rest of the paragraph
  • McCain would result
    • Meghan Winn
       
      might make more sense to say 'is what would result'
  • “& intolerable violence. 
    • Meghan Winn
       
      no end to this quotation
  • Obama was more successful in the visual portion due to logical transition and development of his ideas.  Obama’s use of the rhetorical techniques was more forceful and poignant, he spoke with more fervor and greater deal of certainty in his position and thus was able to deliver a better argument.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      you kind of discuss new thoughts here.. you might want to add another paragraph after it that ties into your main idea more and closes the paper
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You used lots of quotes throughout your paper but never cited where they came from.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      You had very good details and awesome word choice! You also used the correct point of view throughout the paper and did a good job staying on topic.
    • Meghan Winn
       
      Your opening is good but i'm not sure if the last paragraph is meant to be a closing since it discusses new topics. You might want to add another paragraph or make that one relate more to the rest of the paper.
Michael Gutierrez

Alex Gutierrez - 0 views

shared by Michael Gutierrez on 06 Nov 08 - Cached
  • (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary).
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Try using a shorter defenition.
  • I will discuss ethical decision making, analyzing and observing the usage of ethos, pathos and logos throughout the presidential election process.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Dont tell the reader exactly what you are going to do. Give the reader a feel for what you are going to do.
  • Campaign ads, televised debates and speeches have all been organized specifically to communicate and persuade the American people.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      watch sentence structure
  • ...11 more annotations...
  • In a recent video interview, Jim Wallis an evangelical Christian writer and political activist discusses religious issues that Americans will be faced with
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      sentence structure
  • purposing
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      proposing
  • and success in politics
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      give some examples
  • heady the appeal of a call to arms, however just the cause, we should still shed a tear for all that is lost when war claims its wages from us”.
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      I dont think I would use a qoute that is this big. It allmost takes up the entire paragraph
  • has learned
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      has had
  • purposed
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      proposed
  • his platform
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Describe his platform better. Many people will not know what it is.
  • A major issue concerning the next president will be the war in Iraq
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      Try to tye your paragraphs together better.
  • McCain uses logos
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      How does he use Logos?
  • Sometimes they work out, other times they have ended with inconceivable tragic consequences
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      This appears to be a fragment
  • You be the judge
    • Michael Gutierrez
       
      good conclusion. I think this paper is good in that it has many good ideas. The one thing I would look at is the flow of the paper. Keep a look out for how you word your sentences.
Charlotte Randolph

Janice 1 - 0 views

  • Barak Obama
    • Dena Rennie
       
      You might wanna double check the spelling on that, I'm pretty sure it's "Barack."
  • Right now this country needs a collectivist mindset.
    • Dena Rennie
       
      This seems to be the general thesis of the paper, but I don't see any evidence truly supporting this statement. It goes from trying to state that McCain is wrong for the job, but then you go on to discuss their rhetoric of the debate, and not mentioning anything on why Obama would be the better candidate, or supporting evidence of why McCain has an individualistic mindset.
  • compassionate
    • Dena Rennie
       
      I don't think this is the right word here. I think you mean these are the issues of which he is most passionate.
  • ...13 more annotations...
    • Dena Rennie
       
      It kind of feels as if the paper ends rather abruptly. A conclusion that sort of sums the idea of the paper up might help buffer that. Also, there are a lot of grammatical errors throughout this paper that need to be gone back over- mainly missing commas here and there, and couple phrases that don't seem like the right words. Also, I didn't see any citations in the paper. You definitely need to go back through and add them into your paper.
  • s “Senat
    • Dena Rennie
       
      any time you have a direct quote, you always need a comma before the quote starts, and then before the quote ends, unless it's the end of a sentence (in which case it needs the proper punctuation). words, "Senator Obama doesn't understand,"
  • Barak Obama
    • Dena Rennie
       
      You might want to double check the spelling. I'm pretty sure it's "Barack"
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Yes, Dena is correct.
  • As a matter of fact, John McCain used a certain gesture with his hands whenever he felt the need to emphasize a point which, to me, showed a bit of frustration on his part. 
    • Dena Rennie
       
      It almost feels as if this might need to be a new paragraph. It goes from discussing his verbal rhetoric to his visual rhetoric, so maybe you might want to add more about his spoken rhetoric than on his visual rhetoric before you jump into that. Or you might want to add more about Obama's verbal rhetoric and that might add some balance.
  • Barak Obamas
    • Dena Rennie
       
      *Barack Obama's
  • John McCain in the other hand did not have a solution he just kept speaking about Barak Obama and what he does not understand or on how he wants to raise taxes and does not explain Obamas good reasons behind it.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      This is a pretty long sentence. You could break the run on up into two sentences like this- "John McCain, on the other hand, did not have a solution. He just kept speaking about Barack Obama and what he does not understand or on how he wants to raise taxes, without explaining Obama's good reasons behind it." Something along those lines would probably make it flow a little better.
  • The gesture that I am speaking of is the balling up of his fists and shaking them until he released his thought or comment.  This simple, yet reparative gesture is what I would consider to be somewhat of an ethos characteristic of John McCain’s debate performance because he took on a type of attitude with each time he presented the gesture and it became a habit throughout his debate.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      I'm not sure if I understand how his gesture is considered to be ethos. Maybe you could go further into explaining this.
  •  In comparison with the hand gestures that John McCain exhibited in the debate, Senator Barak Obama displayed a similar form of ethos characterization. 
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Again, I think you should go further into explaining how this is ethos.
  • His intent was to portray his more sensitive side and feelings about the war by mentioning an encounter he had with a family member of a 22 year old solider who died in combat in Iraq.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      This is a good example.
  • Bibliography
    • Angela Moneck
       
      You need to have a works cited and an annotated bibliography.
  • Janice T. Perez Rivera
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Okay, so for some reason, it's not showing my floating sticky notes of my three topics, so I'm going to put them in here. Assignment Parameters- I think you have a start to your main idea but didn't go on further with it. Like Dena said, it seems like your thesis is that "right now this country needs a collectivist mindset." You didn't go on to explain how Obama has a colectivist mindset. Also, this statement is a bit biased. I know that it is extremely hard to keep your opinion out of a paper like this, but you could try not to make it so harsh. You may be able to say, "Unlike McCain, Barack Obama has a more collectivist mindset." Your purpose is somewhat clear, but it seems to jump around a bit at times. Organization- I think this is the biggest thing you need to work on. I see part of an introduction in the paper, but not an official one separate from the rest of the paper. You could use "Upon completeing..." to "some ways" as your introduction and maybe add a little background of what rhetoric is or something along those lines. I also didn't see much of a closing in the paper, so maybe you could sum up the main ideas of your paper into a short closing to make it more organized.
    • Angela Moneck
       
      Conventions-I noticed a few puncuation, spelling, and grammatical errors, so I would suggest just going back through and re-reading your paper to catch those particular errors. You need to use MLA format in the paper, including your header with your name. You also need to add in text citations.
  • Barak Obamas logo represents change “one voice can change” is part of his slogan
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      This sentence kind of confuses me. It's how you start I think that is confusing, saying his logo represents.....try to reword it.
  • This proposition is truly important because it’s a huge change that will affect more than half of the people in America. This proposition shows change. Change is not something that many people are in favor of because change can be scary. However his logo illustrates clearly “change.”
    • Charlotte Randolph
       
      These sentences need to be conbined or changed they don't flow well together.
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