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Steven Wright gems 1. Half the people you know are below average. 2. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 3. 42.7% of statistics cited by people in arguments are made up on the spot. 4. A conscience is what feels bad when everything else feels so good. 5. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 6. The early bird may get the worm, but it’s the second mouse who gets the cheese. 7. What’s the speed of dark? 8. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink? 9. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 10. Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now. 11. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. 12. My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” 13. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 14. A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking. 15. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 16. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up. 17. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have any film.

"I am beyond happy because I had to prove that (last year's victory) was not chance, so now I am totally at peace. I love to compete against myself and getting better and better," said Ronnie White, of Fort Worth, Texas. Fifty mental athletes competed all day in the 13th annual championship in lower Manhattan that included events such as memorizing the names of 99 people and their pictures, a 50-line poem in free verse and over 100 single numbers in the right order. In the category of speed numbers, computer science student Nelson Dellis, 26, won and topped White's previous record by remembering in five minutes 178 different numbers in their right order. White, who is able to memorize a deck of cards in 1.5 minutes, will go on to represent the United States at the World Memory Championships in Guangzhou, China in November. Mostly won by Britons, last year's world championship was clinched by Briton Ben Pridmore, who memorized a randomly shuffled deck of 52 cards in 24 seconds. Despite their astounding feats, most competitors profess nothing unusual about their prodigious memories, claiming that all it takes is regular mental exercise.