A different way to deal with bullying - Parentcentral.ca - 1 views
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Bound-to-be controversial in light of the recent suicide of 11-year-old Mitchell Wilson, a new approach to bullying uses a “no-blame, problem-solving response” rather than punishing aggressive kids and creating a victim mentality among those they target, say leading Canadian bullying researchers.
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the idea behind the no-blame method is that it’s “more motivating for a child who has been aggressive.” It also helps the bully save face, and “take responsibility for making change, and to feel good about making change, and it decreases the likelihood of feeling unfairly treated and avenge an ‘injustice’ that was done to (them).”
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But, in general, “the danger of a very hard-line approach is it elicits sympathy (for the aggressor) ... friends felt justified in their continuation of the bullying.” Bullying is a relationship problem and needs to be solved like any other, says York University’s Debra Pepler, considered one of Canada’s top bullying experts and a founder of PREVNet.
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“Putting a label on them really restricts thinking,” said Pepler. “Calling them a bully suggests they are always aggressive and that’s part of who they are.” In fact, they may be bullied themselves at home, or gain respect in the schoolyard for being aggressive, she says. Children who bully at a moderate or high rate are more likely to be delinquent or sexually harass, so “adults need to step in and help them get onto a pathway where they get the attention and leadership opportunities they want in a positive rather than a negative way.”
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Children who have been targeted first require protection from being bullied — but they also often need to build self-confidence and develop positive relationships.