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James Goodman

The Secret Life of the Polyamorous « Relationships « Health - 0 views

www.edenfantasys.com/...et-life-of-polyamorous-0720111

relationships sexuality poly polyamory family tribe group community

shared by James Goodman on 24 Jul 11 - No Cached
  • As with any atypical lifestyle, the day-to-day running of a poly household is filled with those little details its inhabitants take for granted, forgetting to even mention them to those who ask. I don’t pretend to speak for everyone in this article; there are as many ways to run a poly household as there are to run a monogamous one — okay, maybe quite a few more!
  • There’s a familiar poly adage that goes “Whatever problems two people have in a relationship, three people have in a relationship, only squared.” This is true, but the same goes for the positives as well. There are more pros, more cons, and more everything to the poly experience. If you’re lucky, though, there’s more camaraderie, and that kind of compassionate we’re-in-this-together emotion can carry you through any number of life’s problems — even when they’re squared.
James Goodman

Book review: Armstrong's spiritually bountiful 'In Search of Civilization' - The Washin... - 0 views

www.washingtonpost.com/...AFKKyYYD_story.html

civilization society spirituality philosophy book review

shared by James Goodman on 14 Apr 11 - No Cached
  • the rich accomplishments of China, the West and Islam are not in conflict, but are rather “on the same side in a clash between cultivated intelligence and barbarism. The irony is that such barbarism too often goes under the name of loyalty to a civilization.” In fact, true civilization is “the life-support system for high-quality relationships to people, ideas and objects.” (Love, Armstrong explains, is the one-word version of the phrase “high quality of relationship.”) Civilization, then, seeks “to find and protect the good things with which — potentially — we can form high-quality relationships.” It also “fosters and protects the qualities in us that allow us to love such things for the right reasons. The qualities that inspire love are: goodness, beauty and truth. And when we love these qualities, we come to possess the corresponding capacities of wisdom, kindness and taste.”
  • our tragic sense of life is “founded on the fact that not all good things are compatible: it may be (for most people) impossible to have a happy marriage and a raucous erotic life; or to have a well-paid job and follow your own vocation; it may be that you cannot live in the place where you most want to live; responsibility is tedious and frightening; yet taking responsibility is important.” In the face of such inner conflicts, as well as life’s normal vicissitudes, civilization should help “strengthen us to face inevitable disappointment and suffering,” largely by instilling the stoic virtues: “the capacity to do without, to postpone pleasure, to make ourselves do things we do not want to do (when there is good reason to do them); to put up with minor irritations, to avoid complaint and useless criticism.”
  • James Goodman on 14 Apr 11
     
    What does the word "civilization" mean? 
James Goodman

What Are Personal Boundaries? How Do I Get Some? | Psych Central - 0 views

psychcentral.com/...l-boundaries-how-do-i-get-some

health psychology relationships love boundaries

shared by James Goodman on 23 Apr 13 - No Cached
  • Love can’t exist without boundaries, even with your children. It’s easy to understand external boundaries as your bottom line. Think of rules and principles you live by when you say what you will or won’t do or allow. If you have difficulty saying no, override your needs to please others, or are bothered by someone who is demanding, controlling, criticizing, pushy, abusive, invasive, pleading, or even smothering you with kindness, it’s your responsibility to speak up.
  • Why It’s Hard It’s hard for codependents to set boundaries because: They put others’ needs and feelings first; They don’t know themselves; They don’t feel they have rights; They believe setting boundaries jeopardizes the relationship; and They never learned to have healthy boundaries. Boundaries are learned. If yours weren’t valued as a child, you didn’t learn you had them. Any kind of abuse violates personal boundaries, including teasing. For example, my brother ignored my pleas for him to stop tickling me until I could barely breathe. This made me feel powerless and that I didn’t have a right to say “stop” when I was uncomfortable. In recovery, I gained the capacity to tell a masseuse to stop and use less pressure. In some cases, boundary violations affect a child’s ability to mature into an independent, responsible adult.
  • You Have Rights You may not believe you have any rights if yours weren’t respected growing up. For example, you have a right to privacy, to say “no,” to be addressed with courtesy and respect, to change your mind or cancel commitments, to ask people you hire to work the way you want, to ask for help, to be left alone, to conserve your energy, and not to answer a question, the phone, or an email.
  • ...1 more annotation...
  • It takes time, support, and relearning to be able to set effective boundaries. Self-awareness and learning to be assertive are the first steps. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s self-love – you say “yes” to yourself each time you say “no.” It builds self-esteem. But it usually takes encouragement to make yourself a priority and to persist, especially when you receive pushback.
  • James Goodman on 23 Apr 13
     
    "Love can't exist without boundaries, even with your children. It's easy to understand external boundaries as your bottom line. Think of rules and principles you live by when you say what you will or won't do or allow. If you have difficulty saying no, override your needs to please others, or are bothered by someone who is demanding, controlling, criticizing, pushy, abusive, invasive, pleading, or even smothering you with kindness, it's your responsibility to speak up."
James Goodman

A New Gauge Helps to See What's Beyond Happiness - NYTimes.com - 0 views

www.nytimes.com/...17tierney.html

psychology society health happiness flow science

shared by James Goodman on 17 May 11 - No Cached
  • “They wanted to win for its own sake, even if it brought no positive emotion,” says Dr. Seligman, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. “They were like hedge fund managers who just want to accumulate money and toys for their own sake. Watching them play, seeing them cheat, it kept hitting me that accomplishment is a human desiderata in itself.”
  • This feeling of accomplishment contributes to what the ancient Greeks called eudaimonia, which roughly translates to “well-being” or “flourishing,” a concept that Dr. Seligman has borrowed for the title of his new book, “Flourish.” He has also created his own acronym, Perma, for what he defines as the five crucial elements of well-being, each pursued for its own sake: positive emotion, engagement (the feeling of being lost in a task), relationships, meaning and accomplishment.
  • “Well-being cannot exist just in your own head,” he writes. “Well-being is a combination of feeling good as well as actually having meaning, good relationships and accomplishment.”
James Goodman

The Working Nation - NYTimes.com - 0 views

www.nytimes.com/...brooks-the-working-nation.html

psychology society creativity working politics economy

shared by James Goodman on 24 Oct 14 - No Cached
  • James Goodman on 24 Oct 14
     
    In our meritocratic culture, satisfying and stretching work has become a psychological necessity. More than ever before, we are defined by what we do. If you are of prime age and you are not in the labor force, or engaged in some deeply stretching activity like parenting, then you will begin to feel drained inside. If you are in a dysfunctional workplace with bad personal relationships and no clear purpose, a core piece of you will begin to degrade. If you are not earning enough money so you can feel respected, and live without desperate stress, you will begin to lose confidence and élan. And that is what's happening today. The labor force participation rate is at its lowest in decades. Millions are in part-time or low-wage jobs that don't come close to fulfilling their capacities. Millions more are in dysfunctional or unhealthy workplaces, but they don't feel they can leave because they don't think there are other jobs out there that pay the same amount.
James Goodman

Gar Alperovitz: Systemic Crisis, Politics as Usual « naked capitalism - 0 views

www.nakedcapitalism.com/...-crisis-politics-as-usual.html

financial crisis economy society politics capitalism

shared by James Goodman on 08 Oct 12 - No Cached
  • The top 400 people — individuals, 400 people, you could get them into this space if you squeezed them just a little bit — have more wealth now than the bottom 180 million Americans taken together. That’s a medieval number; I don’t mean that rhetorically. I mean that medieval society was structured with the ownership of wealth, in that case land, at that level of concentration, and giving it power relationships of that kind.
  • The pain levels are forcing people to do new things because they have to. In a crisis that isn’t what happens; you get explosions. But what we’re seeing, and this is the part that’a very interesting to me, what we’re seeing is an explosion of activity, both political, some social, but above all economic in a way I think could matter. Now let me say a bit about that. All systems run on the basis one way or another of property. And in this one, the property concentrations are, as I’ve said, extreme, and getting worse. …Simply as one element of one way to think about the possibilities of the next system, and what might be the way to build institutional power, and displacing, pushing back over time, the dominant power of the system, it would have to revolve around … some way to democratize the ownership of wealth. … If you want another system … what is it that you want? You don’t like this system? What do you want? …
James Goodman

Strengthening the Ties That Bind in an Era of Alienation - 0 views

truth-out.org/...t-bind-in-an-era-of-alienation

society politics health solidarity relationship beloved community community

shared by James Goodman on 03 Dec 12 - No Cached
  • James Goodman on 03 Dec 12
     
    "The issue of how to proceed to the beloved community is not merely an academic or historical one. "Community" is often invoked as a desirable end even by those antagonistic to it, and it can be a static, limiting trope when it emphasizes a narrow parochialism as against an expansive solidarity. Stripping away the fallacious constructs, we find that our raison d'être is solidarity. The tactic is solidarity and the goal of the tactic is solidarity. It is in our nature. But what is solidarity? In brief: *    Solidarity is motivated by love *    Solidarity is restorative *    Solidarity respects what a human being is *    Solidarity is communal *    Solidarity must be political and it must be personal"
James Goodman

How Not to Be Alone - NYTimes.com - 0 views

www.nytimes.com/...how-not-to-be-alone.html

psychology society relationships loneliness isolation alienation

shared by James Goodman on 09 Jun 13 - No Cached
  • James Goodman on 09 Jun 13
     
    "Most of the time, most people are not crying in public, but everyone is always in need of something that another person can give, be it undivided attention, a kind word or deep empathy. There is no better use of a life than to be attentive to such needs. There are as many ways to do this as there are kinds of loneliness, but all of them require attentiveness, all of them require the hard work of emotional computation and corporeal compassion. All of them require the human processing of the only animal who risks "getting it wrong" and whose dreams provide shelters and vaccines and words to crying strangers."
James Goodman

Sexism's Puzzling Stamina - NYTimes.com - 0 views

www.nytimes.com/...-sexisms-puzzling-stamina.html

society relationships sexism politics economy

shared by James Goodman on 11 Jun 13 - No Cached
  • James Goodman on 11 Jun 13
     
    "But about the larger picture, I'm mystified. Our racial bigotry has often been tied to the ignorance abetted by unfamiliarity, our homophobia to a failure to realize how many gay people we know and respect. Well, women are in the next cubicle, across the dinner table, on the other side of the bed. Almost every man has a mother he has known and probably cared about; most also have a wife, daughter, sister, aunt or niece as well. Our stubborn sexisms harms and holds back them, not strangers. Still it survives."
James Goodman

Melancholy and The Infinite Sadness - The New Inquiry - 0 views

thenewinquiry.com/...choly-and-the-infinite-sadness

society psychology health depression sadness

shared by James Goodman on 10 Apr 13 - No Cached
  • In Ann Cvetkovich’s new “critical memoir,” Depression: A Public Feeling, the University of Texas professor seeks to “defamiliarize” depression within a genealogy of spiritual despair, while attending to the relationship of the psyche to the soma as illustrated by how different cultures or the working class are more likely to somatize their depression. Can we, Cvetkovich asks at the book’s beginning, engage with depression as the “product of a sick culture”?
James Goodman

Teenage Sex - The Sleepover Question - NYTimes.com - 0 views

www.nytimes.com/...24schalet.html

society health sexuality sex families children teenagers parents Americans Europeans

shared by James Goodman on 25 Jul 11 - No Cached
  • Here, we see teenagers as helpless victims beset by raging hormones and believe parents should protect them from urges they cannot control. Matters aren’t helped by the stereotype that all boys want the same thing, and all girls want love and cuddling. This compounds the burden on parents to steer teenage children away from relationships that will do more harm than good. The Dutch parents I interviewed regard teenagers, girls and boys, as capable of falling in love, and of reasonably assessing their own readiness for sex. Dutch parents like Natalie’s talk to their children about sex and its unintended consequences and urge them to use contraceptives and practice safe sex. Cultural differences about teenage sex are more complicated than clichéd images of puritanical Americans and permissive Europeans. Normalizing ideas about teenage sex in fact allows the Dutch to exert more control over their children.
James Goodman

The Silence of the Seniors - NYTimes.com - 0 views

www.nytimes.com/...20iht-edschram20.html

seniors communication

shared by James Goodman on 21 Apr 11 - No Cached
  • Apart from Chopin, we are in wordless harmony on pretty much everything. It’s a very agreeable relationship.
James Goodman

Where Are the Jobs? - NYTimes.com - 0 views

www.nytimes.com/...brooks-where-are-the-jobs.html

society politics science economy

shared by James Goodman on 09 Oct 11 - No Cached
  • Second, there has been a loss of utopian élan. If you go back and think about America’s big World’s Fairs or if you read about Bell Labs in its heyday or Silicon Valley in the 1980s or 1990s, you see people in the grip of utopian visions. They imagine absurdly perfect worlds. They feel as though they have the power to begin the world anew. These were delusions, but inspiring delusions. This utopianism is almost nowhere to be found today. Stephenson and Thiel point out that science fiction is moribund; the new work is dystopian, not inspiring. Thiel argues that the environmentalist ethos has undermined the faith in gee-whiz technological wizardry. Legal institutions and the cable TV culture dampen enthusiasm by punishing failure so remorselessly. NASA’s early failures were seen as steps along the way to a glorious future. Deepwater Horizon’s failure demoralized the whole nation.
  • Third, there is no essential culture clash. Look at the Steve Jobs obituaries. Over the course of his life, he combined three asynchronous idea spaces — the counterculture of the 1960s, the culture of early computer geeks and the culture of corporate America. There was LSD, “The Whole Earth Catalogue” and spiritual exploration in India. There were also nerdy hours devoted to trying to build a box to make free phone calls. The merger of these three idea networks set off a cascade of innovations, producing not only new products and management styles but also a new ideal personality — the corporate honcho in jeans and the long-sleeve black T-shirt. Formerly marginal people came together, competed fiercely and tried to resolve their own uncomfortable relationships with society.
  • The roots of great innovation are never just in the technology itself. They are always in the wider historical context. They require new ways of seeing. As Einstein put it, “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” If you want to be the next Steve Jobs and end the innovation stagnation, maybe you should start in hip-hop.
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