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Ryan Trauman

Paige - Closing Argument - 0 views

  • Freeman wrote in the research article
    • Ryan Trauman
      Nice job coming back to Freeman. I would like to have seen more of this back-and-forth between the authors.
  • Mark Fenton expressed in the article “Battling America’s Epidemic of Physical Inactivity: Building More Walkable, Livable Communities” many different things we can do to help the obesity problem in America. Fenton states, “We must create environments in which physical activity becomes a routine part of the day for more Americans.” By creating a more pedestrian friendly atmosphere it will encourage people to walk or bicycle to their destination instead of always using their automobiles. I agree with what Fenton is trying to explain within in his research. Children learn by the examples that are being set around them. If they see everyone driving in their cars every where they go the only thing they have in their heads is, “I can’t wait until i can drive.” Instead of realizing they can go the same exact distance on their bike and be much more healthy than if they were driving a car. Fenton expresses, “We all must become role models by walking and cycling whenever possible and inviting others to do so with us.” People don’t like feeling abnormal; they want to do what other people are doing around them. Which is a very true assumption on Fentons part, we must become the role models for the youth around us. We set the standards of what is acceptable and what isn’t. We need to change the “norms” while it’s still possible and contribute to reversing the obesity problem
    • Ryan Trauman
      Great job here dealing with your source material. You quote, come-to-terms, reflect on the material you've introduced, and offer your own position. Then you come back to another quote by Fenton, and do much of the same. Excellent!
Ryan Trauman

Lizzy - Closing Argument - 0 views

  • In Dennis Burgess article ‘ObesityPproblem stems from Laziness’, he adresses the root cause of obesity. Burgess claims the root of obesity to be laziness. He argues that America does not have an ‘obesity problem’, rather a ‘laziness problem’. More specifically, Burgess makes mention of the correlation between children and parents concerning obesity. ‘As a child, I would go outside and “play”. This involved getting up off the couch and exerting myself. But many of today’s children don’t participate in this type of play. And many of today’s parents sit on the couch right next to them’ (Dennis B. Burgess).
    • Ryan Trauman
      Excellent work here with your quotation. Now you've just got to work with double quotation marks, not singles.
  • Parents do indeed play a role in their children’s health and ultimately have some effect on their children’s health. Healthy kids most often have healthy parents who encourage their kids good health by setting the example well and partaking in activity with their kids.
  • Andrea Freeman addresses the issue of fast food in her article ‘Fast Food: Oppression Through Poor Nutrition.’ Freeman considers fast food in respects to low- income families. ‘Fast food has become a major source of nutrition in low- income, urban neighborhoods across the United States’ (Freeman, pg. 1).
    • Ryan Trauman
      Your use of quotation here is less effective because you don't really come to terms with the quote. You just quote it, and then state your own position. Spend more time with the quotation.
Ryan Trauman

Cat - Closing Argument - 1 views

  • have to disagree
    • Ryan Trauman
      I'm not sure you've really come-to-terms with this quotation yet. You quote the article, but you don't really address the specifics of the quotation you've chosen.
  • he author argues
    • Ryan Trauman
      This is exactly the spot where you need a quotation to help us understand the specifics of the author's position.
  • The author mentions the possibility of a change in design of our surrounds might help aid in the fight against obesity. 
Ryan Trauman

Jeff G - Closing Argument - 0 views

  • Rachel Johnson is quoted in the article saying
    • Ryan Trauman
      Which article are you taking this from?
  • You could make things so that people must get exercise
  • the institutionalized practices and policies of government and the fast food industry
    • Ryan Trauman
      This is a really interesting quotation. Can you take it apart a bit more? What does she mean when she writes this? How could "the government" play a different role?
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