The Perks of Taking the High Road - The Atlantic - 0 views
www.theatlantic.com/...629495
response climate discussion generosity listening respect gift sharing boomerang disagreement
![](/images/link.gif)
-
hat is the point of arguing with someone who disagrees with you? Presumably, you would like them to change their mind. But that’s easier said than done
-
Research shows that changing minds, especially changing beliefs that are tied strongly to people’s identity, is extremely difficult
-
this personal attachment to beliefs encourages “competitive personal contests rather than collaborative searches for the truth.”
- ...29 more annotations...
-
hilosophers and social scientists have long pondered the question of why people hold different beliefs and values
-
odds are that neither camp is having any effect on the other; on the contrary, the attacks make opponents dig in deeper.
-
If you want a chance at changing minds, you need a new strategy: Stop using your values as a weapon, and start offering them as a gift.
-
You wouldn’t blame anyone involved for feeling as if they’re under fire, and no one is likely to change their mind when they’re being attacked.
-
One of the most compelling explanations comes from Moral Foundations Theory, which has been popularized by Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist at NYU. This theory proposes that humans share a common set of “intuitive ethics,” on top of which we build different narratives and institutions—and therefore beliefs—that vary by culture, community, and even person.
-
Extensive survey-based research has revealed that almost everyone shares at least two common values: Harming others without cause is bad, and fairness is good. Other moral values are less widely shared
-
political conservatives tend to value loyalty to a group, respect for authority, and purity—typically in a bodily sense, in terms of sexuality—more than liberals do.
-
Sometimes conflict arises because one group holds a moral foundation that the other simply doesn’t feel strongly about
-
even when two groups agree on a moral foundation, they can radically disagree on how it should be expressed
-
When people fail to live up to your moral values (or your expression of them), it is easy to conclude that they are immoral people.
-
Further, if you are deeply attached to your values, this difference can feel like a threat to your identity, leading you to lash out, which won’t convince anyone who disagrees with you.
-
research shows that if you insult someone in a disagreement, the odds are that they will harden their position against yours, a phenomenon called the boomerang effect.
-
effective missionaries present their beliefs as a gift. And sharing a gift is a joyful act, even if not everyone wants it.
-
so it is with our values. If we want any chance at persuasion, we must offer them happily. A weapon is an ugly thing, designed to frighten and coerce
-
A gift is something we believe to be good for the recipient, who, we hope, may accept it voluntarily, and do so with gratitude. That requires that we present it with love, not insults and hatred.
-
Go out of your way to welcome those who disagree with you as valued voices, worthy of respect and attention. There is no “them,” only “us.”
-
just as you are not your car or your house, you are not your beliefs. Unless someone says, “I hate you because of your views,” a repudiation is personal only if you make it so
-
when it comes to changing someone’s mind, listening is more powerful than talking. They conducted experiments that compared polarizing arguments with a nonjudgmental exchange of views accompanied by deep listening. The former had no effect on viewpoints, whereas the latter reliably lowered exclusionary opinions.
-
when possible, listening and asking sensitive questions almost always has a more beneficial effect than talking.
-
howing others that you can be generous with them regardless of their values can help weaken their belief attachment, and thus make them more likely to consider your point of view
-
we should all promise to ourselves, “I will cultivate openness, non-discrimination, and non-attachment to views in order to transform violence, fanaticism, and dogmatism in myself and in the world.”
-
if I truly have the good of the world at heart, then I must not fall prey to the conceit of perfect knowledge, and must be willing to entertain new and better ways to serve my ultimate goal: creating a happier world