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In my case, I finally realized it made no difference whether or not I was an "alcoholic" by any definition. Being an "alcoholic" is all about the negative impact that alcohol has on my life. But once I realized that alcohol's positive impact on my life was absolutely zero, there was no point parsing out fine distinctions about how to define my drinking habit. You're balancing a scale - harms to benefits. When the benefits have zero weight, the harm end of the scale just clanks to the ground no matter how little weight you put on it.

I've spent a lot of my time angry. Resentful at my friends, my loved ones, my workplace, pretty much anyone I can think of. Over time, I've learned that I really can't do anything about them. The only thing I have control over is how I react, and how I feel about myself.

Actually, today I feel like every AA'er has the rebuttal to everything everyone ever says in every meeting. Somebody's down in the dumps? They need to focus on gratitude. Somebody's experienced some sober joy? They're on a pink cloud. Somebody's sorry for the damage their alcoholism has done to them and their loved ones? They need to stop wishing for a different past. Somebody's proud of the time they've achieved? They need to know that a drunk is just around the corner. We alcoholics are apparently all wrong, all the time.