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"One of the many ways I fail at being a proper woman is that I loathe shopping. Trailing in and out of sweaty changing rooms with friends, as they try on clothes which you are meant to oooh and aaah over, is my idea of hell. I am one of those blokes who sits outside looking bored saying: "Yeah, that looks alright. Buy that." If you can't buy something in 20 minutes, we have a problem, Houston. Supermarkets overwhelm me and Ikea produces such bizarre mood swings that I have calculated the psychic damage is not worth the money you "save". For a few fevered minutes I do believe that a "storage solution" is the answer to all existential worries but then I come to the till holding two dozen egg cups, some box files and a bargain bath mat and have to have be revived with a plastic hot dog."