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anonymous

Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is - 1 views

www.theonion.com/...-everyone-at-neighborhoo,21059

theonion economics u.s.

shared by anonymous on 04 Aug 11 - Cached
  • "And hell, as long as we're being honest, I might as well tell you that a truer estimate of the U.S. unemployment rate is actually up around 16 percent, with a 0.7 percent annual rate of economic growth if we're lucky—if we're lucky," continued Bernanke, nearly knocking a full beer over while gesturing with his hands.
  • While using beer bottles and pretzel sticks in an attempt to explain to the bartender the importance of infusing $650 billion into the bond market, the inebriated Fed chairman nearly fell off his stool and had to be held up by the patron sitting next to him.
  • "And trust me, with the value of the U.S. dollar in the toilet, import costs going through the roof, and numerous world governments unprepared for their own substantial debt burdens, shit's not looking too good for us abroad, either."
  • ...2 more annotations...
  • "He stumbled up to the urinal and started mumbling on about the depressed housing sector or something," said Kampman, who claimed Bernanke had to use both hands on the wall to steady himself. "Then after a while he just sort of stopped and I couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying."
  • "This is what it's all about," said Bernanke, who reportedly danced alone in the middle of the dark tavern. "Fucking love this song."
  • anonymous on 04 Aug 11
     
    "Claiming he wasn't afraid to let everyone in attendance know about "the real mess we're in," Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke reportedly got drunk Tuesday and told everyone at Elwood's Corner Tavern about how absolutely fucked the U.S. economy actually is."
anonymous

Man Already Knows Everything He Needs To Know About Muslims - 0 views

www.theonion.com/...ng-he-needs-to-know-abou,17990

humor whimsy politics

shared by anonymous on 30 Aug 10 - Cached
  • "I almost gave in and listened to that guy defend Islam with words I didn't want to hear," Gentries said. "But then I remembered how much easier it is to live in a world of black-and-white in which I can assign the label of 'other' to someone and use him as a vessel for all my fears and insecurities."
  • anonymous on 30 Aug 10
     
    "Local man Scott Gentries told reporters Wednesday that his deliberately limited grasp of Islamic history and culture was still more than sufficient to shape his views of the entire Muslim world." At The Onion on August 30, 2010.
anonymous

Democrats, Republicans Celebrate Pitiful Excuse For Common Ground - 0 views

www.theonion.com/...brate-pitiful-excuse-for,21052

whimsy politics

shared by anonymous on 01 Aug 11 - Cached
  • anonymous on 01 Aug 11
     
    "It took months of phone calls, negotiations, and meetings, but finally we created a pretty sad version of a framework that, we're happy to say, none of us is really proud of, and that doesn't really do much to solve our country's fiscal problems at all," said House Speaker John Boehner - At The Onion, firing on all cylinders, as usual.
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