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he gradually likes to spend time on pc, first with games, now with painting softs. he is so smart. last night his mother played with him in bedroom. i went to see them after i felt contented with my logo design and want a break. we played catching and wresting and kissing. when i felt enough, i told them i'm to quit to pc. i stayed awhile in the room, when he said he felt sad. at first we thought he meant burning throat, but he insisted he meant sad. that's his first time so clearly claimed his emotion, and that really broke my heart. i then accompany him and tried to explain him that anyone can't always accompany him and every one has his leave, except God, who knows everyone and stayed anywhere at the same time. he didn't comment but went to play game on pc again. his mother accompanied him playing a game of jumping frogs from a game series titled "holy kid games", i love him so much, that only can compared to love for God. i hope he can pardon me for my absence, if there is, in his childhood for busy with my emerging kingdom of China vested from my ancestor. last night he woke me up several times and repeatedly cried for ema's approval not to join kindergarten today. i don't know why kindergarten so hurt him, i only hope in kindergarten he can be more social, i here prey for God let him less pains in his kindergarten and everywhere he is. i know God sees my baby's need and stay intact holy everywhere. i wouldn't do anything against his will. God, let my words run.

18/4/2010 visit baby son yesterday.^yesterday is a bright day. when i arrived, baby son watching animation online. God let me doubt if i should buy him his favorite food first, but i didn't, except a capsule of dry beef i bought last day. then i launched to backup my stuff to dvds via my Acer notebook left to baby's mom to use those months, restored the os from backup. the grandma soon arrived, cooked us 2 meat dishes: a chicken with mushroom, a fish. the noise of her cutting the chicken let baby uncomfortable, and he asked his mom and me to care him by sat around him. after lunch, with which i quite enjoyed while baby ate less, baby was brought outside by his mom for sunburn, while i busy with installing all new games on the notebook, after trying to restore its previous personal settings. baby slept on way near his mom's home, i was asked to fetch them, met them when baby dozed on his mom's back. after shown ema some stuff, ie. cliparts and templates, for her courseware, and educational multimedia for baby son, i went to public bathroom, where i showered&haircut. bought baby son icecream. baby enjoyed it at once after i returned there. then shown baby newly installed games. baby partially attracted&tried some with my companion. the devil, the grandma, likely maltreated baby son with rudeness and sins, so when i talked about God, baby shown impatience, and reluctant to game on the digital virtual land i trust a lot. God, u know what i want to pray, never let baby son erode by meaningless boring nor too much wasted time among human that's meaningless. baby's mom, emakingir, likely enchanted by the rich materials i prepared for her work. she let me replace my worn winter coat, later pants before i left, both never washed for the whole winter for i had no enough clothes to rotate, with in season suite. when i left, i forgot my under clothing left after shower. in the night the demons in neighbor room in QRRS dorms shown me their hatred when i went

9/4/2010 its my first time since my departure from the village to climbing on the Chinese social ladder by schooling near twenty years ago, that chill even in early summer in raining day so prevailing. within 2 days i cough a lot, and loathed to open my notebook to dig on my web presence. God, the rain surely killing dirt by draining the polluting&poisoning, and saving the thirsty. God, this morning u let me got up lately and talked with u, Masheng, my Japanese Crowned Queen, so many bliss in my life ahead. just in the mid of dirt&challenge from the demon in the front dark house of my dad's old house, some village girl students visited here again. i let them watching animation online and played pc games. its a cloudy day, but warmth resumed, and i likely wouldn't suffer cold since now. last night baby son talked to me, even just let me know that he is busy with bathing and wouldn't talk to me. this morning i dreamed a lot in the adversity he was virtually surrounded. God, u know how i love him, God of Universe, Hope of China. hopefully i can gift him with a new Dell notebook in this year end, which delayed by evil in QRRS, my once and long time employer, with which his&mom and myself, as well as baby son, all improves to a satisfying working and entertaining platform with the hardware. now, time to close this verse, my dear, my beloved, God sees how i missing u, in this anonymous countryside, my heart forever links to u, to the golden moments we shared. i praying with earnest&assurance the coming years will see we live together in our palace that's dream scape. bye. benzrad's comments in these days: Chinese poor quality, including software and ethic. Permanent Link to Chinese poor quality, inc

yesterday, God let me prepared to return to my hometown. now preparing working environment for baby's gaming&entertainment, by buying a new dell notebook. i will stay till the working environment working for baby, then i start my hometown journey, the second since recent years. life so sweat with God's guidance.

lingered in office while impatient for action of hometown journey. the company, QRRS, tried to block my plan to equip baby son a new dell notebook for his games while his dad absent from him, by defying withdrawing in advance atop the rich&meaningful travel while i penniless now, likely retreated from the promise i gained in my first contact with a high rank of the company. dog system of China surveillance tried to ruin my joy of the journey, but they doomed to fail. hopefully i will launch in the last day of April, as scheduled&granted by God. God, let me leaving with my acer notebook, and baby equipped with his new toy, a dell Studio 思跃™ 14 (Studio14D-158), a best gift from baby's American pre-engaged. hope baby staying a happy life with all relaxation and business after the department while i enjoy sunburn in my hometown, central China. God, grant the glory and elation we deserve in this brave leaping operation.

last night baby refused to play any games, but watching animation online. later he got heat. i hold him watching movie "Alice in wonderland" before slept earlier. i postpone to buy trains ticket in the night, but sorted stuff from web&backup to dvds. in the night i again slept&lost in lengthy dreams. this morning the grandma came over to attend baby at home. i got my tickets for hometown journey from the railway station box office around 9am. i will left Qiqihar, the city i never like, on Apr 28th, 2010, and arrive my hometown village on the last day of April if nothing disturbing in the journey. this again a brilliant morning. i stayed in office for the last work day in the week. i saw bliss of God, as well as of my girl zhou, for whom i searched via cyberspace for so many years, with whom we will at least have a twin babies in coming years that soon, and who follows me the best. God, sees my love for u, for ur Heaven, for my beloved, my passed dad, my baby son in growth, Masheng the Japanese Crowned Queen of mine, my girls that's praying for our reunion in their prime time. God, save me from eagerness for my new life ahead, like the marvelous booming summer season in my hometown, central China!