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Advice to Parents When Their Child Is Accused of Bullying ​In this helpful Wall Street Journal article, author Catherine Steiner-Adair offers this advice to parents who get an accusatory phone call saying their child is bullying another child. This might be something for schools to pass along to parents. ​* Take a deep breath. It's normal to experience amixture of fear, shame, denial (this can't be!), panic, and defensiveness. "While it feels like a permanent label, remember: it is a description of behavior that your child is exhibiting today, it is not who he is in his entirety, nor who he will be forever, if you respond and get help," says Steiner-Adair. ​* Focus on staying calm and listening to what's being said. If the other parent is upset, assure him or her that you're writing down the details so you'll have them correct. You might say, "Do you want to take five minutes and call me back so we can talk calmly about this?" ​* Thank the other parent. Say that it's good we're finding out what's happening now, that it must have been a difficult call to make. Promise to follow up. ​* Take time to process the information. "Once you have the information, take time for yourself to process how it makes you feel, so that when you approach your child, you are calm," says Steiner-Adair. ​* Talk with your child. The goal is to get the facts - "a calm, nonjudgmental discovery process," says Steiner-Adair. "Do you know what they are talking about? What occurred? Is any of this true?" Read your notes and ask your child to write down a detailed account of what happened. Stay calm and make it safe for your child to tell the whole story. Explain that whatever happened, you are going to help resolve the situation. ​* Be the grown-up. "Can you help me see why the other kid sees it their way?" you might ask. "How would you feel if he did that to you?" Try to understand the antecedents - insecurity, anger, teas