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he gradually likes to spend time on pc, first with games, now with painting softs. he is so smart. last night his mother played with him in bedroom. i went to see them after i felt contented with my logo design and want a break. we played catching and wresting and kissing. when i felt enough, i told them i'm to quit to pc. i stayed awhile in the room, when he said he felt sad. at first we thought he meant burning throat, but he insisted he meant sad. that's his first time so clearly claimed his emotion, and that really broke my heart. i then accompany him and tried to explain him that anyone can't always accompany him and every one has his leave, except God, who knows everyone and stayed anywhere at the same time. he didn't comment but went to play game on pc again. his mother accompanied him playing a game of jumping frogs from a game series titled "holy kid games", i love him so much, that only can compared to love for God. i hope he can pardon me for my absence, if there is, in his childhood for busy with my emerging kingdom of China vested from my ancestor. last night he woke me up several times and repeatedly cried for ema's approval not to join kindergarten today. i don't know why kindergarten so hurt him, i only hope in kindergarten he can be more social, i here prey for God let him less pains in his kindergarten and everywhere he is. i know God sees my baby's need and stay intact holy everywhere. i wouldn't do anything against his will. God, let my words run.

9/4/2010 its my first time since my departure from the village to climbing on the Chinese social ladder by schooling near twenty years ago, that chill even in early summer in raining day so prevailing. within 2 days i cough a lot, and loathed to open my notebook to dig on my web presence. God, the rain surely killing dirt by draining the polluting&poisoning, and saving the thirsty. God, this morning u let me got up lately and talked with u, Masheng, my Japanese Crowned Queen, so many bliss in my life ahead. just in the mid of dirt&challenge from the demon in the front dark house of my dad's old house, some village girl students visited here again. i let them watching animation online and played pc games. its a cloudy day, but warmth resumed, and i likely wouldn't suffer cold since now. last night baby son talked to me, even just let me know that he is busy with bathing and wouldn't talk to me. this morning i dreamed a lot in the adversity he was virtually surrounded. God, u know how i love him, God of Universe, Hope of China. hopefully i can gift him with a new Dell notebook in this year end, which delayed by evil in QRRS, my once and long time employer, with which his&mom and myself, as well as baby son, all improves to a satisfying working and entertaining platform with the hardware. now, time to close this verse, my dear, my beloved, God sees how i missing u, in this anonymous countryside, my heart forever links to u, to the golden moments we shared. i praying with earnest&assurance the coming years will see we live together in our palace that's dream scape. bye. benzrad's comments in these days: Chinese poor quality, including software and ethic. Permanent Link to Chinese poor quality, inc

I had contented with my knol, but yesterday i read an article about automatically registering knol with software, i recognized i need claiming knol under my baby, warren, hope of China, lest his name been occupied by others. i launched and in a brizzle i finished a knol. but when i edit his profile, dog in China surveillance started to break in and let errs upon submission and can't finish the task. later i had to give up and returned home. my home pc's Internet connection these days constantly very slow, esp. surfing with firefox, really a pain. now i know my home pc likely much easier for dog to surveillance on telcom's router, for i spent 3 hours since 6 to 9 pm i can't finished the task editing profile page and publish the submitted knol. without proxy i even can't access google knol site. they fataly blocked my access to knol, and even with proxies, they likely also broke my submission and torn apart the data and result errs. however, in this morning in office, i finished all tasks, in addition claiming knol for my another google account, be21zh.org. fear of hacking and blocking, i prepared all knols contents offline. i indeed prepared them last night, when i restless doubting about how to write about be21zh.org, and God let me dream of his way, to be ur own and no other way to access the unity, except God. God also descended a storm in mid night to inform me. i rightly woke up by it and ema shut down the window. i at once felt blessed. i dreamed of bird shooting. claiming knol under be21zh.org's title quite smooth, with another lan proxy i didn't use usually. i also can fine tuned all my family's knol at leasure, thx God. i see so many beauties in google knol and the web. i love google. here is all my family knols: China Democracy - a knol by ben zhu http://knol.google.com/k/ben-zhu/china-democracy/fr65rgdtqbpx/2 war in world and China - a knol by warren zhu http://knol.google.com/k/warren-zhu/war-in-world-and-china/1wp6j8mgqi178/2 warwinzh, save China from

18/4/2010 visit baby son yesterday.^yesterday is a bright day. when i arrived, baby son watching animation online. God let me doubt if i should buy him his favorite food first, but i didn't, except a capsule of dry beef i bought last day. then i launched to backup my stuff to dvds via my Acer notebook left to baby's mom to use those months, restored the os from backup. the grandma soon arrived, cooked us 2 meat dishes: a chicken with mushroom, a fish. the noise of her cutting the chicken let baby uncomfortable, and he asked his mom and me to care him by sat around him. after lunch, with which i quite enjoyed while baby ate less, baby was brought outside by his mom for sunburn, while i busy with installing all new games on the notebook, after trying to restore its previous personal settings. baby slept on way near his mom's home, i was asked to fetch them, met them when baby dozed on his mom's back. after shown ema some stuff, ie. cliparts and templates, for her courseware, and educational multimedia for baby son, i went to public bathroom, where i showered&haircut. bought baby son icecream. baby enjoyed it at once after i returned there. then shown baby newly installed games. baby partially attracted&tried some with my companion. the devil, the grandma, likely maltreated baby son with rudeness and sins, so when i talked about God, baby shown impatience, and reluctant to game on the digital virtual land i trust a lot. God, u know what i want to pray, never let baby son erode by meaningless boring nor too much wasted time among human that's meaningless. baby's mom, emakingir, likely enchanted by the rich materials i prepared for her work. she let me replace my worn winter coat, later pants before i left, both never washed for the whole winter for i had no enough clothes to rotate, with in season suite. when i left, i forgot my under clothing left after shower. in the night the demons in neighbor room in QRRS dorms shown me their hatred when i went

2/5/2010 settled in dad's house, in hometown village Zhudajiu.^its has been almost a week since last blog. now, after 3 days on the road, i settled in the old house of my passed dad. my aged mom cooked for me, and i enjoyed the food very much as usual. the broadband likely will working next day. it has been sunny days since my arrival. yesterday i slept a lot, amid reckons from the shrewd folks in the village, whose inhabitant mostly in family name Zhu. last night it again hard for me to sleep, i felt God, my passed dad aside me, and all of sins in the folks, esp. their wives. the journey on the train is the tour i babbled most in my life. in thirst for my missing girl zhou, as well as my other wives, i searched every single girl for my beloved. in my dad's house these days sometimes those girls' friendly attitude toward me when i sought talking with them reappeared in my mind eyes, and i was deeply touched by their tender hearts for me. on the distant bus from Wuhan to Wuxue, my hometown county, the movie on the bus is a love story, the endeared moment with my girl zhou in QRRS was called forth to my mind, i was more assured that love is immortal, and my new family with my girl zhou, is blessed even stronger. last night it rained first time since my arrival. to be exact it started in late afternoon. when it drizzled, i didn't see God's view. but in the night it turns clear. my surf&reading occasionally led to some exotic pictures, then i sensed all dirt among the villagers under my feet. i see God's mercy and kindness. last time when i lived in the village for more than 2 months, it was exactly the dirt around drove me away from my passed dad, God, his land. the rain also a Bliss and nutrition to my beloved that praying for our gathering. i know God sets it up already, and in the most elegant and brilliant way. this morning i finally broke China surveillance which failed me many attempts yesterday, successfully posted all photos&videos in th

the core value of google, is not money, but the value of democracy: let every citizen has basic right to do what he likes and privileged to do; make everyone's life better and easy and lighter with fiber technology; try best to offer more useful utilities to common people and live with people's everyday life. in one word, as google laid it, don't be evil. google's service directly linked to God, let faith more prevailing, after the burden of mass reality on the earth lessen.Google united people under their God, and made everyone in independent with due proud. Google free the authority to citizen and made them share more sense with God. Google let the view of God's way embodied and the world in conflict more accurate. Google with its engine, let the world of spirit and shrine more awesome in front of the most stupid people. Google is the baptist Joseph. Google also the biggest threat of autocracy. that's why the dictators in the east so hatrous to Google and the web. Google means to convert the world into democracy and union of God's blessed.

proxy working strangely last afternoon. so launched to refine new blogger blogs and google sites. ema came over to send me living expense of ￥300 after work time. i then penniless. this morning arranged to finish many delayed task since the fatally dead China surveillance a month ago, adding group profile onto family posterous blogs. lagged heavily by slow traffic, but narrowly done. it drizzled in early night yesteray, when i left office later than 8pm. in the night it continued to snow and shallowly covered ground with white. now its spring, so it soon melt, just like a miracle. its now pale in sky. praying God pardon me lingering in office all work time in this week. i really have a full load of works. praying God guard my works against spying dog, the China surveillance. visit family new member sites: http://emyark.be21zh.org http://amyaak.be21zh.org http://emxark.be21zh.org http://zhuzz.be21zh.org http://zhucj.warozhu.comfor full list of my family web assets, visit here: http://goo.gl/FPtx or  http://goo.gl/5ak7 or http://wiki.be21zh.org/zhlink

19/4/2010 a gloomy day with heartbreaking love&pardon.^those days i slept sound. after visited office later than 8am, got know by chat with baby's mom, emakingir, online, that baby cried in the morning, don't want to join the kindergarten. ema likely weeps online. my heart fulfilled with sorry and loving. the weather also reminded me unfavorable, so i left office to visit baby son. the kindergarten quite near my office, a tour on foot for less than 10 minutes. i doubting if dog, ie. porter will blocked me, for in China dog or cops dominating all fields. but God lets me direct walked to the classroom baby members. the teacher received me with smile, and asked who i m. i told her i m the father. as soon as caught sight of baby, i kneed a leg and squadded to talk with baby. i talked him how his parents love him, and urged him happy time should arrives in sequence, in our anticipation with patience. baby nodded when i affirmed him. i kiss his cheek&left with his consent. in office i roamed for about an hour, reviewing love in my family, between Son&God. then most of the day enjoying reading and web assets hunting. in the restaurant, some trifle people, likely some were my once colleagues, babbled about Internet and China censorship. returned to dorm, i sorted stuff awhile, then again reviewed love of Holy between baby and me, in music lately after 11pm. when i returned from lavatory&prepared to sleep, the kitty in the dorm visited me and ask for food. i went to the grocer within the dorms area&bought it 2 sausage, fed it with a small one. the roommate of its owner, a grey man i referred in previous blog, went to buy ready food&found us. i let him take away the kitty with the remnant of the sausage. its really not bad to feed a animal friend. now its a bright morning, with crisp breeze and brilliant sunshine. when i got up i found some queues on the ground, with a lecturing man. likely they r senior collegians taking practice here in

19/4/2010 a gloomy day with heartbreaking love&pardon.^those days i slept sound. after visited office later than 8am, got know by chat with baby's mom, emakingir, online, that baby cried in the morning, don't want to join the kindergarten. ema likely weeps online. my heart fulfilled with sorry and loving. the weather also reminded me unfavorable, so i left office to visit baby son. the kindergarten quite near my office, a tour on foot for less than 10 minutes. i doubting if dog, ie. porter will blocked me, for in China dog or cops dominating all fields. but God lets me direct walked to the classroom baby members. the teacher received me with smile, and asked who i m. i told her i m the father. as soon as caught sight of baby, i kneed a leg and squadded to talk with baby. i talked him how his parents love him, and urged him happy time should arrives in sequence, in our anticipation with patience. baby nodded when i affirmed him. i kiss his cheek&left with his consent. in office i roamed for about an hour, reviewing love in my family, between Son&God. then most of the day enjoying reading and web assets hunting. in the restaurant, some trifle people, likely some were my once colleagues, babbled about Internet and China censorship. returned to dorm, i sorted stuff awhile, then again reviewed love of Holy between baby and me, in music lately after 11pm. when i returned from lavatory&prepared to sleep, the kitty in the dorm visited me and ask for food. i went to the grocer within the dorms area&bought it 2 sausage, fed it with a small one. the roommate of its owner, a grey man i referred in previous blog, went to buy ready food&found us. i let him take away the kitty with the remnant of the sausage. its really not bad to feed a animal friend. now its a bright morning, with crisp breeze and brilliant sunshine. when i got up i found some queues on the ground, with a lecturing man. likely they r senior collegians taking practice here in th

lingered in office while impatient for action of hometown journey. the company, QRRS, tried to block my plan to equip baby son a new dell notebook for his games while his dad absent from him, by defying withdrawing in advance atop the rich&meaningful travel while i penniless now, likely retreated from the promise i gained in my first contact with a high rank of the company. dog system of China surveillance tried to ruin my joy of the journey, but they doomed to fail. hopefully i will launch in the last day of April, as scheduled&granted by God. God, let me leaving with my acer notebook, and baby equipped with his new toy, a dell Studio 思跃™ 14 (Studio14D-158), a best gift from baby's American pre-engaged. hope baby staying a happy life with all relaxation and business after the department while i enjoy sunburn in my hometown, central China. God, grant the glory and elation we deserve in this brave leaping operation.

last night baby refused to play any games, but watching animation online. later he got heat. i hold him watching movie "Alice in wonderland" before slept earlier. i postpone to buy trains ticket in the night, but sorted stuff from web&backup to dvds. in the night i again slept&lost in lengthy dreams. this morning the grandma came over to attend baby at home. i got my tickets for hometown journey from the railway station box office around 9am. i will left Qiqihar, the city i never like, on Apr 28th, 2010, and arrive my hometown village on the last day of April if nothing disturbing in the journey. this again a brilliant morning. i stayed in office for the last work day in the week. i saw bliss of God, as well as of my girl zhou, for whom i searched via cyberspace for so many years, with whom we will at least have a twin babies in coming years that soon, and who follows me the best. God, sees my love for u, for ur Heaven, for my beloved, my passed dad, my baby son in growth, Masheng the Japanese Crowned Queen of mine, my girls that's praying for our reunion in their prime time. God, save me from eagerness for my new life ahead, like the marvelous booming summer season in my hometown, central China!

1/4/2010 a mild snow after second drizzle in lunar 2010.^yesterday i stayed in office over time. the sky later turns gloomy&yellow, likely sandstorm in air. i prayed God for his mightiness and bliss for i lingering in office all day, not retreated to dorm as usual. the facing evil absent all work day, while the monitor, a criminal, was arranged to accompany tourism from the company to Anhui Prov. in the wellfare policy of labor union. i enjoyed surfing non-stop so much, and the only pain is sometimes my ass. last night when i returned to dorm, a cat asking my feeding. it was hurt, a long wound on its back, very brutal. i bought 2 sausage for it, and fed it manually, but it didn't ate much. the owner of the cat in the dorm said he don't know who hurt the cat, but the cat likely fear the young man in th dorm. Masheng, last night i again reviewed our golden moment in Nankai Univ, thank u for the white&saint gift, the snow, pl join me sooner. God, saves the kitty, even u tells me i shouldn't raise pets, and cats don't align with my world in ur shine, in righteous and beautiful and fit. thx. From first rain in lunar 2010 From http:/

11/5/2010 yesterday is an important memory for me, in my hometown journey 2nd, for i earnestly talk to and with God, my passed dad. the day just after some chilly raining days, i read most of the day near my dad's old house's front door, which rightly monitored by the evil dark house's owner, the second husband of my early passed aunt, a diligent woman who left me life time memory, a said once bare poor in the village before the new republic China. the demon's window just peeking our front door, just under a slope. the demon polluted me all the day with his tomb chill, so when i felt reading enough, i haunted the village's hall with my camera. but the front square of the village don't gather any interesting young men as usual, so i picked to travel the newly developing wing of the village, where most of the offspring of the dark house owner shifted their houses to, as well as other minor or confluent family trees in the village where almost all residents in family name Zhu. its a fruitful tour, in which my blended memory and anxiousness called forth. the back hill is the main well being source of the villagers, but all that led by my passed dad when he left his factory for injury on his toes in a blast in rocks and returned to the village. he continued his work with steer tools to make use of stones on our back hill for bridges or other building usage, by unearthed them, sorted them, trimmed&polish them for ready brick or block or other frameworks. his works not only support my education which is the best among my sisters and brothers, but forges my best cherished memory and hope and belief and lifestyle on being a man. that occurred amid the transition China opening to the world from deadly locked communism doctrine. the young villagers gradually all follow my dad's lead and improved their lives a lot in these decades by producing tombstone from the hill. but the village, or town, badly need a new business pattern in coming

a bright new workday morng. God lets me post my life again. see more freedom in balance. read latest blog about last week's reuniting with baby son. http://benzillar.livejournal.com/307427.html

all shits of Chinese most notorious hungry predator, bureaucracy. common Chinese live in danger of being eaten everyday for thousands years, that's why Chinese grossly so docile and shabbily cheap&cheating. but in this century, the people of China will see its light under God's shine, secure and free, for God sees the innocent among sinful Chinese, for the coming improved modern society, for the glory of freedom of western culture esp. in America. for the endangered spice of handicapped Chinese in enduring and hard working, like Chinese peasants.

yesterday, God let me prepared to return to my hometown. now preparing working environment for baby's gaming&entertainment, by buying a new dell notebook. i will stay till the working environment working for baby, then i start my hometown journey, the second since recent years. life so sweat with God's guidance.

the ethic of modern China, esp. communist China, sinks into the darkest in China history. the cop/bureaucracy/machine dog system all among the social tissue smothered any humanity of hope. only God of Christian saves China, after the reformation of backbone and in the monstor's corpse from its ruin quite soon. China republic, is totally a premature, an abortion of the sin of seduction by Russian Red.