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*Pay attention, physically and mentally, to what's happening. *Listen carefully, and note the key words and phrases that people use. *Respond encouragingly to the central message. *Be flexible - prepare to change direction as the other person's thoughts and feelings also change. *Look for cues that you're on target.

How often do we feel disappointed in others' performance or behavior? As leaders, it's our responsibility to take action to mend unproductive relationships. With Arbinger I've learned to ask myself two questions when I find myself thinking like this. "Am I curiously seeking and hearing the other person's opinion with the intention of understanding?" "How am I making this situation worse for them?"

Nice read, Joe - thank you! "An effective "outside, inside, out" process, as Arbinger calls it, involves intense curiosity, active listening and internalization followed by strategizing around how one can be helpful to others moving forward."

If you work your self-sufficiency muscle, you'll learn that you can withstand almost anything. Your powers of observation will become almost superhuman. No longer will you feel trapped in a life you hate. And you'll have a new soul mate at the end of the journey-you.

LOVE this!