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"Minding your manners" is all about focusing on how the other person feels, not on how you feel. It's consciously acting in a way that puts other people at ease and makes them feel comfortable.

The basics of meeting preparation (things like inviting the right participants and testing equipment) can feel like second nature for many who are familiar with the routine. But beyond logistics, anxiety can arise for individuals who are less comfortable with what happens off-script during meetings. Concern around asking the right questions, having the right responses and utilizing meeting time productively often distracts from the end goal. But there's a way to cut through meeting anxiety, and it's centered on helpfulness.

But there really is a way to conflict-free collaboration in our individual work lives-that is to say, an environment where individuals feel free to vigorously debate and challenge ideas, rather than "go along to get along." We typically think our ability to work without conflict depends on how others treat us, but Arbinger's work suggests something different: our ability to cut through conflict depends on how we see others. The structure, the nature of real collaboration, is the same at home, at work, or in our communities. And it all begins with mindset.

When we feel bugged by others, usually we demand a different response from them than we ourselves are willing to give. When neither we nor another are caring for each other, for example, we can get quite upset at the other's lack of care. We operate with an oxymoronic illogic: I'm upset because you are doing precisely what I am doing!

When we see others as people, we see their hopes, needs and fears, and this willingness to see and understand informs everything we do with them. When we see others as objects, on the other hand, we give ourselves license to treat them inhumanely. In order to feel justified, we don't allow ourselves to consider the positive in them.