Step 1: I'm fucked
Step 2: There might be a way out of this fucking mess
Step 3: Decide to level the fuck up
Step 4: Take a good hard look at how fucked up I am
Step 5: Tell someone else about all the fucked up stuff I've been through
Step 6: Prepare to stop being such a fuck up
Step 7: Try to stop acting so fucked up
Step 8: Make a list of everyone I fucked over
Step 9: Swallow my fucking pride and tell them I really fucked up, except when doing so would fuck them harder.
Step 10: Keep an eye on my fucked up thinking and behavior
Step 11: Chill the fuck out sometimes
Step 12: Help the next poor fucker that walks through the door
It's a bit like getting a glass of water barefoot, but the floor is covered in broken glass from all the bottles you smashed while wasted the night before. The objective couldn't be easier, but the wreckage in the way and the pain and the effort involved in accomplishing your goal seems insurmountable in your weakened, deluded state.
May I offer something that has helped me?
When opening up about your sobriety, I have found that people usually gauge their response to how you are acting. For instance, if you simply said 'I do not drink', confidently, without hesitation, people are less likely to even respond and just move on. If you kinda him-haw, 'Well.. .uh, actually.... I don't drink anymore', it is much more likely to turn into a bigger deal.
"I always wanted to be mystified by it all - and rather fascinated with life itself. I think maybe when you drink, you're probably robbing yourself of that genuine experience, even though it appears what you're doing is getting more of it. You're getting less of it."
