i still dozed a lot in office in the morning. last night ema told me she brought baby visited doctor, and was told likely baby's heart has some problem. my direct response was it can't be and i blamed her too fussy about baby's health. she retorted its none of my business. then i launched to operate on pc and my broking heart love for my baby, esp. in the view of cheerished his countable time on earth let me sorry. i visited him who playing with his mother and felt we couples love him the same. then i doubting if we should not treating baby liking he was short of something comparing with other kids in the world. and i felt enough of ema's over-protect baby, just to show her tendering. i love baby strong and independent, cute and robust. i don't like to see his demanding other's companion, esp. his mother. but ema glad to drive him to ask for her cares. cares to his every cough with fussy padding, and every changes of body temporature with all kinds of medicines. too much fussy just to show her fragile cares. i would like to see baby silent and independent, enduring and sound. this noon i returned home and found the grandma didn't cook as usual. i waited awhile then buzzed ema. she was with baby in another hospital, likely brought baby into medical check. i then left to office. on the way she buzzed but i can't listen clearly what she intends to do. after lunch in a nearby restaurant of the dorm i returned to office and buzzed her again and this time she had left baby in the kindergarten and returning to her working school. later when i writing this she buzzed me again and discuss the situation we faced.i never believed my baby has any phisical problem. he was just so perfect, so shiny under God's glow. if any problem calling him, that's from God's. God, let me take ur way and show me the peace of life of my family. i endured and took vow of loving the world u builds.
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note 1st in the countdown of hometown journey - 0 views
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lingered in office while impatient for action of hometown journey. the company, QRRS, tried to block my plan to equip baby son a new dell notebook for his games while his dad absent from him, by defying withdrawing in advance atop the rich&meaningful travel while i penniless now, likely retreated from the promise i gained in my first contact with a high rank of the company. dog system of China surveillance tried to ruin my joy of the journey, but they doomed to fail. hopefully i will launch in the last day of April, as scheduled&granted by God. God, let me leaving with my acer notebook, and baby equipped with his new toy, a dell Studio 思跃™ 14 (Studio14D-158), a best gift from baby's American pre-engaged. hope baby staying a happy life with all relaxation and business after the department while i enjoy sunburn in my hometown, central China. God, grant the glory and elation we deserve in this brave leaping operation.
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i m returning to my hometown in Hubei Prov., central China - 0 views
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yesterday, God let me prepared to return to my hometown. now preparing working environment for baby's gaming&entertainment, by buying a new dell notebook. i will stay till the working environment working for baby, then i start my hometown journey, the second since recent years. life so sweat with God's guidance.
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Untitled - 0 views
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2/5/2010 settled in dad's house, in hometown village Zhudajiu.^its has been almost a week since last blog. now, after 3 days on the road, i settled in the old house of my passed dad. my aged mom cooked for me, and i enjoyed the food very much as usual. the broadband likely will working next day. it has been sunny days since my arrival. yesterday i slept a lot, amid reckons from the shrewd folks in the village, whose inhabitant mostly in family name Zhu. last night it again hard for me to sleep, i felt God, my passed dad aside me, and all of sins in the folks, esp. their wives. the journey on the train is the tour i babbled most in my life. in thirst for my missing girl zhou, as well as my other wives, i searched every single girl for my beloved. in my dad's house these days sometimes those girls' friendly attitude toward me when i sought talking with them reappeared in my mind eyes, and i was deeply touched by their tender hearts for me. on the distant bus from Wuhan to Wuxue, my hometown county, the movie on the bus is a love story, the endeared moment with my girl zhou in QRRS was called forth to my mind, i was more assured that love is immortal, and my new family with my girl zhou, is blessed even stronger. last night it rained first time since my arrival. to be exact it started in late afternoon. when it drizzled, i didn't see God's view. but in the night it turns clear. my surf&reading occasionally led to some exotic pictures, then i sensed all dirt among the villagers under my feet. i see God's mercy and kindness. last time when i lived in the village for more than 2 months, it was exactly the dirt around drove me away from my passed dad, God, his land. the rain also a Bliss and nutrition to my beloved that praying for our gathering. i know God sets it up already, and in the most elegant and brilliant way. this morning i finally broke China surveillance which failed me many attempts yesterday, successfully posted all photos&videos in th
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raining days in hometown village, chill releases&kills coldness gathered in Qiqihar. - 0 views
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9/4/2010 its my first time since my departure from the village to climbing on the Chinese social ladder by schooling near twenty years ago, that chill even in early summer in raining day so prevailing. within 2 days i cough a lot, and loathed to open my notebook to dig on my web presence. God, the rain surely killing dirt by draining the polluting&poisoning, and saving the thirsty. God, this morning u let me got up lately and talked with u, Masheng, my Japanese Crowned Queen, so many bliss in my life ahead. just in the mid of dirt&challenge from the demon in the front dark house of my dad's old house, some village girl students visited here again. i let them watching animation online and played pc games. its a cloudy day, but warmth resumed, and i likely wouldn't suffer cold since now. last night baby son talked to me, even just let me know that he is busy with bathing and wouldn't talk to me. this morning i dreamed a lot in the adversity he was virtually surrounded. God, u know how i love him, God of Universe, Hope of China. hopefully i can gift him with a new Dell notebook in this year end, which delayed by evil in QRRS, my once and long time employer, with which his&mom and myself, as well as baby son, all improves to a satisfying working and entertaining platform with the hardware. now, time to close this verse, my dear, my beloved, God sees how i missing u, in this anonymous countryside, my heart forever links to u, to the golden moments we shared. i praying with earnest&assurance the coming years will see we live together in our palace that's dream scape. bye. benzrad's comments in these days: Chinese poor quality, including software and ethic. Permanent Link to Chinese poor quality, inc
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God, my passed dad, talked with me about sin/death, and fate of family tree. - 0 views
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11/5/2010 yesterday is an important memory for me, in my hometown journey 2nd, for i earnestly talk to and with God, my passed dad. the day just after some chilly raining days, i read most of the day near my dad's old house's front door, which rightly monitored by the evil dark house's owner, the second husband of my early passed aunt, a diligent woman who left me life time memory, a said once bare poor in the village before the new republic China. the demon's window just peeking our front door, just under a slope. the demon polluted me all the day with his tomb chill, so when i felt reading enough, i haunted the village's hall with my camera. but the front square of the village don't gather any interesting young men as usual, so i picked to travel the newly developing wing of the village, where most of the offspring of the dark house owner shifted their houses to, as well as other minor or confluent family trees in the village where almost all residents in family name Zhu. its a fruitful tour, in which my blended memory and anxiousness called forth. the back hill is the main well being source of the villagers, but all that led by my passed dad when he left his factory for injury on his toes in a blast in rocks and returned to the village. he continued his work with steer tools to make use of stones on our back hill for bridges or other building usage, by unearthed them, sorted them, trimmed&polish them for ready brick or block or other frameworks. his works not only support my education which is the best among my sisters and brothers, but forges my best cherished memory and hope and belief and lifestyle on being a man. that occurred amid the transition China opening to the world from deadly locked communism doctrine. the young villagers gradually all follow my dad's lead and improved their lives a lot in these decades by producing tombstone from the hill. but the village, or town, badly need a new business pattern in coming
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snowing all day,the longest snow in the winter - 0 views
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last night i first time tried peer downloading in cafe and even dog's pest hindering me getting quite some enviable warez,i reaped almost 2 gb stuff.they resolved to prevent me getting any av soft or its definition database file,so as let its terror on my pc prevailed it way.the left side neighbor first play some music and let me felt quite relaxed.but he soon left.the right neighbors likely a couple engaged,kept babbling and later the male read loudly what he typed in instant message cursing from time to time.they let my right leg chill.when i left around 7 pm a car ported outside just launched to leave.i ate 2 rmb for breakfast,and rest on bed for 3 hours dozing.after 10 am i woke up but don't want to get up and stayed on bed after 1:30 pm.my brain today full day stuffed in dorm.then i went to renew my borrowed mags.only a new issue there,so i read some mags don't lend there.the sun was bright and large in the sky when i left the front gate of qrrs and went to read newspaper.the 'cankaoxiaoxi(world referencee digest) always left few pages there,tentatively avoid my learning more about the world.returned to the dorm i finished reading the borrowed mag and again rest.there r likely a couple in neighbor room,chatting,even its working time for qrrs.they let me cold and dozy.i ate my dinner some time earlier,with 4 rmb for additional food.a guy left qrrs for his master degree ate there,in his vacation,acquainted me.i ate an apple my baby's mother offered yesterday.then i again rest on bed listening radio.when i turned awake after 7 pm i reviewed our relation and felt proud and touched on our own.i was weak in front of u,otherwise i should took u directly as my wife,but i always regard u resourceful than me,i don't think u should be more experience in love,but i think female nature plenty than men.so i entreat u to pick me,to ensure me that u choose me,follow me.i might insecure in front of u,but i always value trust and pledge more important than anything in love and i
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last night in the cafe was merely bareble.i spent 3 hours there and should charged 5 rmb but was allowanced 1 rmb.after returned to the dorm i read awhile my blog on my pda and slept after 2 am.i dreamed played with a python and half wet dreamed.the night before the day i dreamed of one of my once qrrs colleague,lixiangjun (finding the emperor),who once was a cop worked in qrrs and lived neighborly in the dorm but later gave up his career and went to beijing,said worked there as a real estate salesman.i woke up after 10 am and got up at 10:23 am and went to see my baby at once.the snow likely continued since last night,and snowing all the day.when i arrived my baby was striding near the door in the waiting room,while the aunt and her elder son cooking.the kid son learning in the room he lived.my baby on my shoulders playing caps of bottle.the elder son want to stand on the football and fell to floor and damaged his arm.his mother accompany him to the hospital.my baby didn't want to receive his mother outside,so we stayed.his mother bought some apples and bananas.the kid son left to study.we started to eat lunch,but his mother refused to sit aside me,but on the opposing side around the table.my baby ate less.after lunch i prepared hot water for my baby to bath,but his mother opposed it.my baby soon bore into sleepiness when we watched tv.he slept soon,so did his mother.i doubting if i should went to surf,but felt dozy and later slept aside my baby.my baby first woke up.then the kid son returned.we went outside after his mother suggestion.we visited the sports yard,where we took some shots.my baby asked me to push him sitting on the ice ground to slide and later i even push him sliding with his back and head on the ice.his mother had to let her shoes repaired,so we headed.but a girl student of the school reminded my baby's mother her tutored schedule,and we returned home abrupt.at home his mother urged me to leave.i backup shots to her not
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last night in the cafe was under pest of dog.they controlled the keyboard and the hardware package filtered the internet traffic.my ftp client can't download even can connected to the server.i cost 3.5 rmb but with an allowance of 0.5 rmb just to post to my blogs.this night i watched the traffic monitor hardware modified my ftp client's requests and let it bypassed downloading to finish or kill a download queue.they likely can modify files on my write-proof udisk,and let wrote it after my file operation finished.they hijacked and modified my submit package to www.diigo.com to let it batch posting err-prone.in a word,they blocked the way to the world within china,which fatally deemed them into death,or no freedom in china forever.
when i arrived the cafe, a cop in uniform sat on the nearest seat in the room and his car ported outside.what else they can do,except licking around with their dirty and infectious tongue?
last night i slept early,just after 11::47 pm.i didn't woke up till 11 am but can't help continuing to sleep.i got up at 2:40 pm and went to borrow pc mags.there were 3 kinds of new issue but i can only borrow 2.so i finished reading one there.then i passed the front open space of qrrs and its workers' palace.i doubting if i should go over to see my baby so i didn't enter it.but as soon as i picked the pc mags,i enjoyed reading them in the room all the afternoon,till dinner time.i ate 4 rmb food as my only meal today.turned back to dorm i finished reading to another pc mag.in the mid my baby's mother buzzed in and my baby was held by his mother to the phone to talk to me.then i visited the cafe.here i tried to let ftp client download but its ill worked under hacking.the 5 cafes near the qrrs all fatally blocked me from now.my blog posts,some of them err-prone,likely under their unauthorized modifications after posted,not merely under hijack and modifications before the moment my submit p -
last night was an enjoyable experience in the cafe.one of my neighbor left in the mid and 2 of other side slept but threats lingered on me for quite some time.my 2 sd card capable of 2 gb was stuffed and i had to ditched some ebooks downloaded.i returned to the dorm to have breakfast,then rested on bed for 2 hours.then i headed to computer market to buy myself another sd card.this time the vendors of the booth i dealt for some time all present,including the manager i earliest dealt.a 2 gb sd card cost me 135 rmb while just a month ago 1 gd sd card of the same brand of apacer cost me 115 rmb.i returned to my baby's mother's home and there i immediately sort what i got last night to hard disk.i noticed my baby and his mother not in waiting room and i thought they haunted outside but likely they slept in bedroom.i till lunch time paid attention to them after i almost finished my sorting.after lunch we played with our baby awhile in the bedroom while the aunt chatted in the other room.my baby's mother unease and frequently urged us to hang outside,but my baby refuted it.then the aunt and his eld son leaving.they three likely had slept together on the narrow bed for 3 nights,even her sister's home were spacious.soon my baby's mother decided to haunt outside.we went to a supermarket on my bike.my baby asked to stride on his own in the mansion,looking around here and there without any daunt.his mother again frequently urged to leave.my baby later touched the glass wall with his hands and 2 of his fingers bleeding.after we found it his mother complained me a lot and cold shoulders to me.on the way home we shopped in the grocer shop.his mother again and again urged me not to stay her home and sneered to me.when we just arrived the home a phone call likely from the grandma arrived and i left without farewell to my baby and his mother talking to the phone.in the dorm i tried some time on my pda then dozed.after dinner i read awhile my blogs on my pda.