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"There was some pressure-at least I felt pressure-to have rape be as prevalent as possible . . .. I'm a pretty strong feminist, but one of the things I was fighting was that the really avid feminists were trying to get me to say that things were worse than they really are"

One obvious reason for this inequity is that feminist advocates come largely from the middle class and so exert great pressure to protect their own. To render their claims plausible, they dramatize themselves as victims-survivors or "potential survivors." Another device is to expand the definition of rape...

The common assumption that rape is a manifestation of misogyny is open to question... American society is exceptionally violent, and the violence is not specifically patriarchal or misogynist... The incidence of rape is many times lower in such countries as Greece, Portugal, or Japan-countries far more overtly patriarchal than ours...

How then can we think of pleasure and fantasy in a world signalled by both increasing demands and apparent danger? So what might be a "safe" space to fantasise even as we inch our way towards becoming the desiring women we imagine we could be? Where can we begin to articulate our fantasies and desires in a forum that is exciting and safe? A tentative and provision-laden response to this might be the Internet.

In an Internet chatroom, I can be anyone. I can devise a new appearance for myself: (much better looking), a new age (younger) and a new persona (sexually adventurous).

I can change my occupation, my city, my marital status and even my sex if I like. I can become the conventionally beautiful woman or the macho successful man. Or I can be a "pervert" expressing all kinds of apparently "deviant" desires.

Location is certainly significant-55 per cent of women fantasise about sex in their own bedrooms, but only 14 per cent each think about doing so on a beach, under a waterfall and 8 per cent on a rooftop. Among men, 67 per cent fantasise about sex in their own bedrooms as against, 6, 9 and 20 per cent respectively under a waterfall, on a beach and on a rooftop.

Clearly, private spaces are much more conducive to fantasies than public spaces-or is it that we dare not think or speak of public spaces? Are we afraid of being labelled that most overused of words: "obscene"?

The fantasies sold to us through consumer-oriented imagery promise perfect sex